Finding the Why

"He who has a WHY to live can bear with almost any HOW."  (Alphonse Nietzsche)

Why do I live?
Why do I live?
Why do I live?
The answer feels like
it's supposed to be,
"I live to serve my God
and my fellows."
Isn't that what we're taught?
And that's not wrong, surely.
But then again, there's that other rule —
the one that says to love our fellows
as we love ourselves. Of course
we love our fellows. That's why and how
we serve them. Even the unlovable
among them. Yes, we should love
our fellows as we love ourselves.
JOY – Jesus, others, you. I'm last.
But if that's the order, am I blowing
the other – not the other person,
the other rule, the second-most big one.
The one implying I love me.
I can't do that. I'm unlovable.
Oh. Yeah. I'm supposed to love
the unlovable. Even when she's me.
How am I to live?