Service as a Techie

Step 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Giving service is vital but when it matches your abilities and interests you can make a position to serve with real service. My attempts to act as treasurer are inevitably misery for me and those who comprehend how to add and subtract. But taping speakers, making them available for years to come, maintaining websites and digital communication I’m far from flawless but even when far from flawless this is vital Twelfth Step work.

Living in Promises

She comes to several meetings every week, doesn’t talk about decades in the program. says she’s “recovering from compulsive eating" and "I’m a sponsor.” She’s given service on every possible level and still does mundane tasks without a murmur. She contacts other members, active or missing for a while, says thanks for contributions, and I missed seeing you. Through times we could have lost the community she kept coming back so there were meetings we could return to. Through personal losses and medical issues she’s a picture of Recovery, living in the promises.

Not Really Me

Others see me as confident, intelligent, capable, talented, a born leader, one who should be, one who is competent. But I know me, and that's not me. I can't remember names, have no idea which direction is where, cannot spell, that which I would not do, I do...and vise versa. I can't do anything, have no self-confidence. Those who know me best can tell you I'm usually wrong, can do nothing right... That's not me. They can't both be true... or can they?

Miracle in the Works

So I can end the day in serenity. in alignment, in recovery and greet the new day with the miracle in place. Thirty years ago I discovered my daddy’s granddaddy was a faith healer, and wrote a poem that surmised, “And now Sam’s grandson’s daughter finds it true that mountain-moving faith exists and shall not cease.” It was then I began to believe miracles could be in my blood, and recently began to study A Course in Miracles and to believe the poem was prescient.

What You Do Is None of My Business

She worked with tons of paper daily, a government office. As she sent papers to the clerk’s office she separated them with paperclips. The clerk’s office filed the papers, filling boxes of paperclips. One day she stood at the boxes filling pockets with clips she had sent. A bottom-of-the-barrel elected official saw her, told her she should order them from supplies. Had she been schooled in program talk, she would have told him, “What I do is none of your business!

You're Home Here!

Do you buy food for the family then eat it before they get home? We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home! Do you eat Halloween candy and Easter eggs from your children’s supply? We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home! Do you go through a drive through but stop when the server knows your order as you arrive? We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home! Do you avoid getting a plate for refreshments then stand near, nibbling finger food? We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home! Do you drink diet cola with a giant sweet-roll? We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home! Do you wear clothes skin-tight because you swore you’d be thin before you bought more? Do you buy a dozen donuts for the office and toss the empty box in the trash as you enter? We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home! Are you disgusted beyond belief, feel like a failure, wish you were dead? Relax. We love you. We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home!

Eventually

The “diet” began at age thirteen with diet pills. I meandered through “chubby” clothes the 1/2 tag, slacks wearing out first at the inner thighs, chiding comments from Mother and others, called in Red Rover by the description, “Let Fat Domino come over,” band uniforms having to be altered, the embarrassment of hight and weight being announced before eighth-grade peers, most weigh-and-pay organizations you could name, some you never heard of, carb blockers, amphetamines, a metal pin at an acupuncture point on my ear, graphs and charts projecting how much I’d lose by what date, counseling (3 times, years at a time), hypnotism, and anything else marginally relative, fasting one day each week, beginning to write a book about how with a partner I attained a total weight loss of 500 pounds, knowing I lacked well over a hundred of those before publication… Giving myself shots in the stomach twice daily with a medication approved for diabetics, which I was not, but not approved for weight control…. The “diet” lasted until 36 days before age 60… Unlucky? Certainly. Stubborn? It would seem so, but no, neither luck nor mulishness had anything to do. Fortune stepped in, led me to understand it’s a disease, and led me eventually to Recovery in the rooms of Overeaters Anonymous...

Healthy Love

Loving Him. Co-dependent no more. Growing old together. Decades of history teeming with hurtful discourse, evolving now to gratitude, small talk, servitude willingly given and graciously received. Loving him still. Loving him healthily now.

I Don't Regret

For many years I acted in foolish ways, In ways I always knew were foolish and just plain wrong. I ate compulsively and not just ate...stupid things, the nutrition trumped by senseless sugars, flour, excess carbs. I lied, manipulated, hid what I was doing, thought only of my needs and wants. I made decisions based on my wants issuing my husband as an excuse,  blame-owner when he'd never had a say. I figured out I was killing myself with stress but made only superficial changes for ten more years. But  it's true, the first peril promise. "We won't regret the past nor wish to shut that door." I don't regret because I found Recovery, thank God!

Love and Understanding Needed

The big bully might not be big to some,
might to others be slow, his manner strange.
It was the curse he bore, set apart from all.
Thoughtless teachers called him slow.
His mother bemoaned the impatience of the world,
fervently wished folks might build him up
rather than forcing him down.

Our Founder

Rozanne S. was called the cofounder
of Overeaters Anonymous from 1960,
although she was the only one
for most of the years before her death
fifty-four years later. She was certainly a leader,
guiding the organization, writing literature.
heading the fellowship. But she was truly
a compulsive overeater, ready to serve
whether she worked a good program or not.
She had the courage to surrender again,
to reclaim recovery. She showed us
how to serve and how to live through
our missteps.

Just in Case

Dear Me:
I write this because right now
I finally feel like I’m really in Recovery.
Or should I say I feel like
I’m a recovered compulsive eater?
Someone said in the meeting today
he was recovered from compulsive eating.
Is that what I am? Ouch! That feels boastful,
pretentious, arrogant! Not at all right.
But is it wrong to deny the changes in me?
Do I err in getting cocky? More than
the error in claiming still I’m powerless?
People who have no idea I’m in OA,
that I struggled for years with food obsession,
even those people see a difference, ask me why,
what happened, want to know my secret.
And telling them makes abstinence easier,
reinforces my conviction. So…what do I call myself
in the rooms? The absolute truth is
I have a fatal disease of gluttony
in remission only so long as I surrender
every morning with reinforcing repeats as needed,
I can hold on to the gift. And Me,
I want you to remember to remind me,
to jerk me back to Recovery if anything I do,
any word I say, any thought that pops up
triggers me to know, holds me in the surrender,
brings that reality to mind and
I remember to do the next right thing,
to think the next right thought,
to find within me the Recovery I crave!

Good Morning!

Keep it simple.
Start it right.
It's a new day.
Start by taking dogs out,
repeating the Third Step Prayer
as the water's freshened,
then circling the yard
several times
saying the Seventh Step Prayer,
the Serenity Prayer,
then the OA Promise,
followed by prayers for abstinence,
for loved ones and family,
the prayer list sometimes shortened
as one friend says, "for everyone!"
Then inside. No need for originality.
the same breakfast virtually every day.
Well thought through, it sets the day,
the meals are for sustenance,
not for entertainment. Dogs eat first,
husband next then my oatmeal,
an egg cooked in, a serving of fruit added,
and it's time for morning readings,
food for the body and for the soul,
a true Good Morning!

A Stranger in My Mind

As I take the Twelve Steps
a group of sober drunks
came up with eight decades ago,
simple steps, easy to remember
but far from easy to live…
As I take the Twelve Steps
again and again, coming nearer,
and nearer still, to living the concept
that a Power greater than I
can, could, might actually
restore me to sanity,
I find someone I didn’t know
my first six decades.
I find understandings,
ideas, peace inside of me,
actually me without Recovery
and study her, learn of her,
surprised to know this stranger
in my mind.

Recovery Is a Process

We mistakenly treated recovery like it was an event, rather than a process. ….We forgot that recovery is like walking up an escalator that is going down. When we quit climbing, we regressed. ~ Berger, Allen. 12 Smart Things to Do When the Booze and Drugs Are Gone: Choosing Emotional Sobriety through Self-Awareness and Right Action (Berger 12) (p. 24). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

I grew into the Twelve Steps of Recovery.
I received as a gift the book Overeaters Anonymous,
Second Edition and read it eagerly.
The gift from a woman with years in Alcoholics Anonymous
thought it was the program explained,
like the AA Big Book which Overeaters Anonymous uses
in the same way. Instead, the gift book
was like the stories after the first 143 pages
of the Big Book. But it was exactly what I needed.
I decided to join OA… after Thanksgiving
and Christmas…why start a “diet”
before the proper time…New Years!!?
But seven days before Christmas Eve
my life changed forever! I got in the car
with sweet treats to eat as I drove alone to church
and told God aloud, “This is stupid!”
Then I ate it…. A life-changing moment,
but not that transformative!
It was an event, but this December 17th
will be the 14th year of the process
of becoming a compulsive Overeater
in Recovery. I’ve tried the recovery
like walking up an escalator going down.
I weigh less than I did in 1960
as an eighth grader.
I love the process of Recovery!

Sestina on Decision Avoidance

Get energy by wishing for it?
Who we are, what we do,
where we’re going, these all
relate to our attitude?
And the negatives we’d rather avoid,
these are our decisions?

If we do not consciously make decisions
we still somehow structure life by forming it
all the while seeking to avoid
what we would prefer not to do
while knowing with that attitude
we risk not accomplishing the goals at all.

But because we’re not at all
in position to make the decisions
we find in time our attitude
has been supplanted and it
all falls into place so that we do
precisely what we hoped to avoid

So, if we have failed to avoid
That which we felt to be all
wrong, then have we managed to do
what needed doing for the decisions
To come to pass and the energy, it
that we felt caused a wrong attitude,

But was the source of the attitude
A Higher Power we need not avoid
yet a source able to grab hold of it
And bring to pass all
that constituted decisions
we hated but wanted to do

So do what you’re led to do
and the change of attitude
you need to facilitate decisions
you once would have avoided
but now hope to see all
fall into place and so see it

as decisions people do
in the spirit and attitude
you would not avoid, not at all!

The One I Am to Dread?

12 “Do not call conspiracy
everything this people calls a conspiracy;
do not fear what they fear,
and do not dread it.
13 The Lord Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy,
he is the one you are to fear,
he is the one you are to dread. ~ Isaiah 8:12-14 (NIV)

The archaic meaning of dread
is “regarded with awe; greatly revered”
“Fear of the Lord” and dread of the Lord
mean having a deep respect,
reverence and awe
for God’s power and authority.
Fear of God and dread of God
does not lead to being afraid of God.
A proper “fear of the Lord” leads us to love Him.
Let us develop and nourish
a proper fear of God, a faithful love of Him!

Buddha

They called her Buddha, the kids at school, the mean ones. She had a Buddha figurine, the image potbellied, rotund. Maybe she pretended the nomenclature spoke of wisdom, discipline…but she knew, understood they meant corpulent. She tried to fit, to participate, to be a part of and not apart from. It was not her whole reality. In her twenties she remade herself, became the image she had sought, won the amazed praise of all.
But as years went by she lost the gift,
moved from an ideal weight
to clothes sizes in specialty stores only.
Three decades later, her family grown,
physicians despaired the possibility
of medical remedies for any need,
the bulk beyond capacity of equipment.
She had done it before, could again…and did!
Hundreds of pounds shed, and pride reclaimed,
like the raven she vowed, “Nevermore!!”
But she had an illness not only physical
but of the mind and spirit as well.
She had done it twice, resolved to hold on,
not to go to meetings, admit she might let go,
preferring death to losing weight again regained.
And she will be missed, too early gone.

Becoming Transformed

You’ve seen the movies,
previews at least,
and the toys probably.
Transformers.
But you’ve seen people, too,
who have transformed once,
occasionally more often.
Generally speaking these folk
are recovery people,
folk who heard about
the twelve steps,
needed relief and tried them.
It’s as though they were folded
in a different way
after having been unfolded…
Its most obvious on the inside
but true outside as well.
If you’ve given up
on remaking yourself,
if you’re powerless
over a compulsion,
and can’t manage your life,
give it a try and let
Twelve simple Steps
make a transformer
from your mess.

Just Because

Because it’s no fun to play the role of the fat and happy person. Fat and happy IS a figure of speech, right??? Biological studies show a frog is placed in a container with water from its pond, it will remain there, utterly still, as the water is slowly heated up. At the boiling point, the frog dies, fat and happy.” I’m not a frog. But I’ve been fat though seldom fat and happy. I’m no longer fat, much less obese, and I’m not-fat but happy. I don’t think many people are consistently fat and happy I think being fat can be a truism, or being happy consistently can be true. But fat and happy? No! Why? Just because!

Image Copyright: Cole123RF

Proper Armour

 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. ~ Ephesians 6:14-17 (NIV)

How does Paul describe
the proper armor? 
Not that we actually need armor,
but the necessities remain
throughout the centuries...
truth, righteousness, 
readiness from the gospel,
the good news of truth.
The shield of faith,
salvation as an extinguisher,
the spirit, and the word of God.
While armor is archaic, 
the concepts are never outdated.
I can do all things through Christ
who strengthens me
with truth, righteousness, the good news,
faith, salvation, the Spirit,
and God's word.
Proper armor
no matter the era,
  no matter the need!

The Worst Thing That Could Happen

Assume you’re invited to a Zoom meeting of Overeaters Anonymous, the Wednesday meeting at eight in the morning, Central time. What’s your reaction? Do you consider it an insult? Is someone assuming you have problems with overeating, with binging on food, with anorexia or bulimia? Are you thinking Twelve Step programs insist you become a religious fanatic? Are you offended the person is so blunt, so rude,
so wise-ass, so presumptuous?
Do you want to yell at the smug, arrogant
know-it-all? Or would you like it try it out,
see what the people do, find out
if you never want to hear about it again…
or if you find the people there
really have something you’d like to try?
Why not? What’s the worst thing that
could happen? Better yet, what’s the best
thing that could happen?
Give it a try. Email OAStepper@gmail.com
and find out how to do it! You’ll find
you’ll live through it, and you might
decide those folks have something you want
and return the next Wednesday
and week after week to get it for yourself.

Blessings

SOURCE OF ALL BLESSINGS, you bless us with breath. In and out, in and out, ever renewing us, ever anew making us one with all who breathe the same air, may this blessing overflow into a shared gratefulness, so that with one breath I may praise and celebrate life. ~ Steindl-Rast, David. 99 Blessings (p. 2). The Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

A book called 99 blessings.
A song…several actually about counting blessings.
How can you count your blessings?
A website suggests:
Here are some simple steps to practice.
Do everything with your full attention. …
Enjoy simple pleasures. …
Make time for other people. …
Count your blessings. …
Cultivate your dreams, but don’t let them breed discontent. …
Don’t wish your time away. …
Quit the ‘I’ll be happy whens.’ But what are My blessings?
I’m blessed with all the things I need,
the ability to share as I choose to.
I’m blessed that men making decisions
believed I was worthy of a generous salary
that led to generous retirement income,
that I can pay for what needs done,
that a woman my age cleans my house
and does things I can’t. I’m blessed
with sons, grandsons and friends
ready and willing to help me.
And today I was blessed with needing
to launder linens and mattress pad
and remake the bed and that
I could prove to myself and my husband,
the dogs, and you that I can still
do a physical task when needed.

Three Parts of Me

We who once suffered from complete powerlessness to control our eating and our lives have now discovered the saving strength of a Power greater than ourselves. We have experienced the miracle of physical, emotional, and spiritual healing, just as we were promised when we began working these Steps. ~ Overeaters Anonymous. The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, Second Edition. Overeaters Anonymous, Inc. Kindle Edition.

The miracle of healing:
physical, emotional, and spiritual —
has always been mine.
Yet as long as I acted as if
my Higher Power, my God
as I choose to call Him,
was responsible only for the spiritual,
as long as I figured physical
and emotional were up to me,
I was confident of salvation,
of the Fatherhood of God,
eternity would eventually come,
but my separating out
the physical, which was catastrophic,
embarrassing, a fat pudgy mess…
that God couldn’t possibly claim,
and must have abandoned
to my ineptitude,
as well as the emotional…
in that I hated me,
could imagine nobody, nothing,
accepting or claiming
certainly not transforming
into something useful,
lovable, commendable…
until finally I discovered
the saving strength
of a Power greater than myself.
So now I have experienced
the miracle of physical,
emotional, and spiritual healing,
just as the folks in OA promised when I came into the circle of love and began working the marvelous Steps!

I Wished I had Her Body

My older sister was tall and thin,
could reach top shelves flat-footed,
fit clothes from the rack
provided they covered her knees.
I lacked inches in height,
had excess in girth, wore "chubby"
then in an allegedly "kinder gentler
age, "plus sizes" and later odd-numbered
  pieces. While climbed up to size 28,
my sister in crisis years at 5'9"
weighed less than a hundred pounds.
Grass is greener elsewhere,
or so it seems, but we both found
answers for our needs.
Married to two alcoholics, one active,
the other dry, she found Al-Anon
to meet her needs and the same twelve steps
pulled me into Overeaters Anonymous.
Her struggle was no easier than mine,
nor mine than hers. But Recovery waits
for all fortunate enough to find the groups
that meet our needs.

Pushing Against

“Whatever you are pushing against, you are stuck to.” ~ Werner Erhard

What don’t you want to do?
I don’t want to write a poem tonight
nor do I want to cheat by recycling an old one.
Werner Erhard, according to Wikipedia,
is a critical thinker and author.
I’ve spent oodles of time searching
for Erhard’s context without finding help.
So, how do you get unstuck?
You look for a statement
easier to analyze,
or you decide why you’re drawn to it,
i.e., why I’m stuck to it!
I obviously didn’t want to write this.
What don’t you want to do?

Desperate Enough to Excel

Diet’s didn’t work,
the weight lurked,
ruled, oppressed.
Overeaters Anonymous?
You’ve got to be kidding.
People sitting in a circle,
reading, talking,
chanting rituals.
No diets, no reporting,
no plans to follow.
Just talk about insanity,
some higher power,
resentments, fear,
face people we’d harmed.
What changes is life!
Weight loss is a byproduct.

The World In God's Hands

Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account. ~ Ecclesiastes 3:15 (NIV)

What will be has been before,
and our God remembers it.
God recalls the future
like we remember the past.
He’s got the whole world in his hands.
God has the universe
and the time/space continuum
in his hands.
What? Should I worry? Me?

God, give us the power to trust
like a baby grinning up
at the outstretched arms of a loving parent.
Amen. So be it.

A Time for Verse: Poetic Ponderings on Ecclesiastes by Barbara B. Rollins