Shaming Myself

Shaming myself for falling back into old behaviors is an old behavior in itself, and it helps keep me in all my character defects longer. ~  Voices of Recovery (Kindle Locations 2101-2102).

Old habits die hard. And the mental habits worst of all.
I blame myself for procrastination, worry about it...
then play games before I start on the day's work
and when I get tired of doing what I should,
and when just a short time remains and I couldn't do much.
Of course I could pick up ten out-of-place things and put them up
or list what I will do when I get back to the computer.
I let people walk all over me and mutter as I do their bidding
then talk about them to others in the oh-me-poor-me game.
I commit to change a pattern then fall back into the mold,
"intend" to clean the house, to mend the blouse,
to mow the lawn, to call the boys but don't and don't and don't.
I look at the Sixth Step and dismiss as done the idea
I'm to become willing for defects of character to wilt away,
pray the Seventh Step Prayer and recite by rote
that My Creator should remove all defects that stand in the way
of my usefulness to God and my fellows. But it's that willing word.
Yes, God, you can take away my shortcomings but not right now.
I'm using them today. Couldn't you take them tomorrow?
I can't believe I act like that. I know better. I do.
But it's that willing word.