Free Passes not Available for the Asking

Spirituality is not measured by who you are, but by how you live. Sinning, and then asking God to forgive your sins, conveys an attitude of self-importance—that because you have reached out to God, you earn a “free pass.” ~ Dean, Amy E. Morning Light: A Book of Meditations to Begin Your Day (Kindle Locations 1185-1198). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

The things that are done...piously!
I've held elective office, and I've been
church staff in three churches,
an active volunteer in others.
Political manipulation? The churches win...
hands down. John Wesley was a minister...
but changed when he felt his heart
strangely warmed. He told his brother,
“By a Christian I mean one who so believes in Christ
as that sin hath no more dominion over him;
and in this obvious sense of the word
I was not a Christian till May the 24th last past.”
It's strange how many reach Recovery
proficient in scripture, liturgical history,
and the language of the church
to find in these rooms
a way of life that feels good, that is good,
that is how we want...and need...to live!

Love Is...

Love is an expression and assertion of self-esteem, a response to one’s own values in the person of another. —Ayn Rand

For years I turned away from pride,
aware I had no room to occupy that peak.
I knew...or so I believed...I deserved nothing good,
for I felt good for nothing.
But then I found Recovery
and came to believe a Power
greater than me, greater than anyone I knew,
loved me, believed in me, made me
a person who could be loved,
and came to understand
those people I admired
were admirable for me
because we had in common
an understanding of good
and that sometimes
we were admirable just as those prople
we easily admired.
We learned that love is an expression
and an assertion of self-esteem,
a response to our own values
in the person of another.

True Generosity

True generosity is an offering; given freely and out of pure love. No strings attached. No expectations. Time and love are the most valuable possession you can share. ~ Suze Orman

You pull to a drive-through window,
prepared to pay for the salads, but told
the car ahead paid your tab. You'll look cheap
if you don't pay for the next, feel guilty
when theirs is less than yours. Kind of nice,
but even more silly, and not even generous,
just keeping up appearances except maybe
the first car to pay. Nice, though,
a random act of kindness, no real demand
you join in. But a little trite.
You can be more original. Pure love.
No strings. No expectations. A real gift,
your time, your love, nothing in it for you,
your intentional anonymity.

No One Can Make Me Change

No one can make me change. No one can stop me from changing. No one really knows how I must change, not even I. Not until I start. I will remember that it only takes a slight shift in direction to begin to change my life. ~ Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II (Kindle Locations 82-84).

God grant me the serenity
to change the things I can...
and the wisdom to understand
the only thing I can change is me,
though when I do change I know
others around me may change themselves,
the only thing that they can change.
If I have serenity to change who I can,
and wisdom to trust the One Who can,
I can begin to grow into who I need to be.

I Believe

Light is sweet,
and it pleases the eyes to see the sun.
However many years a man may live,
let him enjoy them all.
But let him remember the days of darkness,
for they will be many.
Everything to come is meaningless. Be happy, young man, while you are young,
and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth.
Follow the ways of your heart
and whatever your eyes see,
but know that for all these things
God will bring you to judgment.
So then, banish anxiety from your heart
and cast off the troubles of your body,
for youth and vigor are meaningless. Ecclesiastes 11:7-10 (NIV)

Shadow makes the painting.
Sorrow colors life, gives it depth.
A child draws with bright colors,
side by side
and we see it with loving eyes
so it touches us.
Youth and vigor offer great joy and fun perhaps,
but who would go back
and live it again
without change?
Life is good.
Live it.
Rejoice in life,
no matter what.

God, we can’t see the full tapestry of our lives
but we trust you,
the master weaver.
I believe.
Heal my unbelief.

Rollins, Barbara B.. A Time for Verse - Poetic Ponderings on Ecclesiastes (Kindle Locations 852-866).

Eagle Wings Press imprint

of Silver Boomer Books.

Kindle Edition.

All Power Is the Lord's

Waver not in your faith or in your prayers. All power is the Lord’s. Say that to yourself often and steadily. Say it until your heart sings with joy for the safety and personal power that it means to you. Say it until the very force of the utterance drives back and puts to naught all the evils against you. Use it as a battle cry. All power is the Lord’s. ~ Anonymous. Twenty Four Hours A Day: Meditations (p. 46). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

All power is the Lord's.
I need not be concerned
with lives calling for my management.
I need not worry
about getting my chores done
once I ask for help to
do what lies before me.
I need not be concerned
about television news.
I need not panic, fret,
become angry,
seek to turn things around,
All power is the Lord's.
I will chant my battle cry.
All power is the Lord's.
Thank the Lord for victory!

Flack

We don’t have to let flack pull us back into old ways if we’ve decided we want and need to change. ~ Beattie, Melody. The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series (p. 80). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Real dictionaries define flack
as an agent, "one who provides publicity;
especially a press agent, a public relations flack.
The Urban dictionary better approaches
how we know the word, a synonym for
rubbish: crap, or abuse;
excess pressure on oneself;
burdens or weight
added by unnecessary trials
or psychological pressures.
Flack is not desirable,
none of us want it,
but it adheres to us,
defining us if we let it.
But we don’t have to let flack
pull us back into old ways
if we’ve decided we want
and need to change.
We alone define ourselves
and we are free to become
the person with whom we wish to live!

...instead of treasure?
Walk with me to recovery.

Instant Inventory

We can take an inventory for a moment. What are we presently doing that makes us ashamed or angry or fearful? ~ Karen Casey, Each Day a New Beginning

The last three Steps are maintenance tools,
continued for life...but then again
the first nine aren't do-once-and-ignore.
Step Ten is, "Continued to take
personal inventory
and when we were wrong
promptly admitted it."
What are we doing
that makes us ashamed,
angry, or fearful?
We patch the mess while it's fresh
and sleep comes easily, guilt laid aside.
We think of the 10th step as a bedtime act
but "continued" and "promptly"
indicate ant time works, sooner being better.

What We Need to Learn

We learn what we will teach; we teach what we need to learn. ~ Karen Casey, Daily Meditations for Practicing the Course

The way to learn material is not to listen
to an explanation. Nor is it to read a treatise
on the subject. Nor is it to learn by trial and error.
No, the way to master a subject is to learn
what you can then to explain to someone else
how to do it. We learn what we will teach.
Then we can teach what we need to learn.
How often have you suddenly listened
to words you are saying only to suddenly grasp
that what you say is precisely what you need
most to understand?

Feeling Worthy

It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself and claims kindred to the great God who made him. ~ Abraham Lincoln

We can assume Lincoln spoke
in the linguistic patterns of the day
and that the "man" could as well,
WOULD as well have included women.
And the man/woman being considered
would certainly have also included
the one hearing he statement.
So, the sixteenth POTUS was talking to me!
And it's true. It's difficult to be miserable
when I feel worthy of myself,
and for me, that can only happen
when I recognize my kinship
with the God of my understanding,
the Creator of the universe...and of ME!

Beyond Shame to Celebration

But we are expected to take our experiences and grow with them, to move beyond the shame of them, to celebrate what they have taught us. ~ Karen Casey, Each Day a New Beginning

Moving beyond shame
in the midst of a lifetime
of nothing but shame?
An oxymoron for sure...
the REAL Mission Impossible!
And we are EXPECTED
to grow from the escapades...
the exploits? Can't we just bury them?
And how do you move beyond them?
By moving toward sanity.
By admitting we are powerless,
that our lives have become unmanageable.
By coming to believe a Power greater than us
might restore us to sanity.
Because of the shame, the humiliation
deciding to give that Power a try,
by turning our lives, our wills
over to the Power then hearing others
admitting their shame, showing us the lives
turned over to the Power,
and seeing they can, they DO,
celebrate the surrender and the changed lives.

That Power Which Is God

Scripture foresaw that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, and announced the gospel in advance to Abraham: “All nations will be blessed through you.” So those who rely on faith are blessed along with Abraham, the man of faith. ~ Galaians 3:8-9 (Phillips New Testament)

 We found that as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that Power, which is God. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, page 46.

We, the intelligent,
the educated,
the leaders don't understand,
cannot make sense
of that which we know to be true.
We want to lead, to explain,
to interpret
the mystery that happened to us.
We understand
we've been here,
you're new
and you have questions
needing answers.
We can say, "It works!
The miracle happened,
is happening in our lives."
But to say more,
to give you resolution,
you'll just have to accept...
We can tell you it works,
that it did for us,
but just accept, believe.
and feel the miracle!

 

God, thank you for the change
we welcome,
forgive our
impulse to demand
understanding as well.

 

Thank God!

Thanking God every day is as necessary for me as breathing. ~  OvereatersAnonymous. For Today (Kindle Locations 784-785). Overeaters Anonymous, Inc.

Months ago I asked an app to remind me
on getting up to tell God, "Good morning!"
Since the first thing I do each morning is dogs...
carry a fat chihuahua, a feisty miniature poodle
bounding after me, then pausing at the utility room door
to wake an ancient once-soft coated wheaten terrier
and help him to stand, then guide the parade to the back yard,
and freshen the outdoor water, I normally wander through the chores
muttering the 3rd Step, 7th Step and Serenity Prayers, tagged with,
"Your will, not mine be done. Then among my morning readings
after breakfast today suddenly this one grabs my heart,
reminding me that gratitude is as necessary as breathing.
I wonder if in the morning and in days to come
the dogs will know the difference.
I know for a fact, though, God and I will!

Temperance and Abstinence

Abstinence is as easy for me as temperance would be difficult. ~ Samuel Johnson .

The strong-willed Samuel Johnson,
asked why he never touched wine, gave this answer.
That's well and good for him, but does it apply to milkshakes
as it does to wine or other intoxicants? I vote YES!!!
but search that question on the Internet to find emphatic no's.
In Overeaters Anonymous we find ourselves unable
to abstain from food but having to, as to milkshakes and trigger foods.
We have a substance — sugar — causing greater brain craving
than other addictions, while people assure us milkshakes
are easier to set aside than intoxicants.
Can we get some respect here?

Humiliated Loke a Stone

Before I was humiliated I was like a stone that lies in deep mud, and he who is mighty came and in his compassion raised me up and exalted me very high and placed me on the top of the wall. ~ Saint Patrick

A teenager, Patrick was a slave,
mucking manure in stalls,
kidnapped from family,
alone, used, young and ignorant.
Yet in that situation he heard truth,
found his God and forgiveness,
and followed his God's instructions,
escaping, fearing he would starve,
he prayed, saving himself and his companions
with a herd of wild boars.
From feeling like a stone in deep mud,
his newfound God, "he who is mighty"
came and in his compassion raised Patrick
up and exalted him so that
fifteen hundred years later
and half a world away
we celebrate his surrender
and see we, too, when we feel a stone in deep mud
can find a life of blessings and grace,
being raised up beyond our wildest dreams!

Borrowing Trouble

I can only borrow trouble at high interest rates. ~ Anonymous. A Day at a Time: Daily Reflections for Recovering People (Hazelden Meditations) (Kindle Locations 559-560)

The young among us may not remember
the recent history of interest rates.
Over the past 45 years, interest rates
on the 30-year fixed-rate mortgage
have ranged from as high as 18.63% in 1981...
But mortgage rates are low compared
to short-term loans, In 2008
Ohio's new Short-Term Lending Act caped
annual interest on short-term loans at 28 percent.
That rate would mean for every hundred borrowed
before you began to pay it back
you would have paid $28,
and if that was tough the upfront money would grow.
Not fun!! So, what does it mean to say,
"I can only borrow trouble at high interest rates?"
How do you borrow trouble?
To do something that is unnecessary
and likely to cause problems later.It can be like your mind scampering
out in front of you into the shadows
of the unknown where your imagination
conjures up a plethora of cinematic “what ifs”?
To look at borrowing trouble
compared to payday loans,
you work yourself into putting out fires
all around the matter
that should not even be, much less
to be a problem.  So tell yourself.
"I can only borrow trouble at high interest rates."

Dumping Out Stress

   Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength. ~ Charles Spurgeon

Worry debilitates.
Anxiety immobilizes.
Distress imobilizes.
Apprehension accentuates.
Concern harasses.
Consternation devastates.
Shrug off the burden of disease.
Discover the peace inherent in surrender.
Lay aside what troubles you
and find your gratitude buried
beneath the needless unrest.

 

It's a Relationship Problem

Anyway, I said something about not being equipped to do well in relationships. Then the weight-loss came up...and she says, “You know, that’s just a relationship, right? One with yourself." ~ Patricia M.

Relationship: [1] the way in which
two or more concepts, objects,
or people are connected,
or the state of being connected.
[2] the way in which two
or more people
or organizations
regard and behave
toward each other.
The issue of weight,
of addiction to food
for compulsive eaters like me,
or to alcohol, to drugs, to gambling...
to our curse — is it a relationship?
That makes sense, a relationship
with our scourge, our curse...
but then again is it with the addiction?
Or is she right it's a relationship
among me, myself and I?
We thought it was, that willpower
was the answer, that we were weak.
And we learn it's still up to us,
that we surrender to a Higher Power
and somehow we're no longer
tied to the whipping post,
subject to scourging.
"You know,
that’s just a relationship,
right? One with yourself!"

Heroes to Emulate

Understand, then, that those who have faith are children of Abraham. ~ Galatians 3:7 NIV

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Never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you. Offer him friendship and fellowship. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, page 95

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---

We walk a new walk
that is old for others
but we who feel like dwarfs
and look on those well-placed
on the path
as giants on whose shoulders
we are allowed to stand.

Abraham was a man
plagued with doubt
prone to lie
questioning
but obeying
on whose life we look back
with twenty-twenty
hindsight
and admiration.
Those who went before
were not giants
nor are we when we've walked
some miles
but we must accept those
who see us as we perceived
or predecessors.

 

God, thank you for the progression
yielding progress
and heroes to emulate.

 

Forgive Them!

He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies. ~  Martin Luther King, Jr.

Love and forgiveness are a pair,
more a part of each other than
separate contrasting states,
but the connectivity, the futility
of seeing them as contradictory,
the inherent yin and yang of the pair
enjoins our acknowledging he who is devoid
of the power to forgive
is devoid of the power to love.
It is a lesson we learn in inventorying
our resentments, our analyzing
our contribution, and eventually
our making amends for our part.
It is then we come to understand
there is some good in the worst of us
and some evil in the best of us.
And at that point the enmity we nursed for years
fades, yielding to the truth we no longer hate
and possibly a growing love for those
we once named as enemies.

The Good Life

Passively waiting for “the good life” is past behavior. ~ Karen Casey, Each Day a New Beginning

What is the unmanageable life
we speak of when we say,
"We admitted we were powerless
over food — that our lives
had become unmanageable."
The Powerless over food, we get!
Whether we are compulsive overeaters,
anorexics, bulimics, binge-eaters,
sugar-addicts or over-exercisers,
we recognize the problem.
But unmanageable lives?
What that means, we would have known
had we sensed more than
THIS MESS isn't normal,
isn't what it should be!
So do we wait for what it should be?
No, that's what we HAD done.
Instead, we work the Steps.
watch our lives change,
surrender to a Higher Power,
and ask each morning
for our part in the plan for the day.
and know the pie in the sky
is no more ours
than the pie at the diner
down the street.

The Bondage of Self

“God, I offer myself to Thee—to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always?” ~ Alcoholics Anonymous. The Big Book and A Study Guide of the 12 Steps (Kindle Locations 1181-1183). Anonymous Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Relieve me of the bondage of self.
We've prayed this prayer for years,
But what does it mean to ask to be relieved
of the bondage of self?
Bob S., of Richmond, Indiana said
his sponsor instructed him to ask God’s help
for writing down where he had been resentful,
fearful, etc.,  spontaneously, without mind-filtering.
He felt, "This allowed honest
and unchangeable information
for use in my Fourth and Fifth Steps."
He felt the bondage of self pulled him
back toward addiction.
Bhudinni observes, "'Relieve me
of the bondage of self'
may be the most powerful prayer
we have to be rid of our obsessive thinking."
Indistinct  defines it: slavery or involuntary servitude
of my own nature and character.
I would change that to slavery or involuntary servitude
TO my own nature and character.
That moves me toward understanding
AND toward freedom from the bondage of self.

Positive Power

Instead of focusing on the world's problems, give your attention and energy to trust, love, abundance, education and peace. ~ Rhonda Byrne

Living in Recovery is more than abstinence
from compulsive food behaviors, or other former crutches.
Living in recovery is giving your attention
and energy to trust, love, abundance, education and peace.
Living in Recovery is a life of right choices
whether spiritual, emotional or physical.
Living in Recovery is being part of a community,
having a fellowship of friends, and surrendering control
to a power that can do what you could never do,
all resulting in a life beyond your wildest dreams!

Honesty, With Meaning

When you make a promise to yourself, it must be one that is made with your full commitment—otherwise, it cannot be considered as a binding agreement. It is like speaking a truth with your hands hidden behind your back and your fingers crossed. ~ Dean, Amy E. Morning Light: A Book of Meditations to Begin Your Day (Kindle Locations 897-899). Hazelden Publishing.

How many times did I promise to do better, to be better?
In 1986 I told myself if I didn't grow up before I turned forty
I was never going to become a real adult. As usual
that really meant to diet and lose weight but more...
My law firm had fallen apart, and while I'd earned
for the partnership, for myself I gave my services away.
Besides a diet I needed a paycheck. So I ran for office,
and changes happened...not recovery, not for years,
but honest change. And today is thirty years since the commitment,
the change, and a new grasp of honesty with self happened.

Making Our New Normal

 Times of transition are strenuous, but I love them. They are an opportunity to purge, rethink priorities, and be intentional about new habits. We can make our new normal any way we want. ~ Kristin Armstrong

An opportunity to purge...
but no bulimia involved.
We purge what we want to be rid of,
our low self-esteem, our sense of failure,
our fear, anger, despair, resentments.
We look at the possibility or real change,
hear people who obviously have seemed
as hopeless, helpless as we feel,
yet they proclaim  changed lives,
hopes and dreams come true,
and they speak of finding
in these rooms, "We are all together now,
reaching out our hands
for power and strength
greater than ours, and as we join hands,
we find love and understanding
beyond our wildest dreams.”
It's a new normal we can live with,
one we long to live with!

 

Sharing the Mess

When people share the mess instead of the message, at meetings or elsewhere, I realize that I am not alone in getting things backward. ~ Voices of Recovery, October 23

What does it mean to share the mess?
What could happen at meetings
and be described as sharing the mess?
The suggested meeting format says,
"Please confine your sharing to your experience
with the disease of compulsive eating,
the solution offered by OA,
and your own recovery from the disease,
rather than just the events of the day or week."
Is it sharing the mess to speak of the events of the day?
Not if the event is tied to a solution discovered
that is sharing the message.
But yes, if you share by speaking of an outside matter
inherently divisive. Can you safely describe
a political event that seems relative to you
involving divisive political views?
To do that is to do as the Apostle Paul
when he said, "But not everyone
possesses this knowledge.
Some people are still so accustomed to idols
that when they eat sacrificial food
they think of it as having been sacrificed
to a god, and since their conscience is weak,
it is defiled." He's saying if the faith of the hearer
is not as strong as the speaker, that person is hurt.
Even if we believe a truth we must be careful
not to misguide someone else. We speak the truth
but we speak in love and like a doctor, first, do no harm.

Do Unto Yourself

...so perhaps it makes sense to apply a variation of the Golden Rule: “Do unto ourselves as we would have others do unto us.” ~ Anonymous. Today's Gift: Daily Meditations for Families (Hazelden Meditation Series) (Kindle Locations 659-660).

Love others as you love yourself...
fine advice for normies...folk
who have no need for a twelve-step program...
assuming such exist.
But if addiction and resentments,
fears and falsehoods
have left you hating yourself
you're left with the firm conviction
if you treated others the same way you treat yourself
you'd be unpopular at the least,
criminally liable if it were carried
to the logical conclusion.
So perhaps it makes sense to
apply a variation of the Golden Rule:
“Do unto ourselves as we would have others do unto us."

Perspective

While it’s true that recovery takes time, attention, and energy, it takes no more than my addiction did. ~ Anonymous. Today I Will Do One Thing: Daily Readings For Awareness and Hope (Hazelden Medit) (Kindle Location 246).

I'm a compulsive overeater. My addiction is to sweets.
I could get more precise and name specifics,
but that would do neither you or me any good.
I can say, though, that for my years in Recovery
I should have many more days of abstinence
and part of this is a more stringent food plan
than ever before but as of today, March 4,
which is tomorrow as I write this
I've had no wheat, no sugar, no milk products
for forty-two days, and each of those days
I've had time to read ten to twelve meditations
and move forward on my commitment
to read each word in the Bible in 2018.
Yes, it all takes time and energy
nut doing Recovery for real
makes the food plan not just possible
but easy!

For a Balanced View

For an honest, balanced view of myself, I take a few moments in which I free my mind of everything except God’s love for me. ~ Overeaters Anonymous. For Today (Kindle Locations 1501-1502). Overeaters Anonymous, Inc.

God is love.
God made me,
and me, particularly,
not just having made a template
and stamping out another copy.
God made me, created me sui generis,
one-of-a kind. God doesn't make mistakes.
God intended me, so God loves me.
I am worth being loved.
"For an honest, balanced view of myself,
I take a few moments
in which I free my mind
of everything except God’s love for me."
What a dare. What an undertaking.
How distant from my self-awareness.
God loves ME!! Who am I to doubt
I'm capable of being loved?
Who am I to critique God?
God, I believe I'm lovable.
"I do believe; help my unbelief!"

Spiritual Poverty

I was not meant to live in spiritual poverty. God’s gifts are mine for the taking, to be kept only by sharing them with others. ~  Overeaters Anonymous. For Today (Kindle Locations 606-607). Overeaters Anonymous, Inc.

Poverty: the state of being inferior in quality or insufficient in amount.
Spiritual: of, relating to, consisting of, or affecting the spirit,
incorporeal, not about the body, untouchable, not physical.
We were not meant to live in spiritual poverty. Our natural state
is beyond the physical, is aware of a deeper, unseen part of us.
We inherently recognize a sacred something, a nature mot "natural"
but innately us. We were not meant to live in spiritual poverty.
We stand or sit in nature and recognize our kinship, our identity.
There is a spirit we feel, offering us peace, joy, ecstasy, home,
loving arms. We are one with that spirit and one with all others
who recognize and welcome that Spirit if Love. Ours is spiritual
opulence, affluence, abundance. Hug someone to claim this,
your birthright, your legacy, your inheritance.

Guilt to Glory

So Christ has now become the High Priest over all the good things that have come. He has entered that greater, more perfect Tabernacle in heaven, which was not made by human hands and is not part of this created world. With his own blood – not the blood of goats and calves – he entered the Most Holy Place once for all time and secured our redemption forever. Under the old system, the blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a young cow could cleanse people’s bodies from ceremonial impurity. ~Hebrews 9:11-13 (NLT)
We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it. ~Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 69

Guilt.
Insidious, invidious, hideous
guilt.
Like Lady Macbeth haunted by Duncan’s blood
guilt
permeates, paralyzes, persists.
How can we cleanse ourselves?
How can the guilt be relieved?
By facing what we did,
by understanding,
admitting,
amending.

Thanks be to God
for ways to move past guilt
to glory.

      Rollins, Barbara with OAStepper.
A Cloud of Witnesses -
Two Big Books and Us
(Kindle Locations 1296-1313).
Eagle Wings Press
imprint of Silver Boomer Books.
Kindle Edition.