Distracted from God's Love

 God, after He spoke long ago to the fathers in the prophets in many portions and in many ways, in these last days has spoken to us in His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the world. ~ Hebrews 1:1-2 (NASB) 

Actually we were fooling ourselves, for deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 55

God’s out there, up there, everywhere
power beyond power
love beyond love
shouting through thunderstorms
whispering through a cricket’s chirp
speaking to us though we don’t listen
sending his essence, his doppelganger,
his son
to show us, help us hear,
get the fundamental truth
to echo the eternal song of love,
of acceptance, of peace,
of hope.
He molds the world —
he cares for me.

God – calamity, pomp, other things
distract me from
truth around me – in me – of me
the me that is
You and Your
word.

 

Bread. Upon the Waters

Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again. ~ Ecclesiastes 11:1 NIV

Bread upon the waters.
Bread. Food, sustenance.
Bread, the basics.
Bread, money, buying power.
Bread, life, hope,
our daily needs. Bread. Alone.
The side it’s buttered on. So toss it.
Where?
Waters. Muddy, cool clear.
The Roman spa at Bath.
Oceans, streams,
down by the crick.
Any waters,
that’s the point,
waters move, leave,
change, evolve.
Beyond my control.

What I value most,
what’s most basic to me,
I release, I toss,
trusting I’ll get it back,
in spades, God. But remind me
the point is I don’t keep control,
can’t do it for the promise. Just believe. 

Okay, God, Send Me

A

ll this I saw, as I applied my mind to everything done under the sun. There is a time when a man lords it over others to his own hurt. Then too, I saw the wicked buried – those who used to come and go from the holy place and receive praise in the city where they did this. This too is meaningless. ~ Ecclesiastes 8:9-10 NIV

“When in the course of human events it becomes necessary....” Tough times bring out the best — and the worst — in us. But wait a minute. Go back to the first, to “When.” To The Teacher’s “a time.” Simple words? No. Not simple, not here. When’s it when? Who told the scared patriots in Philadelphia heat? “With a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.” I’m scared now like they were then. God, I feel like Isaiah. Woe is me. But if you say so, here I am. Send me.

Cannot Fail? Really??

…the Third Step corresponds to the principle of faith. Once we truly make the leap to believe, no matter what, that a power greater than ourselves will restore us to sanity and will take care of every other issue in our lives as well, we cannot ever fail to recover, and the compulsion to binge disappears. ~ Overeaters Anonymous. Voices of Recovery . Overeaters Anonymous. Kindle Edition.

Step Three: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” How do we know exactly when we have actually made a decision to believe, no matter what, that a power greater than ourselves will restore us to sanity? Is it once and for all times? Or is there wiggle room? Are we entitled to sometimes run hot, fully convinced, and sometimes be riddled with doubt? I find encouragement in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions’ assertion, “Once we compulsive overeaters truly take the Third Step we cannot fail to recover.” So somewhere there’s inevitability assured, but as long as I find wiggle room, I can usually find it!

Inside and Outside

How wonderful to be wise, to analyze and interpret things Wisdom lights up a personʼs face, softening its harshness. ~ Ecclesiastes 8:1

Dogs know good people. People can, too. We become on the outside as we are inside. God, fix me, inside and out.

To Ready for the Day

To “ready for” is to set up for success, so do you plan ahead to ready for each new day? Do you start with, “Good morning,” to God? Do you think about the day and plan to let God be in charge? So you think about your day, the challenges ahead? Is a time to meditate in your plan? Do you look back at the end of the day to see how “ready for” you really were? Do you intend to ready for tomorrow?

Dear God,

Okay,I’ve tried for years… was prescribed diet pills at thirteen, tried intermittent fasting before the term was in use, bought cookbooks by Weight Watchers (times 3), by Metabolic Research Center (times 3), Barbara Kraus’ Calories and Carbohydrates, UNForbidded Favorites, Lean and Luscious, The New Cook Right & eat light cookbook, Butter Busters The Cookbook, and who knows how many more? I drove four hundred miles for a month’s amphetamines, was hypnotized, had a pin in my earlobe, charted multiple times what I’d weigh when… committed to write a book when I’d lost a hundred more pounds… but nothing fixed me. Then I learned of twelve steps beginning with the idea, “I can’t, God can, I think I’ll let God.” And letting God does work. It’s high time I wrote you this Thank You note! So, THANKS!!!!

Not Timid

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. ~ 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)

Are you timid? I am by my nature. But that’s not God’s doing. God gives us power, love, and self-discipline. And my proclivity is to deny I have power. shy away from expressing love… even when I feel loving I disbelieve they would choose to talk with me, but rather wallow in meaningless triviality, avoiding interaction, burying my head in sand. Yet I need not. I can reach out, find companionship, love. For the Spirit God gave us does not make me timid. I have God-given power, love and self-discipline built in, mine for the claiming. I will reach out today to the saints who surround me this All Saints Day!

Service as a Techie

Step 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Giving service is vital but when it matches your abilities and interests you can make a position to serve with real service. My attempts to act as treasurer are inevitably misery for me and those who comprehend how to add and subtract. But taping speakers, making them available for years to come, maintaining websites and digital communication I’m far from flawless but even when far from flawless this is vital Twelfth Step work.

Living in Promises

She comes to several meetings every week, doesn’t talk about decades in the program. says she’s “recovering from compulsive eating" and "I’m a sponsor.” She’s given service on every possible level and still does mundane tasks without a murmur. She contacts other members, active or missing for a while, says thanks for contributions, and I missed seeing you. Through times we could have lost the community she kept coming back so there were meetings we could return to. Through personal losses and medical issues she’s a picture of Recovery, living in the promises.

Not Really Me

Others see me as confident, intelligent, capable, talented, a born leader, one who should be, one who is competent. But I know me, and that's not me. I can't remember names, have no idea which direction is where, cannot spell, that which I would not do, I do...and vise versa. I can't do anything, have no self-confidence. Those who know me best can tell you I'm usually wrong, can do nothing right... That's not me. They can't both be true... or can they?

Miracle in the Works

So I can end the day in serenity. in alignment, in recovery and greet the new day with the miracle in place. Thirty years ago I discovered my daddy’s granddaddy was a faith healer, and wrote a poem that surmised, “And now Sam’s grandson’s daughter finds it true that mountain-moving faith exists and shall not cease.” It was then I began to believe miracles could be in my blood, and recently began to study A Course in Miracles and to believe the poem was prescient.

What You Do Is None of My Business

She worked with tons of paper daily, a government office. As she sent papers to the clerk’s office she separated them with paperclips. The clerk’s office filed the papers, filling boxes of paperclips. One day she stood at the boxes filling pockets with clips she had sent. A bottom-of-the-barrel elected official saw her, told her she should order them from supplies. Had she been schooled in program talk, she would have told him, “What I do is none of your business!

You're Home Here!

Do you buy food for the family then eat it before they get home? We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home! Do you eat Halloween candy and Easter eggs from your children’s supply? We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home! Do you go through a drive through but stop when the server knows your order as you arrive? We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home! Do you avoid getting a plate for refreshments then stand near, nibbling finger food? We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home! Do you drink diet cola with a giant sweet-roll? We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home! Do you wear clothes skin-tight because you swore you’d be thin before you bought more? Do you buy a dozen donuts for the office and toss the empty box in the trash as you enter? We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home! Are you disgusted beyond belief, feel like a failure, wish you were dead? Relax. We love you. We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home!

Eventually

The “diet” began at age thirteen with diet pills. I meandered through “chubby” clothes the 1/2 tag, slacks wearing out first at the inner thighs, chiding comments from Mother and others, called in Red Rover by the description, “Let Fat Domino come over,” band uniforms having to be altered, the embarrassment of hight and weight being announced before eighth-grade peers, most weigh-and-pay organizations you could name, some you never heard of, carb blockers, amphetamines, a metal pin at an acupuncture point on my ear, graphs and charts projecting how much I’d lose by what date, counseling (3 times, years at a time), hypnotism, and anything else marginally relative, fasting one day each week, beginning to write a book about how with a partner I attained a total weight loss of 500 pounds, knowing I lacked well over a hundred of those before publication… Giving myself shots in the stomach twice daily with a medication approved for diabetics, which I was not, but not approved for weight control…. The “diet” lasted until 36 days before age 60… Unlucky? Certainly. Stubborn? It would seem so, but no, neither luck nor mulishness had anything to do. Fortune stepped in, led me to understand it’s a disease, and led me eventually to Recovery in the rooms of Overeaters Anonymous...

Healthy Love

Loving Him. Co-dependent no more. Growing old together. Decades of history teeming with hurtful discourse, evolving now to gratitude, small talk, servitude willingly given and graciously received. Loving him still. Loving him healthily now.

I Don't Regret

For many years I acted in foolish ways, In ways I always knew were foolish and just plain wrong. I ate compulsively and not just ate...stupid things, the nutrition trumped by senseless sugars, flour, excess carbs. I lied, manipulated, hid what I was doing, thought only of my needs and wants. I made decisions based on my wants issuing my husband as an excuse,  blame-owner when he'd never had a say. I figured out I was killing myself with stress but made only superficial changes for ten more years. But  it's true, the first peril promise. "We won't regret the past nor wish to shut that door." I don't regret because I found Recovery, thank God!

Love and Understanding Needed

The big bully might not be big to some,
might to others be slow, his manner strange.
It was the curse he bore, set apart from all.
Thoughtless teachers called him slow.
His mother bemoaned the impatience of the world,
fervently wished folks might build him up
rather than forcing him down.

Our Founder

Rozanne S. was called the cofounder
of Overeaters Anonymous from 1960,
although she was the only one
for most of the years before her death
fifty-four years later. She was certainly a leader,
guiding the organization, writing literature.
heading the fellowship. But she was truly
a compulsive overeater, ready to serve
whether she worked a good program or not.
She had the courage to surrender again,
to reclaim recovery. She showed us
how to serve and how to live through
our missteps.

Just in Case

Dear Me:
I write this because right now
I finally feel like I’m really in Recovery.
Or should I say I feel like
I’m a recovered compulsive eater?
Someone said in the meeting today
he was recovered from compulsive eating.
Is that what I am? Ouch! That feels boastful,
pretentious, arrogant! Not at all right.
But is it wrong to deny the changes in me?
Do I err in getting cocky? More than
the error in claiming still I’m powerless?
People who have no idea I’m in OA,
that I struggled for years with food obsession,
even those people see a difference, ask me why,
what happened, want to know my secret.
And telling them makes abstinence easier,
reinforces my conviction. So…what do I call myself
in the rooms? The absolute truth is
I have a fatal disease of gluttony
in remission only so long as I surrender
every morning with reinforcing repeats as needed,
I can hold on to the gift. And Me,
I want you to remember to remind me,
to jerk me back to Recovery if anything I do,
any word I say, any thought that pops up
triggers me to know, holds me in the surrender,
brings that reality to mind and
I remember to do the next right thing,
to think the next right thought,
to find within me the Recovery I crave!

Good Morning!

Keep it simple.
Start it right.
It's a new day.
Start by taking dogs out,
repeating the Third Step Prayer
as the water's freshened,
then circling the yard
several times
saying the Seventh Step Prayer,
the Serenity Prayer,
then the OA Promise,
followed by prayers for abstinence,
for loved ones and family,
the prayer list sometimes shortened
as one friend says, "for everyone!"
Then inside. No need for originality.
the same breakfast virtually every day.
Well thought through, it sets the day,
the meals are for sustenance,
not for entertainment. Dogs eat first,
husband next then my oatmeal,
an egg cooked in, a serving of fruit added,
and it's time for morning readings,
food for the body and for the soul,
a true Good Morning!

A Stranger in My Mind

As I take the Twelve Steps
a group of sober drunks
came up with eight decades ago,
simple steps, easy to remember
but far from easy to live…
As I take the Twelve Steps
again and again, coming nearer,
and nearer still, to living the concept
that a Power greater than I
can, could, might actually
restore me to sanity,
I find someone I didn’t know
my first six decades.
I find understandings,
ideas, peace inside of me,
actually me without Recovery
and study her, learn of her,
surprised to know this stranger
in my mind.

Recovery Is a Process

We mistakenly treated recovery like it was an event, rather than a process. ….We forgot that recovery is like walking up an escalator that is going down. When we quit climbing, we regressed. ~ Berger, Allen. 12 Smart Things to Do When the Booze and Drugs Are Gone: Choosing Emotional Sobriety through Self-Awareness and Right Action (Berger 12) (p. 24). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

I grew into the Twelve Steps of Recovery.
I received as a gift the book Overeaters Anonymous,
Second Edition and read it eagerly.
The gift from a woman with years in Alcoholics Anonymous
thought it was the program explained,
like the AA Big Book which Overeaters Anonymous uses
in the same way. Instead, the gift book
was like the stories after the first 143 pages
of the Big Book. But it was exactly what I needed.
I decided to join OA… after Thanksgiving
and Christmas…why start a “diet”
before the proper time…New Years!!?
But seven days before Christmas Eve
my life changed forever! I got in the car
with sweet treats to eat as I drove alone to church
and told God aloud, “This is stupid!”
Then I ate it…. A life-changing moment,
but not that transformative!
It was an event, but this December 17th
will be the 14th year of the process
of becoming a compulsive Overeater
in Recovery. I’ve tried the recovery
like walking up an escalator going down.
I weigh less than I did in 1960
as an eighth grader.
I love the process of Recovery!

Sestina on Decision Avoidance

Get energy by wishing for it?
Who we are, what we do,
where we’re going, these all
relate to our attitude?
And the negatives we’d rather avoid,
these are our decisions?

If we do not consciously make decisions
we still somehow structure life by forming it
all the while seeking to avoid
what we would prefer not to do
while knowing with that attitude
we risk not accomplishing the goals at all.

But because we’re not at all
in position to make the decisions
we find in time our attitude
has been supplanted and it
all falls into place so that we do
precisely what we hoped to avoid

So, if we have failed to avoid
That which we felt to be all
wrong, then have we managed to do
what needed doing for the decisions
To come to pass and the energy, it
that we felt caused a wrong attitude,

But was the source of the attitude
A Higher Power we need not avoid
yet a source able to grab hold of it
And bring to pass all
that constituted decisions
we hated but wanted to do

So do what you’re led to do
and the change of attitude
you need to facilitate decisions
you once would have avoided
but now hope to see all
fall into place and so see it

as decisions people do
in the spirit and attitude
you would not avoid, not at all!

The One I Am to Dread?

12 “Do not call conspiracy
everything this people calls a conspiracy;
do not fear what they fear,
and do not dread it.
13 The Lord Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy,
he is the one you are to fear,
he is the one you are to dread. ~ Isaiah 8:12-14 (NIV)

The archaic meaning of dread
is “regarded with awe; greatly revered”
“Fear of the Lord” and dread of the Lord
mean having a deep respect,
reverence and awe
for God’s power and authority.
Fear of God and dread of God
does not lead to being afraid of God.
A proper “fear of the Lord” leads us to love Him.
Let us develop and nourish
a proper fear of God, a faithful love of Him!

Buddha

They called her Buddha, the kids at school, the mean ones. She had a Buddha figurine, the image potbellied, rotund. Maybe she pretended the nomenclature spoke of wisdom, discipline…but she knew, understood they meant corpulent. She tried to fit, to participate, to be a part of and not apart from. It was not her whole reality. In her twenties she remade herself, became the image she had sought, won the amazed praise of all.
But as years went by she lost the gift,
moved from an ideal weight
to clothes sizes in specialty stores only.
Three decades later, her family grown,
physicians despaired the possibility
of medical remedies for any need,
the bulk beyond capacity of equipment.
She had done it before, could again…and did!
Hundreds of pounds shed, and pride reclaimed,
like the raven she vowed, “Nevermore!!”
But she had an illness not only physical
but of the mind and spirit as well.
She had done it twice, resolved to hold on,
not to go to meetings, admit she might let go,
preferring death to losing weight again regained.
And she will be missed, too early gone.

Becoming Transformed

You’ve seen the movies,
previews at least,
and the toys probably.
Transformers.
But you’ve seen people, too,
who have transformed once,
occasionally more often.
Generally speaking these folk
are recovery people,
folk who heard about
the twelve steps,
needed relief and tried them.
It’s as though they were folded
in a different way
after having been unfolded…
Its most obvious on the inside
but true outside as well.
If you’ve given up
on remaking yourself,
if you’re powerless
over a compulsion,
and can’t manage your life,
give it a try and let
Twelve simple Steps
make a transformer
from your mess.

Just Because

Because it’s no fun to play the role of the fat and happy person. Fat and happy IS a figure of speech, right??? Biological studies show a frog is placed in a container with water from its pond, it will remain there, utterly still, as the water is slowly heated up. At the boiling point, the frog dies, fat and happy.” I’m not a frog. But I’ve been fat though seldom fat and happy. I’m no longer fat, much less obese, and I’m not-fat but happy. I don’t think many people are consistently fat and happy I think being fat can be a truism, or being happy consistently can be true. But fat and happy? No! Why? Just because!

Image Copyright: Cole123RF

Proper Armour

 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. ~ Ephesians 6:14-17 (NIV)

How does Paul describe
the proper armor? 
Not that we actually need armor,
but the necessities remain
throughout the centuries...
truth, righteousness, 
readiness from the gospel,
the good news of truth.
The shield of faith,
salvation as an extinguisher,
the spirit, and the word of God.
While armor is archaic, 
the concepts are never outdated.
I can do all things through Christ
who strengthens me
with truth, righteousness, the good news,
faith, salvation, the Spirit,
and God's word.
Proper armor
no matter the era,
  no matter the need!

The Worst Thing That Could Happen

Assume you’re invited to a Zoom meeting of Overeaters Anonymous, the Wednesday meeting at eight in the morning, Central time. What’s your reaction? Do you consider it an insult? Is someone assuming you have problems with overeating, with binging on food, with anorexia or bulimia? Are you thinking Twelve Step programs insist you become a religious fanatic? Are you offended the person is so blunt, so rude,
so wise-ass, so presumptuous?
Do you want to yell at the smug, arrogant
know-it-all? Or would you like it try it out,
see what the people do, find out
if you never want to hear about it again…
or if you find the people there
really have something you’d like to try?
Why not? What’s the worst thing that
could happen? Better yet, what’s the best
thing that could happen?
Give it a try. Email OAStepper@gmail.com
and find out how to do it! You’ll find
you’ll live through it, and you might
decide those folks have something you want
and return the next Wednesday
and week after week to get it for yourself.

Blessings

SOURCE OF ALL BLESSINGS, you bless us with breath. In and out, in and out, ever renewing us, ever anew making us one with all who breathe the same air, may this blessing overflow into a shared gratefulness, so that with one breath I may praise and celebrate life. ~ Steindl-Rast, David. 99 Blessings (p. 2). The Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

A book called 99 blessings.
A song…several actually about counting blessings.
How can you count your blessings?
A website suggests:
Here are some simple steps to practice.
Do everything with your full attention. …
Enjoy simple pleasures. …
Make time for other people. …
Count your blessings. …
Cultivate your dreams, but don’t let them breed discontent. …
Don’t wish your time away. …
Quit the ‘I’ll be happy whens.’ But what are My blessings?
I’m blessed with all the things I need,
the ability to share as I choose to.
I’m blessed that men making decisions
believed I was worthy of a generous salary
that led to generous retirement income,
that I can pay for what needs done,
that a woman my age cleans my house
and does things I can’t. I’m blessed
with sons, grandsons and friends
ready and willing to help me.
And today I was blessed with needing
to launder linens and mattress pad
and remake the bed and that
I could prove to myself and my husband,
the dogs, and you that I can still
do a physical task when needed.

Three Parts of Me

We who once suffered from complete powerlessness to control our eating and our lives have now discovered the saving strength of a Power greater than ourselves. We have experienced the miracle of physical, emotional, and spiritual healing, just as we were promised when we began working these Steps. ~ Overeaters Anonymous. The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, Second Edition. Overeaters Anonymous, Inc. Kindle Edition.

The miracle of healing:
physical, emotional, and spiritual —
has always been mine.
Yet as long as I acted as if
my Higher Power, my God
as I choose to call Him,
was responsible only for the spiritual,
as long as I figured physical
and emotional were up to me,
I was confident of salvation,
of the Fatherhood of God,
eternity would eventually come,
but my separating out
the physical, which was catastrophic,
embarrassing, a fat pudgy mess…
that God couldn’t possibly claim,
and must have abandoned
to my ineptitude,
as well as the emotional…
in that I hated me,
could imagine nobody, nothing,
accepting or claiming
certainly not transforming
into something useful,
lovable, commendable…
until finally I discovered
the saving strength
of a Power greater than myself.
So now I have experienced
the miracle of physical,
emotional, and spiritual healing,
just as the folks in OA promised when I came into the circle of love and began working the marvelous Steps!

I Wished I had Her Body

My older sister was tall and thin,
could reach top shelves flat-footed,
fit clothes from the rack
provided they covered her knees.
I lacked inches in height,
had excess in girth, wore "chubby"
then in an allegedly "kinder gentler
age, "plus sizes" and later odd-numbered
  pieces. While climbed up to size 28,
my sister in crisis years at 5'9"
weighed less than a hundred pounds.
Grass is greener elsewhere,
or so it seems, but we both found
answers for our needs.
Married to two alcoholics, one active,
the other dry, she found Al-Anon
to meet her needs and the same twelve steps
pulled me into Overeaters Anonymous.
Her struggle was no easier than mine,
nor mine than hers. But Recovery waits
for all fortunate enough to find the groups
that meet our needs.

Pushing Against

“Whatever you are pushing against, you are stuck to.” ~ Werner Erhard

What don’t you want to do?
I don’t want to write a poem tonight
nor do I want to cheat by recycling an old one.
Werner Erhard, according to Wikipedia,
is a critical thinker and author.
I’ve spent oodles of time searching
for Erhard’s context without finding help.
So, how do you get unstuck?
You look for a statement
easier to analyze,
or you decide why you’re drawn to it,
i.e., why I’m stuck to it!
I obviously didn’t want to write this.
What don’t you want to do?

Desperate Enough to Excel

Diet’s didn’t work,
the weight lurked,
ruled, oppressed.
Overeaters Anonymous?
You’ve got to be kidding.
People sitting in a circle,
reading, talking,
chanting rituals.
No diets, no reporting,
no plans to follow.
Just talk about insanity,
some higher power,
resentments, fear,
face people we’d harmed.
What changes is life!
Weight loss is a byproduct.

The World In God's Hands

Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account. ~ Ecclesiastes 3:15 (NIV)

What will be has been before,
and our God remembers it.
God recalls the future
like we remember the past.
He’s got the whole world in his hands.
God has the universe
and the time/space continuum
in his hands.
What? Should I worry? Me?

God, give us the power to trust
like a baby grinning up
at the outstretched arms of a loving parent.
Amen. So be it.

A Time for Verse: Poetic Ponderings on Ecclesiastes by Barbara B. Rollins

Releasing Myself from Captivity

Our thoughts hold our actions hostage. When we’re angry, we lash out at other people, often innocent bystanders. If we’re harboring self-pity, our sullenness punishes others. Resentments cling to us, tainting our relationships. In each case, our behavior reflects what’s on our minds. ~ Casey, Karen. A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance (Hazelden Meditations Book 1) . Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Is it really true?
Do out thoughts hold
our actions hostage?
If my thoughts are self-pitying,
my anger causes me to lash out
at innocent bystanders…
even dogs just being guilty of being dog-like?
Or someone who shares my life
when they critique me
for bringing cola
when they’d requested tea?
Do I harbor harboring self-pity
and sullenness while resentment simmers
inside me?
I keep reading that my behavior
reflects what’s on my mind,
not what happens around me.
God, I believe it. Please help my unbelief!

Make a Habit of Peace

There is no new twist here, only a new choice. Perhaps the easiest decision is this: affirm “I will act from a peaceful heart all day today.” And then grade yourself. Feel good about every encounter where you remained peaceful. Forgive yourself for every time you failed, affirming your intention to do better the next time. Changing a bad habit isn’t that difficult if we make the new habit a simple one. Try being peaceful. ~ Casey, Karen. Each Day a Renewed Beginning (pp. 174-175). Mango Media. Kindle Edition.

“I will act from a peaceful heart all day today.”
The first challenge is to remember
this resolution before any act of the day.
Mine needs to come before the dogs wake me
or at least before I get up and open the door for them.
Then I need hold it in mind all day long,
before the television nudges my negativity,
before the dogs demand the door allow
ingress and egress when routine sets
another priority. But I need not change
Bear’s scratching the door
or Benji’s ramming it… “only”
my emotional reaction to the communication.
Then there’s another human in the house
fully as capable of pushing my exasperation point.
None of that precludes my determination to the truth
that “I will act from a peaceful heart all day today.”
I will forgive myself for every time I fail,
affirming my intention to do better the next time.
Repeating the intention and effort daily,
Peace will begin to be a habit.
I will try being peaceful long enough
for peace to become a habit!

"Controlling" Others Troubles Us

…it’s our struggle to control the “hims and hers” in our lives that keeps us focused on the other person even when that person isn’t present. The obsession to control gets in the way of our sanity and serenity. We miss living our own lives when we obsessively focus on how the significant people in our lives are living theirs. ~ Casey, Karen. A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance (Hazelden Meditations Book 1). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Do you disagree with others in your household
about how things should be done?
Do you fume over what they would say if they were present?
Do you roil about what Mother would tell you
fifty years after you left home?
Do you respond to to your Daddy’s truism
when he’s been gone for decades?
Do you find keeping sanity and serenity
hard to grasp because
you’re in a conversation within your head?
Let’s try today living our own lives
instead of obsessively focusing
on how the significant people
in our lives are living theirs!

How Crazy Is That?

I, Barbara Rollins, taught an adult Sunday school class for years. Sometime in 2005 or 2006 we decided to study Ecclesiastes, so I sat down to read it and wanted to argue. So I did and the partnership we had created to publish books took it on. In reading through the Bible in 2022, I decided to read my reaction to it. I’m sharing with you the Introduction to A Time for Verse – Poetic Ponderings on Ecclesiastes. Eagle Wings Press imprint of Silver Boomer Books. Kindle Edition.

Somewhere along the way, folks developed the habit of dishonesty with God. We speak to him – even of him – in hushed tones, reverently, even when we want to shout at him. Dare we question him? Can God be challenged? Not unless youʼre crazy! Who wants to be crazy?

The practice of forced reverence isnʼt healthy, wise, or honest. Godʼs tough. He can tolerate questioning, like Gideon asking for a physical sign. Twice. And that after the first miraculous proof! God stands up well to argument, as when Abraham convinced him to spare Sodom for the lives of fifty righteous men, then whittled down to forty-five, then forty, thirty, and finally ten. God allows us to negotiate, as when Deborah pleaded for a man to lead the army God called her to raise, and when Moses needed a spokesman in his place – a prophet – and God offered Aaron to address Pharaoh.

The Teacher who wrote Ecclesiastes knew this. He knew God trusts our intellect. Well, maybe he laughs at it rather than trusting it, but he certainly tolerates it. Heck, he made it, why wouldn’t he? The Teacher knew God hears our questions. Maybe he also knew God occasionally answers, as he did to Job, “Thatʼs my business, not yours.” But itʼs okay. Thatʼs how we talk to the people we know. And knowing God liberates oneʼs spirit, soul, and body! Who wants to be crazy?

Maybe nobody. But what a liberating truth the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous uncovered, knowing a fundamental step to a sane life is admitting our insanity, confessing weʼre crazy. And we can share our audacious ideas freely. Meaningless. Dare we judge Godʼs creation? The Teacher did. Everything is meaningless? Well, first letʼs define “meaning.” Perhaps “subject to a reasoned explanation.” How crazy is that? ~ Rollins, Barbara B. A Time for Verse – Poetic Ponderings on Ecclesiastes. Eagle Wings Press imprint of Silver Boomer Books. Kindle Edition.

Excess Baggage

Many of us come to OA carrying the excess baggage of shame and pride. We are ashamed that we’ve been unable to control our eating by ourselves, and yet we’re too proud to admit that we need help with our eating and our lives. In order to recover, we have to let go of shame and pride and actively reach out to others for help. As we practice anonymity, we begin this process of letting go. ~ Overeaters Anonymous. The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, Second Edition (p. 164). Overeaters Anonymous, Inc. Kindle Edition.

Shame and pride, awful or awesome,
a surprising pairing.
But a pair we’re accustomed to
when we find Recovery!
We cannot stand ourselves
but want you to know
we’re worthy, respectable.
But we need neither.
We need to live as we want to be seen,
to become the people we always wanted to become!

Doomscrolling

Doomscrolling or Doomsurfing is the act of spending an excessive amount of screen time devoted to the absorption of negative news. Increased consumption of predominantly negative news may result in harmful psychophysiological responses in some. ~ en.wikipedia.org

Is doomscrolling not our world today
unless we’ve become paranoid
of the enmity everywhere we turn?
But there is an alternative to gloom and doom!
God is on his throne and has turned our world around
plenty of times in the past!
We need not spend an excessive amount
of screen time devoted to
the absorption of negative news.
We can stop and pray asking God to direct us
to news of His action and love in the world!
God is in charge and can guide our lives
and listening and still have time and energy
to turn us toward His light!

Poverty or Service

“Being poor is not having too little, it is wanting more.” ~ Seneca

How often do you want something,
just think that would be nice
and turn away thinking,
“I don’t want to get my hopes up.”
How often do you long for more?
Do you feel impoverished,
or do you feel called to do…or be…more?
Maybe it’s more true in possessing things
that Seneca was right. But isn’t it possible
God is calling you to be more, to do more?
But answering a call to be more,
to do more, isn’t really wanting more
but being willing to accept the responsibility
of being more, of giving more?
If you’re comfortable where you are
then being willing to accept more
to be more is service, not lust,
willingness, not poverty!
God, don’t let me avoid your call
when it is your call. As Isaiah said,
“Here I am, Lord, send me.”

Once we Take Step Three

Once we compulsive eaters truly take the Third Step, we cannot fail to recover. ~ Overeaters Anonymous. The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, Second Edition. Overeaters Anonymous, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

A bold statement, this one.
Just “truly take” Step Three
and we’re in? Really? After lifetimes
struggling for Recovery?
“Just” make a decision
to turn our will and our lives
over to the care of God
as we understand Him?
All we must do is decide?
We don’t even have to manage
the transfer? We don’t!
God doesn’t demand perfection,
but he needs an authentic decision…
And from that, the legitimate choice
and trusting God, it really happens!
We have the actual magic to cede control
to He Who Can!

What Do I Believe?

At our core, we do know what we believe. We just have to be daring enough to reveal it to ourselves. ~ Casey, Karen. Each Day a Renewed Beginning (p. 168). Mango Media. Kindle Edition.

What do I believe?
I believe in God, the Father almighty,
maker of heaven and earth;
And in Jesus Christ his only Son our Lord;
who was conceived by the Holy Ghost,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, dead, and buried.
He descended into hell.
The third day he rose again from the dead.
He ascended into heaven,
and sitteth on the right hand of God the Father almighty.
From thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Ghost,
the holy catholic Church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body
, and the life everlasting. Amen.

Simple enough. I’ve known how
to recite the Apostles Creed
along with others in a congregation
for seventy years. That says what I believe, right?
Do I believe that? The descended into Hell
included? No. Catholic church?
Well, yes, catholic means worldwide
. What do I believe, deep down inside?
God made me and God don’t make junk.
God is in charge and I’m better served
if I don’t try to take over.
At my core, I do know what I believe.
I just have to be daring enough
to reveal it to myself.

Success Is a System

Success is not a goal to reach or a finish line to cross. It is a system to improve, an endless process to refine. ~ Clear, James. Atomic Habits (p. 252). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

We would have a status called success
to know when we had reached our goal.
But if "Success" has been reached,
how do you reach some higher plane?
Successier? More success? Greater success?
Success is a system to improve,
an endless process to refine.
My heart has no desire to stay
Where doubts arise and fears dismay;
Though some may dwell where those abound,
My prayer, my aim, is higher ground.

Once Upon a Time...

…not so long ago,
the world seemed overwhelming
so I I tried to tame it,
not like the wild people
who bury awareness
in alcohol or drugs
or even promiscuity,
sometimes even by shopping
or gambling…the wild crowd.
Not me! I was a good girl
and followed the rules,
just eating, so innocuous,
everybody does it!
But not to excess like I did
using the semi-comatose state
normal people get only at Thanksgiving
and such. I was a good girl
yet my drug of food
competed in deadliness
with heroin and meth!
Yet, like those addicts,
The most fortunate ones,
I discovered Twelve Steps
that can banish the shame, the guilt,
and restore me to sanity!

It's a Tool I Use

Overeaters Anonymous
recognizes nine tools:
a plan of eating, sponsorship,
meetings, telephone, writing,
literature, action plan,
anonymity and service.
This Recovery Daily Dose
has continued now
for three thousand
seven hundred eighty-eight days,
of using tools.
The tool of writing, yes,
but perhaps more than that
The tool of service.
I offer this up to the public
trusting the people who might need it
will see it at the time it might be
an act of service to them.

Total Surrender

Once we compulsive eaters truly take the Third Step, we cannot fail to recover. ~ Overeaters Anonymous. The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, Second Edition (p. 24). Overeaters Anonymous, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

The Third Step says we….
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives
over to the care of God as we understood Him.
And “Once we…truly take the Third Step,
we cannot fail to recover.”
That means truly taking Step Three
is to totally surrender. I understand
the Army description of surrender
includes five “S” words:
Silence (they cannot plan an escape)
Search (for weapons, maps, orders, etc.)
Secure (tie up or guard)
Safeguard (from dangers) and
Separate (to facilitate control).
What does it mean to surrender
to God as we understand God?
We don’t argue with God or
rely on somebody else,
we hide nothing from God,
nor do we try to.
God protects us.
And, accepting our surrender
is ready, eager, and pleased
to meet our needs
and to use the talents
with which he blessed us
to benefit us and everyone else
in the world!

At the Garage Sale

What have you got I need?
I see this old book – copyright 1939?
Such arcane language,
“the goose hung high”?
Still, I see myself, my problems
in the dated, sexist text.
This old God? No, I don’t think so.
I tried him for years
with no real connection.
I’ll stick with the one I found
when somebody asked me
to describe my own conception
of God. But these old ideas —
rigorous honesty, keeping clean
my side of the street, seeking
God’s will and power to do it —
certainly still a great value.
And this three-legged stool
marked “physical, emotional,
spiritual” – old, but comfortable,
like home. You know,
Daddy always said, “There’s nothing
new and improved.” I’ll take these.
What? You want to change your mind,
to keep them, use them? Can’t say
I blame you. And I know their value well.
I’ve got them all myself.
They’re too precious to discard
just because they’re tried and true.

Beginning the Challenge November 1st

Eleven women teamed together,
keeping a record for ninety days
competing somewhat, but massively
supporting our each other. Everybody knows
some of the others, nobody knows everyone.
Ideally eating as set down in a plan,
we're deliberately taking the dare
when holidays loom, and food we decline
will abound. At challenge's end
we trust we'll approve our own result
and have ten friends we love and support
without a hint of competition. 

We Don’t Do Autographs Here!

The only requirement for membership
a desire to stop eating compulsively.
But we do always maintain personal anonymity.
We do not have celebrities here,
even for a person who is, outside these rooms.
Leave her alone although you’ve loved her work
for years. You cannot tell the world you’ve met her
nor give a clue to others who might attend
next week’s meeting! We don’t do autographs here!

Whispered in the Sound of Silence

Whispered in the Sound of Silence~ Paul Simon

Living through the pandemic
has left many of us surrounded
by the sounds of silence
for large blocks of time.
Of course noise of the world
is imported into the void
where we can talk back but seldom be heard.
Are we satisfied with the experience?
I think not for you. I know not for me!
Too often we think the only purposes in life
that count are the ones that impact
a multitude of people. How wrong we are.*
Are you content to isolate, to occasionally
meet in a Zoom call, but to spend most time
alone with few others?
But life goes on, Pain hurts.
Grief hurts. Sadness hurts.
None of them feel good.
We’re not condemned to isolation, though.
We may not be near others
but need not detach from people in our lives.
Detaching from the chaos around us
by seeking the silence within
creates healing in us
and in others, too.
Let us reach out to those hurting
and do what we can
to make the sound of silence
not equate to loneliness
but to be the reverberations
of love, of caring, of support,
of underpinning, of buttressing.

*Karen Casey

This Time

Thirteen years thirty days ago
I finally committed to lose weight
and made great progress…
for a while…about five months
until I was betrayed as I saw it
and not allowed by others involved
to file a lawsuit to fix it! What could I do
but eat over it, reversing progress
though sometimes I pulled it together…
until I felt guilty for accepting an honor
though feeling undeserving, so ate over that!
Not a quick learner I read a book,
turned around again, committed
to do the impossible. Who can eat no sugar,
no flour, no sweeteners, no snacks?
And doing the impossible I’m thinner, happier,
saner than ever before,
a year and thirty days later,
one day at a time!

TenTon Telephone

I loathe, detest, abhor the telephone.
A summer job in 1968
required me to, during the summer,
call each of the youth in the congregation.
I assume I managed, but I buried that part
of my memory, remembering only the requirement.
Then thirty-nine years later I joined OA
and one of the nine tools...the telephone!
I call my sponsor Monday morning,
a planned time, but I have never called a member
otherwise, except perhaps to ask a fact question,
when or where. I sponsor but calling me
is not a requirement. I text, use apps,
communicate, but my phone will never
wear out from use.
Maybe the phone will go out of style.
I've never sent a telegraph.
Will phones become antiques

Grateful God Keeps no Scorecard

3 If you, Lord, kept a record of sins,
Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve you. ~ Psalm 130:3-4 NIV

Making a list and checking it twice…
Is that what we expect?
From the time we understand
the giver of gifts the difference

between God and Santa
we should also set aside
our expectations of
less than a loving, caring parent!
Thank God there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve Him!