Overwhelment

Overwhelment is about you not being up to speed with what you told the Universe that you want. The Universe is yielding to you. You're just not ready to receive it right now. ~ Abraham

What did I tell the Universe I want?
Hey, Universe, did you misunderstand me?
Lord, I'm ready to receive what you choose
to give me, what you think I want —
at least I think I'm ready, please
make me ready and willing to receive,
and give me the physical, mental
and emotional ability to welcome / accept it.
A wise woman used to sing in place of
"Lord, we are able. Our spirits are thine."
"Lord, make us able. Our spirits are thine."
That's me, Lord. Make me capable of having
my overwhelment removed.

My Peace

During my years in OA, I’ve realized that the key to my peace, not necessarily my “happiness,” lies in turning my life over to my Higher Power one day at a time. ~  Voices of Recovery (Kindle Locations 3466-3468). 

Happy is to long for, to hope for,
but not to die for...too many of us have
come close to dying for the impossible dream.
What's the difference in happiness and peace?
Happiness: a state of well-being and contentment, joy,
 a pleasurable or satisfying experience.
Peace: a state of tranquillity or quiet,
freedom from civil disturbance
 freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions.
Happiness is understood, it seems, as event/activity
centered. External.
Peace is a state of mind, internal, independent.
Peace is surrender to a Power that can.

The Meeting Grows Me

The meeting is growing me. Jhe T

Why go to meetings?
I could read the literature,
pray, meditate, work the steps,
I've been to meetings for years,
could almost quote
the Standard Meeting Format.
Why goto meetings?
Because every one is different.
Because a newcomer
or someone I know well
could say something
I badly need to hear today.And in some way large or small
every meeting grows me!

Your God

But Ruth said, “Entreat me not to leave you or to return from following you; for where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God... (Ruth 1:16, RSV)

I have no god to call my own nor thoughts

of attributes I'd need to choose to make

my god. So should I start by casting lots?

Select endearing, needed traits to take

as elements required to plot a scheme,

a diagram of strength, my god remake?

I cannot vocalize my own heart's dream

for truth be told I know no god design,

can't feel the presence, dare to deem

my own creation now a deity.

Bill's friend suggests we choose conceptions we

design, original to us, to be

recipient of our devotion's plea.

And yet I can't come up with such a thing.

And when I think of gods that would agree

with fuzzy thoughts of powers to whom I'd bring

my prayers, my hopes, my loyalty, my being,

I picture you as one whose life does sing

the song I crave, the god I need -- so freeing.

I want the peace you have. The god you serve.

Your god I choose, adopt, embrace, believing

that such a god I'll serve, without reserve.

Your God

But Ruth said, “Entreat me not to leave you or to return from following you; for where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God... (Ruth 1:16, RSV)

I have no god to call my own nor thoughts

of attributes I'd need to choose to make

my god. So should I start by casting lots?

Select endearing, needed traits to take

as elements required to plot a scheme,

a diagram of strength, my god remake?

I cannot vocalize my own heart's dream

for truth be told I know no god design,

can't feel the presence, dare to deem

my own creation now a deity.

Bill's friend suggests we choose conceptions we

design, original to us, to be

recipient of our devotion's plea.

And yet I can't come up with such a thing.

And when I think of gods that would agree

with fuzzy thoughts of powers to whom I'd bring

my prayers, my hopes, my loyalty, my being,

I picture you as one whose life does sing

the song I crave, the god I need -- so freeing.

I want the peace you have. The god you serve.

Your god I choose, adopt, embrace, believing

that such a god I'll serve, without reserve.

The New Journal

A blank slate,
this journal, this commitment
to write a bit each day.

A source of trepidation,
the obligation, the promise,

to look honestly at me,
at my fears, my pride, my anger,
my failure, my hopes and dreams.

How can page after page of nothing

strike terror in my heart?

A Circle of Love

I put my hand in yours
a circle of recovery

a community of hope

a gathering of goodwill

vibrant and robust

resonant and real

love that overcomes

Stereognosis

ster·e·og·no·sis

ˌsterē-äɡˈnōsis,ˌsti(ə)r-/

noun

Psychology

noun: stereognosis

1. the mental perception of depth or three-dimensionality by the senses, usually in reference to the ability to perceive the form of solid objects by touch.

Stick your hand in a tub of dry macaroni —
the damaged hand, not the good one.
Feel around and pull out five one-inch blocks,
five poker chips and a marble.
Success is finding them and pulling them out
in less time than the time before...
How often do we grope below the goop,
the camouflage, the trivia, the decoys
to seek the detritus of our lives?
How do we recognize our character defects?
Can we feel the difference in fear and its cousin
faith? Or in justification and acceptance?
We have confused them for years!
Defiance and respect? The pairs can reflect each other.
Feel around. Make sure. This is a new life we're building.

 

Before I judge You

I resented you for years,
you old fart, for your meddling
seemed always to make
my best-laid plans fizzle,
fade, die on the vine
and I would have sworn
your collective efforts
secured the failure
if all good things.
Honestly, though, now
as I examine my part,
I can see it's add though
I constantly wore headphones
so no input from you,
wise as it might have been,
could mingle with my ideas,
could work into my introverted
interpretation of right and wrong,
of wise and foolish, of my stubborn pride...
I wish I'd been open to you
and hope I've learned to listen
before I judge you and your ideas.

44647246 - young woman with headphones and tablet on the bed

I CHOSE TO CHOOSE JOY

I Chose to Choose Joy

Paul chose contentment

when imprisoned.

A man named Walter

chose to rise from pain

and treasure life.

One named Yehuda

chose words of encouragement.

William James propounded

battling stress choosing

one thought over another.

Groucho Marx proclaimed,

I, not events, have the power
to make me happy or unhappy today.

Sometimes joy eludes me,

making it difficult to choose it.

But when that happens

still there is hope. For I always

have the opportunity, the ability,

to choose to choose joy.

Copyright: andreykuzmin / 123RF Stock Photo

Binge Benefits

If you ... find yourself going out of control with a substance or behavior, I want you to consider that compulsive behaviors are a sign of a life out of balance. Instead of going into denial or trying to avoid binging again, let’s look at a binge as a message from your inner self trying to tell you that something is wrong in your life, and you are unwilling to face the pain or do something about its origin.  ~ glotao

Why did you take that compulsive bite?(Or those 7,852,473 compulsive bites)?
You knew better. At the moment
you made the choice, before
the first indulgence, you knew better,
you wished you had the diligence to avoid it.
But you knowingly pursued the illicit joy.
Why? What emotions started it?
Exhaustion, I'll show him! Anxiety?
She can't tell me what to do!
Long established experience
reminds you what at some gave comfort
and the pull to repeat is strong.How strong?
What can you do to stop it? Call a sponsor, a food buddy,
read program literature. Agree with yourself
to wait an hour, and the emotions, given time,
lose their pull. Better still, pray or write it out.
If the binge happens, then what?
How do you deal with the misery, guilt and shame
as you realize that nothing has changed?
Use your writing tool and do a simple Fourth Step
with two questions: What in my life is bothering me
today that I don't want to face? And what in my life
do I feel helpless to change? Share your findings
with yourself, another person, and your Higher Power.

Suffering Is a Choice

I also know that suffering, unlike pain, can be a choice.  Pain, whether it be of the head, lung or stomach, must run its course until real healing has occurred. Suffering, on the other hand, is a matter of perspective. ~ Cate Stevens

Who would choose to suffer?
No, thank you. My knees hurt.
They have for years.The cause
is rheumatoid arthritis.Recently,
events have exacerbated the pain.
Instead of getting to the gym five
days out of seven, I avoid
the sunken living room and when I can't,
I groan as I step down. At least
when someone's around. The pain is minor.
The groan is machination, even if unmindful.
Who would choose to suffer?Anybody
wanting the world's notice
of the grievous discrepancy. Pain happens
and can feel excessive, unjust,
when I'm stuck in self, when you need to know
my pain, my suffering, my unjust burden.
But when I choose not to suffer,
when I claim serenity and recognize
what I can't change, suffering ends
and gratitude can find a place in my life.

Carrying the Load

There are no financial requirements to be a member of OA.

is recovery program is available to all who want to stop

eating compulsively, no matter how much or how little

money they may possess. ~ OA Press Kit

No matter how much or how little

money you have... It's the 7th Tradition
Fewer people know the other end of the rule.
Ten thousand a year, five to the genera fund of OA,
and five to a special fund. Rules dictate whose wills
can contain bequests to OA. The suggested donation
increased a few years ago from two to three dollars.
But none is required. Can you feel vested if you have nothing
for the basket week after week? Mohamed Ali said,
"Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth."
And service works as your contribution. If cash is slight,
look around, fill the gaps. Pay your way Help carry the load!

Organized Improv

it is a relief to walk into a meeting and hear the same comforting, familiar slogans from friends each week. However, I’ve come to love OA meetings for their unpredictability, as well as their structure. ~ Voices of Recovery (Kindle Locations 2601-2603).

The same words red over and over,
t; the extent we could quote major blocks
of the script. But then again at time for open shares
we open our mouths and we're shocked to hear
what is said, even that which we share!
But more often than not, those words are exactly
what needs to be heard, often by the person who
utters the words! A meeting is a fugue, in fact:
a contrapuntal composition in which
a short melody or phrase (the subject)
is introduced by one part and
successively taken up by others
and developed by interweaving the parts.
Welcome to recovery, welcome home!

She's Not Heavy, She's My sister

Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends— this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition (Kindle Locations 1324-1326).

Service is the whole point:
Having had a spiritual awakening 
as the result of these Steps, 
we tried to carry this message 
to compulsive overeaters 
and to practice these principles 
in all our affairs. It's our destination,
our ultimate usefulness.
We arrive helpless, powerless,
stuck in unmanageable lives.
We take the steps thinking of ourselves,
our failings, our defects, people we harmed,
seeking to  identify with an extraneous power,
one we can trust with our lives, leaning to trust
that power with everything. And we reach the point
when we are amazed our lives work and suddenly
we're positioned to sponsor, to share our journey,
and realize, this is an experience you must not miss.We're home.

Fix It, Please

A childhood book, where parents sew on buttons, 
repair zippers, change a tire, repair a wagon, 
sew a doll's arm on, make a new chair leg,
doctor cuts or get a doctor for sick children,
We learn to trust parents and others who earn it,
and it doesn't stop at childhood. A sister's mother-in-law
once told her, "You Breedlove girls think your parents can do anything."
It wasn't true, though. I knew Daddy could do most things 
but not hulahoop, cast with stinkbait on the hook, remember names
or put my Timex watch back together. But we quoted often, 
"Fix it, please." Am I still doing that, as the eldest within the
third degree of consanguinity? Well, sometimes, yes. 
but now i try to make my requests, "God, grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."
And, "Not my will but yours be done."

Slippery Places

If you don't want to slip, stay away from slippery places ~ program saying

Where are you likely to blow your food plan?
All-you-can-eat buffets? Birthday parties?
church socials? Grandma's house? Restaurants
serving everyone who comes in chips
or fresh-from-the oven bread?
One place for me serves foods i can readily choose
but where I went in days gone by exclusively
for their signature ice cream desserts.
For some alcoholics bars may be verbotenAnd some places for us in OA,
but consider what the Big Book tells alcoholics:
So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is
drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being
there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, 
recep­tions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties.I've been to a place described above as serving baskets of chips...
at a table filled with OA people without issue. Slippery places
may offer secure footing in places where we need to be.

Ask Me How

I can tell you every concept to loose weight
known to woman. Or man. I know,
because I tried darned near all of them!
There's the traditional dieting. Buy a magazine,
a book, find it online, just pick one.
Believe me, they all work. For somebody.
But not for the people who really need them.
They ... we ... stick to them completely,
obsessively, compulsively, perfectly
for a while. But the while may last an hour,
a day, a month, six months ... but it ends.

Sometimes it seems we've got it conquered.
but no. The IT we must conquer is us.
our insanity of trying virtually the same thing
over and over and then again. But if you admit
that insanity, that tired old pat, that powerlessness
within that proves we can't control food.
If we admit we're addicts and treat our addiction
like that's what it is...If we read recovery literature
from any addiction,  well, that's the answer. That's "how!"
Live the Twelve Steps, keep company with others who are!

My Inch

See to it that you do not refuse him who speaks. If they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, how much less will we, if we turn away from him who warns us from heaven? At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, "Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens." The words "once more" indicate the removing of what can be shaken – that is, created things – so that what cannot be shaken may remain. 

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our "God is a consuming fire." (Hebrews 12:25-29 NIV)

"We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us." (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 164)

How often have I refused to listen?
How many times have I
known enough, deemed
my choices sufficient, smart?
I know less than a inch in the
multi light-year universe
of knowledge
and stand here, smug.
How often have I missed
the wisdom God
wanted me to have?
Am I listening today?

God, let it be.

This is from a draft of the next book, responding to Galatians and the Big Book

My Inch

See to it that you do not refuse him who speaks. If they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, how much less will we, if we turn away from him who warns us from heaven? At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, "Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens." The words "once more" indicate the removing of what can be shaken – that is, created things – so that what cannot be shaken may remain. 

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our "God is a consuming fire." (Hebrews 12:25-29 NIV)

"We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us." (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 164)

How often have I refused to listen?
How many times have I
known enough, deemed
my choices sufficient, smart?
I know less than a inch in the
multi light-year universe
of knowledge
and stand here, smug.
How often have I missed
the wisdom God
wanted me to have?
Am I listening today?

God, let it be.

This is from a draft of the next book, responding to Galatians and the Big Book

Be Peaceful

“The first few times we make the choice to “be peaceful rather than right,” it feels like denial. But with practice it will become the preferred choice.”
― Karen Casey, Let Go Now: Embracing Detachment

Right is right and when I've got it nailed, I own it!
But could something else feel even better? Of course it can, It feels just like
the Second Tradition: For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority —
a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. 
Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.Leaders, usually the most experienced may know how other groups
resolved the issue we face, and the results, but aa peaceful resolution,
finding the group conscience, makes for loving groups,
for the betterment of recovery, individually and and collectively.

The Meaning of Abstinence

“The simple ability to eat and sleep normally and wake up glad you are alive, glad you abstained yesterday, and glad you have the privilege of abstaining today.” ~ Voices of Recovery (Kindle Locations 2336-2337).

The diet mentality lingers long,
making it seem that eating right
somehow is punishment.
But that's the lie disguised as truth.
Abstinence with gratitude may well be
the best tasting item on the menu,
it's eating right, drinking what you need,
the privilege of abstaining,
of a food plan you love.

Full of Self

God sends no one away empty except those who are full of themselves. ~ Dwight L. Moody

Look at that man, bloated by self-importance—
    full of himself but soul-empty.
But the person in right standing before God
    through loyal and steady believing
    is fully alive, really alive. (Habakkuk 2:4 The Message)

Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden.
Get rest. Learn from the source. Feel at leisure,
carrying a light load. But the narcissist, the
self-absorbed, those wrapped up in self
have all they want, seek nothing better,
decline to see the offer made and lose, stuck in their
addictions, their character defects, and
miss out on the good so freely offered.

Welcome Home

What was the big deal,
going to a meeting?
She knew what they did there
though not from having tried it.
Heck, she'd even read
the "Standard Meeting Format"
and knew how robotic,
how rote memory,
how repetitious it was.
But Sally wouldn't relent,
so she did. Maybe with dread -
well, certainly with dread.
Maybe with skepticism -
yeah, whole chunks of that.
Maybe with curiosity, a bit of interest -
to be honest more of those -
almost. With the dread.
But she'd go.
So she did. Nice people.
They seemed interested,å
didn't stare at her bulk,
at arms as big as her waist should be.
They read all that stuff,
like she'd read on the website,åç
but it didn't feel canned.
They read like they meant it.
And then they got to the end
of that long, long reading,
and the reader said,
"Welcome to Overeaters Anonymous."
And the whole group answered,

"Welcome home!"
And she knew. She just knew.
She'd found home.

Deep Waves

It’s the deep waves of life that teach us to be better swimmers.”
~ Karen Casey

In over my head. Swimming against the current.
Why should I fight the fight? I’m old, tired,
impaired, at least temporarily, but my body will never be younger.
Why keep trying? Why take the risk? Why dare?
Because I’m not content to sit in a recliner another
twenty-five years. I still have achievements awaiting my efforts,
knowledge to pass on, words to share.
I’ve lessons to learn and I’m ready to pass new mile markers,
so God, give me courage to dare the waves, to dare to try, to trust your guidance.

That Bicycling Fish

So I turned my mind to understand, to investigate
and to search out wisdom and the scheme of
things and to understand the stupidity of wickedness
and the madness of folly.

I find more bitter than death
the woman who is a snare,
whose heart is a trap
and whose hands are chains.
The man who pleases God will escape her,
but the sinner she will ensnare.

“Look,” says the Teacher,
“this is what I have discovered:
“Adding one thing to another to discover the scheme of things —
while I was still searching
but not finding —
I found one upright man among a thousand,
but not one upright woman among them all. T

his only have I found:
God made mankind upright,

but men have gone in search of many schemes.” ~ Ecclesiastes 7:24-29S

Grrr.
A woman needs a man
like a fish needs a bicycle.
Grrr.
Still...
A leader cannot be tethered to
an over-possessive or manipulative
partner.
There’s truth behind the idea
behind every leader there’s a good
spouse,
even if he’s a husband.

God, help me understand
I tend to reach the level of those around me.
Lead me to associate with great people
and to listen to an awesome God.

Imperfect and Inept

"It is when I am weak that I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:10)
The only real perfection of which humans are capable is to include, absorb, forgive, and transform human imperfection. Humans are conduits and transformers much more than self-sufficient generators. Such is the character of a whole (and holy) human being. ~ Fr. Richard Rohr, OFM

Self-reliant. I have been, expect to be.
But it's a lie today. I dropped my purse in the elevator.
Twice, in rapid succession. I tried to stuff
about twelve pages back into their envelope, gave up,
and accepted help. As I worked to get money in my wallet
and that in the purse, the clerk said to take all the time
I needed. I forgot a committee meeting tonight,
instead worked on an important project, gave up, overwhelmed.
Miranda spoke Monday of the spirituality of imperfection.
I've got a wrap on that one!! I can participate in God's perfect mercy
no matter how worthless I feel! I can be comforted in the hand of
God. I'm not worthless even if I am imperfect and inept.
God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to use me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy will. 
Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness
to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love, ad Thy way of Life.

That's Life

based on random conversations...

I’ll have to go into my closet
and start over. When did closet
begin to mean anything but a tiny room?
Could you ever hear that sentence
thinking the space interpretation?
It kind of makes your day.
Neat. Was the source of "it" thanked?
Your judge said I should get a patent on it. How many people claim a judge?
It works a lot better than paper towels, they don’t stick on everything.
Why didn't I look and not just listen?
All right, see you later.
They were going to throw all that away.
Maybe it’s a cream cheese with powdered sugar in it.
Or they use butter.
Better get some gas in case
I have to go to Coleman tonight.
Better go now, there'll be rough weather.
The cows won't come until feeding time.
Life happens, in unexpected bursts.
It can overwhelm, amuse, educate,
sadden, challenge, haunt you,
But the odds are better if before the day starts
you ask for guidance, God's will,
and the sense to do the next right thing.

Social Media

The story of our lives
the grandeur, the despair,
the highs as lows for our friends
and occasionally foes,
Facebook holds them all.

Sharing with family
as close as can be,
with acquaintances,
with folks who know someone
who knows us, or sometimes
total strangers.

It's all well and good
but when the most important thing
in your life requires anonymity
at all public levels,
it puts a powerful damper
on telling what matters most!