What Not Being God Means

  You may have seen the truth of this quite clearly at times in the past, but there was always something lacking in your relationship to that truth. ~ AAAgnostica

It's not that God's not "in the sky"
and all's right in the world.
It's not that I disdain Him, dismiss him,
fail to give lip service to Him.
It has nothing to do with God at all,
this alienation I feel so often,
this failure to thrive in the relationship.
He's not distant, not hiding,
not mad at me for cheating,
for anger, for lying, for wasting time.
There's nothing wrong with God
or Demiurge or "Howard Be Thy Name"
or Good Orderly Direction
or any other name. He wears them all,
accepts them, accepts me. No,
there's nothing wrong with God.
It's me, coming as though
a remedial student,
denying there's a problem,
hiding the fact I'm not as comfortable
as anybody else, as the defendants
who stand before the judge and say,
"I'm blessed," as all the people
who make me feel...
no, who I make myself feel...
they've got it when I don't.
There's something wrong with me
wanting to run the show
and let God know who He can be.