My Focus Is on Me

…we have multiple opportunities for judging others. But this program is about keeping the attention on us, instead. It’s our behavior, our character defects, and our lives that we have some control over. We have caused problems for ourselves many times, because we haven’t been as willing to see our own defects as we have been to see the defects of others. There is no time like the present for changing our focus. ~ Casey, Karen. A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance (Hazelden Meditations Book 1) . Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

It’s my behavior, my character defects, and my life that I have some control over. I have caused problems for myself many times, because I haven’t been as willing to see my own defects as I have been to see the defects of others. There is no time like the present for changing my focus.

Building Up

Then I went to Syria and Cilicia. I was personally unknown to the churches of Judea that are in Christ. They only heard the report: “The man who formerly persecuted us is now preaching the faith he once tried to destroy.” And they praised God because of me. ~ Galatians 1:21-24 (NIV) After several failures to find others, a fourth turned up. He came through an acquaintance who had heard the good news. (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 158)

Our reputation precedes us, follows us, defines us among people we’ll never meet. What do they say of us? Does it matter? “What you think of me is none of my business.” But is it really true? Does it matter what people say? What if they say it about me as a member of the fellowship? What if my behavior is the only view some people have of the rooms? Do they stay away, not wanting what we have? Do they praise God because of me? God, let me be an instrument of your peace.

Who's In Control?

For you have heard of my previous way of life in Judaism, how intensely I persecuted the church of God and tried to destroy it. I was advancing in Judaism beyond many of my own age among my people and was extremely zealous for the traditions of my fathers. ~ Galatians 1:13-14 (NIV) Renewing my resolve, I tried again. Some time passed, and confidence began to be replaced by cock-sureness. I could laugh at the gin mills. Now I had what it takes! (Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 5-6)

I’m in control, hear me roar! Stand aside and see me, watch what I can do. Step back, I don’t need you. Can’t you see it’s a complex whole, that ceding power causes seams? It’s not arrogance if you’re right! You know I do it well! I’m in control. God, I need to know I’m out of control when you’re really the one who’s in control.

What You Think of Me

Then I went to Syria and Cilicia. I was personally unknown to the churches of Judea that are in Christ. They only heard the report: “The man who formerly persecuted us is now preaching the faith he once tried to destroy.” And they praised God because of me. ~ Galatians 1:21-24 (NIV) After several failures to find others, a fourth turned up. He came through an acquaintance who had heard the good news. (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 158)

Our reputation precedes us, follows us, defines us among people we’ll never meet. What do they say of us? Does it matter? “What you think of me is none of my business.” But is it really true? Does it matter what people say? What if they say it about me as a member of the fellowship? What if my behavior is the only view some people have of the rooms? Do they stay away, not wanting what we have? Do they praise God because of me? God, let me be an instrument of your peace.

Distance

Daddy would have been 107 today. Twenty-nine days in the hospital‘s care; Six times I’ve driven to check on you there. Thirty-some times by the telephone line asking of you and appeasing my mind. Thirty two years since I left our hometown, tethered by love, flying high, anchored down. How many months have I failed to call home? Years slipped away, my own family’s grown. Longing now draws me to you once again over the greening of flat Texas plain. Anson and Stamford and Haskell I’ve passed, towns on the highway, each like the last. Cotton gins, stock tanks, and lacy mesquites, pump jacks and furrows with hope-sown new wheat. It’s eighty miles yet to the village Dundee where mixed with the cattle eight camels roam free. Not a surprise now, I know they are there, symbols to me of a truth I should share. Daddy, I love you, now get back your strength; Mother and you will return home at length. Starting today I’ll be often in sight, incongruous as camels in Texas sunlight.

Listening to the Ego

We all know what it feels like to enter a gathering of people and feel distant, separate, or alone even though we are part of a crowd. It’s a deadly feeling, yet our sense of aloneness is a false interpretation. We are never alone. God is always as close as our next breath. In fact, we would have no breath without His presence. We feel separate because we are listening to the ego, which is the home of fear. The good news is that we can quit listening to the ego right now. ~ Casey, Karen. Each Day a Renewed Beginning (pp. 109-110). Mango Media. Kindle Edition.

God is always as close as our next breath! His presence is as close as his next breath… I’d go further and say God IS our next breath! Get behind me, Fear! I’ve had enough of you for a lifetime! I choose to hear God and not fear by the name ego or any other!

God Loves, Period

As we have said before, so I say again now, if any man is preaching to you a gospel contrary to what you received, he is to be accursed! ~ Galatians 1:9 (NASB)

I seemed to be able to snap back the next morning better than most of my fellow drinkers, who were cursed (or perhaps blessed) with a great deal of morning-after nausea. (Alcoholics Anonymous, "The Doctor's Nightmare")

God as I understand God loves.  Period. So, to be accursed? Invoking supernatural power to inflict harm, punishment? God is god, in control, has no need to call on himself or his underlings to punish, harm. Be afflicted with? That one makes sense. I surely can and do curse myself, cause me misery, agony, separation from God, from all. I need the right message, the one from both Big Books as my guide. And when I stray and feel accursed, it's a blessing, beckoning. God, let me not curse myself but always seek your love, your blessings.

Open the Door In Your Mind

Great teachers have told us that all limits are illusory, and anytime you run into a wall or a closed door, the first place to try to open it is in your own mind. ~ Cohen, Alan. A Daily Dose of Sanity (Kindle Locations 3680-3681). Hay House. Kindle Edition. We want to do everything NOW!!! But that really doesn't work. Patience helps in most seeming emergencies. Whatever it is that we are putting off, it will rarely become easier to do later. Do you need to treat your "emergency" with a simple thought, a request of “Slow me down, God?” I expect that answer would for you and me is just that!

A Life Worthy of Your Calling

…I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. ~ Ephesians 4:2-3 NIV

Have you been called to faith, to the spiritual, to belief in a Power greater than you, to turn your mind, your heart, your being, over to that Power? Do you choose to live a life worthy of that calling? Have you become completely humble and gentle; can you be patient, bearing with one another in love? Are toy willing to make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace? What needs to change to reach this standard?

Perfectionism

Perfectionism gets in the way of recovery because it imposes impossible, unrealistic goals which guarantee failure. If we do not think we have to be perfect, then we can accept our mistakes as learning experiences and be willing to try again. ~ L., Elisabeth. Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters (Hazelden Meditations Book 1) . Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

I can't say perfectionism is a trait of mine. Well of course, I edit your proper...or less than... use of the English language often aloud talking to the television, but mentally in conversation. I'd like to claim perfection  in how I work the program or in knowing the proper response. But I fail miserably. In my clearer moments I know well that Elizabeth is correct that, "Perfectionism gets in the way of recovery because it imposes impossible, unrealistic goals which guarantee failure. If we do not think we have to be perfect, then we can accept our mistakes as learning experiences and be willing to try again." Lord, I am willing. Make it true that I'm willing to try again, and again, and again!

If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us. ~ Hermann Hesse

The best of us is self-centered. We see everything and every person as they affect our lives or our contentment. It's easy to hate ourselves and the hatred is about who we are and has nothing to do with who anyone else might be. Love yourself and love will surround you.

Practicing Trusting

My mind started to spin off into negative “what-if?” scenarios, but I decided to just practice trusting. Why waste precious moments of life worrying? I would use the experience as an opportunity to stay happy no matter what. ~ Cohen, Alan. A Daily Dose of Sanity (Kindle Locations 3579-3581). Hay House. Kindle Edition.

Do you trust God to make things work? When you've made a request of God you know...or at least believe... would be his will for the expected result? Have you consciously decided to use an experience as an opportunity to stay happy no matter what? Let's both try that today? Are you in?

Image Copyright: ehrlif.

As Soon as the Holidays Are over

I read the book, a gift from my counselor long a member of AA but not so with OA. She ordered it, believing Overeaters Anonymous, 2nd edition, the equivalent of Alcoholics Anonymous, 5th edition. It was like the stories, but not the explanation. So I read the stories, all 31, tales of people like me, addicted to food used as a drug, making our lives insane! I read the book, knew I belonged... but it was December! Who "starts a diet" before New Year's Day? Not me! Then December 17th, my hands filled with sweet treats, I talked aloud, said to God, "This is stupid!" He didn't disagree. So I found an online group, got a sponsor, made new friends, and became a member. I did what needed to be done, falling on Christmas Eve, flying to London three days later, in serious pain, finding internet cafes and reporting to OA people from there. I never got a newcomer chip but will complete fifteen years in OA December 17th this year. And when the holidays end, I'll still be a compulsive overeater in Recovery.  

Two Choices only

Boil every choice down to what heals versus what hurts, answer fear with love, and you will find the peace you seek. ~ Cohen, Alan. A Course in Miracles Made Easy (p. 4). Hay House. Kindle Edition.

What hurts feelings, causes pain in you or your fellow? What heals the wounds that were caused earlier? When you seek the healing, you seek peace. When you respond to hurt with peace, each person touched is deep in peace! Choose love! Find peace!

Negative Energy?

Having the energy to pursue our passions will always come if that’s our wish. Most of who we are, what we do, and where we are going relates to our attitude. Being tired, bored, scared, or unhappy are decisions, nothing more. ~ Casey, Karen. Keepers of The Wisdom Daily Meditations: Reflections From Lives Well Lived. Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition. Get energy by wishing for it? Who we are, what we do, where we're going, these all relate to our attitude? And the negatives we'd rather avoid, these are our decisions? Do I choose to be tired? Maybe, if I pay more attention to an audio book than to the purpose of going to bed... but scared? unhappy? Would I choose those? If fear is the opposite of love, and loving those I'm with turns me off, that I can see as a decision if I accept love and fear are the only two options... I'll try it out today, choosing the good list, seeing if tired, bored, scared, and unhappy happen when I don't. You try it, too and we can have all the energy we need! I welcome your comments.

Cannot Fail? Really?

...the Third Step corresponds to the principle of faith. Once we truly make the leap to believe, no matter what, that a power greater than ourselves will restore us to sanity and will take care of every other issue in our lives as well, we cannot ever fail to recover, and the compulsion to binge disappears. ~ Overeaters Anonymous. Voices of Recovery . Overeaters Anonymous. Kindle Edition. Step Three: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." How do we know exactly when we have actually made a decision to believe, no matter what, that a power greater than ourselves will restore us to sanity? Is it once and for all times? Or is there wiggle room? Are we entitled to sometimes run hot, fully convinced, and sometimes be riddled with doubt? I find encouragement in the Twelve Steps and TwelveTraditions'assertion, "“Once we compulsive overeaters truly take the Third Step we cannot fail to recover.” So somewhere there's inevitability assured, but as long as I find wiggle room, I can usually find it!