As We Understand

This may sound stupid but I feel like
I have someone yelling in my ear
WHAT DO YOU NEED?????
STOP TAKING IN ALL THIS JUNK YOU DON'T NEED!
IT'S HURTING YOU!

 Maybe it's my Higher Power.
Either that or I really am losing it
and have more than one person in my head.
I'm only partly kidding.
I just happen to be on my knees because
my phone is plugged in there (whatever it takes I guess).
And when I landed here I feel like I'm getting totally yelled at,

it feels like "I'm sick of whispering.

I'm sick of you ignoring me and pretending you have

all these things wrong. I'm sick of you killing yourself."

I don't know. Maybe it's my voice.

Ooh. I want to argue with the idea of HP yelling,
but I'm serious, I think that's what's happening

 I didn't ask for help. Well I kind of did earlier. I
admitted to myself that I am depressed again.
In that hole. Not as deep because I can get out some every day.
But unless I get my ass (sorry) back to serving I'm done.
(like making dinner tonight)

I guess I'm admitting to you too.

I didn't ask for help but sure as shit know
I can get me here like effing clockwork under stress.
Withdrawing. From society. Myself. Recovery.

Where the HELL is all this coming from???

Sorry for the potty mouth.

It's hard having someone who understands. 

Yes. I really think the day had been significantly significant.
No problem. A line in Slender Steps quoting God is,
"Honest discourse doesn't offend me."

Yeah. I'm at one of those places. The real ones.
I was in the car today eating candy on the way home (bought for John)
and asked myself "if someone said you couldn't eat one more piece
or you'd die, could you stop?" I wasn't sure I could. 

Wow. Acceptance. This is who I am. Now to be the best me.
Not the best "I wish I was" or someone else

I'm just looking for a daily reprieve I guess.