Seeking Favor

Why are favor and disgrace alarming?
Seeking favor is degrading:
alarming when it is gotten,
alarming when it is lost. ~ The Tao Verse 13

Seeking favor.
Trying to make someone like me.
Doing favors for favors,
for attention, for admiration,
for warm fuzzies.
Placating him so he'll show
the love I know he has for me,
the love that holds us together
with barbed wire and handcuffs.
And when he gives it, how empty,
how insipid, how anemic it– I – feel.
It's not my business what he thinks of me.
Codependent. A functional relationship
where one person supports or enables
another person's addiction,
poor mental health, immaturity,
irresponsibility, or under-achievement.
To cede that power, to surrender your you,
to bind yourself into servitude
with no more appreciation received
than the garbage truck driver
who damages the hedge.
It's none of my business what he thinks of me.
I need no favor from others.
When it's not given I'm crushed.
When it's received I feel a fraud.
Self-esteem comes from who I am,
from worthiness when I can't own it,
from paying attention to my own wellbeing...
of body, mind, and spirit