Death Parts

Why does she chose to hang on in a life
tied to a self-absorbed dominant god?
Why should she feel obligated to wife
when glacial silence drifts ever unthawed?

As frostbitten psyche grows putrid and dies
she shudders and hunkers to hold back what's left.
The longing, the hope, the need etched in her eyes
dislodges her soul, strands a body bereft.

Yet ages and years day by day flicker by
as her specter attends to his fancy and whim.
A shadow perhaps but a soul to defy
his abuse and hold hope be it ever so dim.   

                Image Copyright : tusia

Peace Be With You

 

Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. ~ unknown

Calm and peace are not the same thing.
Peace is carried in your heart
where it’s often singing with the birds,
and caressing with your eyes and your thoughts
everyone you’re around.
Peace is choosing to love everybody,
declining to let fear or resentment
shove love out of the way.
Peace is to be in  to be
in the midst of those things
and still be calm in your heart.

No Reason to Build Your Defense

 Make no great account who is for thee or against thee, but mind only the present duty and take care that God be with thee in whatsoever thou doest. Have a good conscience and God will defend thee, for he whom God will help no man’s perverseness shall be able to hurt. ~ Kempis, Thomas à. The Imitation of Christ (Illustrated) (p. 62). LiberWriter.com. Kindle Edition.

Be not dismayed whate’er betide,
God will take care of you!
Beneath His wings of love abide,
God will take care of you!
(Lyrics by Civilla Durfee Martin)
Live surrounded by God’s love,
consciously in His protection,
and fear will be permanently
unnecessary!

Image Copyright : Sergey Nivens

A FAITH BIG ENOUGH

Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?”

He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” ~ Matthew 17:19-21 (NIV)

Because you have so little faith.
How big is your faith?
Did you grow up recognizing
the magnified mustard seed
you and/or your friends wore?
Does 1 to 2 millimeters speak to you?
The mustard seed is one of the tiniest,
most insignificant seeds
in the Middle East. But it quickly grows
up to ten feet tall in just a few months.
Can you carry with you a seed that small?
Can you identify your faith as that large??
Do you have a faith as large as a mustard seed?
Does anyone else know?

Help Needed

 For as many as are of the works of the Law are under a curse; for it is written, “CURSED IS EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT ABIDE BY ALL THINGS WRITTEN IN THE BOOK OF THE LAW, TO PERFORM THEM.” Now that no one is justified by the Law before God is evident; for, “THE RIGHTEOUS MAN SHALL LIVE BY FAITH.” However, the Law is not of faith; on the contrary, “HE WHO PRACTICES THEM SHALL LIVE BY THEM.” ~ Galatians 3:10-12, The Lockman Foundation. New American Standard Bible - NASB 1995 

Most of us sense that real tolerance of other people’s shortcomings and viewpoints and a respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us more useful to others. Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. ~ A.A. World Services Inc. Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition . A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.  

What does God want of me?
It feels like sometimes there's no way out.
If I try to follow the law --
God's laws or,
with self-reliance,
avoiding the pull of addiction,
I'm boxed in with no way
to find the proper path. 
But I'm not on my own.
God's here, ready, willing,
to direct my steps,
Upper Class Steps or lower case!
When working the Twelve Steps
or taking that next right step,
in either case (pun intended)
I'm not on my own. 

God, I offer myself to Thee,
– to build with me 
and to do with me as Thou wilt. 
Relieve me of the bondage of self, 
that I may better do Thy will. 
Take away my difficulties, 
that victory over them 
may bear witness to those I would help 
of Thy Power, 
Thy Love, 
and Thy Way of Life.*

*Third Step Prayer

God's Here

 

I was one of those people who prayed regularly for God to remove the fat and allow me to continue overeating. I prayed for the day to be different, not understanding the concept that taking the first bite triggered the disease. I also ate secretly, making sure everyone was out of the house so that I could eat. ~ Overeaters Anonymous, Voices of Recovery, page 25. (with thanks to my Monday OA Clutch for inspiration)

God hadn’t gone to bed when others had,
nor could I avoid His presence
eating “alone” in the car.
It’s like He was standing around,
arms crossed, waiting for my admission
that I needed help. And the help He gave me
was a book, Overeaters Anonymous, 2nd Edition.
I read it, cover to cover, and knew I belonged.
I committed to go…once Christmas was past!
(You don’t start a diet in December!!)
But Sunday morning, December 17th,
I walked from a convenience store,
cappuccino and sweet-roll in hand,
got into the car and said aloud to God,
“This is stupid!” I suddenly knew you did
start a diet in December. I researched online,
found a friend listed as a contact for OA
and consider that Sunday my first day in OA.
Sure enough, God didn’t go to bed,
nor could I avoid His presence
“alone.” Before I got to a meeting,
I had fallen on Christmas Eve,
flown to London on the 27th,
and contacted worldwide friends
from internet cafes every chance I got,
and been the only one at a meeting
one snowy morning! God’s been with me,
guiding me, ever since…more than thirteen years!

And We Become Grateful

 Fun becomes fun, love becomes love, life becomes worth living. And we become grateful. — Beattie, Melody. Beyond Codependency.

Fun becomes fun,
love becomes love,
life becomes worth living.
And we become grateful.
Are we becoming who we want to be?
Do we persist instead on
holding onto negative thinking from the past?
Are you closer today to who you want to be
than you were last January?
Last year? Five years ago?
Why? Or why not?

Image Copyright : Kevin Carden

 

 

Maturity

 Maturity is learning how to start when you feel like procrastinating and learning how to listen when you feel like talking. ~ James Clear

What does it mean to be a grown-up?
I like this definition.
I’m ending a day after doing little constructive,
have my list in my head, determined
to accomplish more tomorrow.
Down days are okay, but letting all be such
makes for low self-esteem.
So tomorrow I’ll be effective,
and listen to good advice
even if it’s the niggling reminders in my head.

From Clipart.com

Reticence

 Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord?Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."  But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”~ Exodus 4:10-13 (NIV)

Reticent: reserved, withdrawn, introverted,
restrained, inhibited, diffident, shy,
modest, unassuming, shrinking, distant,
undemonstrative, mum, uncommunicative,
taciturn, silent, guarded,
playing one’s cards close to one’s chest,
wouldn’t say boo to a goose.
Step Twelve:  Having had
a spiritual awakening
as the result of these Steps,
we tried to carry this message
to compulsive overeaters
and to practice these principles
in all our affairs.
Moses stood there, talking with God
but pled inadequate when sent to serve.
How, when Moses had been shown wonders,
yet still felt inadequate,
could I possibly have the audacity
to speak to someone about miracles
I knew had happened in my life?
I can’t walk up to a stranger,
even an acquaintance,
say I looked like you most of my life,
would you like to overcome obesity?
How would I have felt on the receiving side?
But really, Twelfth Stepping need not be that rude.
I can speak to people who knew me,
who can see the change…one akin
in magnitude to a staff becoming a snake
then reverting to a staff…
I can be bold enough to share
how a miracle happened to me,
how it can happen to them…
I can share my transformation
without embarrassment
because I know the wonder
of finding Recovery
and becoming the person
I always hoped to be!

 

A Time for Everything

 

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven —

  A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
  A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up. 
  A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance.
  A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-5, NASB)

Turn around and turn again.
There was a time before the Byrds.
Turn the page, turn again.
There were the words before the Byrds.
Centuries before. Millennia before.
There was the truth of the words before.
We see our lives through a microscope.
God’s huge view telescopes
the microscopic picture —
the whole mural as well as our square inch.
He knows times we need to hate, to uproot,
to throw away.
He loves us through those and the times to love,
to keep, to dance, and to have peace.

God, thank you for all the times of our lives.
May we remember dancing while we mourn.
May we have peace in times of war.

The Truth Will...

 

I heard a speaker say, “The truth shall set you free, but first it will piss you off.”  Connie H.

Jesus said “If you abide in my word,
you are truly my disciples,
and you will know the truth,
and the truth will set you free.”
Sure, we’ve heard it all our lives,
but have we worked out
the progression from truth to freedom?
Have we not really felt an extra step?
Do we get angry waiting for freedom?
Isn’t that more true when the truth
is multiple truths like the twelve truths
we know as the Twelve Steps?
Have you gotten angry trying to work them?
But wasn’t it true (pun intended)
when you had worked them
you knew “a new freedom
and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past
nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity
and we will know peace.”?*

 

*The Big Book

Help Me to Help them Love

 

17 So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. 18 I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. 19 And who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool? Yet he will have control over all the work into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless. 20 So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun. 21 For a man may do his work with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then he must leave all he owns to someone who has not worked for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune. 22 What does a man get for all the toil and anxious striving with which he labors under the sun? 23 All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless. ~ Ecclesiastes 2.17-23 (NIV)

Giving away things seems easier

for the old.

What I treasured at twenty —

would fight to keep —

sixty years later

can easily go to a youngster

who will treasure it.

What if I’d passed it by for fear

of having to

give it up?

Both would be robbed – I of the joy of

holding and passing the joy,

the youth of treasuring it for it was mine.

Meaningless? Worry is meaningless.

God, help me see those people miserable

as The Teacher. Help me to help them love.

Acting As If

 

The behavior we call “acting as if” can be a powerful recovery tool. Acting as if is a way to practice the positive. It’s a positive form of pretending. It’s a tool we use to get ourselves unstuck. It’s a tool we make a conscious decision to use. Acting as if can be helpful when a feeling begins to control us. We make a conscious decision to act as if we feel fine and are going to be fine. ~ Beattie, Melody. The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series (pp. 16-17). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Did you play dolls as a child?
I played with but I tended to make clothes.
While my sister and the girl next door
mothered their babies, I was the hunter/gatherer.
I created a world “made” of turtle shells.
huge ones for a shelter, small ones as dishes,
and containers, the effect dramatized
by aiming the evaporative air cooler
on our under-the-table location.
This, though, is not the Act-As-If of Recovery,
though they’re related.
Recovery Acting-As-If is a form of pretending
in the same way, of acting out,
of role-playing as a way to figure out
who we wish to become.
And many of us have found a comfort level
we could not have imagined
had we tried to play grown-ups as we explored.

Be Hopeful

  Having hope, we come to understand, is a decision. Other men and women have made this decision. We can too. ~ Casey, Karen. A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance (Hazelden Meditations Book 1) . Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Plant seeds of happiness, hope, success, and love; it will all come back to you in abundance. This is the law of nature. ~ Steve Maraboli

You may say I’m a dreamer,
but I’m not the only one.
I hope someday you’ll join us.
And the world will live as one. ~ John Lennon
And now these three remain:
faith, hope and love.
But the greatest of these is love.
But I know, somehow,
that only when it is dark enough
can you see the stars. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
The very least you can do in your life
is figure out what you hope for.
And the most you can do
is live inside that hope.
Not admire it from a distance
but live right in it,
under its roof. ~ Barbara Kingsolver
When you have lost hope,
you have lost everything.
And when you think all is lost,
when all is dire and bleak,
there is always hope. ~  Pittacus Lore
All human wisdom
is contained in these two words —
Wait and Hope. ~ Alexandre Dumas
The grand essentials to happiness in this life
are something to do,
something to love,
and something to hope for.
~ George Washington Burnap
It is often in the darkest
skies that we see the
brightest stars.
~ Richard Evans

Humility Is...

 

In OA we have discovered that humility is simply an awareness of who we really are today and a willingness to become all that we can be. — The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, p. 60

How can it be we could not decide
who we were at any point of our adult lives?
How can that lack of understanding,
that absence of basic knowledge,
could have been the norm for decades, forever?
What changed us when we came into Overeaters Anonymous?
What does humility have to do with it?
Webster’s says humility is freedom
from pride or arrogance,
the quality or state of being humble.
And humble means not proud or haughty,
not arrogant or assertive,
reflecting, expressing, or offered
in a spirit of deference or submission.
So, does it ring true
that an awareness of who we really are today
and a willingness to become all that we can be.
Certainly that rings true of the difference
between who we were before OA
and who we soon become afterwards?
So is humility the same as happiness?
In my life it seems to be.
Is that true in yours?

My only Project

 

I am my only project! Fully embracing this idea gives me so much freedom to do the many things I have been born to do. Others are in our lives for a reason, but they are not present as our works in progress. ~ Casey , Karen.Let Go Now (p. 12). Mango Media. Kindle Edition.

We come to the Rooms of Recovery
feeling a need to prove ourselves,
to assist in managing the world.
We feel it’s our responsibility
to see that the world function,
that we manage the lives of of others,
that we sustain the functionality
of the world…or at least
the part of the world we occupy.
We get to the Rooms knowing, though,
we’ve not fulfilled our roles well,
and we fully understand in our heart of hearts
we are powerless over the addictive behavior
that brought us here, and that our world,?
our own lives are beyond the reach
of our management tools.
We cannot manage our lives.
We come to understand, to live
the Serenity Prayer, and we pray
for serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
to have courage to change what we can,
and for wisdom to know the difference.
Soon we understand we can change us
and nobody else, and that the difference
is just that, we can change nothing else
but thatGod’s in charge and willing and able
to handle everything else.

Are We There Yet?

 

I thought, “Wisdom is better than foolishness, just as light is better than darkness. For the wise can see where they are going, but fools walk in the dark.”Yet I saw that the wise and the foolish share the same fate. Both will die. So I said to myself, “Since I will end up the same as the fool, whatʼs the value of all my wisdom? This is all so meaningless!” For the wise and the foolish both die. The wise will  not be remembered any longer than the fool. In the days to come, both will be forgotten. Ecclesiastes 2.13-16 (NLT)

“Are we there yet?”

What of the joy of the trip?

Why obsess with the end result?

Can we not see the beauty as we pass?

Can we not build experiences and experience

joys?

Why do we focus only on the end?

If the reward is all it’s about,

why do we try so hard

to postpone it?

God, don’t let me wish my life away.

Show me the sights I would miss if I don’t pay

attention

to

today.

A Time for Verse: Poetic
Ponderings on Ecclesiastes
by Barbara B. Rollins

What to Discuss

 I have decided, however, to ask myself, “What’s the one thing I really don’t want to talk about?” I use that question as a tool to hone in on the thing I want to keep as a secret because it tells me where my sickness is. That is what I share about. ~ ACA WSO., INC Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families. ACA WSO INC., Kindle Edition.

Recovery groups are a place for honesty,
a place to learn, to grow in program.
While I’m not an Adult Child from
a dysfunctional family, I belong
in the Rooms of Recovery!
Rather than choosing an issue
we’re working through and discussing it,
we read from Program Literature,
often commenting how the section
we read, the portion after the last read
is precisely what we needed to hear.
We comment about the ideas,
their meaning to us personally.
Telling our secrets because it tells us
where our sickness is…
That is what we need to share,
the place appropriate for our own Recovery.

               Image Copyright : Kirsty Pargeter

Be Quiet and Hear

       The quieter you become, the more you hear” ~  Ram Dass

Saying nothing..
Sometimes says the most. ~ Emily Dickenson

The courage to speak must be matched by the wisdom to listen. ~ E. C. McKenzie

 …a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. ~ 1 Kings 19:11 (New King James Version)

Who gets the most time when you pray?
Are you so busy talking you fail to listen?
My answer tends to be Yes!
Step Eleven says, “Sought through prayer
and meditation to improve
our conscious contact with God
as we understood Him,
praying only for knowledge
of His will for us
and the power to carry that out.”
Prayer might be described
as our talking to God.
Meditation is God communicating with us.
I’m going to work toward prayer and meditation.
Do you need to change?

Expressing Discipleship

 

Being a literal follower of Jesus is not essential. We express our discipleship by our love for one another; in thought and actions, not words. God asks only this of us, Micah said: “to act justly, to love tenderly and to walk humbly with your God.” ~ Kenneth Wapnick. Forgiveness and Jesus: The Meeting Place of ‘A Course in Miracles’ and Christianity (Kindle Locations 2090-2092). Kindle Edition.

Jesus often expressed this idea,
for instance, “For those who exalt themselves
will be humbled, and those who humble themselves
will be exalted.” (Matthew 23:12 NIV)
He urged his followers not to put themselves down
any more than they should puff themselves up.
Disciples sought out special standing within the group,
assuming tiers within their ranks. But Jesus
skipped on playing that game, suggesting they… and we…
lead by our loving for one another;
in thought and actions, not words.
Are you willing to set aside ego
and love all around you?
To choose love first and always?

Ask, Seek, Knock

 

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” ~ Matthew 7:7-8 (New International Version)

God knows what we need, what we want,
but He likes for us to ask, to be aware
of His gracious gifts. He wants our awareness,
our conscious request, our reaching out…
God knows we need the making of the request
far more than he needs it. He’s beyond willing
to meet our needs in the same way we might
direct a child to say the words, to reach out.

Image Copyright : tribalium123

Loving Myself

 
     I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
          I refused my heart no pleasure.
    My heart took delight in all my work,
         and this was the reward for all my labor.
    Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
          and what I had toiled to achieve,
     everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
    nothing was gained under the sun.~ Ecclesiastes 2:10-11 (NIV)~ Ecclesiastes 2:10-                  11 (NIV)

You like my poetry?
These silly baubles? They’re nothing.
Don’t look at me. Don’t see what I’ve done.
I know you’ll see I’m a fraud.
Your kind words can’t be meant,
just platitudes,
white lies playing nice.
How can my work have merit?
A wise woman said
I should love myself
as I am.
She claimed
I’d never like the new
improved
me
otherwise.

God, teach me to love myself
as I love my neighbor,
as I love you.

Powerless

 

The fact is that most alcoholics, for some reason yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. ~The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Kindle Edition.

It’s the same for the compulsive overeater
of my ilk! Substitute “compulsive overeater”
and “food” for alcoholic and drink!
But for us as well, there is a solution!
For me it’s a food plan of no sugar or sweeteners,
no flour of any kind, and planned meals
without snacking between. And,
like my alcoholic brethren, no alcohol!
The issue cannot be addressed, though,
without a way to satiate the issues
for which food (drink) had been used
as a salve. Instead of another patch,
the Twelve Steps actually resolve the issues!

Essential to Recovery's Start

 Belief in the power of God, plus enough willingness, honesty and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things, were the essential requirements. Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all. ~ Bill’s Story, The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous . Kindle Edition.

What a change to effect the whole world
came from Bill W’s understanding
of the significance of his change after talking with Ebby!
Simple ideas, life-changing and when shared world-changing!
What did it take?
Belief in the power of God,
plus enough willingness,
honesty and humility
to establish and maintain
the new order of things,
were the essential requirements.
Simple, but not easy;
a price had to be paid.
It meant destruction
of self-centeredness.
We must turn in all things
to the Father of Light
who presides over us all.

LET ME EXCEL IN PEACE

 Then I turned my thoughts to consider wisdom, and also madness and folly. What more can the kingʼs successor do than what has already been done? ~ Ecclesiastes 2:12

Wisdom, madness and folly —
a cornucopia of possibilities.
Like a president worried about his legacy.
And my legacy? Yours?
What more can a body do
than what has already been done?
Must each generation top their parents?
Can each generation forge ahead?
In what area?
Madness?
Folly?
Wisdom?
Faithfulness?

God, keep my eyes on the prize, on what
matters.
Set aside pettiness, competition, rivalry.
Let me excel in faith.
And peace.

A Time for Verse: Poetic Ponderings on Ecclesiastes by Barbara B. Rollins

 I thought in my heart, “Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good.” But that also proved to be meaningless. “Laughter,” I said, “is foolish. And what does pleasure accomplish?” I tried cheering myself with wine, and embracing folly – my mind still guiding me with wisdom. I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do under heaven during the few days of their lives. ~ Ecclesiastes2:1-3 (NIV)

 

Spoilsport.
Norman Cousins said laughter could cure you
physically. Mentally, too.
Could it be you confuse cheer with beer?
Is foolish so bad?
We already discounted the opposite,
the wisdom.
Isn’t childish the same as foolish?
Surrender’s the key. And the key
doesn’t work with wisdom’s
manipulation.

God, help me discard my sanctimonious
wisdom
and joyfully embrace laying down control
again, as that soldier lays down his weapon in
surrender.
I sit, awaiting your instructions.

Learn, Live, and Hope

 Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. ~ Albert Einstein

Today is the only day we have.
There's a reason
they speak of today as the "present."
Certainly yesterday
and tomorrow have a purpose, though.
Yesterday gave us the background we need,
and tomorrow is an opportunity to grow....
We can change only today though what we do today
can play a part in tomorrow
as what we did yesterday affected today
and who we are and how we live in this present.
Let us act wisely learning from yesterday,
living for today, and hoping for tomorrow.

Our Oxford Group Heritage

 

The Oxford Group was a spiritual fellowship popular in the early half of the 20th century. It had no membership, dues, paid leaders, creed, or theology. Its appeal laid in the application of certain principles in daily living, namely honesty, purity, unselfishness and love. ~ SteppingStones.org website

Certain principles in daily living,
namely honesty,
purity,
unselfishness
and love.
I once saw a description of a book
tying the Oxford Group of the 1920’s and 30’s
with Holy Club at Oxford University
including John and  Charles Wesley and others.
The principle of OA’s Step One is Honesty.
The principle of Step Five is Integrity
which seems to tie to purity.
The principle for Tradition One is Unity,
and Step Five’s principle is Love.
If we live our Principles,
we follow in the footsteps
of innovated, motivated leaders
In whose footsteps
are worthy of emulation!

Christ Church Cathedral at Oxford. CC BY-SA 3.0