Like a Radio

Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. ~ Jim Morrison

Carry pain like a radio.
Well, not many folks do...
carry radios, that is.
I trooped through the grocery today,
earbuds in place, a story in my ears.
Do I carry pain like my cellphone
with audiobooks? Well, I'll count.
I listen to what I choose,
ignore the world around me.
I could follow the news
but it scares me these days...
I could hear recovery stories
day after day, hour after hour —
but frivolous trash fiction
comforts me more, allows me
to hide, to avoid, to not face myself,
my fears, my shortcomings,
my longing for wholeness...
I choose to escape. First choice
is to numb my mind with food,
with sweets, with soothing goo.
Second is stupid computer games,
trashy audiobooks, diversion.
But the pain remains until I face it,
until I examine myself, my fears,
my failures, my resentments, my disgust
and having seen the fear, having lived to tell,
to go boldly into the world
aware I can deal with the fears that arise.

Jim Morrison