Be Empty to Become Filled

...if you want abundance, knowledge, health, love, and all the other attributes that personify the Tao, you need to be receptive to them. Lao-tzu instructs that you must be empty in order to become filled, for attachments keep you so restricted that nothing can enter your already-filled self. Being empty in this sense means not being full of beliefs, possessions, or ego-driven ideas, but rather remaining open to all possibilities. ~ Wayne Dyer, Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao 

Hoarders. Compulsive hoarding disorder.
Syllogomania. Disposophobia.
Big words. The extreme of a problem
but the smaller version, clutter collecting,
can be nearly as traumatic.
Ask Clutterers Anonymous members.
Collectibles. Collections.
Those things people see many of
and give you more.
We keep our precious stuff.
It doesn't matter if the box
hasn't been opened since the move
in 1978 from Austin to Abilene.

Overcommitment. Obligated.
Harried. Involved. Knee-deep.

Swamped. The same thing happens
to lives as to houses. And just as paralyzing.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

God's Side

Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God's side, for God is always right. ~ Abraham Lincoln

It's our fight, so we choose the team,
for surely nobody knows as well as we
the kind of team we need. We choose the best,
the strongest, the wisest, the winners
and it's an honor to man our team.
So surely we choose our god, of course.
We want the best. And our god comes,
for he's always there, but somehow
he fails to take orders, to do our bidding.

When we understand whose team it is,
what an honor to be chosen, we come willingly.
And then, the team structure as it rightly should be,
we're on the winning side, the one we always wanted,
and peace and joy are as much a part of our reward
as the things we'd always sought from the team we chose.
For with the right leader, we're always on the right side.

Words with One Sound

In the beloved 23rd Psalm there are 119 words; 95 are words of one syllable. In the Sermon on the Mount more than 80 per cent are words of one syllable. In the Ten Commandments, on which are based all the laws of all the world, there are 319 words; 259 are words of one syllable; and only 60 of two and more syllables. In Lincoln’s Address at Gettysburg, perhaps the greatest in the world, there are 255 words. Of these, 194 words are of one syllable; 53 of two syllables; and only 19 of three or more syllables. ~ The Spartanburg Harold-Journal, March 30, 1983.

Truth. No frills, no blooms.
Words not fake or false.
Hope held in a hand.
Sounds of a child.
Love. Kind. Care. Safe.
Hope piled on hope,
Bliss in a kiss, warmth in hugs.
Much, one's fill. Smiles.
Good mood.
Cloud nine, walk on air.

Twelve steps.
1. Know hope gone.
2. Sense a force that can make sane.
3. Choose to trust the god you grasp.
4. List your fear, your hurt, your wrongs.
5. Tell a friend, count God in.
6. Want to let go of faults.
7. Ask to pass them up as God chose.
8. Made lists of wrongs we hoped to mend.
9. Did the work to heal as we could.
10. Note our acts, take care of  wrongs.
11. Looked for God, said our prayers,
hoped to know his will for us.
12. At peace with life, our hearts made new,
we taught these steps to friends who hurt
and lived them in each day's life.

Fame

Know who I am so I will matter.
Remember me, quote me, talk of me
so people will know I'm important.
If I don't stand out I know I'll vanish,
slip away, evaporate, cease to exist.
I want to tell you of my successes
as well as the miserable failures,
because either way I become real.
How can you expect me to remain silent,
to stand in the background,
to not even tell how wonderful I've found
this organization to be? Let me stand up and speak,
let me tell my story. Surely the world will be better
if you can see me and how I have become different
because this program exists.

No. Ignore me. Let me contribute when needed
but not be seen, not be noticed, not be identified.
It's the program that matters. Not me.
If I remain anonymous and people find recovery
is that not really the fame, the achievement,
that means most
to me?

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A Hole in My Soul

Missing. Presumed dead.
My hopes. My dreams.
My potential. My sanity.
Without purpose, compass,
anchor, mainsail, destination.
A hole in my soul.

How can I fill the hole?
I've tried alcohol, drugs,
food, gambling, shopping,
sex, dependency on people,
exercise, games, counseling,
everything.
For a while they would work
but only for a while
and the left, and when they left
the hole in my soul gaped wider.

How can I fill the hole?
These fools think they have a way...
Twelve steps, surrender,
a power greater than they,
a group of people suffering
with the same holes in souls.
It cannot possibly work.
Until it does. And now my work,
my mission, my obsession
is to tell you about my hole,
how it was filled,
and how yours can be, too.

Not My Food

(Credit to Miranda O)

A wedding with a bride's cake
and a groom's. A basket of Valentine candy,
picked through, but still sitting there.
The newest Blizzard flavor.
Those drive-through windows
ready to serve up an apple fritter
in exchange for a dollar and a quarter.
The ultimate dare of an all-you-can-eat buffet.
The perpetually full cookie jar
beside the coffee pot.
Blue Bell ice cream back on the shelf.

It would drive me crazy,
propel me to five hundred pounds
were it not for the simple truth.
My food is the food on my food plan.
That other stuff...
it's not my food.

Choosing a Higher Power

She suggested that I borrow her Higher Power while I was trying to define my own. If that was not big enough, I could take all the Higher Powers from everyone at our big meeting. It reminded me of taking little pieces of clay from here and there until I had a big pile. ~Voices of Recovery (Kindle Locations 655-657).

A collection of Higher Powers?
God, Allah, the Tao, Ahone, Keri,
Great Spirit, Horus, Thoth, Ishvara,
Ghagavathi, Ahura Mazda...
a collection of higher powers.
The group, Howard (be thy name),
GUS (guy upstairs), nature,
the universe, demiurge,
Mars, Venus, Pluto, Thor...
a collection of higher powers.
The chair that holds me up,
the rainbow, the ocean, the wind...
We came to believe a power
greater than ourselves
could restore us to sanity.
And as we felt our way through
learning what this might mean
we also came to understand
this was an organization...
a program of recovery, rather...
that left the details
to the individual
and that person's needs,
willingness to embrace,
and personal understanding.

The Problem with Virtual Meetings

It's all the same as physical meetings,
the Standard Meeting Format,
the literature, the shares,
the recovery. It's all the same,
but it's not. When we get through
we say goodbye, but then I'm alone
with my computer and there's nobody
with a hug and a kind word
to send me off into the week.

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Monday Morning

Nine-twenty, Monday,
at least in Texas.
In California it's seven-twenty,
in Ireland three-twenty
but afternoon, not morning.
Turkey? Five-twenty...
except when time zones change
on different days in the US
and Ireland...and Turkey
by order of the president
ignores Europe's time-change,
setting it off a week.
Then there are the Skype issues.
And times we have to use phones
instead of computers.
And who has premium package
so they can place the call.
But every Monday at twenty after
some hour, whatever, wherever,
recovery happens thanks to technology
and recovering people we love
around the world.

All About Me

I’m right where I’m supposed to be learning what I need to learn about me. ~ Jhe T

Of course it's all about me.
I've known that forever!
I am the center of the universe,
and when I get the perfection perfected,
all will be well and the world will thrive.

I'm nothing. I'm powerless, hopeless,
living a meaningless life, the scum of earth.
Nobody loves me, and it's obvious why,
since I'm not lovable, just a worthless,
nonredeemable, desperate addict.

What others think of me is none of my business.
What I think others need is none of my business.
I'm not in charge, but I'm not a puppet.
I surrender – and that differs from being comatose.
There is a Power greater than me, able, capable,
caring, loving, merciful, and to that Power
I matter. I'm right where I need to be,
learning what I need to learn
about me.

Instinctively

Within you lies a piece of God that instinctively knows what to do and how to be. ~ Wayne Dyer

A piece of God in me.
The idea clashes
with the wisdom I've quoted
that God is in us
not like a blueberry in a muffin
but like the ocean in a wave.
But not really. Who's to say
the God in me like an ocean in a wave
is not that piece of God.
God's so mighty, so large,
that only God could be a piece
the size of an ocean.
But it's true, that piece of God
must be embedded, a part of me
in order that I might truly find
that instinctively I know
what to do, how to be.
That's what the Big Book says...
Here we ask God for inspiration, 
an intuitive thought or a decision. 
We relax and take it easy. 
We don’t struggle.We know what to do
and how to be...

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After Relapse

How can I go back?

I had been so cocky,

so arrogant, so sure

I had this figured out.

I'd sponsored...even

relapsers!...so sure,

so authoritatively.

Now I'm fifty pounds up,

hopeless, helpless,

embarrassed, chagrined.

I know what the answer is.

I know where the answer is.

I know who will be there

and how they'll welcome me.

Nobody – except me–

hates me for this.

I thought the first time hard

but it was nothing like this.

All I have to do now

is walk through that door.

"Welcome back! Welcome home!"

Action Plan

An action plan is the process of identifying and implementing attainable actions, both daily and long-term, that are necessary to support our individual abstinence and emotional, spiritual and physical recovery. ~ https://www.oa.org/newcomers/tools-of-recovery/#action

The newest tool, an Action Plan.
It't not a cookie cutter (pardon that word)
or the same for everyone. It's your own,
your plan for your actions. Is it learning to cook
nutritious food? An exercise program...
or a decision to cut down excessive workouts?
Is it calling in your food, or texting it?
Meditation? Relaxation? A time apart?
Planning your days, spending family time,
avoiding excess work? Daily step work?
Journaling? A god box? Getting medical help?
Cutting out clutter? Conquering procrastination?
Financial sanity? Whatever it is,
it's yours. And when you find your plan
you'll discover serenity, manageability,
the power to work your own program
one day at a time, day after day after day.

Service Gets Me Out of Self

Service gets me out of self and when I’m out of self I can put another twenty-four hours together. ~ Jhe T
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs. ~ Step 12

How is it that service is a tool?
The tools help us work the Steps
and refrain from compulsive overeating.
So, carrying the key to unlock the meeting room,
keeping up with literature, sending emails,
making phone calls, sponsoring, taking minutes,
greeting people, setting up chairs
and putting them up...all kinds of service.
So, how does it help us work the Steps
and eat right? Sponsoring does, of course.
You lead someone else through the Steps
and learn them in a different way. Carrying keys
means coming to meetings, and that helps.
Serving on committees? The committee meetings
do business but they're meetings, all the same,
where two or three are gathered together.
Talking to newcomers, to people we meet
on the street, in doctor's offices,
among our friends and associates.
Service. Any way, every way.
It gives us the power to do the next right thing
for twenty-four hours, over and over,
then over again.

Why Go to Meetings?

I went to a meeting today.
I should have brought my book
but it hadn't even come to mind.
That pesky Jena was there
talking about a sale. too late.
I missed it. Sally asked me to read
but I didn't want to. She asked a question
and embarrassed me since I was distracted.
She should know better.

It wasn't a great meeting
though there was no fight
or anything like that.
Just seemed a waste of time.
I don't seem to fit in
with all those people
who just want to read the literature
and share and talk about the steps.
Sometimes a meeting's a waste of time.
And that usually happens
when I really didn't want to go.

 

Benevolent Reverence

The more you practice benevolent reverence for the invisible Tao, the more you’ll feel connected to it. ~ Wayne Dyer. Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao

Benevolent. Characterized by
or expressing goodwill
or kindly feelings. Desiring
to help others – charitable.
Not for profit. Benevolent.
Reverence. A feeling or attitude
of deep respect tinged with awe;
veneration. To venerate. Reverence.
Not the same attitude as,
"I'm mad as Hell and
I'm not going to take this anymore!"
Not the same connotation as
a self-centered wish list,
like ordering takeout but from God.
Not the same as using special phrases
to obligate God to fulfill your demands.
Not the concept of bartering with God,
"Give me a new car and I'll never drink alcohol."
Practicing benevolent reverence.
Show me the way, please. Not my will, yours.
Thank you for your graciousness.
Grant me the characteristics and knowledge
I need to do the task you set for me.
Or merely sitting, quiet, practicing
the concept, living the principle
of benevolent reverence.

Who Is Harmed?

A party heard two shots fired,

said they were inside a house.

Was that a traumatic event,

sleepless nights, haunted dreams

to come?

The news crew, probably others, too,

arrived at the scene, waited, watched.

What happened they could have covered

but did not?

A son was there, whether rightfully or not,

shots fired toward him by his own father.

The expectation of parenting never stops

so could he have lived through that

without being harmed?

A father fired shots near his son.

Was he sober, drugged, insane,

rational and at the end of his rope?

He did not sever the parent/child bond.

Was he not damaged?

The egomaniacal Chief of Police

found another way to wedge his face

before the media. Did not the city, the citizens,

suffer from this?

Did the English language not suffer

in the writing of this story?

Who was harmed? Who owes amends?

Were there really no victims?

Ugly

Don’t deal with him when he is very drunk, unless he is ugly and the family needs your help. Wait for the end of the spree, or at least for a lucid interval. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition (Kindle Locations 1337-1338).

Pretty is is pretty does. Ugly is is ugly does.
Ugly causes the stomach to clinch,
makes physical abuse of the abuser
seem absolutely logical, ethical, practical.
How do we react to ugly? With hatred?
With contempt? Trying to ignore?
Or convinced we can change the ugly
because we care, because we want to
because we're tough enough to will ugly attractive.
Ugly is ugly. We can't change it,
can't decrease it, can't fix things
for anybody else.
All we can do is live a life of beauty,
of unugly, of doing well, of serenity
and allow those who see us to find
that in seeing us, in knowing us,
they can find their pretty, too.

Precious Present

Be here, and remember to do it now, for thinking about being someplace else uses up your precious present moments. ~ Wayne Dyer, Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao 

Be here and remember to do it now.
To be here now. What other option is there?
There's remembering a glorious past,
longing for it, pining for things before
or longing for a chance to go back to get even,
to change things so the present would be different.

Be here and remember to do it now.
To be here now. What other option is there?
To strive for the what if's, the time that's better,
addictions past, weight lost, having a better job,
being in a happy relationship, having acquired
sufficient objects to declare the game won,
the goal met.

Be here and remember to do it now.
To be here now. What other option is there?
Plenty of other options. Living in fantasy,
denying reality. Depending on the recognition
that others bestow to grant you importance,
significance, meaning. Living a fantasy life.
Existing now but with contempt, disdain, pain.

Be here and remember to do it now.
To be here now. What other option is there?
None worth exploring.

Ourselves

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. ~ Step 4

Well, sure, it's important.
Folks need to figure out
how messed up their lives are,
and then delve in and realize
they did it to themselves.
You need this. I can see
just knowing you from what you say
how beneficial it would be.
When you're finished, I'd be glad
to listen to you, to help you see
how messed up your life really is.

Me? Why would I need to inventory?
I can't think of a single person
I've harmed. And I've certainly forgiven...
nearly forgotten even...those hordes who harmed me.
But really, there's nothing to write down.

Maybe a thing or two, but I know what they are
and to write them down is a waste of paper.

What do you mean, ourselves?
I've done enough of a fourth step.
It's stilly. But if you insist, I will.

That's odd. It's longer than I thought.
And I thought I'd never admit some of this stuff.
But maybe I need to. Do you think you would have time
to hear my Fifth Step?

Give a Dime

If you only have a dime, you contribute that dime, and then you give more to cover those who don’t even have a dime. ~ Jhe T's first sponsor

Every OA group ought to be fully self-supporting, 
declining outside contributions.If we can't identify another tradition
we know the Seventh. And it's good.
We may not be sure about not taking money
from anyone who wants to give,
but we know we're the ones who will donate.

But I'm broke. Sorry, I can't help,
can't give that suggested donation,
don't have three dollars to my name.
Somebody else can until I'm on my feet.

It makes sense. But it doesn't make cents

and doesn't grow recovery. Give.
Give a widow's mite, but give.
Have a stake in the game. Be OA.
Give as if your life depends on it...
because it does.

Made Good

I'm yours, God. I give up,
it's all up to you.
Take away my fear, my jealousy,
my prevarication, my pridefulness.
Strip away my character defects
and make me perfect.
Not that I'm not close already,
almost perfect, and others may think it
but there's more that can be done,
I'll confess to you. A little bit.
Zap away my weaknesses,
remove my habits, my reflexes,
my comfortable behaviors
that long ago began to ruin me.
Take over, God. Fix me.

But why doesn't it work?
Aren't you listening?
I eat because I'm nervous,
because it feels right,
and you don't stop me.
I lie to keep people liking me.
You don't stop my anger,
my fear, my longing.
I've turned it all over to you.
But you seem to expect me
to do my best, to turn to you,
to keep up the relationship,
to be obedient!
That's lots harder
than if you would just
zap me perfect...

Copyright : Jaromír Chalabala 

I'm a Trash Can

If I don't throw it away then I'm a trash can. ~ Kay S

The debris that sticks to the container.
Food that drops on the floor,
no matter h0w many seconds.
Food left on the plates,
you alone in the kitchen to clean.a
That almost perfect cookie
someone tossed in the trash.
It calls. It pleads. It tempts.
It antagonizes. Why is it easy
for others to ignore it
but not for me? I can save it,
put it to the intended purpose,
nourishment. But I don't need nourishment.
I need sanity. If I don't throw it away,
if I don't let it go, then I'm not a hero
saving it for those poor starving people.
I'm a trash can.

 

For a Finish Line

You can't have a finish line without a start line. ~ Maureen Gibbons' dad

Many of us have spent our lives dreaming the goal.
When I'm thin, I'll... When I move out, I'll...
When I get a real job... When I can choose where I live...
When I retire... When this responsibility ends...
Many of us have spent our lies dreaming the goal
but neglected to walk the path leading there.
We don't start a career in the executive suite
or earn a huge check without earning it, deserving it,
building to it.
Many of us have spent our lives dreaming
and not living today, taking the next right step,
listening to guidance, being open to change,
and making it possible to enjoy that dream
because we've learned to enjoy life itself
whether the dream comes true or not.

Face Down in Cheesecake

I’m not facedown in a cheesecake. Miranda

Dunkin' Donuts coming to town...
making the newspaper, TV, radio,
talk around the coffee pot.
Valentines...get candy for everybody you know
or you won't be respected
and they won't feel loved.
You have to eat cake, it's your birthday!!
Velveeta and rotel recipes
everywhere all of a sudden.
What snacks will you have for the Superbowl?
What commercials will they have
to get you to eat?

You know what? It's not essential.
It's not necessary. It's not even fun.
You can live without junk food,
without comfort from food,
without a sugar high.
You no longer have to exist
face down in cheesecake.

Apply Heat

Brand new, excited about program.
Ready to do this, prepared to be amazed.
Quickly, change happens. You really can
go through a day without sugar.
You actually manage to stop and think
before putting food in your mouth.
You get a sponsor, talk to her,
find she makes some sense.
The first month rocks, changes often,
each day better, another discovery.

Then repetition sets in. It's all still good
but the new's gone, it's the same,
if changes are happening, you're not sure...
it seems the same. Your life is contained,
like stew in a pot. Life happens,
and life applies pressure, which is heat.
You keep on keeping on until suddenly
you examine what you have. Still the same,
still stew in a pot...but richer, better,
more satisfying. Recovery happened
when you stayed there, working on it,
and it's hard to imagine how rich it can be
if you continue to expose your life
to the flame of the program.

Social Media Meets Tradition Eleven

     11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, television and other public media of communication. ~ Tradition 11

You know people you see and think of a product.
Hugh Hefner with Playboy, Calvin Klein,
Madonna with Smirnoff, Martha Stewart,
Flo for Progressive Insurance,  the Sonic guys,
Elsie the cow, Dave Thomas for Wendy's...
you could go on and fill a page. You know the face,
associate the brand. And it works.

But not in Recovery. There is no face for OA
or sister/brother organizations. Once we identify,
say we belong, we don't show our face.
We decline to state full names, work to remain anonymous.
Sure, a picture is worth a thousand words.
But it's not worth our letting the best thing that's happened
be merely a way for someone to be seen, to become known
as who this program is.

Striving or Arriving?

You’re no longer living inside of yourself with a desire to be someone else or to gain something that seems to be omnipresent in all of those around you— you’ve traded in striving for arriving. ~ Wayne Dyer, Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao

Paul said, "I've learned to be content
no matter what's happening,
regardless of where I am."
Now is the only time we have,
here the only place.
And contentment lingers for each of us,
for each when and where.
You carry home with you.
Work abounds. Deadlines loom.
Obligations remain. Commitments abide.
Yet you are where you should be.
Listen, do, be. Arrive. Accept.
And abandon the inclination to strive.
Desires discarded, ambition stifled.
Listen, accept, be.

Elections and the Stock Market

10.  Overeaters Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the OA name ought never be drawn into public controversy. ~ Tradition 10

Iowa votes tomorrow.
Meetings will be held tomorrow
where the subject is recovery...
not of control of the national debt,
not of the White House,
not of the Supreme Court appointments.
Meetings will be held tomorrow
where the subject is recovery...
but anything but the principles,
the steps, the traditions,
OA and AA literature,
the tools, what we were like,
what happened, and what we're like now...
Nothing matters but recovery
in our groups, because disagreement
about important things beyond those limits
could destroy the effectiveness of OA
and that would be tragic.

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