Looking for God

They say I need find a Power one greater than I, a “God of my understanding,” someone to whom I’m to surrender, a personal god. I’ve heard others call their power Howard, from “Howard be thy name,” or Gus for “guy upstairs.” Some use the group or a massive tree, or simply a chair that can hold them up. But why do they seek their power in such places? Isn’t it obvious? I only looked within and found a power there all along. After all, where else would a personal god be...

Recovery In the Bedroom

Ten years and more I seldom missed a Wednesday meeting across town at eight in the morning. Fast friends and confidants year after year. Then the global pandemic changed the world including moving from a church on Wednesday morning to my bedroom. New friends have joined from different states, other countries. The group conscience has chosen to Zoom the others to my bedroom in a post-pandemic world. Friends on the screen are grand but hugs there lack the warmth!

Never Normal Eaters

Recovery in OA is based on the recognition that we are not—and never can be—normal eaters. ~ Anonymous, Overeaters. For Today (Kindle Locations 3101-3102). Overeaters Anonymous, Inc.. Kindle Edition. All my life... at least the last sixty years... I've imagined living in a right-sized body. But having reached a BMI below obesity I understand I'm never more than a binge or two away from again facing the trauma of total relapse! Recovery in OA is based on the recognition that we are not— and never can be— normal eaters.

Hallelujah for the Disease

Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters. ~Hebrews 2:11 (NIV) We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyous­ness and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to Captain’s table. Unlike the feelings of the ship’s passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us.~Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 17

Powerful cement, brothers bound, family forged, made holy — outside in, inside out — holiness from horrible, friends and family from fiends and foes. Peril perishes, a coterie congeals. Unashamed of ghastly pasts we revel in wretchedness remembered, made powerful cement. Hallelujah for the disease, the dis-ease, that propelled me to your loving arms and my fellows hurled here, too.

Helping Someone Helps Us. It's part of the Plan!

Helping someone else at the very time we feel unbalanced mysteriously guides us back to our own center. It’s almost as though our Higher Power is reaching us through the words we share with someone who is struggling. The result is clarity for both of us. ~ Casey, Karen. A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance (Hazelden Meditations Book 1) . Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

As I teach you what I've heard, what I understood at some time in Recovery, I'm hearing me say what I need to hear. And God leads me to say these things I know/knew and believe/believed, so that both of us hear exactly what we need! Thanks, God!

Bringing Light to the World

Buddha trod the path of self-indulgence when he lived as Gautama, a prince in a luxurious castle. Then he renounced his royal riches and became an ascetic, spending years fasting and mortifying his flesh. Finally a woman took pity on Gautama and gave him a bowl of rice. The moment he accepted, he became the enlightened Buddha. He discovered what he called “the middle path.” He ceased to focus on the body and became absorbed in the spirit. Waging war on your body only glorifies it. “Do not fight yourself” (T-30.I.1:7). Beating yourself up physically or emotionally saps love from the world. Treating yourself gently, gracefully, and respectfully brings more light to humanity. ~ Cohen, Alan. A Course in Miracles Made Easy (p. 75). Hay House. Kindle Edition.

Buddha ceased to focus on the body and became absorbed in the spirit. Waging war on your body only glorifies it. “Do not fight yourself”  Don't sap love from the world by guilt, but bring light to the world... and yourself in it by treating yourself gently, gracefully, and respectfully bringing more light to humanity.

The Nurse

Her uniform washed And pressed at least twenty times Not a stain in sight Wearing a fake smile She takes pulse, temperature Blood pressure, and sighs  I know I’m dying Without her eye contact I’m Not even present Just a body she Weighs, measures, adjusts, and leaves To get to the next  Still I pray for her I want her to have a life As joyous as mine Has been… truly.

The Power of Negative Energy

Negative energy can have a powerful pull on us, especially if we’re struggling to maintain positive energy and balance. It may seem that others who exude negative energy would like to pull us into the darkness with them. We do not have to go. Without judgment, we can decide it’s okay to walk away, okay to protect ourselves. ~ Beattie, Melody. The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series (p. 114). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Do you know folks who exude negative energy? Do you live in a stranglehold of lethargy? Who would cultivate negativity? Those who disdain productivity? Are you struggling to maintain a stability? Do you prefer a household filled with civility? Can you see it as a possibility? If you can, you can change it to a probability and transform the household into one of compatibility.

Grace as a Verb

I'm more comfortable with grace as a noun, either a proper noun or elegance, ladylike... But the more interesting usage is as a verb, to dignify, elevate, honor, enhance, ennoble... God, may I strive to contribute, shine, improve the world as I live in big moments and small. May I be a welcome addition rather than a distraction. May I live grace!

Dumb Folk Welcome

I've seen lots of people too smart to get this program but I've never met anybody that was too stupid.” ~ Program saying

Intelligence is not a prerequisite for recovery...in fact it can be, often is an impediment. Analytical thinking and logic have been stumbling blocks, drawbacks, snags in the path. But the systematic, follow the rules, do as you're told person may find an easier path to recovery. But you cannot describe a type not found in the rooms of recovery. Dumb people are always welcome but certainly not more so than Mensa members. Anybody ready to admit powerlessness over addiction and a life unmanageable has a place and a contribution to make for kindred spirits and their opposites.

Grandmom

Sorted by recipe name rather than food type the plethora beginning Grandmom's would catch every eye. Followed by "homemade light bread," "brown sugar cookies," "prune cake," "boiled custard" and "pickles" stand, flavoring the pages of the family cookbook I compiled. I am the image of Grandmom, and took her name for grandsons to use. After turning eighty Grandmom heard Dr. Brook's suggestion she lose weight by poking his stomach, "I will when you do." My grandsons will know Grandmom cookies, but to stop doctors' observation of the feasting's results I'll affirm I eat compulsively and enjoy the cookies through the boys.

Dragonflies

Fragility, vulnerability, ephemeral, evanescent... the fragile being captivates hearts, minds, spirit, evolving everywhere to a symbol we long to claim to emulate, to realize, to be.

Just In Case

Dear Me: I write this because right now I finally feel like I'm really in Recovery. Or should I say I feel like I'm a recovered compulsive eater? Someone said in the meeting today he was recovered from compulsive eating. Is that what I am? Ouch! That feels boastful, pretentious, arrogant! Not at all right. But is it wrong to deny the changes in me? Do I err in getting cocky? More than the error in claiming still I'm powerless? People who have no idea I'm in OA, that I struggled for years with food obsession, even those people see a difference, ask me why, what happened, want to know my secret. And telling them makes abstinence easier, reinforces my conviction. So...what do I call myself in the rooms? The absolute truth is I have a fatal disease of gluttony in remission only so long as I surrender every morning with reinforcing repeats as needed, I can hold on to the gift. And, Me, I want you to remember to remind me, to jerk me back to Recovery if anything I do, any word I say, any thought that pops up triggers me to know, holds me in the surrender, brings that reality to mind and I remember to do the next right thing, to think the next right thought, to find within me the Recovery I crave!

God of Consolation

“May the God of consolation touch their hearts and ease their pain.” ~ Pope XVI on shooting at Newtown, Connecticut The God of consolation. Like who wants the consolation prize? “Comfort received after loss or disappointment…” But comfort! How we crave comfort, how we try all our lives to find a source of comfort. In good times and in bad. How we look in wrong places, in addiction, in blame, in self-pity, in anger, in rage… The God of consolation. A source greater than each of us, a power actually able to touch hearts, to ease pain. The God of consolation is with us always, in good times and bad, in joy as in sorrow. Consolation is good.

Be-Attitude 7

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. ~ Matthew 8:8 When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at out feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed. The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences* which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God’s universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves. ~World Service, Alcoholics Anonymous; Wilson, Bill; Smith, Bob. The Big Book and A Study Guide of the 12 Steps . Anonymous Publishing. Kindle Edition.Page 25. The transformation is amazing, whether stated with utmost simplicity, as “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God,” or with the exuberance of a newly found truth, The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences* which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God’s universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves. Surely, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God!”

Hallelujah for the Disease

Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters. ~Hebrews 2:11 (NIV) We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyous­ness and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to Captain’s table. Unlike the feelings of the ship’s passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us.~Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 17 Powerful cement, brothers bound, family forged, made holy — outside in, inside out — holiness from horrible, friends and family from fiends and foes. Peril perishes, a coterie congeals. Unashamed of ghastly pasts we revel in wretchedness remembered, made powerful cement. Hallelujah for the disease, the dis-ease, that propelled me to your loving arms and my fellows hurled here, too.

So Christ has now become the High Priest over all the good things that have come. He has entered that greater, more perfect Tabernacle in heaven, which was not made by human hands and is not part of this created world. With his own blood – not the blood of goats and calves – he entered the Most Holy Place once for all time and secured our redemption forever. Under the old system, the blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a young cow could cleanse people’s bodies from ceremonial impurity. ~Hebrews 9:11-13 (NLT) We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it. ~Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 69

So Christ has now become the High Priest over all the good things that have come. He has entered that greater, more perfect Tabernacle in heaven, which was not made by human hands and is not part of this created world. With his own blood – not the blood of goats and calves – he entered the Most Holy Place once for all time and secured our redemption forever. Under the old system, the blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a young cow could cleanse people’s bodies from ceremonial impurity. ~Hebrews 9:11-13 (NLT) We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it. ~Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 69 Guilt. Insidious, invidious, hideous guilt. Like Lady Macbeth haunted by Duncan’s blood guilt permeates, paralyzes, persists. How can we cleanse ourselves? How can the guilt be relieved? By facing what we did, by understanding, admitting, amending. Thanks be to God for ways to move past guilt to glory.

What Is Forgiveness?

What does forgiveness mean? Not forgetting – short answer, but more. Forgiveness is understanding another as flawed human. It’s assessing actions that addressed his needs, even if meeting those needs stomped on mine and my feelings, my financial security, my self-esteem, my personal relations – on me. Forgiveness is understanding our fellow folkA Cloud of Witnesses as human. If she’s wronged me, I can see she didn’t act because of me, but her – her needs. And forgiveness doesn’t mean putting yourself out there again, vulnerable, to open a way to be wronged again by the same person doing the same thing – or even other things. Don’t try to be a bosom buddy. But let her go, drop the resentment, the obsession, the anger. Don’t imprison yourself by waiting for her contrition. You need your wings, unclipped.

Wisdom to Know the Difference

What is twisted cannot be straightened; what is lacking cannot be counted. ~ Ecclesiastes 1:15 (NIV) Oh, but I could try, couldn’t I? No. He’s right. Even straightened, bends make weak spots. And you can’t count what’s not there though it’s never stopped me from trying. When this book is finished, I can sell it. With the money I’ll… I’ll count it when it’s done and sold. Now I’ve 207 verses to go. Here and now is what I’ve got. Yesterday’s saved as joys or regrets. Tomorrow’s beyond my reach. So right now, today, I might affect — might make joys – for tomorrow. Or regrets. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

Oppression, Toil, Friendlessness

Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun: I saw the tears of the oppressed — and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressors — and they have no comforter. And I declared that the dead, who had already died, are happier than the living, who are still alive. But better than both is he who has not yet been, who has not seen the evil that is done under the sun. ~ Ecclesiastes 4:1-3 (NIV)

God, you are our Lord as we toil in this your world, through the good, the bad, the ugly, the glorious. You are our Lord who welcomes us to the great family reunion in the sky or some alternative site you have for Heaven, a place our forebears – and we – could not imagine. You are Lord of those yet to be, those who exist only as a figment of your imagination before they take on a life we can comprehend. You are our comforter in each stage and age. When we are oppressed and cannot see, we can stop and feel your presence, your love, your fatherly support. Thank you, God, for being God who is, God who was, and God who will be and for loving your children of all time.

A Time for Ef\verything

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven — A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-5, NASB) Turn around and turn again. There was a time before the Byrds. Turn the page, turn again. There were the words before the Byrds. Centuries before. Millennia before. There was the truth of the words before. We see our lives through a microscope. God’s huge view telescopes the microscopic picture — the whole mural as well as our square inch. He knows times we need to hate, to uproot, to throw away. He loves us through those and the times to love, to keep, to dance, and to have peace. God, thank you for all the times of our lives. May we remember dancing while we mourn. May we have peace in times of war.

Coming Home

But when God, who had set me apart even from my mother’s womb and called me through His grace, was pleased to reveal His Son in me so that I might preach Him among the Gentiles, I did not immediately consult with flesh and blood, nor did I go up to Jerusalem to those who were apostles before me; but I went away to Arabia, and returned once more to Damascus. ~ Galatians 1:15-17 (NASB) Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, carefully reviewing what we have done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know Him better. (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 75)

God with me, one-on-one coming back home where I've never been before. God with me, one-on-one. Who would have thought he'd single me out, talk to me, be with me one-on-one What peace, what love, what serenity, joy, glory. What am I, who am I that God could love me one-on-one? God, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, the depths of my soul, the fulness of mr being.

God Doesn't Need Interpreters

For I neither received it of man, neither was I taught it, but by the revelation of Jesus Christ. ~ Galatians 1:12 (KJV) With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves. (Alcoholics Anonymous, Spiritual Experience appendix)

All around me, voices knowing better, people more experienced, others who’ve walked this path before, and they may be messengers, sometimes, a mouthpiece for God, but I know if I miss the point in a group, or studying alone, hope’s there, help’s there, guides may lead me step by step toward the right direction. Sometimes God speaks through them. Other times, they’re giving advice, not really working program, not in sync with God. When I’ve listened long enough, I recognize his voice, hear his message. But I need not wait. He’s ready for me, any time. God, protect me from leaving the path you’re trying to send me along no matter who speaks for you. Remind me you don’t need interpreters.

As If We Could Tweak It

This matter arose because some false believers had infiltrated our ranks to spy on the freedom we have in Christ Jesus and to make us slaves. We did not give in to them for a moment, so that the truth of the gospel might be preserved for you. ~ Galatians 2:4-5 (NIV) Soon A.A. was beset by these very problems on every side and in every group. But out of this frightening and at first disrupting experience the conviction grew that A.A.’s had to hang together or die separately. We had to unify our Fellowship or pass off the scene. (Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book Kindle Locations 97-99, foreword to the second edition.)

Holding on to truth, holding out for purity staying the course without apostasy. Truth wields a mighty sword, impervious, indestructible yet truth can fall to insidious mutation, to good intentions, to obfuscating clarification. A good thing, a godly thing, a god thing we have here. God knows how we can keep it! God, save us from the conviction we can always tweak something for the better.

Friends I Haven't Met Yet

Then fourteen years later I went back to Jerusalem again, this time with Barnabas; and Titus came along, too. I went there because God revealed to me that I should go. While I was there I met privately with those considered to be leaders of the church and shared with them the message I had been preaching to the Gentiles. I wanted to make sure that we were in agreement, for fear that all my efforts had been wasted and I was running the race for nothing. ~ Galatians 2:1-2 (NLT) Nothing would please us so much as to write a book which would contain no basis for contention or argument. We shall do our utmost to achieve that ideal. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 19)

United, a common front, of one mind. Consensus? Majority? Plurality? We are a diverse group, people who would not ordinarily mix yet there’s a friendliness, a fellowship, an understanding uniting us, divergent people facing a common problem, a problem so huge, so overwhelming, so devastating difference makes no difference. God, in recovery I’m no longer different, no longer alone, among friends I’ve never met, in the in-crowd. Thanks.

My Focus Is on Me

…we have multiple opportunities for judging others. But this program is about keeping the attention on us, instead. It’s our behavior, our character defects, and our lives that we have some control over. We have caused problems for ourselves many times, because we haven’t been as willing to see our own defects as we have been to see the defects of others. There is no time like the present for changing our focus. ~ Casey, Karen. A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance (Hazelden Meditations Book 1) . Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

It’s my behavior, my character defects, and my life that I have some control over. I have caused problems for myself many times, because I haven’t been as willing to see my own defects as I have been to see the defects of others. There is no time like the present for changing my focus.

Building Up

Then I went to Syria and Cilicia. I was personally unknown to the churches of Judea that are in Christ. They only heard the report: “The man who formerly persecuted us is now preaching the faith he once tried to destroy.” And they praised God because of me. ~ Galatians 1:21-24 (NIV) After several failures to find others, a fourth turned up. He came through an acquaintance who had heard the good news. (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 158)

Our reputation precedes us, follows us, defines us among people we’ll never meet. What do they say of us? Does it matter? “What you think of me is none of my business.” But is it really true? Does it matter what people say? What if they say it about me as a member of the fellowship? What if my behavior is the only view some people have of the rooms? Do they stay away, not wanting what we have? Do they praise God because of me? God, let me be an instrument of your peace.

Who's In Control?

For you have heard of my previous way of life in Judaism, how intensely I persecuted the church of God and tried to destroy it. I was advancing in Judaism beyond many of my own age among my people and was extremely zealous for the traditions of my fathers. ~ Galatians 1:13-14 (NIV) Renewing my resolve, I tried again. Some time passed, and confidence began to be replaced by cock-sureness. I could laugh at the gin mills. Now I had what it takes! (Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 5-6)

I’m in control, hear me roar! Stand aside and see me, watch what I can do. Step back, I don’t need you. Can’t you see it’s a complex whole, that ceding power causes seams? It’s not arrogance if you’re right! You know I do it well! I’m in control. God, I need to know I’m out of control when you’re really the one who’s in control.

What You Think of Me

Then I went to Syria and Cilicia. I was personally unknown to the churches of Judea that are in Christ. They only heard the report: “The man who formerly persecuted us is now preaching the faith he once tried to destroy.” And they praised God because of me. ~ Galatians 1:21-24 (NIV) After several failures to find others, a fourth turned up. He came through an acquaintance who had heard the good news. (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 158)

Our reputation precedes us, follows us, defines us among people we’ll never meet. What do they say of us? Does it matter? “What you think of me is none of my business.” But is it really true? Does it matter what people say? What if they say it about me as a member of the fellowship? What if my behavior is the only view some people have of the rooms? Do they stay away, not wanting what we have? Do they praise God because of me? God, let me be an instrument of your peace.

Distance

Daddy would have been 107 today. Twenty-nine days in the hospital‘s care; Six times I’ve driven to check on you there. Thirty-some times by the telephone line asking of you and appeasing my mind. Thirty two years since I left our hometown, tethered by love, flying high, anchored down. How many months have I failed to call home? Years slipped away, my own family’s grown. Longing now draws me to you once again over the greening of flat Texas plain. Anson and Stamford and Haskell I’ve passed, towns on the highway, each like the last. Cotton gins, stock tanks, and lacy mesquites, pump jacks and furrows with hope-sown new wheat. It’s eighty miles yet to the village Dundee where mixed with the cattle eight camels roam free. Not a surprise now, I know they are there, symbols to me of a truth I should share. Daddy, I love you, now get back your strength; Mother and you will return home at length. Starting today I’ll be often in sight, incongruous as camels in Texas sunlight.

Listening to the Ego

We all know what it feels like to enter a gathering of people and feel distant, separate, or alone even though we are part of a crowd. It’s a deadly feeling, yet our sense of aloneness is a false interpretation. We are never alone. God is always as close as our next breath. In fact, we would have no breath without His presence. We feel separate because we are listening to the ego, which is the home of fear. The good news is that we can quit listening to the ego right now. ~ Casey, Karen. Each Day a Renewed Beginning (pp. 109-110). Mango Media. Kindle Edition.

God is always as close as our next breath! His presence is as close as his next breath… I’d go further and say God IS our next breath! Get behind me, Fear! I’ve had enough of you for a lifetime! I choose to hear God and not fear by the name ego or any other!

God Loves, Period

As we have said before, so I say again now, if any man is preaching to you a gospel contrary to what you received, he is to be accursed! ~ Galatians 1:9 (NASB)

I seemed to be able to snap back the next morning better than most of my fellow drinkers, who were cursed (or perhaps blessed) with a great deal of morning-after nausea. (Alcoholics Anonymous, "The Doctor's Nightmare")

God as I understand God loves.  Period. So, to be accursed? Invoking supernatural power to inflict harm, punishment? God is god, in control, has no need to call on himself or his underlings to punish, harm. Be afflicted with? That one makes sense. I surely can and do curse myself, cause me misery, agony, separation from God, from all. I need the right message, the one from both Big Books as my guide. And when I stray and feel accursed, it's a blessing, beckoning. God, let me not curse myself but always seek your love, your blessings.

Open the Door In Your Mind

Great teachers have told us that all limits are illusory, and anytime you run into a wall or a closed door, the first place to try to open it is in your own mind. ~ Cohen, Alan. A Daily Dose of Sanity (Kindle Locations 3680-3681). Hay House. Kindle Edition. We want to do everything NOW!!! But that really doesn't work. Patience helps in most seeming emergencies. Whatever it is that we are putting off, it will rarely become easier to do later. Do you need to treat your "emergency" with a simple thought, a request of “Slow me down, God?” I expect that answer would for you and me is just that!

A Life Worthy of Your Calling

…I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. ~ Ephesians 4:2-3 NIV

Have you been called to faith, to the spiritual, to belief in a Power greater than you, to turn your mind, your heart, your being, over to that Power? Do you choose to live a life worthy of that calling? Have you become completely humble and gentle; can you be patient, bearing with one another in love? Are toy willing to make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace? What needs to change to reach this standard?

Perfectionism

Perfectionism gets in the way of recovery because it imposes impossible, unrealistic goals which guarantee failure. If we do not think we have to be perfect, then we can accept our mistakes as learning experiences and be willing to try again. ~ L., Elisabeth. Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters (Hazelden Meditations Book 1) . Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

I can't say perfectionism is a trait of mine. Well of course, I edit your proper...or less than... use of the English language often aloud talking to the television, but mentally in conversation. I'd like to claim perfection  in how I work the program or in knowing the proper response. But I fail miserably. In my clearer moments I know well that Elizabeth is correct that, "Perfectionism gets in the way of recovery because it imposes impossible, unrealistic goals which guarantee failure. If we do not think we have to be perfect, then we can accept our mistakes as learning experiences and be willing to try again." Lord, I am willing. Make it true that I'm willing to try again, and again, and again!

If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us. ~ Hermann Hesse

The best of us is self-centered. We see everything and every person as they affect our lives or our contentment. It's easy to hate ourselves and the hatred is about who we are and has nothing to do with who anyone else might be. Love yourself and love will surround you.

Practicing Trusting

My mind started to spin off into negative “what-if?” scenarios, but I decided to just practice trusting. Why waste precious moments of life worrying? I would use the experience as an opportunity to stay happy no matter what. ~ Cohen, Alan. A Daily Dose of Sanity (Kindle Locations 3579-3581). Hay House. Kindle Edition.

Do you trust God to make things work? When you've made a request of God you know...or at least believe... would be his will for the expected result? Have you consciously decided to use an experience as an opportunity to stay happy no matter what? Let's both try that today? Are you in?

Image Copyright: ehrlif.

As Soon as the Holidays Are over

I read the book, a gift from my counselor long a member of AA but not so with OA. She ordered it, believing Overeaters Anonymous, 2nd edition, the equivalent of Alcoholics Anonymous, 5th edition. It was like the stories, but not the explanation. So I read the stories, all 31, tales of people like me, addicted to food used as a drug, making our lives insane! I read the book, knew I belonged... but it was December! Who "starts a diet" before New Year's Day? Not me! Then December 17th, my hands filled with sweet treats, I talked aloud, said to God, "This is stupid!" He didn't disagree. So I found an online group, got a sponsor, made new friends, and became a member. I did what needed to be done, falling on Christmas Eve, flying to London three days later, in serious pain, finding internet cafes and reporting to OA people from there. I never got a newcomer chip but will complete fifteen years in OA December 17th this year. And when the holidays end, I'll still be a compulsive overeater in Recovery.  

Two Choices only

Boil every choice down to what heals versus what hurts, answer fear with love, and you will find the peace you seek. ~ Cohen, Alan. A Course in Miracles Made Easy (p. 4). Hay House. Kindle Edition.

What hurts feelings, causes pain in you or your fellow? What heals the wounds that were caused earlier? When you seek the healing, you seek peace. When you respond to hurt with peace, each person touched is deep in peace! Choose love! Find peace!

Negative Energy?

Having the energy to pursue our passions will always come if that’s our wish. Most of who we are, what we do, and where we are going relates to our attitude. Being tired, bored, scared, or unhappy are decisions, nothing more. ~ Casey, Karen. Keepers of The Wisdom Daily Meditations: Reflections From Lives Well Lived. Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition. Get energy by wishing for it? Who we are, what we do, where we're going, these all relate to our attitude? And the negatives we'd rather avoid, these are our decisions? Do I choose to be tired? Maybe, if I pay more attention to an audio book than to the purpose of going to bed... but scared? unhappy? Would I choose those? If fear is the opposite of love, and loving those I'm with turns me off, that I can see as a decision if I accept love and fear are the only two options... I'll try it out today, choosing the good list, seeing if tired, bored, scared, and unhappy happen when I don't. You try it, too and we can have all the energy we need! I welcome your comments.

Cannot Fail? Really?

...the Third Step corresponds to the principle of faith. Once we truly make the leap to believe, no matter what, that a power greater than ourselves will restore us to sanity and will take care of every other issue in our lives as well, we cannot ever fail to recover, and the compulsion to binge disappears. ~ Overeaters Anonymous. Voices of Recovery . Overeaters Anonymous. Kindle Edition. Step Three: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." How do we know exactly when we have actually made a decision to believe, no matter what, that a power greater than ourselves will restore us to sanity? Is it once and for all times? Or is there wiggle room? Are we entitled to sometimes run hot, fully convinced, and sometimes be riddled with doubt? I find encouragement in the Twelve Steps and TwelveTraditions'assertion, "“Once we compulsive overeaters truly take the Third Step we cannot fail to recover.” So somewhere there's inevitability assured, but as long as I find wiggle room, I can usually find it!

It’s a Tool I Use

Overeaters Anonymous recognizes nine tools: a plan of eating, sponsorship, meetings, telephone, writing, literature, action plan, anonymity and service. This Recovery Daily Dose has continued now for four thousand forty-four days, of using tools. The tool of writing, yes, but perhaps more than that The tool of service. I offer this up to the public trusting the people who might need it will see it at the time it might be an act of service to them.

Perspective

Relentless days wrest center stage from forebears hardly ripe as calendars slough off each page with calibrated swipe. From Gerber pears to bubble-gum seems but a month or less and calculus replaces sums like tic-tac-toe to chess. So halt that whirling dervish time; suspend it by sheer will and patty-cake to nursery rhyme while child is cuddly still.

Good Morning!

Keep it simple. Start it right. It's a new day. Start by taking dogs out, repeating the Third Step Prayer as the water's freshened, then circling the yard several times saying the Seventh Step Prayer, the Serenity Prayer, then the OA Promise, followed by prayers for abstinence, for loved ones and family, the prayer list sometimes shortened as one friend says, "for everyone!" Then inside. No need for originality. the same breakfast virtually every day. Well thought through, it sets the day, the meals are for sustenance, not for entertainment. Dogs eat first, husband next then my oatmeal, an egg cooked in, a serving of fruit added, and it's time for morning readings, food for the body and for the soul, a true Good Morning!

I Will Not Tell You!

I ate three planned meals today, meals that met the meal plan I choose. But truth be told, I wandered through the kitchen when the plan was to eat nothing and instead I nibbled, not enough to impact the scales when I weigh myself for the month in six days, but I ate off the plan. But I won't tell you. I'll let you read about it, and I'll talk it over with God, but I might pull you away from the perfect abstinence I wish I'd held onto today, and I'll pray you don't use my weakness to justify your not telling what you do today!

Inability to Love Ourselves

We name as ills of our society sexual promiscuity and addiction to legal and illegal substances, including food. In every case the underlying cause is an inability to love oneself fully as God loves each of us. As a result we try to lose ourselves in activities and behaviors that seem fulfilling and exciting but are really desperate attempts to experience the love that is lacking within ourselves. The answer to our problem is to seek God and the love of God within us. ~ Brooks, Gennifer Benjamin. Bible Sisters (p. 142). Abingdon Press. Kindle Edition. This author understands addiction, the substances we use when disgusted with living in the threefold disease a progressive, dangerous, and slow-killing disease of mind, body, and spirit. When we up to our chins in the misery and the underlying cause which is an inability to love ourself fully as God loves each of us. As a result we try to lose ourselves in activities and behaviors that seem fulfilling and exciting but are really desperate attempts to experience the love lacking within ourselves. The answer to our problem is to seek God and the love of God within us. God, help me find the ability to love myself!

Twelve Years Three Months Three Weeks Later

The poem is old..about 49 months old. I came to Overeaters Anonymous December 17th, 2007, returning to the car with cappuccino and an apple fritter, and sitting down alone in the car, spoke aloud, "This is stupid!" Of course I was sure God agreed. I drove on, taught Sunday school, and went home to figure out how to reach O.A. I found a meeting Wednesday mornings at eight. But that was the time I met with my counselor, the woman who had given me the book that had me convinced. I saw her instead, but looked up the meeting, already knew the contact person. Christmas Eve I fell in my kitchen, hurting my rotator cuff. Christmas day I was miserable but let it be so I could fly to London two days later, miserable stuffed into the middle seat. I looked for Internet cafes and emailed my O.A. round-the-world support folks every chance I got, returned home into 2008 and through Christmas and the trip still weighed the same. Getting the Wednesday appointment changed and showing up for a snowed out meeting I finally got to a meeting. Never got a newcomer chip but took one for thirty days. I took a service position early, traveling around the Southwest, serving with folks from around the world, learning and growing. Now twelve years three months and three weeks later, I hate to imagine life without O.A.!

I Decided to Be Me

Anyone who would take such a path must be mad. I was terrified. But then, at the moment of my greatest despair, from my unconscious there came a sequence of words, like a strange disembodied oracle from a voice that was not mine: “The only real security in life lies in relishing life’s insecurity.” Even if it meant being crazy and out of step with all that seemed holy, I had decided to be me. ~ Peck, M. Scott. The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth (pp. 124-125). Touchstone. Kindle Edition.

Even if it meant being crazy and out of step with all that seemed holy, I had decided to be me. What wisdom, and how valuable, to a young man at the point of striking out, selecting a different path based on the sudden insight, “The only real security in life lies in relishing life’s insecurity.” Most of us have many years' more experience, more natural insight but do you even now see the truth that “The only real security in life lies in relishing life’s insecurity.” Can you find security in looking at these trying times and understanding “The only real security in life lies in relishing life’s insecurity.”?

Grace as a Verb

I’m more comfortable with grace as a noun, either a proper noun or elegance, ladylike… But the more interesting usage is as a verb, to dignify, elevate, honor, enhance, ennoble… God, may I strive to contribute, shine, improve the world as I live in big moments and small. May I be a welcome addition rather than a distraction. May I live grace!

We Are the Fellowship

Then I went to Syria and Cilicia. I was personally unknown to the churches of Judea that are in Christ. They only heard the report: “The man who formerly persecuted us is now preaching the faith he once tried to destroy.” And they praised God because of me. ~ Galatians 1:21-24 (NIV) After several failures to find others, a fourth turned up. He came through an acquaintance who had heard the good news. (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 158)

Our reputation precedes us, follows us, defines us among people we'll never meet. What do they say of us? Does it matter? "What you think of me is none of my business." But is it really true? Does it matter what people say? What if they say it about me as a member of the fellowship? What if my behavior is the only view some people have of the rooms? Do they stay away, not wanting what we have? Do they praise God because of me? God, let me be an instrument of your peace.

Blinders Needed

...which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. ~ Galatians 1:7 (NIV) Once confused and baffled by the seeming futility of existence, they show the underlying reasons why they were making heavy going of life. Leaving aside the drink question, they tell why living was so unsatisfactory. They show how the change came over them. When many hundreds of people are able to say that the consciousness of the Presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith. (Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 50-51)

I trust only me and chase my tail, follow a trailblazer to deserts I despise, flit like a butterfly, flower to flower to flower, drift like a balloon to popular causes, the thing du jour. As long as I'm my own higher power, or I choose other lower higher powers, I wander, dissatisfied. Once I become conscious of the Presence of God, I know the path to all I want or need God, sometimes I need  blinders. When I'm distracted, nudge me.

To Validate Yourself

…sometimes, it’s not about changing what you believe. It’s an opportunity for you to validate yourself and your beliefs. ~ Beattie, Melody. More Language of Letting Go: 366 New Daily Meditations (Hazelden Meditation Series) (p. 242). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Recovery facilitates our evolution, our becoming, our changing who we are from to who we wish to be. We have a roadmap called the Steps, a guide called the God of our understanding and we have become accustomed to change. Sometimes, though, what feels like change is really a check-up, a reality scrutiny perhaps. Validation of someone else involves expressing understanding and acceptance, offering understanding and affirmation. Most of us in Recovery need understanding and affirmation as we make changes, and it’s neat from someone else but welcome when we come to see that our thoughts and feelings are justified. It’s good to have an opportunity to validate ourselves and our beliefs!

Trusting the Creator

All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

What have we seen that makes us trust God as we understand God? We have seen changes in our own lives and attitudes. We have seen changes in our lives we couldn't have made on our own. We have seen anger, jealousy, contempt, and resentment leave our thinking, our attitudes. We have seen the praise we offer to God not help God who needs nothing from us but aide us in releasing what is meaningless or dead in our lives and making room in our lives for what is eternal and alive. God calls us to release what is meaningless or dead and to make room in our lives for the go0d. We praise God not because God needs to receive praise but because we need to give it responsibly due to God’s love for us.

Failure … to Discover Peace

Trying to control anyone else can become habitual. But success will never be lasting. The irony is that failing is actually how we discover what peace feels like. ~ Casey, Karen. Each Day a Renewed Beginning (p. 10). Mango Media. Kindle Edition.

When we decide to take on the god-role we fail at the task. But failing really is actually how we discover what peace feels like. May you discover peace this day and during myriad days to come!

True Comfort

“True comfort is to be found in the balance and sanity of abstinence. So deep and pure is this comfort that it is well worth whatever trouble or pain I might have to pass through to attain it.” ~ Overeaters Anonymous. For Today, p. 253

Abstinence in Overeaters Anonymous is the action of refraining from compulsive eating and compulsive food behaviors while working towards or maintaining a healthy body weight. Abstinence is sanity, liking who I am. Abstinence is a lifeboat! I'll stay in the lifeboat!” Thank God for true comfort and lifeboats.

Rejoicing in the Morning

Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. ~Psalm 30:4-5 NIV

We have today, the present. We no longer have yesterday, have not come into possession of tomorrow. But God keeps gifting to us the present and as long as we avoid edging God out, his gifts are as we would give to those dearest to us! His favor lasts a lifetime; and rejoicing comes in the morning. Thanks be to God for the present!