Deadly

...the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 62)

Selfish! How bad can it be to be selfish?
Seeing to my own needs? If I don't,
who will? Am I to let everybody else
decide what I need, what I should do?
Should I take the leftovers, the dross,
the dregs? Didn't the other Big Book
say to take the splinter out of my eye first,
to see to my needs? Oh. The plank from mine.
Yes. I can look to my own needs, my own
deficits - and surplusage. I can earnestly will
to lose my character defects besides the plank,
to move past my addiction, to see where my will
stands in the way of the right will, the one
I yield to. Maybe that's not selfish. A wise woman said
being selfish is seeking what I really need,
is doing what I must to have true gaps filled,
If what I'm doing for me makes me more useful,
a better tool, okay. But if I'm in charge, my will
run riot, that's dangerous, that's daring the dark,
that's death-dealing deeds.