All Things Are New Again

Old things have passed away: behold, all things are become new. ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17(b) (New Matthew Bible)

It's the dream of every New Year.
We'll start over, do it right this time.
With a list of our good intentions,
often recycled from last year
and several years beyond that beginning.
But the magic of a new year failed before,
probably will again. At least without
the first part of the verse:
"Therefore if any person is in Christ,
he is a new creature." But for most
of a hundred years, Recovery people have found
the new creature, new person can come
from an acknowledgement we are not supreme,
from any Higher Power greater than us,
even one we create by writing a description
of a Power we could respect, we could accept,
one to whom we could yield our will,
surrender our lives, hand over control.
It is the process of surrender that matters,
for I believe the creator of the universe
over centuries has answered to countless names,
and if our attitude reflects a new path,
a true surrender,  a single universal
Power Greater than we
stands ready to make us new again.

Hooray for Abstinence!

Years and years of eating
for comfort, in rebellion,
as a reward, for no reason
other than the trigger tripped
so eating goes on, inertia-driven.
Then a simple plan, people who know you
on first introduction, your doppelgängers.  
Eating gains sanity, 
with a fellowship's backing,
and abstinence happens
bringing what seemed impossible
but now just happens,
one day at a time
with friends and a Power
greater than you.

Fix It, Please

As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words.
When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it. Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. And do not protest to the temple messenger, “My vow was a mistake.” Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands? Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God.~ Ecclesiastes 5:3-7

Sleep like a baby.
Two hours, cry, attention, sleep.
Restful? Well, yes.
For a baby’s sleep lacks fear,
prospers in trust.
An infant’s sleep escapes care,
nestles in faith.
Promises unkept,
debt unpaid,
what could that mean?
We sleep to nightmares
then cry for our missteps
until from humbled hearts
our cares fall away
when we stand in awe of God.

God, I’ve messed up my life.
Fix it, please.
Show me again the peace, trust, and love
I once felt
before I tried to run my life.

Rollins, Barbara B. A Time for Verse -
Poetic Ponderings on Ecclesiastes
(Kindle Locations 377-389).
Eagle Wings Press imprint of
Silver Boomer Books. Kindle Edition.

Don't Worry Be Happy

Those who love money will never have enough. How meaningless to think that wealth brings true happiness! The more you have, the more people come to help you spend it. So what good is wealth – except perhaps to watch it slip through your fingers! - Ecclesiastes 5:8-9

So, how do you get it?

True happiness.

Fly first class?

Go to exotic places?

I’ve tried the second,

not the first

exactly.

Fun while it lasts.

Sort of.

Gift giving?

Sometimes.

And sometimes I resent the gift I gave.

Life’s easier with it,

the money.

But with enough,

not with too much.

Thanks for the money.

I know it’s in trust.

So use it — and me —

as you will.

Life Gets in the Way

 Who would have thought Trudy
would find an old-fashioned fountain pen
and turn masses of her blond curls
really, completely black?
That Judy would find Rudy's banjo,
run with it, fall on it, shatter it,
that Buddy would don roller skates,
and lead a parade through Tootie's tea party?
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

"Remember When..."

Remember the awful,
the unbearable.
For it is precious.
The awful days are ours to share
with those still stuck in the muck.

Faith Like a Child's

“The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb,
The leopard shall lie down with the young goat,
The calf and the young lion and the fatling together;
And a little child shall lead them." ~ Isa 11:6 NKJV

A magical night, the faith of little children,
so strong skeptics facilitate and the world
and play along.
"And he said: 'Truly I tell you,
unless you change and become
like little children,
you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.'"
Do you have the faith of a little child
when you sit down to a table of favorite foods
after praying for strength to eat an abstinent meal?
Do you believe when you turn your will and your life
over to the care of God as you understand him
that he can and will give you the power
to eat appropriately?
Do you believe this miracle
as you once believed in the magic
of Christmas morning?

The Giant Inside

Do you feel tiny,
insignificant,
worthless?
Have hope.
Give up
by trusting a power
greater than you,
trusting that power
to manage your life
and discover
the giant inside.

How the Good Comes to You

Surrender to your Higher Power each day. Trust your Higher Power. Then, stay peaceful. Trust and listen to yourself. That is how the good you want will come to you. Your healing. Your joy. Your relationships. Your solutions. That job. That desired change. That opportunity. It will come to you—naturally, with ease, and in a host of ways. ~ MelodyBeattie. The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series (pp. 367-368).

Meditation is defined as,
"to engage in contemplation or reflection;
to engage in mental exercise
(such as concentration on one's breathing
or repetition of a mantra)
for the purpose of reaching a heightened level
of spiritual awareness;
to focus one's thoughts on, reflect on or ponder over."
Step Eleven is a commitment to seek
"through prayer and meditation
to improve our conscious contact with God
as we understand Him,
praying only for knowledge of His will for us
and the power to carry that out."
We've seen meditation as a yoga position
repeating a sound not tied to meaning.
But how do you really meditate?
Do you need bells chiming to pull you back?
Can it be as simple as this description:

• Trust your Higher Power.
• Stay peaceful.
• Trust and listen to yourself.

Can it be that simple, that easy? so...
That is how the good you want will come to you.
Your healing.
Your joy.
Your relationships.
Your solutions.
That job.
That desired change.
That opportunity.
It will come to you —
naturally, with ease,
and in a host of ways.
I can do that. Can you?

Expectations

It is reasonable to have certain and well-defined expectations of our spouse, children, and friends. ~ Melody Beattie. The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series (p. 366)

It's axiomatic in recovery,
"What you do is none of my business."
Can that be true and at the same time,
"It is reasonable to have certain
and well-defined expectations
of our spouse, children, and friends."
If one individual for ten years or so
has gathered trash, put it in the dumpster
and set the dumpster at the curb
Sunday and Wednesday evenings,
is it reasonable to expect that to be true
this  week? Well, no, because chances are
trash trucks will not run the route
on Christmas Day. But who can challenge
the status quo? If I change what I do
is that not my right? But is it an effort
to challenge what another does not do?
How does someone stop doing a chore
that seems beyond reasonable division
of duties fairly, impartially, without
it's being an effort to control?
"What you do is none of my business."
"And it is reasonable to have certain
and well-defined expectations
of our spouse, children, and friends."

Known Inside Out

¹ O Lord, you have examined my heart
    and know everything about me.
² You know when I sit down or stand up.
    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
³ You see me when I travel
    and when I rest at home.
    You know everything I do.
⁴ You know what I am going to say
    even before I say it, Lord.
⁵ You go before me and follow me.
    You place your hand of blessing on my head.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too great for me to understand! ~Psalm 139 (NLT)

How does a relationship with your Higher Power look?
Like a friendship! But that doesn't feel right.
Surely that's presumptuous on my part!
Shouldn't it be like superstar and peon,
like a head-of-Department professor and freshman,
like celebrity and fan, like icon and nobody?
But what superstar, what Department head,
what celebrity, what icon I might meet,
might hang around constantly, might idolize...
could that being know me, understand me,
anticipate not only my words but my thoughts?
It's almost the opposite,
as though in my Higher Power's practice
I'm the superstar, the professor, the celebrity,
the icon, that all about me is of superlative importance
to the HP. But HP has examined my heart,
knows about me even down to trivialities.
Yet HP exceeds them all, superstars, profs,
celebs, icons but yet I matter to HP!
You go before me and follow me.
He places his hand of blessing on my head.
This knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!

Fully Thriving

The best you can do for anyone is to thrive fully and be willing to explain to anyone who asks how it is that you are thriving, and what it is that you’ve discovered—and then, just relax and trust that all truly is well. ~ Abraham

Are you asking?
I'm thriving because
I found Twelve-Step Recovery
and worked the steps,
got a sponsor and wise people
who know me better
than I knew myself,
identified my issues.
continue to move
in the right directions,
wake to a reminder
to tell God good morning,
engage in activities
to remind me to stay connected
to God, my program
and people who care.
And for you,  I'm fully thriving
and ready and willing
on this screen or any other way
to explain to you or anyone
how it is that I am thriving,
what it is that I’ve discovered
Now I will  relax
and trust that all truly is well!

Grateful for a Problem

Once you have become grateful for a problem, it loses its power to drag you down. On the contrary, your thankful attitude will lift you up into heavenly places with Me [Jesus]. ~ Sarah Young. Jesus Calling

There's an exercise, Twelve Stepping a Problem.
You identify a problem, a dilemma,
and work through the steps specifically on that.
Gratitude for the problem? Sometimes. Maybe.
Relief? Understanding? Yes.
At least gratitude for the solution.
And through the process, the scariness fades,
and the  new-found understanding l
eaves you closer to your Higher Power.

Coming to Believe

When many hundreds of people are able to say that the consciousness of the Presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous.The Big Book and A Study Guide of the 12 Steps (Kindle Locations 1012-1014).

I didn't have a burning bush experience but l look over my shoulder and see a bunch of smoking leaves. ~ S. H.

Emmanuel. God with us.
Whether your Higher Power is
God, Yahweh, Buddha,
Demiurge, Jehovah, Abba,
Elohim, Jehovah, Guđán,
Allah, All-Glorious,  Bahá,Krishna, Brahman, Krishna,
Great Spirit, Tao,
Harold "Harold by thy name,"
Infinite Consciousness,
Holy Spirit, Goddess...
God with us...because that's what we ask
in turning our lives and our wills
over to the Power Higher than us,
the God of our understanding.
Whether the earth shakes
at the moment of our surrender
or whether we look at the path traveled
and see two sets of footprints,
this God of our understanding
becomes a very present help in time of need.
And oh, how much we need out Higher Power
as time passes and we more fully
come to understand!

Okay to Feel

Taking care of myself means I’ve made a decision that it’s okay to feel. ~ Melody Beattie. The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series (p. 362).

It's okay...even desirable
to feel the feelings
that in my mind
for half-a-dozen decades
seemed to me to demand
I dull the feelings with food.
Now I know, eleven years
after the experience
I identify as my first day
in Recovery that it's okay...
actually indubitably preferable...
to feel my feelings,
experience them,
internalize them,
to taste them, bitter or sweet
rather than stuffing my face,
denying your humanity.
Don't tell me not to feel.
I worked so long to find my
emotions, to identify them,
to own them...I must now learn
how best to experience them.
I have learned that whining is not requited,
but neither is it wrong
unless the purpose
is to deny someone else
the right to feel their feelings.

Whoever Truly Works Step Three

Once we compulsive overeaters truly take the third step, we cannot fail to recover. As we live out our decision day by day, our Higher Power guides us through the remaining nine steps. When we falter, we are reminded of our commitment to live by God’s will alone, and we trust that the willingness and ability will come if we only ask for them. ~ Overeaters Anonymous. The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous (Kindle Locations 317-319).

If my abstinence gets iffy at times,
have I not truly done Step Three?
If we cannot fail to recover
does it mean we cannot fail
to be be abstinent, one day.
two days, each and every day?
What does "to recover" mean?
To be better, to be more peaceful?
To be perfect? The passage does not say so.
It says, "When we falter,
we are reminded of our commitment
to live by God’s will alone,
and we trust that the willingness
and ability will come if we only ask for them."
So, we're not perfect, but we know,
because we found it, the power,
the peace, the recovery
that comes through surrender.

In Contrast

²³ Pride ends in humiliation,
    while humility brings honor...

 ²⁵ Fearing people is a dangerous trap,
    but trusting the Lord means safety. ~ Proverbs 29:23, 25 (NLT)

Pride ends in humiliation, which sounds like humility
but isn't. Humiliation is to reduce someone to a lower position
in their understanding or that of someone else; to make  ashamed;
to mortify. How much better is humility which brings honor?
Humiliate and humble share the Latin root meaning bring low.
The word came down as humus, too, natural material, leaves, matter,
returning to nature — the root meaning, soil.
The difference in humiliation and humility reverberates
as the first being smashed down, losing all respectability, being shamed,
ashamed, subjugated to bashing, minimization...as compared to
humble as natural, modest, unpretentious. Humility brings honor.
Pride leads to involuntary humiliation. But there's a remedy.
Voluntary humility which brings honor.
Fearing people is a trap...one I've been caught in for years.
Now, though, the way out stands before me offering serenity.
It is possible to end my fear of people, easy beyond belief.
I need simply trust in my Higher Power, and I find myself safe,
freed from my habit of fearing people.

Not Really Me

Others see me as confident,
intelligent, capable, talented,
a born leader, one who should be,
one who is competent.
But I know me, and that's not me.
I can't remember names,
have no idea which direction is where,
cannot spell, that which I would not do,
I do...and vise versa.
I can't do anything, have no self-confidence.
Those who know me best can tell you
I'm usually wrong, can do nothing right...
That's not me. They can't both be true...
or can they?

The Carpenter's Hands

Jeremiah watched a potter's work,
saw him destroy his ware, squash it back to clay,
understood a parable of God's giving up
on Israel, balling it up, beginning again.
Six hundred years later a carpenter lived,
knew God as nobody else.
He didn't despair of "righteous people,"
men who intended to stone a woman
for dalliance while not blaming the man.
Instead of squashing them,
his hand drew pictures in sand until their guilt
did the job, and the people realized
that God doesn't squash us,
he changes the way we see the issues.

Affirmations

affirmations: simple positive statements we make to ourselves: I love myself. . . . I’m good enough. . . . My life is good. . . . I’m glad I’m alive today. . . . What I want and need is coming to me. . . . I can. . . . ~ MelodyBeattie. The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series (p. 358)

What do you affirm today?
Does it resemble mine?
I love myself. . . .
I’m good enough. . . .
My life is good. . . .
I’m glad I’m alive today. . . .
What I want and need is coming to me. . . .
I can. . . .
I am at peace.
I am abstinent.
I am grateful for peace and abstinence.
I got several things done today though I left some for tomorrow.
I am grateful for my sponsor.
I am grateful for my Skype group.
I'm glad for the sharing and support there.
I'm thankful for family and friends.
I am grateful for the books from which I read today.
I'm grateful for companionship and shared interests with my husband.
I delight in Recovery.

Take over and write your own list.

What's Wrong with a Safe World?

In your private thoughts, you are still trying to order your world so that it is predictable and feels safe. Not only is this an impossible goal, but it is also counterproductive to spiritual growth. ~ Sarah Young. Jesus Calling (p. 361). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edit.

My intention all those days, years, decades
was to control things, to succeed perfectly,
to shine as a sterling example of planning,
of implementation, of excellence.
I failed miserably, seeing the big picture,
squandering chances to see to crucial details...
technicalities leaving sinkholes rather than potholes.
I put up a good front because people around me
noticed the essential trivialities.
Then I found recovery, turned my life and my will
over to the care of the God of my understandings.
And He took control, so long as I daily surrendered
again daily and did my part. But so long
as I ignore details, my world remains in disarray,
but as long as my desire is to surrender,
people still keep me safe in the trivialities
that matter, and my spiritual growth,
my trust in my Higher Power to keep keepers
in my life to smooth the towering waves.
Thank God, I have the recovery to understand
it's all going to be okay.

Use Your Gratitude

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” ~ William Arthur Ward
The expression of gratitude for blessings received keeps alive the awareness of who I am and where I came from. ~ Overeaters Anonymous. For Today (Kindle Locations 3156-3157).

Have you ever kept a gratitude journal?
If you do now...or if you don't...
what are you grateful for today?
I'm glad I asked God for Abstinence today
as well as for the courage to accept it.
As I write this at the end of the day,
I am grateful that He did and I did.
I'm grateful an old dog who yesterday
I needed to lift, to move to a rug
so he had the traction to stand,
today stood up on the tile without assistance
and has prowled the yard and the house today in health.
I'm glad I made a commitment about a week ago
to read more Recovery literature and
that of my faith and that
I've done it as I committed.
I'm glad for a pleasant day
and the support of family, friends
and my Higher Power.
I'm grateful a sore from last night has improved.
I'm grateful for a phone conversation
with good news about two of my friends.
I'm glad people moved our group's materials
to our new location. I'm grateful I can post this poem
and that we have now for 2395 days in a row.

None Of My Business

You do not need to control the behavior of others in order for you to thrive. Your attention to things that you think they do that keeps you from your thriving is, in fact, what keeps you from your thriving… It is not what they do to you; it’s what you do to you in fear of what you think that they will do to you. ~ Abraham

What you do to me is none of my business.
What you think of me is none of my business.
Those fall in the Serenity Prayer category
of things I cannot change. Now, there is a way,
inadvertently, I can change your thoughts,
your words, your attitude...but the way,
the sneaky, the effective way, is also found
in the Serenity Prayer...the courage
to change the things I can, specifically,
my thoughts, my words, my attitudes.
And those being changed, your reactions to me,
your words, your interactions, morph
as mine do. And until they do,
I need not claim, need not accept,
need not react to the muck you may hurl my way.
I need only act as a mirror, reflecting it back,
boomeranging it toward the one who CAN change it,
for it's not mine, not my monkey,
no part of my circus...as I said,
none of my business!

The Presence of the Lord

When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, "Surely the LORD is in this place, and I was not aware of it." ~ Genesis 28:16 (NIV)

Wake up! Did you come to believe
a Power greater than yourself
could restore you to sanity?
Did you make a decision
to turn your will and your life
over to that Power? Is the Power
present in your life?
Are you sure?
Did you say "Good morning"
to your Power today?
Can you say with certainty,
"Surely the LORD is in this place!"
Do you believe, or do you just wish
you believed? Act like he's here today.
Act as if you believe and it will be true.
"Surely the LORD is in this place,"
whether you are aware or not.

Let Go of Victim Shame

Let go of victim shame. We have issues and tasks, but our issue is not to feel guilty and wrong because we have been victimized. ~ Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series (p. 354). 

Who hurt you? Do you feel guilty
because you were ill-treated?
Why? Did you really do something wrong?
Probably not. How do you stop feeling shame?
Show yourself compassion.
Avoid focusing purely on the past.
Let go of the influences of others.
Cultivate mindfulness.
Embrace acceptance.
Love yourself as you would someone else
who had done what you actually did,
not the part that was imposed on you.
Extend a helping hand...
and accept those extended to you.
Surround yourself with positive social support...
like a Twelve Step community.

Husband, Not Master

When that day comes,” says the Lord,
    “you will call me ‘my husband’
    instead of ‘my master.’ ~ Hosea 2:16 NLT

Interesting statement.
You will call me "my husband"
instead of "my master."
The quote is God talking to Hosea,
the subject the relationship
between God and Israel.
But does it not apply to codependency?
The relationship between husband and wife
may for years have felt like master and servant
to one, the other, or both.
In that case, too, there needs to be
a transformation of the Valley of Trouble
into a gateway of hope. She needs
to live unafraid in peace and safety.
The necessary change was not with God
but with the wife, and when she changed her ways
the whole situation changed.
A husband is not a master but a partner,
and when the wife acts on that truth
the relationship evolves so that
her vineyards are hers again 
and the Valley of Trouble transformed
into a gateway of hope.
The result of her changing
her attitude and actions
is that she can live unafraid
 in peace and safety.

Living in Unity

How truly wonderful and delightful to see brothers and sisters living together in sweet unity! ~ Psalms 133:1 The Passion Translation

The only requirement for membership
in Overeaters Anonymous is a desire
to stop eating compulsively, and
each group has but one primary purpose —
to carry its message to the compulsive overeater
who still suffers. It's easy to belong, to be home
the first time you come. We avoid subjects
the group might not agree with,
and our purpose for remaining members
is to share the wonders of the fellowship
with those who need Recovery.
Wr have found our home and echo
a three-thousand-year old truth:
How truly wonderful and delightful
to see brothers and sisters
living together in sweet unity!

Do I Have To?

I said I'd call my sponsor
every day, at the time we set.
I've done it for months,
but it's time today
and I didn't do what we talked about
for yesterday. I'll do what she said today,
so can't I just skip this one day?
I know her answer. I need most to call
when I want to least. I'm four minutes late.
I guess I'll call now before more minutes
of "don't want to" make it a tougher call...

 

Not Waiting Now

We cannot afford to put our needs on hold, waiting for another person to fulfill us, make our life better, or come around and be who and what we want that person to be. That will create resentment, hostility, an unhealthy dependency, and a mess to deal with later on. ~ Beattie, Melody. The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series (pp. 348-349).

When Daddy finished a meal at home
every time he said, "Very good, Mz. B."
That's the way it's supposed to be...
an acknowledgement of the effort.
My guess is he sometimes made suggestions,
gave a critique on something, but I remember only,
"Very good, Mz. B." That's the way it's supposed to be...
Just critique should not happen. But when that's all?
I cannot afford to put my needs on hold,
waiting for another person to fulfill me,
make my life better, or come around
and be who and what I want that person to be.
I know for a fact that creates resentment,
hostility, an unhealthy dependency,
and a mess to deal with. So about the effort I made
for a special meal today, I'll say to me,
"Very good, Mz. R."

A Long Time Ago

I had no use for me,
could not imagine your liking me
because surely I knew me best
and if I believed I had no merit
you couldn't help but see it, too.
But that was a long time ago,
at least eleven years.
So what has changed?
Well, a lot. Family members,
added, lost, enjoyed, mourned,
accomplishments accumulated,
noted, enjoyed even if they belied
my incompetence... Retirement,
twice for good measure, but no,
it was mot those changes.
It was reading a book, stories
that could have been mine,
at least in the beginning. But
I wanted what they had
at the end of the tale.
I knew how they found it,
Overeaters Anonymous,
but Christmas was coming,
I'd join later. God had other plans.
A week before Christmas Eve
I told him what he already knew,
that eating the treat I'd just bought
was stupid! And since that day
I've claimed O.A., imperfectly
but earnestly, and now my story
turns around like those in the book!

Clear Glass

For the living know that they will die,
but the dead know nothing;
they have no further reward,
and even the memory of them is forgotten. (Ecclesiastes 9:5 NIV)

He knows better now, doesn’t he?
That Sheol, the mindless sleep of the dead,
was seeing through a glass darkly?
“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life,
nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers,
nor things present,
nor things to come,
nor height, nor depth,
nor any other creature,
shall be able to separate us from the
love of God, which is in
Christ Jesus our Lord.”*
Nope. Nothing. Hell included.
Seeing through a glass darkly.

God, thanks for remembering me.
Thanks for clear glass sometimes
and faith all the time.