Recovery Is...

Recovery is learning new responses, feeling and behaving in healthier ways. ~ Casey, Karen. Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women (Kindle Location 2039). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Recovery is laying aside our crutch,
learning we're not in charge,
not to carry the world on our shoulder,
finding there's a greater Power
ready, willing and able to bear the load.
Our former crutch, be it alcohol,
drugs, food, gambling, sex,
or codependency is only
kept in abeyance by
daily living of the program,
learning new responses,
feeling and behaving in healthier ways.
Recovery is being restored to sanity!

Coincidental Miracles

...many of life’s so-called “coincidences” are actually small miracles of God, who prefers to remain anonymous. ~ Anonymous. A Day at a Time: Daily Reflections for Recovering People (Hazelden Meditations) (Kindle Locations 1747-1748). Hazelden Publishing.

Further in the reading is this jewel:
"When the un-understandable happens,
may I perceive it as just another
of God’s frequent miracles."
I am entitled to miracles.
Grievances block miracles.
I like miracles better than grievances,
even the miracles I've considered coincidences.
Grievances block miracles.
I will choose to let miracles replace all grievances.
Thank God for miracles!

Respectable

…there is as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem. ~ Booker T. Washington

What was respectable during childhood?Mother's acceptable behaviors
clashed with Grandmom's, Daddy's mom.
And I took after Grandmom and the rejection rubbed off.
As far as writing poems, Mother did.
I can't imagine Grandmon's, though she played piano by ear
and sang. We know the admirable aptitudes around us
and we carry the judgmental assessments long after.
When I was a child, I spake as a child,
I understood as a child, I thought as a child:
but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
But have we? Do we still cringe when we act
against parental mores? Do we now believe...
or can we...that childish things can be put away?

 

To Tell the Truth

With our list before us, we name each shortcoming individually and ask God to deal with it whenever and however God wants. We express our complete willingness to have each shortcoming removed from us. ~ Overeaters Anonymous. The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, Second Edition (Kindle Locations 697-698). Overeaters Anonymous, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

 

God, I'm dishonest, lie often (and well!)
so how do I deal with it? How do YOU
want me to deal with it? Tell you the truth?
Don't I have to tell me first? I'll work
on knowing when I lie or am about to.
And I'll admit it to me and You.
But You will need to nudge me sometimes.
I'm willing to know when I lie
or am about to. Yes, completely willing
to know it, anticipate it or hear it
and when it matters to tell the truth.
I ask you to tell me they all matter
and to prompt me, to speak the truth.
God, I'm willing to be willing to tell the truth.

Practice these Princibles

Step 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

We practice these principles in all our affairs.
But what does that mean?
Overeaters has set out principles
for each Step and each Tradition
(and for each Concept,
but the Concepts are not familiar
to most OAs as Steps and Traditions.
The Principle for Step 1 is Honesty.
For Step 2 and 3, Hope and Faith.
The Step 4 inventory mandates Courage
and admitting to yourself, to God
and another person in Step 5
demands Integrity.
Step 6, being entirely ready needs Willingness
and "humbly asking" in Step 7
is obviously Humility.
Getting ready for amends
and making them requires
Step 8's Self-discipline and 9's Love.
Then Step 10's "continued"
telegraphs the principle Perseverance
with 11's Spiritual Awareness
and in Step 12 Service involves
practicing these principles.
Add the Traditions and we add
the principles Unity, Trust,
Identity, Autonomy, Purpose.
Solidarity, Responsibility,
Fellowship, Structure,
Neutrality, Anonymity,
and, with Spirituality
we're ready, having had
a spiritual awakening
as the result of these Steps,
we try to carry this message
to compulsive overeaters
and to practice these principles
in all our affairs.

Celebrate Now!

The children of this world rejoice after seeing their blessings. But the children of the kingdom do the opposite. They celebrate before the blessings. ~ Cahn, Jonathan. The Book of Mysteries (p. 126). Charisma House. Kindle Edition.

First thing in the morning thank God for your abstinence that day.
Praise God from your sick bed for restoring your health.
Celebrate the successful project as you begin to plan.
Skip the "Yes, but..." and feel the joy rather than the qualms.
Ignore the tinges of need for argument, drama, and conflict,
thank God for the resolution, and work in peace.
Living in gratitude will  undergird your weakest point
with a strength not your own. Celebrate now!

Wishing Is a Character Defect

The habit of complaining, of wishing things were different, is nothing more than a way of insuring depression and misery. ~ Anonymous, Overeaters. For Today (Kindle Locations 1694-1695). Overeaters Anonymous, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

Did you consider in listing defects of character
you were entirely ready to have removed
wishing things were different and bemoaning
that they're not? Are there "If only's" in your life
that diminish your happiness? Consider gratitude
and putting into practice the Serenity Prayer
to make your life more pleasant today!

Just in Case

Dear Me:
I write this because right now
I finally feel like I'm really in Recovery.
Or should I say I feel like
I'm a recovered compulsive eater?
Someone said in the meeting today
he was recovered from compulsive eating.
Is that what I am? Ouch! That feels boastful,
pretentious, arrogant! Not at all right.
But is it wrong to deny the changes in me?
Do I err in getting cocky? More than
the error in claiming still I'm powerless?
People who have no idea I'm in OA,
that I struggled for years with food obsession,
even those people see a difference, ask me why,
what happened, want to know my secret.
And telling them makes abstinence easier,
reinforces my conviction. So...what do I call myself
in the rooms? The absolute truth is
I have a fatal disease of gluttony
in remission only so long as I surrender
every morning with reinforcing repeats as needed,
I can hold on to the gift. And Me,
I want you to remember to remind me,
to jerk me back to Recovery if anything I do,
any word I say, any thought that pops up
triggers me to know, holds me in the surrender,
brings that reality to mind,
and I remember to do the next right thing,
to think the next right thought,
to find within me the Recovery I crave!

Still Suffering

The “compulsive overeater who still suffers” isn’t always a newcomer to OA ~ Anonymous, Overeaters. The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, First Edition (Kindle Locations 1603-1604). Overeaters Anonymous, Inc.

The Fifth Tradition says, "Each group has but one
primary purpose—to carry its message
to the compulsive overeater who still suffers."
There are those who come in to quickly find
the joy and peace of serenity. Then others
sit in  the rooms for years, still answering the call
to compulsively eat...or who have initial success
and know they see in other recovering overeaters
what they want and heed the advice,
"Don't leave until the miracle happens."
The rooms are filled with pleasant people,
and staying, or lurking, coming back from time to time,
is not uncomfortable, but these folk, too,
fit the Twelfth Step directive, to try to
"carry this message to compulsive overeaters
and to practice these principles in all our affairs."
It is these people as well as newcomers
we are to encourage e to become or remain abstinent,
to work the Twelve Steps,
and to give service to the best of their ability.
Who needs to hear YOUR experience, strength,
and hope today?

A Hostile Form of Self-Pity

Envy is nothing more than a hostile form of self-pity. ~ Family Groups, Al-Anon. Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II (Kindle Locations 2199-2200). Al-Anon Family Groups. Kindle Edition.

Envy: feeling of discontented
or resentful longing
aroused by someone else's
possessions, qualities, or luck.
Envy: painful or resentful awareness
of an advantage enjoyed by another
joined with a desire
to possess the same advantage.
Envy: nothing more than
a hostile form of self-pity.
Covetousness, invidiousness,
jealousy, resentment.
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,
I'll dhow them...I'll eat over it...
even if I have to eat worms!

Thanks Be to God

(After Psalm 136)

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Give thanks for leading us to Recovery.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Give thanks for the bottom, for powerlessness.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Give thanks for our finding life unmanageable.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Give thanks for our realizing You might fix things.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Thanks for the courage to turn our lives over to You.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Thanks for the courage to turn our wills over to You.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.
Thanks for doing with us and building with us.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Thanks for relieving us of the bondage of self.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Thanks for making it so we can better do Thy will.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.
Thanks for taking away our difficulties.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.
Thanks for making it possible that our victories help others.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.
Thanks for showing others your power, your love, your way.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.
Thanks for showing us our part in forming resentments.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.
Thanks for our understanding the pattern of our lives.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.
Thanks for the courage to admit our faults to You.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.
Thanks for the courage to admit our faults to ourselves.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.
Thanks for the courage to admit our faults to another person.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Thanks for making us willing to release character defects.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Thanks for taking defects that caused you or others problems.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Thanks for showing us how to make amends.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Thanks for the courage to make amends.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Thanks for the courage to make amends we didn't want to make.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Thanks for daily awareness when we fall short.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Thanks for understanding Your will for us.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Thanks for showing us how to let You do it.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Thanks for courage to do it Your way.
Thanks for the spiritual awakening as we complete the Steps.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Thanks for letting us carry this message.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Thanks for leading us to to practice these principles.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Thanks for the understanding they work in all our affairs.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.
Thanks be to the God of our understanding.

Win through Surrender

Overcome not by force, overcome by surrender. The battle is fought, and won, inside ourselves. ~ Beattie, Melody. The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series (p. 169). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

The war is fought and won inside us.
We can change nothing but ourselves
but that is sufficient. When we pray
the Serenity Prayer we realize accepting
what we cannot change means everything
external to us. Now, when we change us,
others reacting to us are likely to change
themselves. And eventually we can change all.
As we lay aside resentments and mend fences
through amends, the people we once loathed
can serve as the assumed barrier through which
or beyond whom we see our Higher Power
so well all our dreams come true
and we live in peace, in grace, in love.
We overcome by surrender.

Relapse

She knows she knew better,
rues her failure to do better,
regrets her failure
to Keep Coming Back
as well as her neglecting
to return for so long.
She's known the whole time
where to find the answer
but EGO, the Freud kind
as well as the Edging God Out,
but persisted in hoping against hope
she could recapture the magic
without humiliation,
but she cannot
so today is the day
she begins the pilgrimage
back to Recovery.

Love Freely Given

If I give love only to get a response on my terms, my love is canceled out by my motives. ~ Anonymous. A Day at a Time: Daily Reflections for Recovering People (Hazelden Meditations) (Kindle Locations 1467-1468). Hazelden Publishing.

Love is not earned, deserved, required.
Love is the right of every person I encounter.
Reciprocal love is not required.
I believe if a person has really worked
a recovery program, resentments
and jealousy have lost their power
and true love comes easily for family,
friends, coworkers, people encountered
on the street or in passing commercial transactions.
The Golden Rule has become a natural state.
We love our Higher Power with all our hearts,
with all our souls, and with our mind.
If that is true, we love our neighbors
as we love ourself....and perhaps
for the first time in our lives
we actually love ourself!

Gifts of Recovery

...the Al-Anon program....gave me an understanding of this disease, the tools to change my life, the courage to use them, and a place to talk about my secrets and to hear others share theirs. ~ Family Groups, Al-Anon. Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II (Kindle Locations 2142-2144). Al-Anon Family Groups. Kindle Edition.

It's a kit! A Rebuild Your Life kit.
Any Twelve-Step program is.
While I identify with Al-Anon
as to codependency and the urge
to rescue, to change, to set at rights
another person, my own kit
is for compulsive overeaters,
anorexics, bulimics, binge eaters...
and "this disease" for me
is compulsive eating.
And understanding the disease
is a wondrous gift.
Tools to change my life
number nine:  a plan of eating,
sponsorship, meetings,
telephone, writing, literature,
action plan, anonymity and service.
These nine gifts have changed my life
and given me in addition the gift
of courage to use them.
Perhaps the most wondrous gift
is a place to talk about my secrets
and to hear others share theirs,
which brings me full circle
to the ability to understand
the fatal disease of compulsive eating
and the courage to live free of
the compulsion.

As a Sentry Longs for Dawn

I long for the Lord
    more than sentries long for the dawn,    yes, more than sentries long for the dawn. ~ Psalm 130:6 NLT

Staying awake all night is not for me!!
My husband claims I'm sound asleep
before the lightbulb in my side table lamp cools.
I can stay awake a while...for a reason.
But sleep calls. I drove all night once
in January, 1973, the one and only time.
But I can imagine how a sentry longs for dawn.
And I see what the Psalmist meant, longing even more
for God's presence in my life.
I, too, long for the Lord
more than sentries long for the dawn.

How Did We Get Here?

Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever the substance you are addicted to — alcohol, food, legal or illegal drugs, or a person — you are using something or somebody to cover up your pain. ~ Practicing the Power of Now: Essential Teachings, Meditations, and Exercises from the Power of Now (p. 2). New World Library. Kindle Edition.

I am a compulsive overeater.
Did I refuse to face pain
and to move through it?
I'm sure I did, from childhood.
In many ways I'm Grandmom's heir.
She was pudgy, cuddly, soft to lie against.
Maybe a physical trait took me that way,
early in life. I wore the clothes
whose designation meant "overly ample"
from early years. Mother would have
chosen otherwise and urged me
to those choices. Early adulthood
I felt less than by being larger than,
and endless efforts to ditch the "larger"
left me feeling like failure.
I married when I felt destined to spinsterhood.
I moved from chubby to morbidly obese
and failure on failure accrued.
I proved the assertion, every addiction
arises from an unconscious refusal
to face and move through
your own pain. Every addiction
starts with pain and ends with pain.
I used food to cover...and cause...my pain.
I claimed to be dieting from my thirteenth
until my sixtieth but found the answer
in Overeaters Anonymous. The pain is gone,
replaced by serenity and joy.

The Usefulness of Pain

Someone who knew what he was talking about once remarked that pain was the touchstone of all spiritual progress. ~ AA World Services Inc. Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (pp. 93-94). AA World Services, Inc. Kindle Edition.

Is it true pain is the touchstone of all spiritual progress?
Touchstone: a piece of fine-grained dark schist
or jasper formerly used for testing alloys of gold
by observing the color of the mark that they made on it.
OR a standard or criterion by which
something is judged or recognized.
The he character of Touchstone
in Shakespeare's As You Like It,
is described as "a wise fool
who acts as a kind of guide
or point of reference throughout the play,
putting everyone, including himself,
to the comic test.
So, is PAIN a touchstone of spiritual progress?
If a touchstone is "a fundamental
or quintessential part or feature"
yes, almost all growth or progress
comes by way of pain.
Pain is clearly involved in true growth or progress.

Becoming Light

But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light. ~ Ephesians 5:3, New American Standard Bible

My regular reading these days
includes A COURSE IN MIRACLESby Schucman published in 1979,
THE POWER OF NOW by Tolle
from 1997, the website ABRAHAM-HICKS.COMwith writings since 1988, and Emmet Fox's
FIND AND USE YOUR INNER POWERfrom 1941. I've yet to read the Seth Material
or Edgar Cayce and have barely begun Myes'
ANATOMY OF THE SPIRIT.
I've known four women I believe to be gifted
in the wisdom common to these works.
And would St. Paul be another?
I'm finding common messages everywhere.

God, open my heart to find you
and your will no matter how unconventional...
or how traditional...the messenger.
Let me understand that
"all things become visible
when they are exposed by the light,
for everything that becomes visible is light."

Act as Guided, Today.

Breathe deeply. Get peaceful. Trust. Act as guided, today. ~ Beattie, Melody. The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series (p. 162). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

What does guided look like?
It's better than a GPS, I think.
I can still get lost with those.
It's better than, "Follow me."
I tried that once, following one son
while the other came behind...
including when I mistook the car,
trailing the wrong one...
Guided is more like the guide in Europe
who carried an umbrella, unique,
unmistakable. Guided is, "Hold my hand
and we'll get there together."
Breathe deeply. Get peaceful.
Trust. Act as guided, today.

Watch the Guideposts

We venture on a strange new path
having learned we are incapable
of navigating, our earlier efforts
all having ended in abject failure.
We are no longer in charge
but trusting a Higher Power
is unfamiliar, the direction often fuzzy,
the communication unclear.
But we know the feeling
of finding ourselves lost,
at a dangerous turn.
We can recognize an up-oh!
Then we know to try a new path.
If we learn to take direction
from our Higher Power
by turning around then
that mistake is a guidepost
and has educated us,
sensitized us to the guidance we seek.

Enjoyment of Just Being

This is not a program of searching after facts, but of looking within, attending to my spiritual needs. It is my spirituality which nurtures all that is uniquely me. The twelve steps open my heart, free my mind and release my God-given potential for the peaceful enjoyment of just being. ~ Overeaters Anonymous. For Today (Kindle Locations 1555-1558).

We come for the weight and eating issues.
And they improve, so the disease eases, succumbs.
We come in understanding the powerless over food,
even the unmanageable life. So, the First Step is fine.
Soon, though, we reach the Second and Third.
Spiritual? Either we knew we understood that
or prepared to "act as if" through the nonsense.
It turns out, though, the weight, the eating, the disease
matter not a bit. Control over them comes,
but it's a collateral asset, even in our minds
when we come to understand
the God of our understanding.
We turn from the poor excuse for nourishment
that food was for us to spirituality nourishing us,
making us uniquely us. The twelve steps
open our hearts, free our minds
and release our God-given potential
for the peaceful enjoyment of just being.

Don't Resent

Don’t Resent. If wrong has been done, the Great Law will surely take care of it. Rise up in consciousness and set both yourself and the delinquent free. Forgiveness is the strongest medicine. ~ Fox, Emmet. Find and Use Your Inner Power (p. 1). New Albany. Kindle Edition.

Resentment: "bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly."
This is honestly the first definition Google delivered!
Wikipedia pontificates, "Resentment is a mixture
of disappointment, anger and fear.
It comprises the three basic emotions
of disgust, sadness and surprise—
the perception of injustice.
Why would we EVER entertain resentment?
How do you keep from entertaining resentments?
We should go through a thorough Fourth Step
as well as daily Tenth Steps.
Emmet Fox influenced the nascent Alcoholics Anonymous.
His solution?
Rise up in consciousness and
set both yourself and the delinquent free.
Forgiveness is the strongest medicine.
Don't Resent. Set yourself
and the person you seem to resent free.
Forgiveness is the strongest medicine.
Don't Resent.

Come with Me

Those people are zealous to win you over, but for no good. What they want is to alienate you from us, so that you may have zeal for them. ~ Galatians 4:17 New International Version (NIV)
I pushed a drink across the table. He refused it. Disappointed but curious, I wondered what had got into the fellow. He wasn't himself. 
"Come, what's all this about?" I queried. He looked straight at me. Simply, but smilingly, he said, "I've got religion." ~ Alcoholics Anonymous. page 9.

We are a program of of attraction,
not promotion. We offer you what we have,
and welcome you sincerely
if you decide you're one of us.
But if you don't want what we have
it's your decision.
We don't recruit to increase our numbers
or to put a notch in our belt.
We have found peace and fulfillment
and believe you can as well.
We believe you're likely to come back
when you're ready.
If you belong here
I'll do all I can to help,
mot as an expert
but as a fellow traveler.

God, give me the help
to communicate the joy
I've found in Recovery
and to offer a helping hand
whenever I can.

It's About Me

No matter who we find ourselves relating to, and what we discover happening in the relationship, the issue is still about us, and not about the other person. That is the heart, the hope, and the power of recovery. ~ Beattie, Melody. The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series (p. 118). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

The heart, the hope, the power of Recovery.
Before Recovery it wasn't our fault!
It was what happened to us,
mistreatment to which we were subjected,
bad karma, people out to get us,
circumstances. But we found OA
and found out we weren't in control,
turned our lives and our wills over
to a Power greater than we,
and paradoxically found our responsibility.
We learned who we were...honestly this time...
and accepted it. We found good inside us,
what a surprise! And we found what happened to us
happened to us, that no bully caused it.
We quit blaming God and asked
to be shown our part and to learn the lesson
being offered. And we changed
the person we could change...
the ONLY person we could change!

Peace

Peace is not an absence of war, it is a virtue, a state of mind, a disposition for benevolence, confidence, justice. ~ Baruch Spinoza

Peace for an individual
is not an absence of war
or animosity, feuding, enmity.
Instead it is in the manner
of Lincoln as the Civil War
neared an end.
"With malice toward none,
with charity for all,
with firmness in the right
as God gives us to see the right."
Peace is acting as our Higher Power
moves us, loving each person,
those of whom we always thought fondly
and those with staring rolls
as we wrote our Fourth Step.
Peace is a virtue residing in our hearts
without fail.

Real Humility

...there’s a big difference between humility and discounting ourselves. ~Beattie, Melody. The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series (p. 154). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.
In OA we learned that low self-esteem was not at all the same as humility. In fact, a poor self-image keeps us in bondage to self and thus makes it impossible for us to find true humility. ~ The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, Second Edition (Kindle Locations 661-662). Overeaters Anonymous, Inc.

Even a dictionary denigrates humility:
"a modest or low view of one's own
importance; humbleness," with synonyms of
modesty, meekness, diffidence,
unassertiveness, lack of pride,
lack of vanity; servility,
submissiveness. Instead,
humility is the remedy for our old thinking
that we were either above or below
everyone else. As  we find we are not unique
we find a right concept of self.

The Peace of Wild Things

I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief... For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free. ~ Wendell Berry

Wild animals have plenty of danger,
abundant things beyond their control
that could go wrong, and live in the extremes
of weather, of time, of predators.
Yet there is a peace of the wild things
we're likely to misunderstand,
no matter how obvious it appears
as we watch them. We cannot understand
the peace of the wild things...
until we mind it not with our minds,
not by study of their behavior, not by
becoming like them.
We find the peace of the wild things
only by surrender of all concerns
to the God of our understanding.
And when we do, we have peace
through problems, through obstacles,
through turmoil, but only because
like the wild things we sense
the supportive hand of God
and his grace, his unmerited favor,
his pure and awesome love.

Prayer

...prayer is the linking up of the soul and mind to God. So, if prayer is only a glance of faith, a look or a word of love, or just a feeling of confidence in the goodness and purpose in the universe... ~ Anonymous. Twenty Four Hours A Day: Meditations (p. 80). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Teach me to pray,
I've pled through the years.
I'm learning, and I, too,
am finding that prayer
can simply be, "a glance of faith,
a look or a word of love,
or just a feeling of confidence
in the goodness
and purpose in the universe."
My prayer has been answered.
I've learned to pray!