In Relationship to Truth

The reality that whatever you feel or think this moment about getting loaded must come after the certainty of what always happens when that crap gets in your body. You may have seen the truth of this quite clearly at times in the past, but there was always something lacking in your relationship to that truth. ~ AAgnostica

How much misery is enough?
For me it took just short of six decades
of life, and at least forty-seven of those
on a diet or feeling guilty I wasn't.
Miserable? Of course I was.
Three hundred pounds.
Falling...in Amsterdam,
in Rome, in Inverness,
on boats, in airports,
down German stairs...
onto buses, on buses,
off of buses...
unable to participate
in running, hula-hoops,
riding a bike, zip lines
in Mombacho, Nicaragua...
the only one unable to complete,
escorted off the treetop
to where I'd be less vulnerable.
A failure at resisting sweets,
waddling through life.
But I wouldn't get the crap
out of my body, wouldn't reclaim me.
Yet finally, I not only bumped against...
tripped over, fell through, busted
that truth. Ultimately I could stand it no longer
and was ready to not only know the truth existed
but ready to embrace it, to surrender to it,
and become who I spent all those decades
wanting to be.