The Greatness of Gratitude

Every time you say, "I appreciate that. I really like that. I applaud that. I acknowledge the value in that." Every time you do that, you spend some of your Energy, and it is the spending of the Energy that creates a vacuum, so to speak, or an attraction, so to speak, that draws more and more and more and more. ~ Abraham

God, thank you for all the times
you've given me serenity to accept,
courage to change what I can,
wisdom to choose right.
Thank you for accepting my offer
of myself, for relieving me
of the bondage of self
and taking away my difficulties.
I'm grateful for your enabling me
to do your will.
Thanks for removing my defects,
and I appreciate the strength you give.
Much obliged for keeping me in recovery
until I can find new happiness, new freedom.
I'd glad I can see the value of my past.
I acknowledge the gift of serenity, of peace,
of my story being useful to others.
I value escaping the feelings of uselessness,
self-pity, of self-seeking. I'm delighted
with my new attitude and outlook on life.
Thank you, God, for fear of people and money issues
disappearing. Thanks for giving me good sense,
for at least sometimes knowing intuitively
what I should do. Thank you, God, for doing for me
what I could not do for myself.

That Entity As We Understand

Twenty years ago a counselor told me
he would hypnotize me but my curious self,
my analytical mind, could remain conscious,
aware. He called it a lifeguard, keeping watch.
Today a wise woman said my pain body —
the feel-sorry-for-me child — and my thinking part
don't have to control, that a detached part of me,
that part aligned with the universe,
could observe the pain body and the thought body
without entering the fray, without demanding
some course of action.
I need not take action on each thought, experience,
disappointment, resentment. There is another me,
a watchful, natural, aligned with the Power me,
who can stop my foolish urges, who can pull me up,
who can make mature decisions when the rest of me
would prefer to rebel.
The Big Book says We may not be able to determine 
which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, 
an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. 
We don’t struggle. We are often surprised 
how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while. 
What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration 
gradually becomes a working part of the mind.A lifeguard, our higher self, intuition, inspiration,
a God as we understand ... the name is not important.
Taking time to hear, to do, is imperative for our sanity.

Copyright: rainerplendl / 123RF Stock Photo

Unlocked

Practicing Step Three is like the opening of a door which to all appearances is still closed and locked. All we need is a key, and the decision to swing the door open. There is only one key, and it is called willingness. ~ AA World Services Inc. Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (p. 34).

Pounding on the door. Holding a key in your hand
and placing it in the lock, turning and turning
and stopping for fear of breaking the key.
Pounding on the door. Let me in!!!You know the door opens, there's a key near,
but hidden where? Not under the doormat.
Not in the planter on the porch. Not over the door sill.
Where is it? Others have gotten in. Why can't I??
Yes, the key's available. It's the one in our hands.
The one we tried and tried and were afraid it would break.
Open the stinking door!!After a while exhaustion sets in. You know the door will open,
that others have walked through. But it won't for you.
You insert the key again and address the door calmly.
I need to get in. Won't you please let me in?
I promise, I'll hold my temper, that I'll behave.
But my life is miserable and this is the only door.
I want to go in so badly. And this time it works.
the lock clicks, the bolt slides down, all you need do
is turn the nob, walk through, continue to do it seeking,
wanting, standing ready. And when you do, you know
deep in your heart you'll never go back outside again.
Welcome to recovery. Welcome home!

Blaming Life

To deal with my despair and inner turmoil I had to stop blaming life and find a new way of thinking. ...I learned that I can accept others as they are. I learned that I am not a victim to life. I can care for and be responsible for myself and my thinking. I can consciously choose positive thoughts and decisions that enable me to act on life one day at a time. ~Voices of Recovery (Kindle Locations 1803-1815).

Even though it's fun to be a martyr,
it doesn't get me anywhere.
Oh, it can get me attention
but people aren't fooled...
especially the one acting a victim. Me.
The sympathy that blooms
soon withers, crumbles, and bristles.
It's not life's fault. And not inevitable,
not fate, not beyond my control.
A counselor told me once I think fast...
that I thought faster than anyone else he knew.
A stampede of thoughts, a herd of ghost riders
across the sky, other worldly, eerily odd.
But it doesn't have to be. I'm responsible.
For my thinking. For my eating.
For my co-dependency. For my insecurity.
For my procrastination. Oh, I can't control them.
But I'm responsible. And the responsible thing to do
is to release them, to trust the master of the ghost riders,
to surrender to my higher power
and act — be — sane
one day at a time.

The Gaping Abyss

Frankl believed that at the spiritual level, the depressed man faces tension between who he actually is in relation to what he should be. Frankl refers to this as the gaping abyss. Source

We admitted we were powerless over food,
that our lives had become unmanageable.The gaping abyss stretched out before us,
nudging us, urging us, pulling us into recovery.
It's not that we had not tried. God, how we had tried.
Those courses of action that once seemed to work
now laughed at us, ridiculed us, from beyond the abyss,
driving us to food as something we could control,
as something that dulled the pain, diverted our gaze.
Then that ceased to work as more than anything else
it careened out of control, mocking us, shaming us,
driving us to grief, to depression, to despair, to surrender.
And that didn't help except to face us toward the promise,
recovery. And when that finally pointed out just how
and to whom we were to surrender, a solid bridge appeared
solidly spanning the gaping abyss.

Thought Control

Once you gain control over the thoughts you think, your sense of injustice will subside and will be replaced with the exuberance for life and the zest to create that you were born with. ~ Abraham

Who owns your thoughts? Who controls them?
Have the answers changed over time?
Which was better? What's it like not to control them?
Meditation? Stream of consciousness? Lost in a project?
One with the universe?
Struggling with a problem ties you in knots.
Riding the swell of a solution frees your soul.
It's called surrender. It's turning it over
to a power greater than yourselves.

Self-Propulsion

The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous

"I can do it myself." The toddler within has spoken.
Don't help me, keep your suggestions to yourself,
leave me alone. Fine for a toddler, since the parents
watch, support, advise, guide. So it's really not
the self-propulsion we believe we're creating.
We have help. Learning how, making it
(or the components), ideas before us,
the community. And while we need to do our part,
lest the doing it ourselves becomes the of all and be all
then we take advice, we rely on help,
we function for the better good,
not our selfish pride, and we ask our Higher Power
to keep us on track, to be our propulsion,
to be the loving parent.

The Thinking Obsession

Cognitive addictions are a powerful way to avoid feelings. I lived in my head for years. I was a university professor. Thinking can be a way to avoid feelings. All addictions have a thinking component, which is called obsession. ~ John Bradshaw, Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child

A thinking component which is called obsession.
That's the kind of argument that says you can't be too dumb
to recover...but you can be too smart. At least
you can think too much. Why would that work?
Why should I do that? I'm past that point,
educated, intelligent. That's for the peons, 
the simple, the ones who don't understand. 
No, it's the simple who actually find recovery easiest!
Like Jesus said, let the little children come
and don't stop them. You must become like a young child,
a newborn, to enter the kingdom. Keep it simple, stupid.
And stupid doesn't refer to the simple minded
but to those who would complicate it, "perfect" it,
improve on it. We can't successfully live in our heads.
When we try, we become like robots, empowered only by hot air.
Set aside the thinking. Listen, respond, believe, become.

The Path to Change

How do I become who I want to be?
Maybe in some minor ways by deciding,
choosing a path then taking it.
Maybe that's possible...
when I've already drawn near.
Then there's the coming to believe.
Not deciding to believe, not resolving to,
but that wondrous initial trust,
that idea that maybe...just maybe...
the path could be open to me,
the one others seem to walk.
A kind of getting-to-know=you,
of trusting just because nothing else
gives any hope. Some credence
that seems inherent, logical, natural.
Then tidbits of plausibility,
examples in your life, maybe in friends
when you've been there, up close,
personal, an  involved observer.
Witnessed improbabilities.
A certainty that something's there,
a curiosity, an interest...a hook.
But unwilling to invest, unable to risk.
Curious, but passive, open to questions
in answer to questions leading to inquiry.
No longer passive, actively interested,
seeking, accepting the quest.
Standing open, vulnerable, ready to receive
the unexplainable, the unexpected,
the unworldly.
Coming, curious, ready, open,
prepared to offer your truth,
your heart.
Asking like the Baptist,
Are you the one, or do we wait longer?Buying in, investing the bank, fully convinced,
You/this/here is my path.
God, help me, here is my path.

credit to Sherry Weddell

Showoff!

The pineapple made its way to England in the 17th century and by the 18th century, being seen with one was an instant indicator of wealth — a single pineapple could cost the equivalent of $8,000 today.  ~ http://stst.io/Tq8oTuhoScftJNcW8

Stuff. Things. Some are diamonds,
others lumps of coal. All are stuff. Things.
Status symbols. Something people want
because maybe others will respect, admire
the one who has it.
Inferior quality. Shoddy. Low-grade. Tawdry.
Deficient. Without value. Cheap. Paltry. Pathetic.
And embarrassment. Subject to contempt.
Second-hand. Used. Tried and true.
There is nothing new and improved.
We are not what we have. Trendsetting clothes
no more define us than shabby threadbare ones.
Grandmom received a large silver platter,
an appreciation gift. She promptly declared pickles here,
chow chow there, rhubarb over there.
A peanut in a silk purse is a peanut.
A diamond in a Band-Aid box is a diamond.
People have value, concepts are worth defending,
ideas matter. But when we see the wrappings
and miss the core, we can be fooled and bereft.
Become who you want to be then wrap yourself as you choose
but remember what matters.

Exiled from Me

Without a healthy inner life, one is exiled to trying to find fulfillment on the outside. This is co-dependence, and it is a symptom of a wounded inner child. ~ John Bradshaw. Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child

What should I do? I asked him.
What do you want to do? he answered.
You've spent your life pleasing others
and it's time to take care of yourself.And the answer, of course, is I don't know.I've spent those years exiled from myself,
doing what you/he/she/it/they wanted me to.
I won't change people I hire to serve me
because it might offend them. Even when I know
I'd rather try someone else. I join and I'm a lifer
because what would you think if I left?
Honesty, openness, awareness of who I am,
what my patterns are, step work on how it came to be
that I need to stop being exiled
from me.

Understand

Thus, to know humanity,
understand earth.
To know earth,
understand heaven.
To know heaven,
understand the Way.
To know the Way,
understand the great within yourself.
Wayne Dyer, Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life:
Living the Wisdom of the Tao

God is in me not like a blueberry in a muffin
but like the ocean in a wave.
I am in God not like a blueberry in a muffin
but like the ocean in a wave.
Being in God and God in me,
I am in harmony with all that is.
I am a part of history, of humanity,
of eternity and infinity.
But I am not a puppet.
I have free will. I can remain
in comfort and harmony
for that is my natural state.
But I can rebel, dissent, defy,
kick against the symmetry
and wallow in misery, in pain,
in anger, in defiance, in seeking.
Or I can be still and know where God is
and reside within him in joy.

paper4pc.com

Prisoner in the Sheets

The waiting comes hardest

in single-digit night hours,

as absurd thoughts nag

and grandiose plans leapfrog logic.

When the offering of your presence,

as anchor in islands of consciousness

tie you there rather than giving up
and starting tomorrow too early,

the body may rest as the mind

seeks to bring the sun's chariot

to the horizon.

I Thank You

Practice silently repeating I thank You throughout your waking hours, and as you fall asleep and awaken. It really doesn’t matter whether you’re thanking God, Spirit, Allah, the Tao, Krishna, Buddha, the Source, or self, because all those names represent the great wisdom traditions. ~ Wayne Dyer, Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao

I thank you, God of my understanding, for the morning,
for a sound sleep, for that interlude between night and day.
For health, for toothpaste taste and fresh, clean teeth.
I thank you, God, for wet grass, a hose that works, birds and flowers and sun,
for the comfort of knowing breakfast, no decisions, routine, accustomed,
for the morning paper, plans for the day, a quiet time with you.
I thank you, God, for morning commute, familiar sights and sounds,
for folks at work who welcome me, a worthy job, people to serve,
for respect and camaraderie, simple tales, the lives of friends.
I thank you God, for people I love, those I would help, whenever, however.
For people who love me in that way, who support me, encourage me,
make me a better person. For your making me, crafting me, teaching me,
enabling me to find the best path for me, for showing me the next right step,
for using me for good.

Too Taboo

9.  Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. - Step 9

My grammy raised me and her rules were dumb.
Once I got someone else to sign as parent
and got an abortion. She found out and asked
and I lied up a storm, finally convinced her I didn't.
To tell her I did and I lied would injure her, you know...
she'd be disgusted with me, hate me, never trust her.
That's what it means about injuring in making amends, yes?
No.
When I was eight I stole a sack of candy from 7-Eleven.
Since I work there now, and I could get fired for theft,
maybe even twelve years ago, I can make anonymous amends, yes?
No.
I can't stand Bud. He drives me crazy, hangs around me,
talks to me, calls me his "bestie!" Please!He does such stupid things! My major entertainment
is talking about him behind his back, but he's too dumb
to even know. That one, I know, I should make amends,
tell him I've always thought him a buffoon, talked about him,
belittled him when he's not there. That's got to be okay,
to tell him what I've always done when he thought we were buds, yes?
No! You make amends to him by talking in praise of him,
by being the friend he thought you were. But you don't tell him.
Now that' s taboo.

Negativity

Illness or pain is just an extension of negative emotion. When you are no longer feeling any resistance to it, it's a non-issue. ~ Abraham

It's logical. Angry, embarrassed,
bitter, jealous, engaged...
what happens? You smash things,
yell, use your go-to comforts,
make those around you miserable.
It doesn't cause the cause of the anger
to diminish. Instead, it grows,
multiplies, makes more misery,
causes negativity in other people,
but more in you. What else does it do?
Raise blood pressure, anxiety,
headaches, depression, heart attack,
strokes...anger hurts you physically.
The cause and effect make sense,
tell us what we know.
But the inverse? Can that be true?
Lack of negativity heals, cures,
causes pain to end? Yeah, sure.
Sure? What if? If you give it a chance,
allow the negative traits to be removed,
seek a positive mind, soul, body...
if all that happens is you no longer have
the known results you don't want
that's a good. And if the impossible comes,
if illness and pain go away,
would you turn that down?

Copyright: ipopba / 123RF Stock Photo

One Day at a Time

A year's calendar isn't long enough,
so they make them for eighteen months.
Experts expect a five-year plan, short term,
but a twenty-year outlook for the vista.
I'll buy their calendars, list goals far-fetched,
but the only way to get there is forgetting
the plans, not considering even next week.
I recover, I live, I have peace
one day at a time.

I Am Not a Crow

We have a lovely murder of crows around here.…[They will eat stale bread.]...as long as I keep reminding myself, “I’m not a crow, I’m not a dustbin." ~ Miranda O

What to do with food. Never an issue...before.
There were no leftovers worthy of us left.
Many of us were raised with reminders, starving children,
far away, don't waste the food.
But how did my eating three servings
fill any one of them? Not that I ate it all.
Oh no, anyone I fed had excess weight...
like the dog claimed from the Pound,
"Oh, is that fat dog yours?"
Of course it was. Anyone I fed ate to excesses.
But it's different now. There's a food plan.
And like the literature says, I have learned
to love myself enough to want recovery
and be willing to do the footwork required
to get and retain abstinence. I am not a crow.
I am not a dustbin. I love myself enough
to want recovery.

Where's Your Rope?

He granted me a private session in which he wisely tugged on an imaginary rope that would eventually guide me out of the self-made quicksand. ~ Voices of Recovery (Kindle Locations 1610-1611).

Please, please, please, release me
from all the self-made quicksand!
I'll pull the rope myself. Just show me!
But sometimes I can't rescue myself,
occasionally I've sunk so deeply
there's no way out, not by myself.
It's imaginary, so why not? Because it's me.
Because I dug the pit, supplied the quicksand,
knew it was there, and plopped myself into it.
Who can see the rope? Someone who's been there,
someone who once dug their own pit,
who escaped, who has moved far enough away
to see clearly. A sponsor. A counselor.
Even someone writing literature, speaking,
sharing in a meeting. We can find the rope,
we have nine tools, and the rope can be any one:
meetings, sponsorship, service, literature,
a plan of eating, an action plan, the telephone,
writing, and even anonymity. Grab hold of tools.
Your quicksand is endangered when you do.

Sort of Recovered

I can tell you how to mend
relationships, find satisfaction —
even joy – in life, alone or together,
hale or unwell, in spite of others.
Find a meeting, get – and use – a sponsor,
work the Steps, recover. Yet,
I won't. So why? How could I deny
your happiness, your wholeness?
Because I know – or at least fear, believe —
you would hear only to go to a few meetings,
and you would, but to sit and listen,
share your wisdom along with disdain
for vulnerability expressed,
the weakness confessed.
You'd find repugnant the very idea,
the humiliation of showing up, of implying
by silent – or vocal – presence your flaws.
But having gone through the motions
you'd come to me, haughty in having followed
the guidance. Then you'd be repulsed
when I denied you'd changed, you'd complied
with the directive. You'd rage when I said
it's not recovery when you sort of submit.