My Pleasure Source

What brings me pleasure?
Is it the resentments I cherish,
replaying them each morning,
keeping them fresh, nurturing
the victim identification they give me?
What brings me pleasure?
Eating to oblivion, stuffing my face
to dull my brain, to disguise my fear,
to anesthetize my disgrace, my self-mutilation.
What brings me pleasure?
Putting you down, making fun of his hair,
belittling her accent, gossiping about my friends.
What brings me pleasure?
I should have always known
but my answers were all wrong.
What brings me pleasure is doing right,
living sanely, surrendering to a power
greater than I, accepting myself as lovable
so that I can pass that love on to you
and relish the fellowship, the friendship,
the sense of togetherness I never expected
to find.