My Time

If I'm a good girl, will you like me?
Why do I feel the necessity to barter
for appreciation? Is that my only path
to self-esteem? How do I feel about myself,
so how do I treat myself? Do I delegate,
outsource my emotional process
to something or someone else
that backfires? Am I defensive
about being seen...really seen..?
I want to defend myself, mold what you think
about me. I want to amend me, to fix me
to be as I want to seem. I want control
of how you see me so you feel good
because I let you seem good.
So I'm happy to be with troubled folk
for I look good, and they are happy
and I can take care of them, suiting us both.
Until the care-taking is noxious
and I'm empty, I can no longer comfort them,
can't make them happy, I'm a failure.
I'm empty, depleted, exhausted.
I have to discover my ability to achieve.
I must learn to say,"I need help"
and allow myself to receive it.
I need to claim my time
so I can find self-respect and
find a surplus so, having, I can give.
It's my time to feel, to express feelings,
to have serenity, and to discover self-respect.

Major source: YouTube -- How to control emotion and influence behavior | Dawn Goldworm