Nolo Contendere

I've learned that for every condition in our lives, there’s a need for it. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have it... Guilt always seeks punishment and leads to pain. ~ Louise L. Hay, Heal Your Body (Kindle Locations 138-139, 146)

Guilt lingers heavy from the past,
not particularly deserved, but claimed,
adopted, possessed to the hilt. I know years
of judgment imposed weren't fair,
but I owned them by default.
Then guilt came from playing the wimp,
accepting blame falsely.
Blame became shame
for gutlessly being imposed upon.
For sticking on when sanity demanded
claiming self-respect.
Loneliness sought addictive comfort
in food, in games, in research, in busy-ness
as insanity beat me down for seeking solace
in false gods. Am I guilty? Only of feeling guilt,
of welcoming punishment, of needing
assurance of clemency.
"Not guilty" I claim on needing pain.
An accomplice, though, in
justice miscarried.