Monday, December 31, 2012

Preconceived Notions

From now on, we let go of our preconceived notions about what is right for us. ~ The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous (Kindle Locations 248-249)
God, this bit about surrendering my life
to a power greater than I...
Okay. I can do that,
take on a consulting companion.
What? Won't cut it? Ouch.
So how much do you want?
Oh, I get it. You want to have me
consult with you then.
That's certainly more than I envisioned.
WHAT? Not enough? Geesh!!
Okay, I'll let you make the choices
so long as I can accept them.
You drive a steep bargain, though.
You're kidding!!! That won't do??
You're talking like Daddy did,
dictatorially: "When I say jump,
you jump. And you can ask how high...
on the way up."
jump

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Just Believe

Now when someone leaves a will, it is necessary to prove that the person who made it is dead. The will goes into effect only after the person’s death. While the person who made it is still alive, the will cannot be put into effect. ~ Hebrews 9:16-17 (NLT)
Doctors had pronounced him incurable. Society was about to lock him up. Like myself, he had admitted complete defeat. Then he had, in effect, been raised from the dead, suddenly taken from the scrap heap to a level of life better than the best he had ever known! ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 11
Jesus told Nicodemus
he had to be born again.
He said flesh comes from flesh,
spirit from spirit.
God so loved he gave his son.
Just believe – no more – and Spirit
gives spirit where flesh condemns.
We’ve turned away from light,
loving darkness, doing evil.
Fear blocks the light.
Just believe,
be ready to live by truth,
walk into light,
in the light,
seeing miracles,
living miracles.
Create in me a clean heart,
O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from Your presence,
and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.*
*Psalm 51:10-22 (NASB)
A Cloud of Witnesses

From A Cloud of Witnesses - Two Big Books and Us

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Conditions of the Day

Then, in Step Seven, we humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings such as He could or would under the conditions of the day we asked. ~ Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Alcoholics Anonymous, page 108
When could God not remove shortcomings?
Omniscient, competent without limit,
the source. But faithful to rules —
his own. I am not a puppet,
not manipulated, free to choose.
Even if I say, "I am now willing"
but take it back or deceive
he cannot, remaining faithful.
Would God decline to do what he could?
Perhaps. I may be willing, for real,
but lacking resources, inadequate to cope
without the crutch. An answer of yes,
not now. Another day. step seven

Friday, December 28, 2012

True Ambition

True ambition is the deep desire to live usefully and walk humbly under the grace of God. ~ Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 124-125
Walk humbly with your God —
that's one of the things God requires
along with doing justice, loving kindness.
Living usefully can be doing justice.
Does true ambition mean loving kindness?
It does, when ambition's definition
derives from seeking recovery,
not from craving power, glory.
So true ambition equals
achieving a life well lived. reaching

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Ultimately Worthwhile

Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile initially scared me to death. ~ Betty Bender
Fear, that short word
touching every aspect of life...
evil, corroding... causing trouble.
But fear need not gain the upper hand...
at least not retain it.
We need not bow down to fear.
Our Higher Power stands ready to zap it
and show us who we are to be,
and then our lives
can be ultimately worthwhile.
Dare to step through the door to promises fulfilled.
Dare to step through the door to promises fulfilled.

Notice that the word “fear” is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn’t deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn’t it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn’t go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn’t fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse.
Perhaps there is a better way, we think so. For we are now on a different basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.
We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous (Kindle Locations 978-991)

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Good Luck


Why is everyone's luck
better than mine?
Why does the worst thing happen
every time? Don't I ever get a break?
I try and try but it's not enough,
or so it seems.
So what is luck? Winning jackpots?
An unknown rich relative leaving billions?
Getting what I don't deserve?
The luck I need is doing the next right thing
day after day, one day at a time,
and being rewarded day after day
with blessings galore
beyond my wildest dreams. 2012-12-25_20-48-26_0-1

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Peace on Earth

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. ~ Luke 2:14, American King James Version
War and rumors or war,
terrorism, agitation, dissension.
Where's this promised peace on earth?
And who's to get it? Is it really
"on earth peace, good will toward men"
or like other translations, peace
but to those God's pleased with.
Why do they need peace? Aren't they set,
aligned with the forces that be, at peace?
Or is it that God's pleased when folks get it,
have that peace, accept it? Which is egg,
which chicken – which comes first?
Isn't peace-capacity woven into our being
waiting for recognition, acceptance?
Isn't God pleased when we get it, accept it?
He's pleased with us then,
sorrowing for the rest, longing for all
to have peace – around the globe,
acceptance of the great gift of Christmas,
peace on earth in each life.
Pages 20-21

Monday, December 24, 2012

Emmanuel

Immanuel (or Emmanuel or Imanu'el, Hebrew עִמָּנוּאֵל meaning "God is with us") is a symbolic name which appears in chapters 7 and 8 of the Book of Isaiah as part of a prophecy assuring king Ahaz of Judah of God's protection against enemy kings; it is quoted in the Gospel of Matthew as a sign verifying the divine status of Jesus. ~ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immanuel
God with us. A god who know us,
cares about us, nurtures us, leads us,
a power beyond our comprehension
until we finally realize only the god among us,
within us from the beginning, can restore us
to meaning, to serenity, to sanity. If not restore,
this god gets us there for the very first time.
All we need do is decide it's worth a try
and he comes all the rest of the way.
God with us, emmanuel! 2012-12-22_19-55-22_493

Sunday, December 23, 2012

The Angel's Message

Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace,
good will toward men.
An ethereal proclamation
a couple thousand years ago...
A statement of fact? A prophecy?
A prayer reverberating though ages?
Yes, yes, yes. A fact that night --
the angels as well as fact glorified God
as did shepherds and the sky itself,
the heavens and all creation.
A prophecy, defining a historic swivel,
a cosmic gyration, a dividing line
with past and future severed.
A prayer and proclamation
of God, to God, for God,
resounding for eternity.
Artwork by Sandy Lewis Carter in THE INNKEEPER'S CHRISTMAS EVE
Artwork by Sandy Lewis Carter in THE INNKEEPER'S CHRISTMAS EVE

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Futility

It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous (Kindle Locations 961-962).
Just what kind of squandering hours
does resentment bring?
And is that the only road to get there,
to futility and unhappiness?
Does the fact I squander hours
equal resentment run amok?
Maybe, if I'm the object of the feelings
while feeling them, disdain for squandering hours,
for stupid computer games, for a life frittered away.
An endless circle, playing games, resenting weakness,
hiding by playing more to try to salve my soul
for playing the games...
I powerless over resentment,
and life's unmanageable — by me, at least.

Friday, December 21, 2012

The End of the World

Facts woven together,
laced with assumptions,
braided into veracity —
we accept them, rely on them,
consider dissent heresy.
The end of the world comes!
Since this happened, that followed,
reasoning decrees the truth
and we build our lives on it.
Then we finally realize we're not in charge
and wait and see if our conviction
relates in any manner to reality.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Listening for Guidance

I can consciously and daily listen for guidance. ~ Julia Cameron
"More will be revealed."
A Big Book truth not in the Big Book,
but repeated, passed on, recalled
for the truth of the matter stated.
How does the Power reveal more?
By what people say, what they live.
Through children with no idea what they say
and people we disdain, dismiss —
until they speak a truth we cannot.
We offer ourselves to God.
Why don't we then listen
for our instructions?


Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Deception

The deception of others is nearly always rooted in the deception of ourselves. ~ Bill W.
I lie, often, easily, convincingly.
Does it start by self-deception?
I delve into the mystery, find pride
as my justification for lies outward.
How could that cause inward fiction?
Scratch deeper, find that old nemesis,
impaired self-esteem, whispering,
mumbling, insisting I stand unworthy,
don't deserve the joy, the peace, the bliss
of recovery. I sabotage my serenity,
my sanity, my life
when I know, if I'll just think,
grace is never deserved, God's love
flows freely. I deceive only me.
pantsonfire

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Unrecover?

Once you have seen recovery I think it's harder to unrecover. ~ Maureen G
Backsliding can carry you down
the trail you've climbed,
back to the bottom, the pit —
but even if you seem to be as deep
as ever it's not the same.
Once you've tasted recovery,
once you've seen promises come true,
you're never again as totally devoid
of hope.
So come back home.
It works when you work it
and you're worth it.
And your life depends on it.
no-recovery

Monday, December 17, 2012

God of Consolation

"May the God of consolation touch their hearts and ease their pain." ~ Pope Benedict XVI on shooting at Newtown, Connecticut
The God of consolation.
Like who wants the consolation prize?
"Comfort received after loss
or disappointment..."
But comfort! How we crave comfort,
how we try all our lives to find
a source of comfort. In good times
and in bad. How we look
in wrong places, in addiction,
in blame, in self-pity, in anger,
in rage...
The God of consolation.
A source greater than each of us,
a power actually able to touch hearts,
to ease pain. The God of consolation
is with us always, in good times and bad,
in joy as in sorrow. Consolation is good.
 

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Never Exclusive

To us, the Realm of Spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive; never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all men. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, page 46
I sit in a sanctuary as a praise band practices,
playing familiar Christmas tunes
but with harmonies and cadences
heretical in my youth. They touch my spirit,
pulling me in, igniting my soul, preparing,
cleansing my heart for worship and for Christmas
as nothing has for years...
In a society where a "religious holiday"
can be the stated justification for shallow crowds
on holy days, we need our hearts strangely warmed.
May we learn to learn and to worship and hear guidance
in fresh ways, from unexpected grace.
May we understand our god is inclusive,
welcoming, never prohibiting, embracing seekers,
never ever excluding.
2012-12-15_17-17-57_234

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Pretty Drastic

But the program of action, though entirely sensible, was pretty drastic. It meant I would have to throw several lifelong conceptions out of the window. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous (Kindle Locations 692-693)
Pretty drastic, this recovery.
Innocuous to begin with,
though kind of lame,
seems silly at first.
But something pulls,
draws you back,
intrigues. Something they have,
you'd love to find...
And then you find it,
but it claims your life.
You're no longer in charge,
surrendering,
throwing all you value out.
Yes, it's pretty drastic.
And quite wondrous!

Friday, December 14, 2012

The Purpose of the Big Book

...that’s exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem. That means we have written a book which we believe to be spiritual as well as moral. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous (Kindle Locations 720-722)
The Big Book is about
a Power greater than I and.
And —
that Power will solve my problems.
The promise isn't abstract.
That Power plays a role, and what a role.
WILL solve my problem.
Could say all my problems,
could be specific, but words have meaning
and here it's singular, one problem.
But one's enough. Take care of the eating
and the rest will follow —
as long as it's the Power taking care,
not me, the surrogate, the substitute,
the inept. God is the Power that can
and doing it is the main purpose of the book —
and the millions who are proof of what happens
when God solves that problem. bigbook

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Flying Proof

What about people who proved that man could never fly? ~ Alcoholics Anonymous (Kindle Location 833)
Reasonable doubt. Where does it fit?
Incontrovertible proof —
except that it's been shown erroneous.
Actual Innocence projects find case after case,
people found guilty beyond a reasonable doubt —
proven not culpable. So what about those folk
in the waning years of the eighteen hundreds
offering definitive proof of the impossibility
of human flight?
You say you know these twelve steps,
so simple, so inane, could never work?
How sure are you? Enough to bet your life?

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

On the Path

I may stumble and fall but I'm still on the path. ~ David S
The path of recovery,
a path we share with others,
but one we must walk ourselves
though not alone, always with friends
either with us or supporting,
a constant presence.
But we walk alone for spells,
and sometimes it's rough,
cluttered with fears and shame,
with cravings and longings,
hopes and necessity.
We stumble, sometimes fall,
but as long as we refuse to wander,
as long as we're wanting recovery,
then we're still on that path
with grit ground into knees
and trail dust fogging around us
but we're on that path,
the path to recovery.


Tuesday, December 11, 2012

She Eats

I called her and she asked, 'What did I do?' but I stopped. I thought I'm not going there, because the asshole eats. ~ One of us!
It's a choice. Anger. Fury. The blame game.
It's a habit, make someone hurt
to share it, to bear it, to disown it.
It's a choice, to roil up emotions,
to suffer, to play the martyr, to gain pity.
Then it's a disease to fall back to comfort —
even miserable comfort – numbing the pain,
forgetting the blaming, the hurting, the rage...
regressing to actions long-since devoid
of soothing properties, those misnamed
comfort foods.



Monday, December 10, 2012

Beyond Our WIldest Dreams

You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as you dominant aspiration. — James Allen
Want a little, get a little.
Dream big, and watch what happens.
Don't tell God what you want.
Tell him you're ready for his plans,
ask what you can do to help
and see what he's got planned
way past your wildest dreams.



Sunday, December 9, 2012

Mirror Image

I've spent so many years
hiding from me, not looking
at pictures, mirrors —
certainly not at what's inside!
I've hidden out in the open,
disguising myself so others can't see —
or so I thought, but if I don't see
they won't either, right? Maybe...
Then I gave up, turned running me over
to a Power who can, and suddenly,
I can look without fear, at lease much...
and you know what? I kind of like
that woman in the mirror.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Love Trumps Hate



Love trumps hate. ~ Penny to Sheldon (The Big Bang Theory)
Sometimes we're smart and know it.
Sometimes we're lacking in credentials
and hide from it, dismissing ourselves,
embarrassed to be less by society's standards.
But smart and angry, filled with hatred causes
caustic burning corrosion from inside.
How smart is that? Honest concern,
genuine affection, brotherly love builds up,
boosts giver and recipient. And without degrees,
lacking education and status, we thrive.
Can that be dumb?

Friday, December 7, 2012

The Holy Traditions

Every culture – each family – has them,
the holy traditions, the ​rules​, the right way.
Learned at mother's knee, not subject to doubt,
the mandate is clear; to question, heresy.
The God of your understanding? Like parents',
years after they're dead and gone —
the ​family ​God, the one you were raised to trust.
We find new paths as easily as we can change
the dressing recipe, the menu, the routine.
But what ​is ​tradition but ossified habit?
Patterns can be hard to break but can be —
even routines long-since morphed to addiction.
Holy traditions hold us from respect,
from habit, from inevitability.
They hold us because we cling to them...
until we don't.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Wisdom Yields Patience

Wisdom yields patience. It is to one's glory to overlook an offence. ~ Proverbs 19:10-12  (Note of reminder in workplace)
Wisdom and patience.
A connection exists,
but which comes first?
What is patience?
Accepting or tolerating
delay, trouble, suffering
without anger or distress?
And wisdom? Just being wise?
I thought patience grew wisdom...
but that's like wanting willpower to bud,
then bloom, then grow
from sterile soil, from diseased roots,
from death itself in a desperate soul.
Wisdom comes easier, more naturally,
not needing absent assets. Wise,
transplanted, grafted from a power
external, more able. Gifted with wisdom,
patience finds nourishment, sustenance.
Patience creeps, setting down roots,
grabbing hold, freeing diseased people
to look up, not down, to see good granted
sufficient to stroll past foolishness, hurtfulness,
able to look up to the good, the affirming —
not down at slights.




Wednesday, December 5, 2012

A Matter of Faith

I was telling my Higher Power that I had more faith in food than in Him. ~ Voices of Recovery (Kindle Location 2739)
Saying grace comes natural,
Thanks for the food, bless it...
oh, and God, make me lose weight,
help me be thin.
Now pass the platters!
I'm so mad at her, I could eat a horse.
This is so good! I can't let it go to waste.
Just wish it wouldn't go to waist, sigh.
Now, I made this for you, you better eat it —
come on, take more! Don't you like it?

A good home-cooked meal can fix it all?
Why do they call it comfort food?
Why do we pray to a god, if what we really worship
is the food?

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Washing Machine Head

My head was like a washing machine, this way, that way, this way, that way. ~ Esti
Indecision, oscillation,
should I this, what of that,
he'll get mad, that's not right,
I don't want to but I should.
Head rocks one way, back again,
try to please, keep the peace,
don't let on I'm full of fear,
keep the wolves outside the door,
make them happy, looking good,
fix the world, hold it on track.
Enough. Stop the fuss.
When I reach out, release control,
admit I can't run the world
then the turmoil settles, and I rest,
doing the next right thing,
at peace with life.

Monday, December 3, 2012

I Who Love Myself

Loving myself, I can love you.
When I don't love me, I can't love you.
I can serve you, worship you, disdain you,
analyze you, lionize you, celebrate you,
envy you, fear you, resent you, covet you,
depend on you, adhere to you, swear by you,
swear at you, loathe you, recoil from you,
avoid you, disdain you, live for you...
But to love you, I must love me first.





With credit for the picture to Adam Christensen who posted it and Terri Elders whose shared version I saw (months ago).

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Knowing What I Don't Know

He has the ability to know what he doesn't know, which is a good quality for a politician. ~ Paraphrase of comment on NPR about new president of Mexico
All those years I had to save face,
to act like I knew what I was doing,
what was going on – I had to be right
and in control. I knew it was a lie,
of course, since doubts frothed within,
stuffed down deep so nobody would know
what I knew I didn't know.
How freeing it is, those little words
when spoken earnestly, humbly, freely:
"I don't know." It can be followed with more,
"I'll find out" or "Why don't you ask..." or just "Sorry."
But just the three little gigantic words
suffice.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Other Shoes

I know her. Fine person,
hard worker, honest, sincere,
good folk – observed for years.

I don't know her. Learned things,
these years later. Surprised, confused,
befuddled. How could I not have seen
the sum of what I knew was assumptions,
believing public fronts.

Judge not. Either pro or con
you don't know what you've surmised.
My job is not to evaluate her.
I keep my side of the street clean,
work my program. Leave the pedestals
and barrel bottoms to others.
Who she is is no business of mine.
 Who I am is my business
one day at a time.