Just about to the Extent

We discover that we do receive guidance for our lives to just about the extent that we stop making demands upon God to give it to us on order and on our terms. ~ Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Alcoholics Anonymous, page 104

God, get Joe that job he needs,
the one he liked at the interview.
And make Mary understand
how her actions hurt so many.
I need to find that contract,
so show me where I put it.
And this weight! Get rid of it —
make me a size eight, please.

God, no directives now.
Wait, that's not quite true.
I do ask that you grant serenity
to accept what I can't change —
even by telling you what to do.
I ask you to give me courage
to change what I can change.
And I humbly ask for willingness
to know the difference.
Oh, I know that's not in the prayer.
But it's what I need. Most times
I have the wisdom, just lack
willingness to accept it.
Oh, one more request.
Shut me up and get me to listen
to your list for me.

By Name

God always calls everybody by their name. ~ Sister Bea M

A politician singled me out
picked me from a throng
gathered in a coliseum
weeks after we'd met,
called to me, knew me,
went back to bring his wife
to meet me. How special I felt!

God can look out over the whole world,
see millions and millions of people
and focus in on me, call me by name,
know me, love me, lead me.

What's there to Lose?

There is nothing to lose in seeking the God of my understanding except my false pride, my food obsession, my fat and all the life-destroying illusions that this illness breeds. ~ For Today (Kindle Locations 323-324)

What would I give up for recovery?
My loneliness, belief I had no friends.
My massive body, size 28 clothes,
chaffed thighs, broken furniture,
worn down sides of shoes.
My insecurity, relying on others
for thoughts, opinions, likes, dislikes,
plans for the day, the week, my life.
My misery, hating the trap I lived in
but unable to bring myself to spring it.
My insecurity, believing with three degrees
I couldn't support myself, my sons.
My mastery of the art of lying.
My rationalization, excuses, anger,
hatred, apathy, emptiness...
I don't have any of this collateral now
but I know where to find it
if I forget to cherish Recovery.

Giving Eating Away

My work is to give my eating to Him each day. ~ Voices of Recovery (Kindle Location 404)

I'd have told you
I could manage everything,
that I needed nothing,
that God and people
weren't listening.
I can manage nothing,
I need a God in charge of everything,
who manages the whole shebang.
I'm not just observing.
I've got responsibilities...
to turn my will and life over,
to seek nothing for myself alone,
to shut up, show up and do. God manages
me, my food, my life, my thoughts
as long as I allow it. The trade-off, though,
makes it all worthwhile. He makes me sane
and my plain life awesome!

Jump In!

When your pants are on fire and you're standing by a river don't ask why, just jump in. ~ Kristen (paraphrase)

Analysis has been my mainstay
but has become my stake,
the stick that holds me fast —
but to my peril. Faced with options
my head debates, analyzes, categorizes,
diagrams, digests, scrutinizes, probes,
evaluates, equivocates, immobilizes.
Braininess is fine, but only after asking
freedom from self-pity, from lying,
from self-seeking. Then analysis
becomes sharp enough to decline
the proffered stake, choosing life.

Living or Dying

I couldn't go on living the way I was dying. ~ Gary

A country song talks of living
like you were dying,
of letting go and going for broke,
doing both at the same time,
emphasis on life.
But addiction makes living
the same as dying, both at a time
but dying can't come soon enough.
It's not the dying that makes living
tantalizing, challenging, a thrill...
It's a life rid of meaninglessness,
soaring on powerlessness
that makes dying bearable,
acceptable, a part of living
despite the fact we're all dying
but – please – not now!

God's Flag

God says, "It's got to be my flag, I don't salute anybody's flag." (I can't figure out where I copied this from, but probably something on the radio.)

Respect is earned, merited,
tied to the recipient —
what they've done and are.
God told Hebrews not to swear
on what they could not control
but he swore on his name
for there was no higher.
We honor flags of nations,
states, even universities
but cringe when our president
bows to other leaders
for he is us, he is not less
than any other leader
for we are not less
than their nations.
It's all a continuum,
honoring higher,
acknowledging equal.
Yet we try to make God
our servant, set his agenda.
We ask his salute
of our flag,
oblivious to our need
to salute his.

Phony Respectability

Self-righteousness, the very thing that we had contemptuously condemned in others, was our own besetting evil. This phony form of respectability was our undoing, so far as faith was concerned. ~ Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Alcoholics Anonymous, page 30.

I hate people like me.
I see their weaknesses
and despise them, loathe them,
mock them. It's taken years
and at times humiliation
to figure out these defects
bug me most in others
because I try to hard
to hide them when I stare
at my reflection in their lives.

Receiving Grace

The love of God and man we understood not at all. Therefore we remained self-deceived, and so incapable of receiving enough grace to restore us to sanity. ~ Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Alcoholics Anonymous, page 31.

Grace, the gift of God,
unasked for, undeserved,
without catches or gotchas.
So how can it not be received?
"Incapable of receiving enough grace"
seems illogical, impossible,
a puzzlement.
A gift. How does a gift happen?
Is the giving what makes it so?
Can it be a gift if refused, if disdained,
if ignored? If I do not possess the largesse
at the transaction's end
maybe a gift was given (the intent there)
but not received (choice here)
and without changing the giver's kindness
the would-be receiver stands giftless.

Haunted

We suffer primarily not from our vices or our weaknesses, but from our illusions. We are haunted, not by reality, but by those images we have put in place of reality. ~ Daniel J. Boorstin

Seeing through a glass darkly.
Darkened with my illusions,
my fears, my misplaced trust.
Yesterday's resentments,
distress, self-sufficiency,
the gloom of pride —
they cloud lenses, blind eyes.
When the clutter is clear-cut
just truth remains. Apparitions
of pride and folly fade away
as a dawning day
reveals the madness of believing
what our foolish minds most feared.

Tests and Testimony

You can't have a testimony without a test. ~ NPR interview about The Sisterhood

The Big Book says the drunk's past
becomes the whole family's asset —
the main one, a treasure.
Kneeling at the porcelain altar,
drunken driving, brawls, blackouts?
Other addictions, too. Pornography.
Eating nonstop for days, lying, cheating,
betting the house. We want to hide,
to disguise, to change.
And change we do!
But we keep the assets,
the wretched past, Addict's Exhibit A,
and show-and-tell each chance we get,
the test we failed set against the one we passed
when we gave up, surrendered control,
and lived to tell the tales.

Forget Leading

The individual never asserts himself more than when he forgets himself. ~ André Gide

Behave confidently,
speak with authority,
take a stand by stepping out.
Assert yourself,
without seeking attention...
Age-old truth, “A leader is best
when people barely know he exists,"
when those led believe
they did it themselves.
How can this be leading?
Maybe it's following Truth,
showing up,
listening,
and doing right.

A leader is best when people barely know he exists — not so good when people obey and acclaim him. Worse when they despise him. But of a good leader, who talks little, when his work is done—his aim fulfilled, they will say, "We did it ourselves.” ~ Lao Tse

Stepping Out of Myself

With the twelve steps of recovery, I have stepped out of myself. ~ For Today (Kindle Location 232).

Funny how one body
can feel so huge but so small,
so inadequate, so worthless.
But still, no matter how restrictive
it felt, it was my whole world.
Making people appreciate me,
directing others so they do things right —
my way. The body was my whole world.
But that's in the past. Little did I know
when I "walked" these Steps
the path would lead to the great beyond,
that as I realized how little I could control
the world world opened up
beyond myself.

In a Sandbox

Work right now is like playing in a sandbox. ~ Jeffrey Rollins

Remember sandboxes?
Have you played on the beach?
I've seen intricate castles,
clever creations of sand
bound only by moisture.
My sand, undisciplined,
like a toddler's drawing
beside Mona Lisa.
What's in your sandbox?
Do you find joy in shaping,
liberation in strewing?
Or is sandbox play drudgery,
another opportunity
for self-deprecation?
Do you look at a sandbox
from the inside out
or from the outside in?

On the Firing Line

...so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed. ~  Alcoholics Anonymous (Kindle Locations 1369-1371).

Helpful. Our main purpose
is being helpful,
maximum service to God
and the people about us.
Okay. Sure. And for this
we seek out the sordid spots,
keep on the firing line of life?
Willingness is one thing —
where does it say we find
foolhardiness? Pshaw.
We come with that,
rode it to the rooms.
We're ready to be seen
heroing, riding to the rescue,
playing the dramatic lead.
Difference here, though,
is doing it not for us,
far from seeking glory,
but simply – dramatically —
doing service!

Humility First

By their example they showed us that humility and intellect could be compatible, provided we placed humility first. When we began to do that, we received the gift of faith, a faith which works. This faith is for you, too. ~ Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Alcoholics Anonymous, page 30.

I'm smart. I need you to know that.
I'll do everything I can to tell you,
to convince you, to sell you
my only claim to self-esteem.
Oh, I know you'll argue, list attributes
besides the brains, but I don't trust them,
don't believe you.
Please don't tell me the only way out
is to abandon that, to humble myself,
to give up the pretense that I'm okay.
How can you suggest I stand here,
naked, without my shield, just me.
Can't I hold on to my honors, and just add
a bit of decorum? Just act humble?
Do you mean I really can't rely on me
and call it faith?

Many Rooms

Pi: "Catholic Hindus get to feel guilty before hundreds of gods!"...
Pi: “Faith is a house with many floors.”
Writer: “But no room for doubt?”
Pi: “Oh yes! On every floor.” ~ Dialogue, The Life of Pi

God as we understand him.
Or them. Ebby told Bill,
"Why don't you choose
your own conception of God?"
But making up your own god
is blasphemous – by definition!
Guilt comes so naturally,
why elicit more? But what if
the new rings true while the old
echoes? Doesn't any god worthy
the name have the capacity
to welcome honest inquiry,
to deal with creative theology?
How can we understand
a god not of our understanding?

Under My Feet

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance. The wise grows it under his feet. ~ James Oppenheim

Somewhere over the rainbow
bluebirds sing. Things look bright.
That's where I want to be.
If only, when, someday,
¡Ojalá que sí!
Wishing my life away,
waiting for tomorrows
that never come.
With or without a rainbow,
here and now are mine,
malleable, claimable.
I will grab hold of today
and make my rainbow.

Personal Powerlessness

Our admissions of personal powerlessness finally turns out to be firm bedrock upon which happy and purposeful lives may be built. ~ Page 21, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Alcoholics Anonymous, page 21.

Bedrock, the foundation,
stability in a chaotic world.
Rock bottom. A precious start.
How can it be the same
as personal powerlessness?
It's personal powerlessness
We dig away to find the bedrock...
all my determination to fix it,
to do it myself, my stubborn streak,
my self-sufficiency —
when these are shoved aside,
dismissed as drivel,
recognized as ineffectual
then the bedrock appears
and recovery can be built.

Stubborn #%@!%^

The only reason step one was hard for me is that I'm one stubborn son.... ~ Josh C

Stubborn doesn't fit with admitting
powerlessness, unmanageability.
Stubborn presents as obstinate,
headstrong, perverse. Pigheaded.
Used to protect treasured
false personalities,
to roadblock any change.
Stubborn treasures ideas,
desires no matter how foolish,
despite knowledge, down deep,
they're stupid.
Life is change. Recovery is change.
Stubborn tosses out life
and recovery.

The Oxygen Mask Rule

I'm not doing it FOR someone else, really. But putting your own oxygen mask on first is key, as is helping someone else. ~ Maureen Gibbons

I'm spent my life rescuing,
fixing, seeing to.
I'd always see to your needs —
isn't that what a proper
Southern
woman does?
Only problem is
it doesn't work.
If I'm dying, cannot breathe,
how can I see to your needs?

Usefully Whole

A.A.'s Twelve Steps are a group of principles, spiritual in their nature, which, if practiced as a way of life, can expel the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer to become happily and usefully whole. ~ Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Alcoholics Anonymous, page 15

A group. Objects forming a design,
things close together, considered jointly.
Individual pieces making a whole, united.
Principles. Fundamental truths,
the foundation, natural law —
a chain of reasoning.
Practice. What gets you
to Carnegie Hall. Or to recovery.
A way of life. Not some sideline,
some hobby, some diversion.
The root of our being, of life.
Expelling obsession to drink,
to eat, to binge or purge,
to gorge when nobody's looking
and wishing we weren't either.
Expelling all that, tossing out,
ejecting, banishing, not just hiding.
Turning the sufferer —
who maybe just learned of the pain —
but enabling that person —
allowing, equipping, empowering
a transformation from victim,
from scum, from useless
to happily, usefully whole!

Bill W., author of Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

Worthiness

We mistake busyness for worthiness, perhaps. Let’s remember we are always worthy in God’s eyes. It’s the ego that labels us unworthy. ~ Karen Casey

Like the lepers of old
banned from society,
forbidden to touch,
required to proclaim
"Unclean, unclean"
on meeting anyone...
But self-condemned,
declared without consultation,
a suspicion growing inside
the lack of any proof
immaterial...
We deny our worthiness
and in so doing
deny the deity of He
who proclaims
our worth.

Feeling Feelings

I no longer need to be anesthetized; I can stand still and feel my feelings. ~ For Today (Kindle Locations 137-138).

Boredom requires no concoction
featuring sugar, flour, nuts.
Fear doesn't need apple fritters
to build up courage, seem confident.
A few extra minutes in the car
tied to dread of being early —
insecurity in small talk —
requires no convenience store spree.
Anger demanding eating at him
punishes nobody but me.
To reward myself for eating right
I should try a pause for beauty
not found in a Blizzard cup.
I can stand to feel my feelings
and the lack of guilt resounds,
a heavenly melody of feeling.

Living in Ugly

We talked of intolerance, while we were intolerant ourselves. We missed the reality and the beauty of the forest because we were diverted by the ugliness of some its trees. We never gave the spiritual side of life a fair hearing. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, Kindle Locations 775-776

I can't see beauty when I hate,
feel love when jealousy rages,
appreciate when I denigrate.
Until I choose to explore,
not just justify, rationalize,
debate...
Until I choose to explore,
to open myself to possibles,
to set aside prejudice,
to abandon favorite platitudes
then I'll live in ugly,
surrounded by hateful.

ISM not WASM

I suffer from alcoholism. I don't suffer from alcoholwasm. ~ Patti O

Recovery is not done
when addiction's bite
is minus teeth, lies dormant.
Compulsive is mobile,
powerless spans facets,
obsession meanders then camps.
Keep coming back
not just till you get it...
Keep coming back
to keep it.

A Car that Drives Itself

A car that drives itself... I don't know if I like that, I'm not ready to give up that control. ~ Wanda

Made a decision
to turn our will and our lives

over to the care of God...

You've GOT to be kidding?
Let go, completely?
Hands up, feet in mid air,
just SIT there???
I offer myself to Thee
to build with me
and to do with me...
Okay. Not kidding.
Not a hypothetical.
Give it up.
Give it up...

A Hundred Nights

Ninety days and a hundred nights without Taco Bell ~ Gary

Nights are the hardest
while the whole world sleeps
and compulsive eaters sigh relief
and head for the secret stash,
for the sweets set aside,
for that extra sack of chips.
Nights are the time when nobody sees
when comfort waits, when cravings reign.
Until we learn that God's right there
lit by the refrigerator light
waiting for a filament of despair,
a crumb of willingness.

Whatever Turns to It

The Infinite Goodness has such wide arms that it takes whatever turns to it. ~ Dante Alighieri

I've been a whatever.
I've lived in a food fog,
loathed myself like a slug.
I have sought solace blindly,
flailing, falling, thrashing.
I have widely missed the mark,
but I'll stand forever grateful
proclaiming the implausible love
with arms stretched wide enough
to snare me, reel me in,
bring me to the warm embrace
of Infinite Goodness.

Those Who Care the Most

Those of us closest to the alcoholic suffer the most, and those who care the most can easily get caught up in the behavior of another person. ~ Al-Anon.Alateen.org/more-questions-newcomers-ask

Strength of character,
comprehension, perception, empathy.
Character traits, positive all.
Yet strong points make vulnerable targets
when we find hurtful people, users, abusers
and love them, want to bring good,
to comfort the miserable, to sooth beasts.
Love hurts, can subjugate the host
to hate. But love conquers, survives,
when we understand what's beyond our reach
and what is not.

My Life, My Idea

You will never be happy in life if you live someone else's idea of what life should be. ~ Robert Stack

I have tried to live other lives,
to be who my parents wished me to be —
though it seems what I perceived
could have been other than truth.
I have sought to live as my husband chose,
believing if I got to perfection I could heal rifts,
could make a difficult relationship ideal.
I have sought to live by mores and codes
of the South, of rural life, of ages past
only to find I lost me, lived a shell, hated me.
Now I have found a program of promises
of becoming real, of finding true dreams,
of surpassing ideals. And when I stopped
looking to others to fix or be fixed,
I found happiness and fulfillment
I'd always sought — freely given,
mine for accepting.
My life has become My Ideal.

Prosper

"Live long and prosper,"
the Vulcan greeting.
"Live and be prosperous:
and farewell good fellow,"
from Romeo and Juliet...
Are they commands,
flourish, achieve success?
Or is there an implied
statement of desire, of hope?
Can we choose to live long,
to prosper? Nobody knows
the number of our days
though we can avoid addictions,
bad choices, reckless daring.
We cannot choose to thwart death,
just not be gracious hosts.
Prosper, though, rests in our purview
not in terms of wealth or fame
though that may come.
When we surrender lives,
do next right things, release
all beyond our control,
we prosper,
whether command or prayer.

But the Boat Kept Rocking

But the boat kept rocking. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous (Kindle Location 2955)

We have no right to believe
we're owed smooth crossings,
that waves won't rock our journey,
that winds won't blow in gales.
We have only a sure tiller
and so long as we don't grab it
a master steering through.

Real

I failed to write last night,
absorbed in The Silent Girl.
I woke, thinking of the girl —
well, the small woman —
an author who spoke of her first
million-dollar advance
recalling her interest in Texas,
her studying frontier graves,
and her kindness to me.
I've lived most my life in tiers,
above most folk, below a few.
Tess Gerritsen epitomized the peak,
but she's nice, kind,
a person I can know
and real.

Half-Afraid of the Remedy

And as I look back on the events of two months, I can clearly see that I had been circling around, half-afraid of encountering the remedy for my situation, half-wanting it, deferring fulfillment of my promise to get in touch with the doctor I had heard about. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, Kindle Locations 2902-2904

I see the solution,
know it's the solution,
know I need it.
But it's like a hypodermic.
The remedy has no appeal —
give me an easier, softer way.
But there is none. I've looked.
I want it, I really do —
but enough to really surrender?
Is it really the only solution?
Okay. I know. Maybe...

I Now Resolve

I resolve not to resolve,
not to set up goals,
commitments, aims,
pledges, obligations
controlled by date
or despair.
Rather, I seek
clarity, serenity,
peace, acceptance,
recovery one day,
one moment, one act
each day, each moment,
in every action
seeking first to discern
guidance and wisdom
to do the next right thing.

Clip art from phillipmartin.info/

Preconceived Notions

From now on, we let go of our preconceived notions about what is right for us. ~ The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous (Kindle Locations 248-249)

God, this bit about surrendering my life
to a power greater than I...
Okay. I can do that,
take on a consulting companion.
What? Won't cut it? Ouch.
So how much do you want?
Oh, I get it. You want to have me
consult with you then.
That's certainly more than I envisioned.
WHAT? Not enough? Geesh!!
Okay, I'll let you make the choices
so long as I can accept them.
You drive a steep bargain, though.
You're kidding!!! That won't do??
You're talking like Daddy did,
dictatorially: "When I say jump,
you jump. And you can ask how high...
on the way up."

Just Believe

Now when someone leaves a will, it is necessary to prove that the person who made it is dead. The will goes into effect only after the person’s death. While the person who made it is still alive, the will cannot be put into effect. ~ Hebrews 9:16-17 (NLT)

Doctors had pronounced him incurable. Society was about to lock him up. Like myself, he had admitted complete defeat. Then he had, in effect, been raised from the dead, suddenly taken from the scrap heap to a level of life better than the best he had ever known! ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 11

Jesus told Nicodemus
he had to be born again.
He said flesh comes from flesh,
spirit from spirit.
God so loved he gave his son.
Just believe – no more – and Spirit
gives spirit where flesh condemns.
We’ve turned away from light,
loving darkness, doing evil.
Fear blocks the light.
Just believe,
be ready to live by truth,
walk into light,
in the light,
seeing miracles,
living miracles.

Create in me a clean heart,
O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from Your presence,
and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.*

*Psalm 51:10-22 (NASB)

From A Cloud of Witnesses - Two Big Books and Us

Conditions of the Day

Then, in Step Seven, we humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings such as He could or would under the conditions of the day we asked. ~ Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Alcoholics Anonymous, page 108

When could God not remove shortcomings?
Omniscient, competent without limit,
the source. But faithful to rules —
his own. I am not a puppet,
not manipulated, free to choose.
Even if I say, "I am now willing"
but take it back or deceive
he cannot, remaining faithful.
Would God decline to do what he could?
Perhaps. I may be willing, for real,
but lacking resources, inadequate to cope
without the crutch. An answer of yes,
not now. Another day.

True Ambition

True ambition is the deep desire to live usefully and walk humbly under the grace of God. ~ Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 124-125

Walk humbly with your God —
that's one of the things God requires
along with doing justice, loving kindness.
Living usefully can be doing justice.
Does true ambition mean loving kindness?
It does, when ambition's definition
derives from seeking recovery,
not from craving power, glory.
So true ambition equals
achieving a life well lived.

Ultimately Worthwhile

Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile initially scared me to death. ~ Betty Bender

Fear, that short word
touching every aspect of life...
evil, corroding... causing trouble.
But fear need not gain the upper hand...
at least not retain it.

We need not bow down to fear.
Our Higher Power stands ready to zap it
and show us who we are to be,
and then our lives
can be ultimately worthwhile.

Dare to step through the door to promises fulfilled.

Notice that the word “fear” is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn’t deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn’t it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn’t go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn’t fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse. Perhaps there is a better way, we think so. For we are now on a different basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity. We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous (Kindle Locations 978-991)

Good Luck

Why is everyone's luck
better than mine?
Why does the worst thing happen
every time? Don't I ever get a break?
I try and try but it's not enough,
or so it seems.
So what is luck? Winning jackpots?
An unknown rich relative leaving billions?
Getting what I don't deserve?
The luck I need is doing the next right thing
day after day, one day at a time,
and being rewarded day after day
with blessings galore
beyond my wildest dreams.

Peace on Earth

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. ~ Luke 2:14, American King James Version

War and rumors or war,
terrorism, agitation, dissension.
Where's this promised peace on earth?
And who's to get it? Is it really
"on earth peace, good will toward men"
or like other translations, peace —
but to those God's pleased with.
Why do they need peace? Aren't they set,
aligned with the forces that be, at peace?
Or is it that God's pleased when folks get it,
have that peace, accept it? Which is egg,
which chicken – which comes first?
Isn't peace-capacity woven into our being
waiting for recognition, acceptance?
Isn't God pleased when we get it, accept it?
He's pleased with us then,
sorrowing for the rest, longing for all
to have peace – around the globe,
acceptance of the great gift of Christmas,
peace on earth in each life.

Emmanuel

Immanuel (or Emmanuel or Imanu'el, Hebrew עִמָּנוּאֵל meaning "God is with us") is a symbolic name which appears in chapters 7 and 8 of the Book of Isaiah as part of a prophecy assuring king Ahaz of Judah of God's protection against enemy kings; it is quoted in the Gospel of Matthew as a sign verifying the divine status of Jesus. ~ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immanuel

God with us. A god who know us,
cares about us, nurtures us, leads us,
a power beyond our comprehension
until we finally realize only the god among us,
within us from the beginning, can restore us
to meaning, to serenity, to sanity. If not restore,
this god gets us there for the very first time.
All we need do is decide it's worth a try
and he comes all the rest of the way.
God with us, emmanuel!

The Angel's Message

Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace,
good will toward men.
An ethereal proclamation
a couple thousand years ago...
A statement of fact? A prophecy?
A prayer reverberating though ages?
Yes, yes, yes. A fact that night --
the angels as well as fact glorified God
as did shepherds and the sky itself,
the heavens and all creation.
A prophecy, defining a historic swivel,
a cosmic gyration, a dividing line
with past and future severed.
A prayer and proclamation
of God, to God, for God,
resounding for eternity.

Artwork by Sandy Lewis Carter in THE INNKEEPER'S CHRISTMAS EVE

Futility

It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous (Kindle Locations 961-962).

Just what kind of squandering hours
does resentment bring?
And is that the only road to get there,
to futility and unhappiness?
Does the fact I squander hours
equal resentment run amok?
Maybe, if I'm the object of the feelings
while feeling them, disdain for squandering hours,
for stupid computer games, for a life frittered away.
An endless circle, playing games, resenting weakness,
hiding by playing more to try to salve my soul
for playing the games...
I powerless over resentment,
and life's unmanageable — by me, at least.

The End of the World

Facts woven together,
laced with assumptions,
braided into veracity —
we accept them, rely on them,
consider dissent heresy.
The end of the world comes!
Since this happened, that followed,
reasoning decrees the truth
and we build our lives on it.
Then we finally realize we're not in charge
and wait and see if our conviction
relates in any manner to reality.

Listening for Guidance

I can consciously and daily listen for guidance. ~ Julia Cameron

"More will be revealed."
A Big Book truth not in the Big Book,
but repeated, passed on, recalled
for the truth of the matter stated.
How does the Power reveal more?
By what people say, what they live.
Through children with no idea what they say
and people we disdain, dismiss —
until they speak a truth we cannot.
We offer ourselves to God.
Why don't we then listen
for our instructions?

Deception

The deception of others is nearly always rooted in the deception of ourselves. ~ Bill W.

I lie, often, easily, convincingly.
Does it start by self-deception?
I delve into the mystery, find pride
as my justification for lies outward.
How could that cause inward fiction?
Scratch deeper, find that old nemesis,
impaired self-esteem, whispering,
mumbling, insisting I stand unworthy,
don't deserve the joy, the peace, the bliss
of recovery. I sabotage my serenity,
my sanity, my life
when I know, if I'll just think,
grace is never deserved, God's love
flows freely. I deceive only me.