Better than Myself

I am larger, better than I thought, 

I did not know I held so much goodness.  ~ Walt Whitman, "Song of the Open Road"

What do I think of me
in the depths of my being?
Can it be true I have arthritis
because I have unexpressed anger,
resentment, aggression,
criticism of myself and fear?
Do I agonize over my perceived dearth
of a sense of style, a tendency
to ignore makeup, hair, appearance?
Do I still feel the need for Mother
to instruct me what clothes coordinate?
Do I want someone else to
select the clothes I buy?
If these have been true
can I move past them
and truthfully say,
I am larger, better than I thought,
I did not know I held so much goodness?
God, let it be so!
I would lay aside the pain
and affirm I no longer believe
somehow I deserve pain.