I Will Not

I will not allow something to continue to eat at me until I turn around and eat at it. ~ Saxton Bamfrs Christina

I know that if food will fix the problem,
won't exacerbate it, will give childhood's familiar peace,
then it's okay to eat. But nothing tastes
as good as abstinence feels, as fine as the glow
of eating right, of loving yourself through the food...
the good-for-you food, the right food, the healthy choices.
I know I tend to make it through a crisis,
to choose healthy, to turn down the crutch foods...
but I know too how the food pulls
as soon as the emergency passes, the tension eases,
then I ease the guard, let down the defenses,
get alone and reward myself for making it through
as though I was responsible and not some Power.
I know how easy it is to fall into old patterns,
lazy thinking, once...many times...discarded habits
and hate myself for it then eat more because of the hate.
But nothing tastes as good as abstinence feels
and for today, I'll adamantly stand on the truth.
I will not allow something to continue to eat at me 
until I turn around and eat at it.