Irresolute

It’s the day of New Years Resolutions but I decline. No, I refuse! I choose to be irresolute rather than togo through the motions of changing for a day, a few days, even a couple of weeks! I’d prefer to be irresolute: showing or feeling hesitancy; uncertain: she stood irresolute outside his door. Why? Because I have seen the difference between failed resolutions, a firm decision to do or not to do something, and a Third Step: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Unlike virtually all Resolutions a Fourth Step has Power and a real hope for lifelong change! Will you join me today to be irresolute and consider accepting a partnership with God to really change at the essence?

What is Faith?

What is faith? The dictionary says “complete trust or confidence in someone or something.” The Bible says “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” The Second Step says, “came to believe a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity,” enhanced by the Third, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.” I would define faith as trusting, believing there is a Power able to do what I can’t do and if you can do more than I can it doesn’t matter to me because what you do…or can do… is none of my business. So when I find a relationship comfortable t0 me, and if it is comfortable to me it’s going to be comfortable for God because if I have it wrong he’s not going to allow my comfort there. So my faith…and yours… are our own business and nobody can say we’re wrong. Having faith is good, it’s right.

We Are Equal to Other People

Coming to believe that we are equal to the people who share our lives each day and to the other men and women we meet by happenstance—this is an important gift of the Twelve Step program. Most of us, however, have had to work at self-acceptance. ~ Casey, Karen. A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance (Hazelden Meditations) (p. 377). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Did you find it difficult to accept yourself? I certainly did.  Intelligence? I had that, believed it only because I could compare how much I knew with other's grades and understanding... But personal worth didn't show up on report cards, in some kind of evaluation of inherent worth!  For me that required  a Twelve-Step program. Reading the literature and listening to self-doubt in the stories of others, I actually learned  I'm not inferior, I'm just another Bozo on the Bus!

The Innkeeper's Christmas Eve

Twas the night before Christmas, and all up and down there were bone-weary travelers in Bethlehem town. The stern edict had gone out from Caesar himself, each man should return now to pay from his wealth. To their ancestors’ hometown they each must now go to pay taxes and tribute – all men, high and low. The descendants of David were gathering here in the village of Bethlehem; rooms were quite dear. It was late in the evening by light of the moon when a man known as Joseph asked me for a room. “I’m so sorry,” I told him, “My inn is so crammed ’tween the mats and the bedding you can’t lay a lamb.” Then he mentioned his wife, said the room was for her, and he asked me to help him, “I beg of you, sir.” I told him I’d let all the rooms – even mine – Then abruptly I started – the barn would do fine! You’d have thought I had offered a fine, regal house. He fashioned a place for her bed near the cows, then led her to lie in the haphazard bed and bundled his cloak to place under her head. I walked down the path to my own crowded dwelling but paused when I fancied a melody swelling. “Not so,” I decided, and quickened my step. “It’s that glow on their faces I cannot forget.” While I stood at the doorway to gather my thoughts and go into the inn filled with people and cots something flashed in the sky then grew bright ’til it shone – There! A brilliant new star lit the animals’ home. Right there in the doorway, my soul filled with peace, And I felt such a wonderful rush of relief. I turned toward the hill and the manger aglow. Such a radiance filled the whole valley below where a small band of shepherds stood huddled in fear as they stared toward the sky and the Being up there. Now I never had seen here on earth or up high any angels, but there was one up in the sky. The glory of God filled the sky with bright light. It seemed as I looked to be day and not night. Then he said to the shepherds who quaked with their fear, “Don’t be scared. I have great news that you’ll want to hear. For not only to you but to all of the earth I bring news of great joy in the form of a birth. For the Christ child you wait for is born here tonight and he lies in that barn where the star’s shining bright. There his mother has wrapped him in pieces of cloth and she’s laid him to sleep in a cow’s eating trough.” In a flash appeared hundreds of angels with him And the heavens were filled with the strains of a hymn: “Now to God be the glory, on earth be my peace, and may feelings of malice throughout the world cease.” Just as quick as they’d come all those angels were gone and the shepherds stood wondering ’til one said, “Come on. Let’s go see what the angels have told us about – come along, time’s a’wasting.” And he started out. All the others soon followed to where the star shone, after leaving the sheep in the valley alone. They all came to my manger and stooped to go in to the once humble place and the glory within. There Joseph was standing by Mary, his wife, who was stroking the child that first night of his life. And the song of the angels again softly rang as we knelt to the King, he whose birth they proclaimed. Then I heard the dear mother in voice, oh, so slight, “A glad CHRISTmas to all on this most holy night.”

With Gentleness and Time

When you encounter difficulties and contradictions, do not try to break them, but bend them with gentleness and time. ~ Saint Francis de Sales I'm guessing you're like me, that in more than one subject you find approaches differing from yours not only not appealing to you but wrong in your opinion for them as well. Try bending them with gentleness and time or leave them and keep your opinions for yourself.

God Finds You

I would go to the clubs with my friends, feeling fat and ugly. In the pounding music and swirling lights, I could sense my Higher Power’s presence, as if he loved me so much he was coming to find me where I was. ~ Overeaters Anonymous. Taste of Lifeline . Overeaters Anonymous, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

Have you ever felt God coming to get you, asif he loved me so much he was coming to find you where you were? God is not lost. You may have forgotten where he was. as though you misplaced him, but God made you, God loves you.He doesn't intrude but he pulls you into his loving arms when you desperately need a hug!

 

Influencing Contentious People

This is how to influence the nervous, contentious people I know: go to any length to get and keep my own peace of mind. ~ Anonymous, Overeaters. For Today (Kindle Locations 3414-3415). Overeaters Anonymous, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

contentious:  causing or likely to cause an argument; controversial; involving heated argument;  a person given to arguing or provoking argument; a contentious politician haranguing a crowd; law relating to or involving differences between contending parties. How can you change what you  expect to be a difficult encounter? Go to any length to get and keep my own peace of mind.

Love Their Best and Return Yours to them

“Let us always love the best in others—and never fear their worst.” ~ AA World Services Inc. As Bill Sees It (p. 216). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

In This Time with Love amid us We have the opportunity  to bring more love solidly and forcefully into our relationships with all around us. May we claim the love and sprinkle it liberally not only now when love abounds but when we walk in shadows as well! be blessed and share the blessings with all people our lives touch in the year about to come!

Loving Raisin Cakes

The Lord said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another man and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes.” ~ Hosea 3:1 (NIV) Do you love sacred raisin cakes? I don’t think I’ve tried them but would, probably! Asked about favorite Christmas memories yesterday I told of Grandmom’s saying her prune cake icing ran out the door, of which I once wrote, “Grandmom’s backyard was supposedly paved with this icing that had run out the door, but I never managed to find any edible samples. Sigh.” A dietitian asked today about food preferences and I didn’t ask for raisins or cakes. God still loves me whether I eat raisin cakes or prune cakes, whether I make good choices or poor in my contact with God!

The Mixture of Life lived

Then I lived an entire year sober, through my birthday, Christmas, problems, successes, the mixture that makes up life. ~  A.A. World Services, Inc, Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition (p. 183). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition. Life in Recovery may look the same as life lived outside Recovery but they are radically different! Thank Heaven we can choose a life of sane and happy usefulness!!!

I Am an Addict

I am an addict whether I want to be or not. I am an addict whether I work program or not, whether I am abstinent or not, and whether I am in recovery or not. I can be an addict in recovery, or I can be an addict in hell. I choose to be an addict in recovery. Once I broke through the denial, I had nothing left but the truth. ~ Overeaters Anonymous. Taste of Lifeline. Overeaters Anonymous, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

I am an Addict. Fifteen years ago, December 17, 2007, I stopped at a convenience store named Skinny's...yes, really! You can't make these facts up! It was a Sunday morning and and my pattern on Sundays on my way to teach Sunday School was to stop there (different places served the purpose weekdays!) I got back in the car with a cappuccino and sweet rolland announced aloud to God, "This Is Stupid" Earlier that month Psychotherapist Peggy Martin had given me the book Overeaters Anonymous, 2d edition. I had read it and knew I belonged there but who starts a "diet" a week before Christmas Eve? Well, I did! And I was right. I belonged in OA then and I belong there now! It's been a wild ride, and sometimes I've clung on while not complying, but I wouldn't trade it for anything! Do you belong too? Welcome to OA! Welcome home!! I can be an addict in recovery, or I can be an addict in hell. I choose to be an addict in recovery. Once I broke through the denial, I had nothing left but the truth.

Just In Case

Dear Me: I write this because right now I finally feel like I’m really in Recovery. Or should I say I feel like I’m a recovered compulsive eater? Someone said in the meeting today he was recovered from compulsive eating. Is that what I am? Ouch! That feels boastful, pretentious, arrogant! Not at all right. But is it wrong to deny the changes in me? Do I err in getting cocky? More than the error in claiming still I’m powerless? People who have no idea I’m in OA, that I struggled for years with food obsession, even those people see a difference, ask me why, what happened, want to know my secret. And telling them makes abstinence easier, reinforces my conviction. So…what do I call myself in the rooms? The absolute truth is I have a fatal disease of gluttony in remission only so long as I surrender every morning with reinforcing repeats as needed, I can hold on to the gift. And, Me, I want you to remember to remind me, to jerk me back to Recovery if anything I do, any word I say, any thought that pops up triggers me to know, holds me in the surrender, brings that reality to mind and I remember to do the next right thing, to think the next right thought, to find within me the Recovery I crave!

Agonizing for Perfection

He [John Wesley] instructed his preachers to “make a point of preaching perfection to believers constantly, strongly and explicitly, and all believers should mind this one thing, and continually agonize for it.” ~ Malony, H. Newton, Jr.. The Amazing John Wesley (p. 42). InterVarsity Press. Kindle Edition.

The New Oxford American Dictionary defines agonize as "undergo great mental anguish through worrying about something." And the founder of The Methodist Church wanted his preachers to "make a point of preaching perfection to believers constantly, strongly and explicitly, and all believers should mind this one thing, and continually agonize for it." Do you believe Christian perfection possible? Are you willing to agonize over achieving that mark?

An Apt Metaphor

Light is an apt metaphor for God’s revealing power: God’s word. God’s word comes from outside of us and floods our lives like light. ~ Room, The Upper. The Upper Room Disciplines 2022: A Book of Daily Devotions (p. 594). Upper Room Books. Kindle Edition.

It's too late to put out the trash when the sun sets before it's supposed to! A year ago today I fell and broke my hip putting out the trash and was gratified when strangers looking at Christmas lights came to my rescue and let familiar folks know I had a problem. This year I've been blessed to truly learn, "Light is an apt metaphor for God’s revealing power: God’s word. God’s word comes from outside of us and floods our lives like light." I've lived this year surrounded by light and love and willing helpers whether I've known them for years or met them as they hurried to get the door for me! Thanks be to God and his people!

Great People

…we gravitate toward people who aren’t intent on behaving as if they are better than us, even when they have achieved great success. These individuals appreciate us for who we are, and in the process, we are inspired to see them as gracious, loving men and women. ~ Casey, Karen. Each Day a Renewed Beginning (p. 207). Mango Media. Kindle Edition. Have you met someone important? I have several times. One governor kissed my cheek expressing gratitude for my work in putting an event together then weeks later recognized me in a crowd and brought his wife forward to meet me. One senator sat beside me and fumed that a dessert wasn’t at his plate. Several of us offered ours but he felt it necessary to lambast the server assigned to our table. I remember how I felt and the contribution each made to those feelings. I want to appreciate individuals for who they are, and know in the process, we’ll all feel better among gracious, loving men and women. Image Copyright: fuzzbones

Be Attitude 7

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. ~ Matthew 8:8

When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at out feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed. The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences* which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God’s universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which  we could never do by ourselves. ~World Service, Alcoholics Anonymous; Wilson, Bill; Smith, Bob. The Big Book and A Study Guide of the 12 Steps . Anonymous Publishing. Kindle Edition.Page 25.

The transformation is amazing, whether stated with utmost simplicity, as “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God,” or with the exuberance of a newly found truth, The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences* which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God’s universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which  we could never do by ourselves. Surely, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God!”

For All the Saints

People born before 1900. Pop, my paternal grandfather, was a circuit-riding Methodist preacher, taught in his youth in a rural one-room school, got the attention of the farmer boys by lifting a boulder they could not move in clearing an area for sports. Pop could have tried for Olympic glory in pole vaulting but it was an old new idea that didn’t draw him. Grandmom, his wife sought out kids living in chicken coops during the Depression to invite them to Sunday school. Granddaddy, Mother’s dad, was raised to be a Baptist preacher, named for an evangelist. Joined the Methodists, was inspired to tithe, did, when money was tight, and when giving buildings came from the tenth, was recognized as Mr. Methodist in West Texas, paid the patent fee on machinery he designed that was stolen from him when that company did not. Grandmother was a lady, more educated than her husband, a faithful helpmate and mother. I could speak of their ancestors, a precious heritage, and all of them make me who I am. I have worth, and I know that for they gave me theirs, These saints love me, and God loves me, so I will live this day without fear and be grateful for all the saints who show me the path.                              

Rhapherd Thomas Breedlove (born December 7, 1888, Irma, children Sam, Mary, and Irma Tom

Joe H. Anderson and wife Lena Lorice Anderson on 50th anniversary about 2/2/1960

Who's Got the Com?

For you have heard of my previous way of life in Judaism, how intensely I persecuted the church of God and tried to destroy it. I was advancing in Judaism beyond many of my own age among my people and was extremely zealous for the traditions of my fathers. ~ Galatians 1:13-14 (NIV) Renewing my resolve, I tried again. Some time passed, and confidence began to be replaced by cock-sureness. I could laugh at the gin mills. Now I had what it takes! (Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 5-6)

I’m in control, hear me roar! Stand aside and see me, watch what I can do. Step back, I don’t need you. Can’t you see it’s a complex whole, that ceding power causes seams? It’s not arrogance if you’re right! You know I do it well! I’m in control. God, I need to know I’m out of control when you’re really the one who’s in control.

Detachment

Detachment is not isolation, nor should it remain focused on not enabling the sick behavior of the past. Detachment is not a wall; it is a bridge across which the Al-Anon may begin a new approach to life and relationships generally. ~ Al-Anon: Family treatment Tool in Alcoholism

I don’t have to make excuses, to rescue, to comply with his wishes through resentment and belligerence. I can’t fix him, remake him, remodel him, convince him to change his ways. And it’s okay. I can quit hating him while I obey him, can quit making excuses for his actions, excuses to me and those to the world. I’m not responsible but that doesn’t mean I turn over-caring to ignoring, rescuing to throwing under buses. I can treat him with respect not because of oughts but because of wholehearted understanding of his brokenness…and of mine.

Johnny Appleseed

This is part of our life’s most important work. We plant trees whose fruit we will never see. We water dreams that will remain under the ground for our lifetime. We offer up our own hope as the soil in which others’ hopes may be planted. In doing so, we rest in the humbling hope that all of it is only a warm-up act for the glorious future that God is still persistently bringing together. ~ Room, The Upper. The Upper Room Disciplines 2022: A Book of Daily Devotions (p. 573). Upper Room Books. Kindle Edition. John Chapman, known as Johnny Appleseed's, has been gone a hundred seventy seven years but we all know about him, for he planted trees he never saw though some of us might have. We can change the world today as well as for generations to come. The world desperately needs the hope and love we can scatter for generations to come!

In the Hand of God

I have all these wonderful things—people who mean more to me than anything in the world. I shall keep all that, and I won’t have to drink, if I remember one simple thing: to keep my hand in the hand of God.~Inc, A.A. World Services. Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition (p. 104). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

Certainly we'd agree people we love  mean more than anything in the world to us. But how big is that circle?  It expands drastically as we come to know our fellow travelers on the Road to Recovery. Isn't it a beautiful thought that we recover far better as we reach out to the hand of God and keep our hands joined?

The Discipline of Thanksgiving

...walk in the Light with Me by practicing the discipline of Thanksgiving. ~ Jesus Calling, April 6 Collins English Dictionary states, "If you refer to an activity or situation as a discipline, you mean that, in order to be successful in it, you need to behave in a strictly controlled way and obey particular rules or standards." Practicing the discipline of Thanksgiving? Behaving in s strictly controlled way of being thankful. Being like Paul who said, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." Jesus, speaking in the selection says to walk with him in the light. Constant awareness of our Higher Power while remaining grateful for all all things, for all around results in successfully living  life. Thank God!

Thanks, God

Dear God Okay, I’ve tried for years… was prescribed diet pills at thirteen, tried intermittent fasting before the term was in use, bought cookbooks by Weight Watchers (times 3), by Metabolic Research Center (times 3), Barbara Kraus’ Calories and Carbohydrates, UNForbidded Favorites, Lean and Luscious, The New Cook Right & eat light cookbook, Butter Busters The Cookbook, and who knows how many more? I drove four hundred miles for a month’s amphetamines, was hypnotized, had a pin in my earlobe, charted multiple times what I’d weigh when… committed to write a book when I’d lost a hundred more pounds… but nothing fixed me. Then I learned of twelve steps beginning with the idea, “I can’t, God can, I think I’ll let God.” And letting God does work. It’s high time I wrote you this Thank You note! So, THANKS!!!!

N

ow if Joshua had succeeded in giving them this rest, God would not have spoken about another day of rest still to come. So there is a special rest still waiting for the people of God. For all who have entered into God’s rest have rested from their labors, just as God did after creating the world. So let us do our best to enter that rest. But if we disobey God, as the people of Israel did, we will fall. ~ Hebrews 4:8-11 (NLT) As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.” We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.~ Alcoholics Anonymous, Pages 87-88

Special rest waits for us, for God’s folk. Special rest in a pause, a reality check on show-running, in trading will-power for the will of God. Danger dissipates, fear dissolves, foot-in-mouth syndrome cured. Special rest rewarded by more energy than ever could be crammed in any minuscule bottle for ransom at cash registers. God, lead me by still waters, restore my soul, fill my cup brimful.

That First Glimmer

…that first glimmer of compassion for myself… ~ Miranda O Confident, you think? You judge me respectable? I grin to myself, relieved to have fooled you, pulled it off. I can certainly tell you my talents, my brags, my aptitudes if only to keep you eyes averted from all the weakness, from ineptness, from incompetence. Mostly, I just hope you’ll look away, see someone else, move along. Why do you think I dress plainly, bland, disparaging bling? But wait. You don’t care. I tell you the worst, and you love me, admit to such atrocities, to being like me… You love me no matter who I am. And comprehending that, I begin to discover it’s not all show… I do have value.

Failing to Discover Peace

Trying to control anyone else can become habitual. But success will never be lasting. The irony is that failing is actually how we discover what peace feels like. ~ Casey, Karen. Each Day a Renewed Beginning (p. 10). Mango Media. Kindle Edition.

When we decide to take on the god-role we fail at the task. But failing really is actually how we discover what peace feels like. May you discover peace this day and during myriad days to come!

Let Your Voice Be Heard

Don’t be silenced by your fears; raise your voice and let the whole world know that the divine has given you a voice. Let your voice be heard. ~ Brooks, Gennifer Benjamin. Bible Sisters (p. 319). Abingdon Press. Kindle Edition. I prefer silence from me, thank you. When "they" told me not to express opinions on matters I might sometime have to,  I knew I'd found my perfect job. But I have a Higher Power and that Power tells me to speak if I know a truth someone else  needs to hear!

God With Me\

But when God, who had set me apart even from my mother’s womb and called me through His grace, was pleased to reveal His Son in me so that I might preach Him among the Gentiles, I did not immediately consult with flesh and blood, nor did I go up to Jerusalem to those who were apostles before me; but I went away to Arabia, and returned once more to Damascus. Galatians 1:15-17 (NASB)  Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, carefully reviewing what we have done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know Him better. (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 75)

God with me, one-on-one coming back home where I've never been before. God with me, one-on-one. Who would have thought he'd single me out, talk to me, be with me one-on-one. What peace, what love, what serenity, joy, glory. What am I, who am I that God could love me one-on-one? God, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, the depths of my soul, the fulness of me being.

Not Timid

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. ~ 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)

Are you timid? I am by my nature. But that’s not God’s doing. God gives us power, love, and self-discipline. And my proclivity is to deny I have power, shy away from expressing love… even when I feel loving I disbelieve they would choose to talk with me, but rather I wallow in meaningless triviality, avo iding interaction, burying my head in sand. Yet I need not. I can reach out, find companionship, love. For the Spirit God gave us does not make me timid. I have God-given power, love and self-discipline built in, mine for the claiming. I will reach out today to the saints who surround me this All Saints Day!

Finding a Sponsor

To find a sponsor, look for someone who has what you want and ask how he or she is achieving it. Simple enough if you know what you want. Do you need someone old enough to be your parent, a familiar, comfortable affinity? Or is a parent/child feeling the last thing you want? Does their past sound like yours and their present something you could only dream of? Is what they share the kind of wisdom you would welcome hearing often? Sometimes you can’t put it in words; your heart decides and the words just come.

A Little Misguided

We have guided missiles and misguided men. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr. Misguided. Directed toward a path without proper utilization of intention or rational thought. Guidance gone amoc. To behave uncontrollably and disruptively as kids running amok around the house or feelings seeming to be running amok. Our prayers have run amok when we give God His marching orders for the day rather than seeking to know ours from Him.

Song of a Survivor

SONG OF A SURVIVOR The Song of a Survivor Aging isn't fun to think about but it beats other potential paths. Grandchildren two hundred miles away are hard to hug but would read if I texted them about "All Hallows Day" and a cemetery in Mexico I visited on November 1st to see flower-covered graves on the Day of the Dead. When memories of distant places need suffice for trips to exotic places, I could crave unseen sights but rest content singing my song of a survivor.

Leave the Peace

I'm right, you know. He's wrong. Why can't he see? No, it changes nothing, I know. But still -- It doesn't matter. Giving him that last word doesn't make him right, doesn't hurt my truth. If I could change his mind, I would. But I can't. I'll change my response, my rage, my pride. Any fool can quarrel. And anyone at peace can leave the peace.

Last House on the Block

Many OA members describe OA as the last house on the block. I do not know if that is true since I do not know where the block begins or ends. I do know that what I found in OA can be found only in the heart and mind of another recovering compulsive overeater. ~ Voices of Recovery (Kindle Locations 215-217). Where was your block? Mine was a physician's suggestion I have bariatric surgery and being convinced  could not when someone important to me had lost hundreds with a weigh and pay organization. I could not be weaker, could not "cheat" in my way of thinking. So I had to find a "fair" way to loose, something that had actively evaded me for half a century. It couldn't I knew, but someone I trusted said it would, and she was right! I now know that what I found in OA can be found only in the heart and mind of another recovering compulsive overeater. The last house on the block!

I Kept Coming Back

I'd come to meetings a month before I spoke, told my name, another before I could follow name with admission. Six months before I shared in group, tentative steps toward Steps. Thirteen years later, I see that slow works but cheated me out of joy I sought, but slowed down.

Implosion Exploded

aaaauuuuggghhh! Life sucks! My family won't speak or friends, either, except cussing, threats, dirt. I've lost my car, my home, my cat even! My life has imploded, all reduced to the lump of coal that's me. aaahhh!! Letting go feels so good! Others are like me -- and like me! Impossible evolves to doable, unbearable fades to comfortable. Love blossoms around me, exploding to heaven on Earth

The Program Packaged

One hundred sixty-four pages and eleven personal stories, one big book - made big with cheap paper, large type, sent out into the world, "one man with this book in your hand" and the belief it contains all you will need to begin. From three fledgling groups, one hundred strong, one big book was enough for millions of people, hundreds of thousands of groups, and hundreds of other addictions. One book, containing recovery.

A ind Is a Terrible Thing to Lose

It comes and goes, my sanity. Most time time I'm fine, or at least that's how it feels. Then stress and fear kick in as the mind dissolves to mush, fears take hold and fetch awful eventualities, pilfered from those who rebuffed the fears, refused to yield to stress, who kept sanity while I was losing mine.

As for those who were held in high esteem — whatever they were makes no difference to me; God does not show favoritism — they added nothing to my message. ~ Galatians 2:6 (NIV) An alcoholic who has recovered, but holds a relatively unimportant job, can talk to a man with a better position. Being on a radically different basis of life, he will never take advantage of the situation. (Alcoholics Anonymous: the "Big Book," Kindle Locations 1861-1862, "To Employers")

Wisdom has nothing to do with intelligence, education. Recovery doesn't come by degrees made up of letters and periods. Intelligent we are in many respects but insane – lunatics — where addiction is involved. certain simple things, commence on a simpler level,  follow a few simple rules. Simple, not easy, achieved only with the destruction of self-centeredness. Then comes wisdom, when intelligence, education,  experience have become tools of simplicity. God, please block my smarts until I grasp simplicity.

Holding Out for Purity

This matter arose because some false believers had infiltrated our ranks to spy on the freedom we have in Christ Jesus and to make us slaves. We did not give in to them for a moment, so that the truth of the gospel might be preserved for you. (NIV)  Galatians 2:4-5 Soon A.A. was beset by these very problems on every side and in every group. But out of this frightening and at first disrupting experience the conviction grew that A.A.’s had to hang together or die separately. We had to unify our Fellowship or pass off the scene. (Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book Kindle Locations 97-99, foreword to the second edition.) Holding on to truth, holding out for purity staying the course without apostasy. Truth wields a mighty sword, impervious,  indestructible yet truth can fall to insidious mutation, to good intentions, to obfuscating clarification. A good thing, a godly thing, a god thing  we have here. God knows how we can keep it! God, save us from the conviction  we can always tweak something for the better.

Not a Glum Lot

The diet mentality made us all glum, defensive, angry. That's what many of us expected here in the rooms of recovery. Imagine someone...a lot of someones.... learning what you did to hide your eating, to keep people from knowing you bought a dozen sweetrolls "for the office" then drove a longer way so you could eat them all instead, stopping by a park to dump the wrappings before getting there. You'd want to bury yourself first, yes? But we would not, we in Recovery. We'd tell the tale and when the others laughed, we would join in, for everybody else knows, has been there, too! No, we are not a glum lot!

Running Away

I never ran away. My sister Carol and I would take mystery walks, tossing a coin at street corners, heads for left, tails right... until we were getting tired and tossed until we'd get home quicker. The one time I really left, moved out, was a free woman...as soon as possible I went to see sons, daughters-in-law and a good friend, Abilene, Frisco, Tulsa, St. Louis, Springfield, Grand Rapids, roaming about Michigan with and without adult kids, back by way of St. Louis, Cape Girardeau, a Mississippi casino,  Little Rock, Frisco, then to Abilene. I'd love to repeat the trip, but I have no need to run away. I have no need for a geographical cure, no idea life somewhere else would  miraculously be better. I know wherever I am, there I am, my issues with me. If I were to run away it would be somewhere OA is strong, a meeting available every day, and I'd have reached my ideal place.

None of Your Business

In her fifth floor government office she worked with reams of paper daily, sending them to the clerk's office separated with paperclips. The clerk's office filed the papers, filling boxes of paperclips. One day she stood at the box filling pockets with clips she had sent. A bottom-of-the-barrel elected official saw, told her she should order them from supplies. Had she been schooled in program talk, she would have told him, "What I do is none of your business!"

Once Upon a Time

not so long ago, the world seemed overwhelming so I I tried to tame it, not like the wild people who bury awareness in alcohol or drugs or even promiscuity, sometimes even by shopping or gambling...the wild crowd. Not me! I was a good girl and followed the rules, just eating, so innocuous, everybody does it! But not to excess like I did using the semi-comatose state normal people get only at Thanksgiving and such. I was a good girl yet my drug of food competed in deadliness with heroin and meth! Yet, like those addicts, The most fortunate ones, I discovered Twelve Steps that can banish the shame, the guilt, and restore me to sanity!

No Longer Alone

The amazing secret to the success of this program is just that: weakness. It is weakness, not strength, that binds us to each other and to a higher power and somehow gives us an ability to do what we cannot do alone. ~ Overeaters Anonymous Suggested Meeting Format Have you felt most of your life you were all alone, understood by nobody, unable to rely on help from any source? Do you feel responsible for all around you? Do you find your comfort in a habit you hate...like eating junk food when nobody you know is likely to know? That was me. And if the clerk at the fast food drive-through reached the point she knew my order, I went there no more but found my treat at another location...for a while. Then I read a book of personal stories where they sounded eerily like me, found an online group of kindred souls then a meeting near me where I was home. I've been coming back for a dozen years and I'll continue to come. Why would I? I've found my people. I'm no longer alone! The amazing secret to the success of this program is just that: weakness. It is weakness, not strength, that binds us to each other and to a higher power and somehow gives us an ability to do what we cannot do alone. If you're our people, come find us. You'll no longer go through life alone!

Dear God

Okay,I've tried for years... was prescribed diet pills at thirteen, tried intermittent fasting before the term was in use, bought cookbooks by Weight Watchers (times 3), by Metabolic Research Center (times 3), Barbara Kraus' Calories and Carbohydrates, UNForbidded Favorites, Lean and Luscious, The New Cook Right & eat light cookbook, Butter Busters The Cookbook, and who knows how many more? I drove four hundred miles for a month's amphetamines was hypnotized, had a pin in my earlobe, charted multiple times what I'd weigh when... committed to write a book when I'd lost a hundred more pounds... but nothing fixed me. Then I learned of twelve steps beginning with the idea, "I can't, God can,  I think I'll let God." And letting God does work. It's high time I wrote you this Thank You note!  So, THANKS!!!!

Thanks for Coming

I remember that day, your first, 'cause it could have been my last. I got laid off that day, wanted bad to go back out, to look to my old comforts, the ones that don't work. I knew I needed the meeting, but fought it every step, stopped on the porch, self and God teeter-tottering doubt. Then I saw you, fighting the fly and yourself, saw the pain of being outside looking in, knew I never again wanted to be where you were, that inside was where you belonged--as did I. Hand in hand, each for the other, we find hope health and meaning. Together in the meeting.

Actively Passive

I offer myself to Thee…. Interesting verb, offer, not passive, for action affects the object, myself — not the subject, I. For me, what’s the difference? Me, myself, and I maintain the ultimate symbiosis. Yet here the verb looms large for the indirect object rather than a tail wagging below the diagram stands unequaled, omnipotent, omniscient. The subject and object stand equally passive, but out of respect actively passive.

The Path to Change

How do I become who I want to be? Maybe in some minor ways by deciding, choosing a path then taking it. Maybe that’s possible… when I’ve already drawn near. Then there’s the coming to believe. Not deciding to believe, not resolving to, but that wondrous initial trust, that idea that maybe…just maybe… the path could be open to me, the one others seem to walk. A kind of getting-to-know=you, of trusting just because nothing else gives any hope. Some credence that seems inherent, logical, natural. Then tidbits of plausibility, examples in your life, maybe in friends when you’ve been there, up close, personal, an involved observer. Witnessed improbabilities. A certainty that something’s there, a curiosity, an interest…a hook. But unwilling to invest, unable to risk. Curious, but passive, open to questions in answer to questions leading to inquiry. No longer passive, actively interested, seeking, accepting the quest. Standing open, vulnerable, ready to receive the unexplainable, the unexpected, the unworldly. Coming, curious, ready, open, prepared to offer your truth, your heart. Asking like the Baptist, Are you the one, or do we wait longer? Buying in, investing the bank, fully convinced, You/this/here is my path. God, help me, here is my path.

A Suggestion of Action

A “suggestion of death” means the person is dead. A suggestion of action means action taken. How do you follow the path? By walking the Steps. When? Oh, the timing’s up to you... “a course of vigorous action” “at once” “next” Procrastination’s an option: chronic, low intensity fear. You want to be miserable? Okay. Procrastinate. Live in the fear. You want recovery? Walk the walk, step the Steps, all twelve of them, all the way to recovery.

The Meeting

She’d promised Mom. Why? To shut her up, of course. To quell the scorn in her whine, to feel older than five or six. So she was here. Or was she not here until she got in there? Out of the Astro. With those people. A fly blitzed the windshield wanting out. Stupid fly. She grabbed a cup from the rubbish and swatted, missed, spilled dregs on her shirt. She couldn’t go in. Mom would have to understand. But she wouldn’t. Who cared? She twisted the key, held breath to think it to start. Almost. Next time maybe. A rap on the window, she yelped, turned to face a Cheshire-cat grin. A girl about her age. “Hey! Are you new? Here for the meeting? Come on, I’ll show you around.” She rubbed at the spill, shook her head. “Come on in. Don’t worry about that. You’re welcome here.” Her heart wanted to hear. And Mom would be proud.

Don't Fight the Good Fight

Out of this alloy of drink and speculation, I commenced to forge the weapon that one day would turn in its flight like a boomerang and all but cut me to ribbons. ~(Alcoholics Anonymous, page 2) Einstein chose to fight for peace; students align against others, respond to cries "Fight, fight fight!” Nobly answering the call to fight the unbeatable foe or as Christian soldiers march on to Zion, we intuit honor itself as fight. Surrender? With General McAuliffe we yell, “Nuts!” But in recovery we’ve ceased fighting anybody, anything, a position of neutrality safe and protected. Surrender? “Nuts!” Not nuts. Surrender equals sanity. The other way drove me nuts. Lay down your weapons, wave the white flag.

My Family, My Enemy

The world seems more divided than ever. Pundits argue on news networks, politicians pit themselves against one another, people attack one another on social media. Even families find themselves at odds. When division is so present, it is easy to see people we disagree with as our enemies. And it is easy, once we have designated them as enemies, to reject their humanity and wish them ill. ~ Room, The Upper. The Upper Room Disciplines 2022: A Book of Daily Devotions (p. 446). Upper Room Books. Kindle Edition.

Even families find themselves at odds. Spending day after day with a spouse, someone I took nearly fifty years ago for better and for worse, When day after day we're alone together, rough edges scraping the other's, sometimes it's far easier to be miffed than for kind thoughts and words to reign supreme... it is easy, once we have designated them as enemies, to reject their humanity and wish them ill. But still that better or worse eventually reigns supreme And the kindnesses seem greater than the rough edges.

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