Compulsive Coughing

Like breathing out and breathing in...My coughs, my tightened throat,
its ups, its downs are second nature to me now...
I am a compulsive eater, a compulsive game player,
a compulsive knitter, crossword puzzle addict,
procrastinator, Facebook checker, analytic,
critic, compulsive doer, genealogy freak,
cross-stitcher, you name it...
And compulsion grabs me any time, anywhere.
A few weeks of a deep cough, mostly gone now,
still a nuisance, but I find when I think about it —
the cough that wants to come – when I consider
my fears, my insecurities, my need to chew,
my custom of associating something in my mouth
with comfort...I find by relaxing,
by repeating program prayers,
by conscious actions replacing reflexive ones,
the coughing can be controlled not with a drop of menthol,
a taste of cherry, the feel of a candy-like substance
but with turning over the fear, the fatigue, the weakness
and moving through the moment.