Grace as a Verb

I'm more comfortable with grace as a noun, either a proper noun or elegance, ladylike... But the more interesting usage is as a verb, to dignify, elevate, honor, enhance, ennoble... God, may I strive to contribute, shine, improve the world as I live in big moments and small. May I be a welcome addition rather than a distraction. May I live grace!

Dumb Folk Welcome

I've seen lots of people too smart to get this program but I've never met anybody that was too stupid.” ~ Program saying

Intelligence is not a prerequisite for recovery...in fact it can be, often is an impediment. Analytical thinking and logic have been stumbling blocks, drawbacks, snags in the path. But the systematic, follow the rules, do as you're told person may find an easier path to recovery. But you cannot describe a type not found in the rooms of recovery. Dumb people are always welcome but certainly not more so than Mensa members. Anybody ready to admit powerlessness over addiction and a life unmanageable has a place and a contribution to make for kindred spirits and their opposites.

Grandmom

Sorted by recipe name rather than food type the plethora beginning Grandmom's would catch every eye. Followed by "homemade light bread," "brown sugar cookies," "prune cake," "boiled custard" and "pickles" stand, flavoring the pages of the family cookbook I compiled. I am the image of Grandmom, and took her name for grandsons to use. After turning eighty Grandmom heard Dr. Brook's suggestion she lose weight by poking his stomach, "I will when you do." My grandsons will know Grandmom cookies, but to stop doctors' observation of the feasting's results I'll affirm I eat compulsively and enjoy the cookies through the boys.

Dragonflies

Fragility, vulnerability, ephemeral, evanescent... the fragile being captivates hearts, minds, spirit, evolving everywhere to a symbol we long to claim to emulate, to realize, to be.

Just In Case

Dear Me: I write this because right now I finally feel like I'm really in Recovery. Or should I say I feel like I'm a recovered compulsive eater? Someone said in the meeting today he was recovered from compulsive eating. Is that what I am? Ouch! That feels boastful, pretentious, arrogant! Not at all right. But is it wrong to deny the changes in me? Do I err in getting cocky? More than the error in claiming still I'm powerless? People who have no idea I'm in OA, that I struggled for years with food obsession, even those people see a difference, ask me why, what happened, want to know my secret. And telling them makes abstinence easier, reinforces my conviction. So...what do I call myself in the rooms? The absolute truth is I have a fatal disease of gluttony in remission only so long as I surrender every morning with reinforcing repeats as needed, I can hold on to the gift. And, Me, I want you to remember to remind me, to jerk me back to Recovery if anything I do, any word I say, any thought that pops up triggers me to know, holds me in the surrender, brings that reality to mind and I remember to do the next right thing, to think the next right thought, to find within me the Recovery I crave!

God of Consolation

“May the God of consolation touch their hearts and ease their pain.” ~ Pope XVI on shooting at Newtown, Connecticut The God of consolation. Like who wants the consolation prize? “Comfort received after loss or disappointment…” But comfort! How we crave comfort, how we try all our lives to find a source of comfort. In good times and in bad. How we look in wrong places, in addiction, in blame, in self-pity, in anger, in rage… The God of consolation. A source greater than each of us, a power actually able to touch hearts, to ease pain. The God of consolation is with us always, in good times and bad, in joy as in sorrow. Consolation is good.

Be-Attitude 7

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. ~ Matthew 8:8 When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at out feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed. The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences* which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God’s universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves. ~World Service, Alcoholics Anonymous; Wilson, Bill; Smith, Bob. The Big Book and A Study Guide of the 12 Steps . Anonymous Publishing. Kindle Edition.Page 25. The transformation is amazing, whether stated with utmost simplicity, as “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God,” or with the exuberance of a newly found truth, The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences* which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God’s universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves. Surely, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God!”

Hallelujah for the Disease

Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters. ~Hebrews 2:11 (NIV) We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyous­ness and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to Captain’s table. Unlike the feelings of the ship’s passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us.~Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 17 Powerful cement, brothers bound, family forged, made holy — outside in, inside out — holiness from horrible, friends and family from fiends and foes. Peril perishes, a coterie congeals. Unashamed of ghastly pasts we revel in wretchedness remembered, made powerful cement. Hallelujah for the disease, the dis-ease, that propelled me to your loving arms and my fellows hurled here, too.

So Christ has now become the High Priest over all the good things that have come. He has entered that greater, more perfect Tabernacle in heaven, which was not made by human hands and is not part of this created world. With his own blood – not the blood of goats and calves – he entered the Most Holy Place once for all time and secured our redemption forever. Under the old system, the blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a young cow could cleanse people’s bodies from ceremonial impurity. ~Hebrews 9:11-13 (NLT) We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it. ~Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 69

So Christ has now become the High Priest over all the good things that have come. He has entered that greater, more perfect Tabernacle in heaven, which was not made by human hands and is not part of this created world. With his own blood – not the blood of goats and calves – he entered the Most Holy Place once for all time and secured our redemption forever. Under the old system, the blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a young cow could cleanse people’s bodies from ceremonial impurity. ~Hebrews 9:11-13 (NLT) We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it. ~Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 69 Guilt. Insidious, invidious, hideous guilt. Like Lady Macbeth haunted by Duncan’s blood guilt permeates, paralyzes, persists. How can we cleanse ourselves? How can the guilt be relieved? By facing what we did, by understanding, admitting, amending. Thanks be to God for ways to move past guilt to glory.

What Is Forgiveness?

What does forgiveness mean? Not forgetting – short answer, but more. Forgiveness is understanding another as flawed human. It’s assessing actions that addressed his needs, even if meeting those needs stomped on mine and my feelings, my financial security, my self-esteem, my personal relations – on me. Forgiveness is understanding our fellow folkA Cloud of Witnesses as human. If she’s wronged me, I can see she didn’t act because of me, but her – her needs. And forgiveness doesn’t mean putting yourself out there again, vulnerable, to open a way to be wronged again by the same person doing the same thing – or even other things. Don’t try to be a bosom buddy. But let her go, drop the resentment, the obsession, the anger. Don’t imprison yourself by waiting for her contrition. You need your wings, unclipped.

Wisdom to Know the Difference

What is twisted cannot be straightened; what is lacking cannot be counted. ~ Ecclesiastes 1:15 (NIV) Oh, but I could try, couldn’t I? No. He’s right. Even straightened, bends make weak spots. And you can’t count what’s not there though it’s never stopped me from trying. When this book is finished, I can sell it. With the money I’ll… I’ll count it when it’s done and sold. Now I’ve 207 verses to go. Here and now is what I’ve got. Yesterday’s saved as joys or regrets. Tomorrow’s beyond my reach. So right now, today, I might affect — might make joys – for tomorrow. Or regrets. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

Oppression, Toil, Friendlessness

Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun: I saw the tears of the oppressed — and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressors — and they have no comforter. And I declared that the dead, who had already died, are happier than the living, who are still alive. But better than both is he who has not yet been, who has not seen the evil that is done under the sun. ~ Ecclesiastes 4:1-3 (NIV)

God, you are our Lord as we toil in this your world, through the good, the bad, the ugly, the glorious. You are our Lord who welcomes us to the great family reunion in the sky or some alternative site you have for Heaven, a place our forebears – and we – could not imagine. You are Lord of those yet to be, those who exist only as a figment of your imagination before they take on a life we can comprehend. You are our comforter in each stage and age. When we are oppressed and cannot see, we can stop and feel your presence, your love, your fatherly support. Thank you, God, for being God who is, God who was, and God who will be and for loving your children of all time.

A Time for Ef\verything

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven — A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-5, NASB) Turn around and turn again. There was a time before the Byrds. Turn the page, turn again. There were the words before the Byrds. Centuries before. Millennia before. There was the truth of the words before. We see our lives through a microscope. God’s huge view telescopes the microscopic picture — the whole mural as well as our square inch. He knows times we need to hate, to uproot, to throw away. He loves us through those and the times to love, to keep, to dance, and to have peace. God, thank you for all the times of our lives. May we remember dancing while we mourn. May we have peace in times of war.

Coming Home

But when God, who had set me apart even from my mother’s womb and called me through His grace, was pleased to reveal His Son in me so that I might preach Him among the Gentiles, I did not immediately consult with flesh and blood, nor did I go up to Jerusalem to those who were apostles before me; but I went away to Arabia, and returned once more to Damascus. ~ Galatians 1:15-17 (NASB) Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, carefully reviewing what we have done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know Him better. (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 75)

God with me, one-on-one coming back home where I've never been before. God with me, one-on-one. Who would have thought he'd single me out, talk to me, be with me one-on-one What peace, what love, what serenity, joy, glory. What am I, who am I that God could love me one-on-one? God, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, the depths of my soul, the fulness of mr being.

God Doesn't Need Interpreters

For I neither received it of man, neither was I taught it, but by the revelation of Jesus Christ. ~ Galatians 1:12 (KJV) With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves. (Alcoholics Anonymous, Spiritual Experience appendix)

All around me, voices knowing better, people more experienced, others who’ve walked this path before, and they may be messengers, sometimes, a mouthpiece for God, but I know if I miss the point in a group, or studying alone, hope’s there, help’s there, guides may lead me step by step toward the right direction. Sometimes God speaks through them. Other times, they’re giving advice, not really working program, not in sync with God. When I’ve listened long enough, I recognize his voice, hear his message. But I need not wait. He’s ready for me, any time. God, protect me from leaving the path you’re trying to send me along no matter who speaks for you. Remind me you don’t need interpreters.

As If We Could Tweak It

This matter arose because some false believers had infiltrated our ranks to spy on the freedom we have in Christ Jesus and to make us slaves. We did not give in to them for a moment, so that the truth of the gospel might be preserved for you. ~ Galatians 2:4-5 (NIV) Soon A.A. was beset by these very problems on every side and in every group. But out of this frightening and at first disrupting experience the conviction grew that A.A.’s had to hang together or die separately. We had to unify our Fellowship or pass off the scene. (Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book Kindle Locations 97-99, foreword to the second edition.)

Holding on to truth, holding out for purity staying the course without apostasy. Truth wields a mighty sword, impervious, indestructible yet truth can fall to insidious mutation, to good intentions, to obfuscating clarification. A good thing, a godly thing, a god thing we have here. God knows how we can keep it! God, save us from the conviction we can always tweak something for the better.

Friends I Haven't Met Yet

Then fourteen years later I went back to Jerusalem again, this time with Barnabas; and Titus came along, too. I went there because God revealed to me that I should go. While I was there I met privately with those considered to be leaders of the church and shared with them the message I had been preaching to the Gentiles. I wanted to make sure that we were in agreement, for fear that all my efforts had been wasted and I was running the race for nothing. ~ Galatians 2:1-2 (NLT) Nothing would please us so much as to write a book which would contain no basis for contention or argument. We shall do our utmost to achieve that ideal. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 19)

United, a common front, of one mind. Consensus? Majority? Plurality? We are a diverse group, people who would not ordinarily mix yet there’s a friendliness, a fellowship, an understanding uniting us, divergent people facing a common problem, a problem so huge, so overwhelming, so devastating difference makes no difference. God, in recovery I’m no longer different, no longer alone, among friends I’ve never met, in the in-crowd. Thanks.