Remember Me

God chose common objects with a simple command. “Remember Me” each time you eat and drink your meals.~ Manuscript of CREATION’S PARABLES – GENESIS AND STANDARD SCIENCE, SUNG AS ONE by Jo Helen Cox

Jesus didn't limit the words
to do "this" in remembrance.
He said do this as you eat.
He said do this as you drink.
He said to remember him.
And he gave thanks.
There's a reason for saying grace
and not just to gain approval
of parents not at the table
with any regularity for many years.
There's a reason for giving thanks
not just at the altar in church
but at the drive-through window,
in the restaurant, as you open
a lunchbox, when you stand
before the refrigerator
looking there for the help
you've never found there.
Remember him. Remember you.
Remember who you want to be,
how you decided to turn your life
and your will over to a Power who Can.
Remember, and eat then
what your body needs,
knowing where the answers are
and where they aren't.

Forgiveness Equals Healing

To God, forgiveness and healing are the same. ~ Manuscript of CREATION'S PARABLES - GENESIS AND STANDARD SCIENCE, SUNG AS ONE by Jo Helen Cox

Forgiveness is a magic salve?
If so, is that God's domain?
Can I get hold of it, heal with it?
Who does it heal? The forgiven?
Or the forgiver. Or both?
D. All of the above.
When I forgive,
I heal the wound in me.
When I forgive,
I may build up the other,
give them the ability
to see the truth, the love.
And more. When the old poison,
the resentment, is purged from me,
it heals the path to God,
removes the barriers I set up,
and heals all around, maybe
sprinkling on those not involved,
those merely exposed
to the relief of restored health.

Festering Wounds

We find we can save ourselves days of resentment and fear by resolving disputes as they arise, instead of allowing wounds to fester. ~ The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous

A snide comment.
A white lie, a commitment
made but not kept.
Hidden behavior
because I want to seem better,
more righteous, exemplary.
But I know. I remember.
And you can't know.
I add to it by hiding it,
maybe by more lies,
more secrets.
But truth be told
it affects me more
than you. You may know
and not care. Or not know.
And not care. But I know.
It's like a blister growing,
a wound left to fester,
not cleaned, not treated.
An amend not made
is a festering wound.
And even a child
knows to take care
so it doesn't get worse.
Making amends
is for me, for my sanity,
for my self-respect.
And I want to heal.

Mercy

Wherefore in all things it behoved him to be made like unto his brethren, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make reconciliation for the sins of the people. ~ Hebrews 2:17 (KJV)

We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 75

Mercy me!
Mercy! Me?
Merciful to me!
How can you know
my baseness,
my depravity,
and accept me?
How can one so good,
so pure,
not shun me
but hug me,
accept me,
love me?
Mercy!

God of grace,
God of mercy,
thank you for your faithfulness.

From A Cloud of Witnesses - Two Big Books and Us

I'm Glad

I'm glad I have a family,
those I'll see today
and those I won't.
I'm glad I've enough to eat
and don't have to consume
all that's on the table
at which I sit, that friends
and family will give pleasure
greater than the food we share.
I'm glad I've friends a walk away
and those across oceans.
I'm glad the angst of others
is my concern because I care
but not mine to fix, to rescue.
I'm glad I'm meaning greater
than the day-t0-day routine
but that I can do great things
on any of those days.
I'm glad for leaders
and for followers,
for servants and those they help.
I'm glad I've come another year
to sit down and be thankful
for all I have, physical
but especially spiritual
and mental.

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A Glorious Duty

Not only was the Teacher wise, but also he imparted knowledge to the people. He pondered and searched out and set in order many proverbs. The Teacher searched to find just the right words, and what he wrote was upright and true. 

The words of the wise are like goads, their collected sayings like firmly embedded nails – given by one Shepherd. Be warned, my son, of anything in addition to them. 

Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body. 

Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the whole duty of man.
For God will bring every deed into judgment,
including every hidden thing,
whether it is good or evil. (Ecclesiastes 12:9-14 NIV)

Of making many books, no end.
I’ve added to the pile.
Much study wearies the body,
makes the eyes burn,
but sometimes, just occasionally,
an idea springs forward,
a light,
a beacon.
Fear God.
Keep his commandments.
This is your whole duty.
What a glorious duty it is.

Praise God for life as it comes.
Praise him in sorrow, in joy, in loneliness,
from the masses,
hidden in my closet.
Praise God for giving life meaning
even when it all seems meaningless.

Barbara B. Rollins A Time for Verse - Poetic Ponderings on Ecclesiastes 

No Right Path

By trying to control others through manipulation and direct force, we had hurt our loved ones. When we tried to control ourselves, we wound up demoralized. Even when we succeeded, it wasn’t enough to make us happy. ~ The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous (Kindle Locations 106-108)

Can't get there from here,
try to help others see right
and we're rejected, scorned,
ignored.
Can't choose the right path
on our own. Get lost, lack perspective,
misheard directions,
lost our way, gave up
a few feet short of the goal
we couldn't recognize.
Set out together to find it,
searched, re-planned,
modified, discussed pros,
cons, doubts but found it...
and no longer wanted it.

Need to start by listening,
by surrender, by being willing
and enjoying the journey
find ourselves there,
together, content, successful
without a struggle.

Waiting for a Sign

I refused to move
without knowledge
of my higher power's will
for my life that day.
I considered reading
from the literature,
pulled out six books
and two pamphlets.
None caught my eye
so I knew it was not meant
that I should read any.
My sponsor called
but I explained to her
I awaited important news
and hung up the phone.
I stepped out in the yard
and saw an amazing cloud
but had no time to think on it
and moved on to await
word of the higher power's will.
Finally it was clear
I'd have no assignment that day
and went about the day
convinced I must stand
on my own two feet
and not await
some amorphous message.

Procrastination

Interposing excessive ostentation
exacerbates utilization of temporal increments
in non-utilitarian methodologies
camouflaging dilatory tendencies
and circumventing engaging
in proximate advantageous commodities.
Recapitulating frequently
utilizing insignificant deviations
creates a semblance
of consequential progression
and further dissimulates
the ultimate discernment
that the tendency to mosey
represents the epitome
of chronic low-intensity fear.

What's the Hurry?

One of these days
I'll start a new program,
a new diet, a cleanse,
a new exercise regimen.
I'll take control of the weight,
of my life, of my fate,
of my happiness someday.
But I've got so much to do
and I've got to eat so many things
one last time before I give them up...
One of these days I'll do it.

 

What? My life is falling apart.
I've got to have help because I can't...
I don't care if it's not convenient,
I can't wait. I need recovery NOW!

(Written from experience
that sometimes right before a holiday
is THE VERY BEST time to start Recovery.)

In Relationship to Truth

The reality that whatever you feel or think this moment about getting loaded must come after the certainty of what always happens when that crap gets in your body. You may have seen the truth of this quite clearly at times in the past, but there was always something lacking in your relationship to that truth. ~ AAgnostica

How much misery is enough?
For me it took just short of six decades
of life, and at least forty-seven of those
on a diet or feeling guilty I wasn't.
Miserable? Of course I was.
Three hundred pounds.
Falling...in Amsterdam,
in Rome, in Inverness,
on boats, in airports,
down German stairs...
onto buses, on buses,
off of buses...
unable to participate
in running, hula-hoops,
riding a bike, zip lines
in Mombacho, Nicaragua...
the only one unable to complete,
escorted off the treetop
to where I'd be less vulnerable.
A failure at resisting sweets,
waddling through life.
But I wouldn't get the crap
out of my body, wouldn't reclaim me.
Yet finally, I not only bumped against...
tripped over, fell through, busted
that truth. Ultimately I could stand it no longer
and was ready to not only know the truth existed
but ready to embrace it, to surrender to it,
and become who I spent all those decades
wanting to be.

Inside Out

Where I live is inside; nothing on the outside changes that. ~ For Today (Kindle Location 272).

Paul said he had learned to be content
anywhere. Anywhere? It didn't take
imagination to envision dire circumstances.
He was a prisoner. Now sometimes
there's talk about a Club Fed location,
easy time. Probably not what Paul faced.
How could he be content there?
Addicts like us tend to believe "there"
is better, easier, cooler, warmer, nicer,
more exciting, less stressful...their dream.
But they take themselves "there"
and that's the crimp in the hose.
If you're happy where you are,
you'll be happy "there." If not, no.
So, be happy. And know since you are
you'll still be happy when and where
you find yourself. Another word?
Serenity.

Good Godly Food

Food's good for soothing
is it not? It is 'til it's not.
Odd how it hoops
from brio, vigor, high spirits,
into sorrow, gloom...
throbbing, stinging,
robbing life of joy,
stirring notions of nothing,
cold, brooding icy loss.
Food holds no soothing
for soft cooling living
springs from God,
from non-worldly kings,
from worthy lives
moving on to good.

Continue to Watch

Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous (Kindle Locations 1514-1516)

What a day, glad this one's over.
Okay, God. Selfishness. Have I
been selfish today?
I took the dog to the groomers,
maybe selfish to do it so early
so I could call my sponsor
then get to an online meeting.
No, not selfish. Setting priorities.
After the meeting I got involved
doing silly stuff...okay, God,
you know what I did...the games
because I had ten minutes
but I spent too long, a bit selfish
because I was late to meet Jo
at the gym. I told her she need not
stay longer for my error, but she did
and I  would have for her...
it's to our own benefit.
It bothered me the ophthalmologist
struggled so with my eyes

but I was trying even if she said
my answers weren't consistent.
No, no selfishness I can find.
Dishonest? No.
Later I made a mistake,
admitted it, told him though I'd sent him
to the wrong house I sent me there first.
Now that fear stuff, that came in.
But he treated me right. At least then.
He got mad that I gave him instructions
instead of a map. I resented that.
Resented his anger at me
though I no longer fear it.
More resentment when he rode with me
and thought he could do it better.
Didn't say so, just commented
I'd not missed a light.
Not terrible on selfish, dishonest,
resentful, fearful. But that other...
turn our thoughts to someone else.
I read a sponsee's confession,
had too little empathy, just said,
"I've read it. When you want
to work the program badly enough
to do it, I'm here." She was admitting
and I sloughed if off. But she called it
a good wake-up call. My thoughts
at day's end weren't on service
but on stupid computer games
and relaxation. I'll be back tonight
with a new report.

I Choose the Fireplug!

A speaker at an OA convention once shared that he would have been willing to sit naked on a fireplug and hand out leaflets if that was what his recovery required. Fortunately, our program requires no single act of daring. Instead, we are shown a path to follow the rest of our lives. ~ Voices of Recovery (Kindle Locations 3622-3624).

Pick me, pick me! I'll do the fireplug!!
Of course I'm going to want to pick the town...
where I've never gone, never will return...
and can I have a cushion on the plug?
But what a deal, one event...an hour? a whole day?
even a month?...and the deal's done,
battle won, I'm there, recovered, saved.
And SO much easier than to follow a path
the rest of my life...sure, I started late,
don't have tons of years to last, but still...
for years to come...I choose the fireplug.
But. The offer was not made. I'm here.
For the long haul. Thank God, I'm here
for the long haul!

 

Human Again

Oops! I've been human again. Lord, please take this burden. ~ Sharon D

I mess up. Not so often as it was
when I had to run the world,
but I do. Things come from my mouth
and I wonder what alien put them there!
I resolve a clean abstinence
and seem to seek out something wrong
to stuff in my mouth before a moment's gone.
Like the Apostle Paul I want to scream,
"I know what to do, I really do,
so why is it I do the opposite!!?"
I could beat myself up. Would have,
back then, when I expected perfection
and didn't even know it, just knew
I lived life wrong. But I'm not in charge,
need not carry the load. I can surrender,
release it, and seek help to choose better
the next time I head for a train wreck.

Talking to God

God, I talk to you. Aloud,
hopefully when I'm alone
or praying in public.
But I talk to you. And it's not
that you don't talk to me.
I remember when you did,
August, 1969. Pretty clear...
I knew, because it wasn't
the answer I would have chosen.
Sure, there have been other times.
But I wasn't sure you were talking.
I just reasoned them out,
found the best course, decided
to take it...and sometimes I did.
Do you remember that time
when Daddy and his cousin talked?
Nineteen ninety-one. I thought
after that maybe I could heal
like my great grandfather could.
I asked you, tried it, figured
I tried it, you didn't give it...
You didn't answer.
God, why don't you ever talk
to me?

If you talked to me more often
I can assure you, I would.
But you have. I have to listen, too.

Willpower

Illusive all my life,
they speak of it,
urge it on me,
disdain my lack of it,
hound me to find it,
beg me to get some.
The puzzle is how!
I tried and tried
but getting all the colors
on the same sides
of the Rubik's cube
is easier (not counting
taking off all the stickers,
reapplying them.)
No the answer is
to admit I can't get it
and ask for someone else
to take over.

Meaning Business

No one is too discredited or has sunk too low to be welcomed cordially — if he means business. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous (Kindle Locations 2141-2142).

Come on in, you're welcome here.
We don't judge you by your need,
by your hurting, by your desperation.
Those we know well and greet you,
our own, our selves, in different editions.
You cannot shock us by how low you sank
or the extremes to which you went
to satisfy your addiction. We welcome you.

Still, you can prove yourself unwelcome.
If you come to mock us, to learn our secrets,
to feel better than us, to hurt somebody...
If you are not someone who desires
to stop eating compulsively,
whether or not you work the steps,
use the tools, honor our steps and traditions,
try to find the way...
If you desire to stop, that's enough
and you're welcome here. But if not,
you don't mean business,
you're a distraction, and
we don't need you here.

Powerless Not Helpless

I'm powerless. But thank God I'm not helpless. ~ David S

I can't. I haven't the power. I'm powerless.
All by myself, alone, it's impossible.
Sure, there's that try, try again stuff,
but there's also that Einstein wisdom,
Insanity is doing the same thing
over and over and over again
expecting different results. I can't do it
this way, can't break the pattern and do it
some other way. I'm powerless.

But there's that Power Greater than Me,
that Battery Pack, that Generator,
that wind energy, that kinetic energy,
that turbine. I'm powerless, but Thank God!
I'm not helpless.

Sanity Comes

The sanity comes from not following through on the action when the temptation comes. ~ Lanaya B

Temptation is not an irresistible force.
Temptation is enticement, allurement.
Temptation is seduction, a temptress,
a siren, a vamp. Temptation is merely...
temptation. And following it is giving in
to unmanageable. Acting on temptation
is sliding back into powerlessness.

So don't. The temptation is an emotion
and not an action. Don't add the action
but add the Steps, the tools, the slogans,
surrendering...add Recovery. Call a sponsor
and resist taking action on that stupid emotion.

Tendrils

Lord, let me be free of tendrils,
those I reach out to someone else,
dependent, subservient, clingy.
Teach me to stand on my own,
to make decisions based on my truth,
to love but not adhere to someone
i fear or envy or obsess over.

Lord, let me be free of tendrils,
those I allow to attach, people
I have no patience for but fear to dismiss,
loathe to admit I'm not their god,
that I don't know what's best for them,
that I know my strength comes
in seeing to my side of the street,
not controlling theirs.

Lord, let me be free of tendrils,
to learn to follow consciously,
thoughtfully, making my own decision
even when you would have me come along
but only as I walk as your disciple,
not your possession.

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A Compass and a Map

A map is a map, but no matter the detail
you have to have a starting point,
perhaps from knowing the location,
sometimes from the information given.
Somehow, though, you need a "You are here."
Knowing where you are, you may know
from sun, from stars, from moss on trees,
somehow you may know direction.
Knowing where you are and what's where
you can work out where you want to be
and how to get there.

Sometimes maps don't help for your need
is a path not marked by latitude and longitude.
Where are you going with your life?
What's the next right step? Maps may come in text
without a single drawing. A wise author,
intelligent advice, helpful companions
who've walked the path before. Just remember
to figure out where you are, what direction
you wish to take, and to move along that path,
often checking your progress and listening to wisdom
about where you need to go.

We Met in Silences

And we got well acquainted, the sea and I.
Good neighbors.
Not that we spoke much.
We met in silences.
Rohr, Richard (2011-09-17). Breathing Under Water: Spirituality and the Twelve Steps (quoting Carol Bieleck)

Silences. Frightening sometimes.
Uncomfortable for many.
Welcome to a few who don't mind
the fellowship when they're alone.
Silences. The noise when there is none,
when no babbling or rambling
or talking to ban solitude intrude.
Silences. When we can know who we are,
what we are, how we feel, what we need.
Silences when we can let go of control
and let our Higher Power communicate
as we meet in the vastness of silence,
the intimacy of tranquility,
and meld.

Bar None

Mars Bars, M&M's, Snickers,
licorice, lollipops, Tootsie Roll Pops.
A sugar high for the kids,
costumes abandoned, stored away.
But the children lose interest,
the plastic pumpkin lurks,
leering at you, mocking your resolve.
You have vowed to leave it, Bar None,
but it stands, haunting. And a day, two,
maybe even three you taste a bite
then soon you stow the bucket
so the child won't miss sweet treats.
And you feel so little, so like a thief,
but the theft is not from the child
but from you, for the lascivious container
has stolen your peace, your serenity,
your abstinence and you know
if you'd just held true to the steps,
you could actually have thrown the sweets away
and harmed nobody...even yourself.

 

A Life Sentence

Guilty of gluttony,
an affidavit of the facts?
A court reporter's fingers
would ache with the effort.
The verdict? A given.
But sentencing? How long?
The finder of fact will know
previously, all efforts failed
at rehabilitation, a tough case,
hopeless, far below standards
expected, the effect
of lifelong debauchery.
It's a serious offense
but the deliberations are easy.
The Court finding what matters
is the defendant is sentenced
to abstinence, recovery, and sanity
during the term of her natural life.
Congratulations, and Welcome Home!

Follow Me

We henceforth concentrated on how to worship Jesus as one united empire instead of following Jesus in any practical ways (even though he never once said “worship me” but often said “follow me”). ~ Breathing Under Water: Spirituality and the Twelve Steps

Practical. A practical relationship
with a higher power. Sometimes
I could swear it's an oxymoron.
But leave the oxy off and moron remains.
Oxy meaning sharp which, when
approached another way, means smart.
Leave off the intelligence – which seems to mean
the analysis, the rationalization, the show-off,
and that just leaves a companion.
Not an equal companion, but a follower,
disciple to use churchy words.
A member of his posey.
Someone who hangs around,
watches, learns, and becomes.
I will follow Him.

For You

Where does the message come from?
How does your Power speak to you?
Which are the voices, the answers,
you're meant to hear? Everywhere.
The answer will come if you're open.
Your universe calls your name.
Listen in group, to shares, to readings,
to causal remarks...even your own.
Your Power does have a voice —
thousands of them, and the one you need
is speaking to you as you walk down the street
or hear a song or even a game show
or riddle. Your Power's message
is an open book, written just for you.

In Disguise

God comes to you disguised as your own life. ~ Richard Rohr quoted by Miranda O

Looking for God in all the wrong places,
searching in vain, stumbling, giving up.
Omnipresent? Who says so? Hiding, he is.
And a master at the art. Meditation.
A fancy word for talking to myself.
And I'm not even listening, just wondering
where are you, God? And the answer?
Be still and know. Know I'm in your child,
your joy, your sense of worth,
the difference you make. Be still.
Relax. I'm in your life, hidinguntil you trust to find.

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Prison Guards or Travel Agents?

“Will you treat people who make you miserable, as prison guards, or travel agents?” ~ Leslie Miklosy

We can hold resentments, holding people hostage
who offend us...or did decades ago.
But if we act as prison guards we'd constrained
as much as they. Or we can know they hurt us,
know we were wronged, but realize they're human,
suffering as we have been. And we can release them,
leave them in their misery and go our separate ways.
But the best way is to lift them up, to wish them well,
to will for them the peace we want to hold
and the vistas open up of wondrous places,
delightful times, we would have missed
had we stayed behind to act as prison guards.

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As a Tourist

I went to my first meeting as a tourist. ~ Graciela M

How does a tourist act? Like a visitor.
Someone there to get the flavor,
to savor the culture, to learn the history,
to see the sights, record the memories,
and to leave.

I love to travel, enjoy being a tourist.
Yet I always want more time, more moments,
more understanding to take with me.
There are several ways to do that. Stay longer.
And keep coming back. Don't do recovery
as a tourist.