Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Whole Heart?

he man she married deserved to have her whole heart, and until she could pry the last fingers of James’s grasp away, it was not hers to give. ~ McCarty, Monica. The Knight 

Who owns your heart?
Your souse, your children,
your siblings, your best friend?
Where does your Higher Power fit?
Who do you most desperately need
to talk through your most pressing issues?
Do you ever get around to talking to HP?
Does that conversation ever change your mind?
Who do you trust with your will and your life?
Do you need to first pull away your own
or somebody else's fingers?   

Monday, November 28, 2016

Our Founder

Rozanne S. was called the cofounder
of Overeaters Anonymous from 1960,
although she was the only one 
for most of the years before her death 
fifty-four years later. She was certainly a leader,
guiding the organization, writing literature.
heading the fellowship. But she was truly
a compulsive overeater, ready to serve
whether she worked a good program or not.
She had the courage to surrender again,
to reclaim recovery. She showed us
how to serve and how to live through
our missteps.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

I'm Back

Ten years ago I was a member,
in a different town, another state.
And I was a good member,
came to meetings at least once a week,
gave service, sponsored,
released a hundred fifty pounds
dropped from a 5X to a large,
knew Recovery backwards, forwards,
inside out. Then I moved,
got divorced, had money problems,
never started meetings when I moved here.
And I turned to food for comfort,
knowing I could get back,
that I knew the path, had the tools.
Weeks passed, then ,months,
five years. Obviously the large size
multiplied by x's. I need OA now
more than I did when I first began.
Thank you so much for taking me back.
I'd like to reestablish. I'm here to stay.

Play Likr

“Act as if,”
they call it.
It means
if you don’t think
there is a god
you can “play like”
until…and unless
something starts to feel real.
What you call this essence
doesn’t matter.
You can begin and end
by saying this is bull,
crap, folly, stupid…
You won’t offend
Your play-like god.
The Reverend Shoemaker
in 1954 said a man
"acted as if he had faith"
until faith came by accident,
or "until there was an opening
for God to come through."

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Restore Us to Sanity

We admit we're powerless over addiction,
have unmanageable lives, then, Step Two
talk of a need to be restored to sanity.
But were we really insane?
So, what is sane? Not having a substance
or habitual action that you can't hold in check.
Having a life that feels right, not in need
of wresting back control. A life that feels serene,
one you would choose, appropriate
for joy, love, fulfillment, a life you relish.
God, restore us to sanity!!

 

Friday, November 25, 2016

The Real Prize

Did you suffer so many things in vain—if indeed it was in vain? ~ Galatians 3:4 (NASB)


We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, page 24



WhenEVER will I learn?
Must I allow the same lesson
to be pounded into my head
again
and again
and AGAIN???
I know I do it to myself,
that I have a taste of recovery
then toss it away
again
and again
and again.
But at some point I learn
recovery feels better
than my addiction
that I don't want the illusive prize
and choose to hold the real one
and my experience
can bless others
doing what they would not do
again and again and again.
 
God, let it be sooner
rather than later.
Let me listen to those
who have learned the lesson.


Thursday, November 24, 2016

When We Have Truly Taken Step Three

Once we compulsive overeaters truly take the third step, we cannot fail to recover.- OA 12 and 12
What does it mean yup truly take a step?
to truly take THIS Step?
"Came too believe a power greater
than ourselves Could restore Is too Sanity"
When you come to believe...accept, trust,
conclude, even suppose? Deem, perhaps...
regard or consider in a specified way,
that way being that a power superior to me
could (might, possibly will or is able to)...
It's not required to be a foregone conclusion
just an acknowledgement it's not beyond
thought. And what a prize if you can make it that far!!
A guarantee that the promises made will come true.
Recovery beyond wildest dreams.
A new freedom and a new happiness.
No regret the past; comprehend the word serenity
and know peace. Extravagant promises?
We think not. They are REAL if we really
take the Third Step.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Cave Days

I needed my cave days. ~ Miranda
Life builds to a frenzy sometimes.
It pulls from all directions,
commitments overpowering,
lingering colds, exhaustion,
sleepless nights, lethargy.
Heavy things call,
the need to go deep, to go inside,
to be spiritual. You need to
raise your hand, ask for respite time,
for a day off. But no grownup
has the power to grant your wish.
You grasp the truth that grownup is you.
And with permission you seek
the Power who can fix it.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Good Evening, God

It's been an okay day, a good one,
family, friends, OA people,
no negatives much.
I guess I'd better start with that much, huh?
I did a personal errand while I was out,
a trip I represented as being just groceries.
I was being responsible, fulfilling an obligation,
but then again I need to send a mass mailing
for people to see before Thursday, and today's right.
I'll do that next. It's been god to have J home,
pleasant to visit, mice to have the help.
I'm grateful for abstinence, for getting things done.
I forgot to do some things but am comfortable
with the day and my recovery in it. Thanks! 
 

Monday, November 21, 2016

Principles Before Personaliyies

Your importance
matters little to me.
The titles you hold,
the list of your achievements,
goals you have reached.
Rather, I care what you know,
your understanding of
eternal principles,
your alignment with the universe.
Anonymity keeps the focus
as it should, emphasizing
principles rather than personalities.
 

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Words Bite like Snakes

 If a snake bites before it is charmed,
there is no profit for the charmer.
Words from a wise manʼs mouth are gracious,
but a fool is consumed by his own lips.
At the beginning his words are folly;
at the end they are wicked madness —
and the fool multiplies words.
No one knows what is coming —
who can tell him what will happen after him?
A foolʼs work wearies him;
he does not know the way to town. ~ Ecclesiastes 10:11-15 NIV
Words bite.
Give me sticks and stones.
They may break my bones,
but words after words after words
extinguish my anima,
crush my soul.
Why besiege those who matter most
with vile hatred?
Why treat the ones you love
as you would never treat a stranger?
Lord, let the words of my
mouth and the meditations
of my heart
be
love.


Sooner or Later



Did you suffer so many things in vain—if indeed it was in vain? ~ Galatians 3:4 (NASB)



We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, page 24




WhenEVER will I learn?
Must I allow the same lesson
to be pounded into my head
again
and again
and AGAIN???
I know I do it to myself,
that I have a taste of recovery
then toss it away
again
and again
and again.
But at some point I learn
recovery feels better
than my addiction
that I don't want the illusive prize
and choose to hold the real one
and my experience
can bless others
doing what they would not do
again and again and again.

God, let it be sooner
rather than later.
Let me listen to those
who have learned the lesson.


Working into Recovery

I walked into the room and found a bandof friends and it seemed to my logic
that this was a group, a cohesive pack
with no room for me, no way into the web
nor would I want to be part of the froth,
no way to escape my addiction clean.

But they welcomed me, promised clean
that I became part of their band
when I wanted real healing, not froth
and they understood my newcomer's logic
and what had seemed the trap of a web
could become the luggage I needed to pack.
And I found I was ready to start to pack,
that I really believed this was a way to come clean
from my addiction, to free myself from the web,
to put my past, my fears my failures in a band
that would be over not a burden to current logic
and commitment, that it and worries to come would be froth.

I believed, trusted them, but somehow the froth
haunted me, refused to let go, would not vacate my pack
despite my listening learning using new ruled, not logic
from the past. Sometimes though there were  clean
moments, times I felt a part of the Recovery band
but others when nothing seemed changed, stuck in the web.

Instant Recovery didn’t happen for me but the web
lost it’s power bit by bit and recovery began to froth,
to grow bubble by bubble and they began to band
together, to make sense, to change my attitude, to pack
into each day a sense of serenity, sanity, clean
living free of the my need to control life by logic.

It didn’t seem my life was free from order, from logic
but that I didn’t control the logic, that a powerful web
made decisions as i surrendered to the power, clean
and completely, my efforts aligned, contributing a froth
that worked , coordinated with the universe, a pact
of peace, hope, joy, finally including me as part of the band.
I now belong, a clean and free part of creation’s logic,
and joining the chorus with the band, I’m woven in the  web
of Recovery with the froth of serenity creating my pack.


Friday, November 18, 2016

Infinitely Grave







Only in this way could he set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the fear of dying. ~Hebrews 2:15 (NLT) 
But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.  ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 66 
Slaves to the fear of dying?
Maybe. But how about the fear
of living?
Talk about scary!
Death, I know. Death is living
in fear
in resentment.
But fear is not the end —
resentments can vanish —
Jesus sets us free,
recovery sets us free
to the sunlight of the Spirit
to live,
to life.

Thank you
for resentments prayed away,
for spirit’s sunlight.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Morning Pages


Writing morning pages is what I need to do.
I did them for years, close to daily.
Julia Cameron in setting down the rules
insists they be by hand and I did for a while
but cannot read my handwriting. 
Since June 10, five months and six days,
I've typed one key at a time and have
typed a lot of characters that way.
This poem is the first  since then
for which I've tried to keep my fingers
on the assigned keys. Writing
is a tool I need. And trusting fingers
to hit the keys is like trusting HP
to have my back. And practice
makes both work better.


Tuesday, November 15, 2016

To the Me that I Can Be

Since I was thirteen and wore a size thirteen
and Mother took me to see Dr. Brooks
and he gave me diet pills, losing weight
has been a primary goal though the goal weight
forever failed to evolve. Thirty-six years later
Three hundred on the scales scared me
andI never saw that again. Ten years after that
I found the solution and got to a size thirteen again
but after virtually ten years in recovery I've deferred
to claim that recovery physically, no longer that size,
imagining the scales reading eighty pounds lighter.
If I had birthday cakes the next one would be a torch
with seventy candles. Metabolism, arthritic knees,
dexterity issues in food preparation have upped the ante.
But the promises are mine as much as they belong to anybody!
Once we compulsive overeaters 
truly take the third step, we cannot fail to recover.
Physical recovery is mine to claim!!
That is the Me That I Can Be!

Monday, November 14, 2016

Needing a Meeting!

In cities it's not hard to find a meeting
when you need one...when life grabs you
and you could be pulled away without
the life vest that is a meeting.
And it's most likely to happen on holidays
with the pressure of family, feasting,
traditional...sanctioned...bingeing.
And if the crisis strikes at two in the morning
what can you do? Find a meeting,
even if you live in a village.
Get online and find a telephone
or virtual meeting, gather with people
from various countries, in your hometown,
in cities, hamlets, farms and ranches.
Put your hand in ours
and together we can do what
we could never do alone. 

Sunday, November 13, 2016

Thankful Respect

November begins with All Saints Day,
moves to gratitude for those who serve,
looks forward through the days
to a day to give thanks, a day of love
and gathering with loved ones.
Fall foliage and harvest remind us
of bounty, of the goodness of life.
The eleventh month reminds us
of the message of Step Eleven,
Sought through prayer and meditation 
to improve our conscious contact 
with God as we understood Him, 
praying only for knowledge 
of His will for us 
and the power to carry that out.

Saturday, November 12, 2016

THANKFUL RESPECT

November begins with All Saints Day,
moves to gratitude for those who serve,
looks forward through the days
to a day to give thanks, a day of love
and gathering with loved ones.
Fall foliage and harvest remind us
of bounty, of the goodness of life.
The eleventh month reminds us
of the message of Step Eleven,
Sought through prayer and meditation 
to improve our conscious contact 
with God as we understood Him, 
praying only for knowledge 
of His will for us 
and the power to carry that out.

Friday, November 11, 2016

Change Your World

 Change your thoughts and you change your world. ~ Norman Vincent Peale
It's not habits we must change.
It's not luck, good or bad, causing pain.
Diets, exercise, the weight we crave
does not bring happiness.
Look at things through new eyes,
I can't; God can; I think I'll let God.
Changing thoughts changes worlds
when everything else has failed.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Imitation

Imitation
The most sincere form of flattery.
You can copy someone's hairstyle
or fashion choices.You can 
mimic vocabulary, idioms, even curse words.
But to mold your life on the kind deeds,
the gentle words, the generous heart
is even better. Find someone
who has what you want and live as you see them.
If their faith is what you want, adopt their Higher Power.
If you imitate well enough you will look like
the person you copied and someone may see in you
that you fave what they want. Then keep living the life you found 
and welcome those who wish to copy you.

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Simple, Not Easy

They're simple, not easy.
Twelve steps, 
Eleven hundred forty-five characters,
Two hundred one of those spaces.
Awakening, principles, meditation,
overeaters, and unmanageable
the only words with four or more syllables,
thirty-two two-letter words,
Memorize the steps in a day, 
work through them in a few months,
but spend the rest of your life
understanding what they mean.

Whatever

However this all turns out
the world will not end
and the nation probably will survive.
Taxes will continue. Politicians will disagree
on how to spend them.
he street I live on will be rough, pot-holed,
ignored. Half the population will fear
the leadership of the one they voted against.
The other half will endure trepidation
about their choice. Bickering will continue.
Anger will erupt. The media will be biased.
Respect for people and institutions
will falter. Mistakes will be made.
Brilliant solutions will arise from 
people and institutions 
about which we know nothing today.

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Desert

Giving up desserts, pastries,
candy can feel like deprivation,
like the winter of our discontent.
But a healthy way of eating,
moving into a balanced mind,
to a life of promises fulfilled
can be like the rare beauty
of a desert where deprivations
do bot come to mind but the beauty
of fauna, of flora, of natural beauty
become a favored locale,
a fond new place to feel at home. 


Monday, November 7, 2016

i'd Paint My Life

d PaInt my Life

A searching and fearless moral inventory.
Many of us can best write an inventory
in words, listing who we resent,
what happened, our part of the interaction,
and what of our principle needs are affected.
That works fine for word people like me
but ours is a program addressed to individuals.
How many of us express better in images?
If I were one, I'd draw a body surrounded
by vignettes showing Daddy saying,
"Don't be sorry, don't do it."
One picture would be the woman I wanted to sue,
the deception, and finally my understanding
of my attitude and her response.
I'd picture my lies, my dishonesty,
and why I feel that need.
How many pictures can you sketch in your mind,
and is that the best way for your own
searching and fearless moral inventory?
 

Sunday, November 6, 2016

Not in Charge

My mind wants to panic
surrounded by tough,
fear trying to rule.
I sit, alone, the day darkening
both from the evening hour
and the front moving in,
lightning flashing in the distance,
a low rumble of thunder.
I have a rowboat, tied to a pier
but no one around to help me row.
Would that I had help,
wishing, praying.
Praying. I'm not alone.
I have help to set the course.
My job is to do what I can,
to trust and to row.

Saturday, November 5, 2016

God Is My oxygen Tank

My life is unmanageable by me.
I'm powerless over my obsession.
I have to have help, but not just assistance.
I'm dependent on my Higher Power
not just for guidance, for leading me
in the right direction, but for life itself.
Sometimes briefly I might muddle through
without the assistance, but if I am to thrive,
I need constant assistance like his providing
my every breath.

Friday, November 4, 2016

I Can't. God Can.

I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard? (Galatians 3:3 NIV)


We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 25)


Powerless.
Life out of control.
I can do this
with sufficient willpower,
if I follow the rules,
if I use my logic,
my experience,
what I read of how it's done...
but then again
I've tried that.
Failed at that.
Fell flat on my face.
I can't do it
and have demonstrated that
in every manner for many years.
I give up.
But I have a Spirit
who will take over
if I just let go,
take direction,
and do as I'm told.

Thank you, God,
for proving I can't
but you can.

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Playing God

 ask you again, does God give you the power of the Holy Spirit and work miracles among you as a result of your trying to obey the Jewish laws? No, of course not. It is when you believe in Christ and fully trust him. ~ Galatians 3:5 (TLB)




Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God’s help. 
This is the how and the why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous,page 62



Quit playing God.
But I'm so good at it!
And after all
we're only talking
about the little things.
I'll leave the big ones to God...
Salvation
Condemnation
The destruction of the world.
But he's so busy.
He can't worry about a little lie,
just a half truth, really,
to not hutt feelings.
Or about what I eat,
whether the chicken fry
or another baked fish. Phew!
I can handle this.
What do you mean, baloney?
You don't trust me?

God, you love me.
You care about me.
Nothing's to little for your concern.
I'll let go, release it all,
and really mean that prayer,
your will, not mine,
be done.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

A Ladder in the Prairie

Going Up? Reaching for the Sky?
There are right tools and wrong
for getting there. A ladder
no matter how long...
unless you're Jacob and dreaming...
will likely disappoint.
A helium balloon can soar with a note
but tagging along on the string
yields failure. A hot air balloon,
a z
eppelin, a man-lifting kite,
Icarus' wax and feather wings.
These are wrong tools.
The right tools may seem mundane,
but to rise to the We use tools—a plan of eating,
sponsorship, meetings, the telephone,
writing, literature, action plan,
anonymity and service—to help us
achieve and maintain abstinence
and recover from our disease."
17813875 - an old, weathered, wood ladder in a field of grass.


Tuesday, November 1, 2016

For All the Saints

People born before 1900.
Pop, my paternal grandfather,
was a circuit-riding Methodist preacher,
taught in his youth in a rural one-room school,
got the attention of the farmer boys
by lifting a boulder they could not move
in clearing an area for sports. Pop could have tried
for Olympic glory in pole vaulting but it was
an old new idea that didn't draw him.
Grandmom, his wife sought out kids living in chicken coops
during the Depression to invite them to Sunday school.
Granddaddy, Mother's dad, was raised to be a Baptist preacher,
named for an evangelist. Joined the Methodists,
was inspired to tithe, did, when money was tight,
and when giving buildings came from the tenth,
was recognized as Mr. Methodist in West Texas,
paid the patent fee on machinery he designed
that was stolen from him when that company did not.
Grandmother was a lady, more educated than her husband,
a faithful helpmate and mother. I could speak of their ancestors,
a precious heritage, and all of them make me who I am.
I have worth, and I know that for they gave me theirs,
These saints love me, and God loves me,
so I will live tis day without fear and be grateful
for all the saints who show me the path.
Joe H. Anderson and wife Lena Lorice Anderson on 50th anniversary about 2/2/1960


Rhapherd Thomas Breedlove, Irma, and children