In Wellness Here (I)

Come on in, we're all in wellness here.
I knew it was a dream, a vision, something —
but not real. But it felt real as I stood outside,
at the door, looking in, but not being in, not in wellness.
The invitation was there, so why not?
I wanted to say I wanted inside.
I thought about saying it but knew he/it/thatwould know it wasn't true.
Why would I not want wellness?
What advantage could there possibly be
in not going in? Do I not really want wellness?
We're all in wellness here. But not me?
Even with an invitation? He/it/thattold me to come in. Like ordered me.
I don't like to be ordered. I don't like
my decisions being made for me.
I want to be in charge, to decide things,
to manage my life. But still...
I've been saying for years, a chant,
a ritual: God, I offer myself to Thee — 
to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self,
that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties, that victory over them
may bear witness to those I would help
of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.
May I do Thy will always!Am I willing to make the offer,
but unwilling to have the offer accepted?