Relapse

I'll be leaving now
but you won't know it...
I don't even know myself.
But you can see the clues
if you know where to look.
I carried the key but missed
so many meetings
I was embarrassed
and passed it on.
I haven't called my sponsor
in months, ignored her
when she left messages.
I slipped a bit and got back
to pretty good food choices
but never great and pretense
evades me now, I'll start again.
Someday. I hate to share
because I can lie or cry
and hate them both.
I want to be here, I belong...
I want to stop eating compulsively.
But not enough, it seems.
So, I'll be leaving now.
It seems there's nothing more
to say.