I Can Feel the Presence

Did you sing around a campfire
in your youth, songs like "Kumbaya,"
"Peace Like a River," "This Little Light of Mine," and
"There's a sweet, sweet Spirit in this place,
And I know that it's the Spirit of the Lord..."
Did you see expressions of awe...for the group,
for the songs, for an unseen presence?
Did you feel the presence of the Lord
whether you would usually acknowledge it or not?
Do you feel the Presence of the Lord now?
Or is it tough in Recovery, grown up and alone
and looking at Step Eleven?
Can you create a virtual...or a real...campfire?
Use the resources you have.
What do you find on Youtube
when you enter "Christian campfire songs?"
Go camping with kids and plan campfire singing.
Sit on your patio and sing to the squirrels.
Find your Higher Power's presence.
Reward yourself as you renew your life!

How Do You See the World?

“We don’t see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.” ~ Family Groups, Al-Anon. Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II (Kindle Locations 1914-1915). Al-Anon Family Groups. Kindle Edition.

We create our own world.
If we focus on tumultuous feelings,
the world is a miserable place.
If we have surrendered
to a power greater than we are,
if we have sought and found serenity,
gratitude, peace, and love
we have found or are on the edge of
a life of oneness with God,
of abilities to improve our lives
and those around us, a life
truly beyond our wildest dreams!

Knowing What We Are

Through our commitment to anonymity we can put aside what we are and begin to know who we are. ~ Family Groups, Al-Anon. Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II (Kindle Locations 290-292). Al-Anon Family Groups. Kindle Edition.

I was my parents' daughter,
my sisters' sister. My grandfathers
were known in a wide swath
of my denomination, so I claimed them
when it might help. I was honored in school
and basked in it, proud the small-town paper
considered it news. The pattern continued
in two colleges and a university.
"Look at me...no, not AT me. not at the girth."
Honorable professions continued to provide a platform.
Because I despised me, you had to know the admirable.
Finally, at sixty I found Overeaters Anonymous
and through our commitment to anonymity
I can put aside what I am and begin to know who I am.
But six years later as I prepared to speak
before O.A. members from seven states
my sponsor said not to say I had writings published
or the prestigious title I was called at work.
I managed to do it, still not understanding
how unimportant credentials were.
But finally I'm learning through our commitment
to anonymity I can put aside what I am
and begin to know who I am.

She Is a Rock

She is the rock,
the cornerstone of my Recovery.
She is a rock who cannot be
set aside, ignored.
When I call her she knows,
refuses to accept "okay"
or "just fine" as an answer
to questions. Through the years
she's figured out when my answers
are intentionally vague
and quizzes me to unearth
what I'd as soon remained obscure.
She is the rock to which
my Recovery is tied,
an anchor sure and true.
A phone call at 8:45 each Monday
holds my course strong and true
for the next seven day,
one day at a time.

Often I Wished I Had Her Body

My older sister was tall and thin,
could reach top shelves flat-footed,
fit clothes from the rack,
provided they covered her knees.
I lacked inches in height,
had excess in girth, wore "chubby"
then, in an allegedly "kinder gentler"
age, "plus sizes" and later odd-numbered 
pieces. While I climbed up to size 28,
my sister in crisis years at 5'9"
weighed less than a hundred pounds.
Grass is greener elsewhere,
or so it seems, but we both found
answers for our needs.
Married to two alcoholics, one active,
the other dry, she found Al-Anon
to meet her needs and the same twelve steps
pulled me into Overeaters Anonymous.
Her struggle was no easier than mine,
nor mine than hers. But Recovery waits
for all fortunate enough to find the groups
that meet our needs.

The Way to Love

“I want the loved person to grow and unfold for his own sake, and in his own ways, and not for the purpose of serving me.” ~ Erich Fromm

Codependent. Excessive emotional
or psychological reliance on a partner,
typically a partner who requires support
due to an illness or addiction.
How can I be of service? How can I help?
Can I relieve your burdens? I don't want you
to be unhappy, to feel like I put myself
ahead of you. You seem so miserable,
like nothing can make you happy.
Shall I wait on you, be your butler,
your valet, your waitress, your laundress?
You may think you want all that...
but it's neither what I need to do
nor actually how you would like you or me to be.
I promise to love you, to want the best for you
but to respect you...and me...enough
to let you be the best that you can be.

Ready for Your Suddenly

Be ready for your suddenly. ~ Good Morning America, May 24, 2018

...the broker [Bill W] had been relieved
of his drink obsession
by a sudden spiritual experience...
...the very same person
who seemed doomed,
who had so many problems
he despaired of ever solving them,
suddenly finds himself easily
able to control his desire for alcohol,
the only effort necessary being
that required to follow a few simple rules...
...suddenly taken from the scrap heap
to a level of life better than the best
he had ever known!
God comes to most men gradually,
but His impact on me was sudden
and profound.The Big Book is replete with sudden-lies.
It also says not every person has
their suddenly. I didn't for years
but my suddenly caught up with me
after years in recovery. Has yours found you?
If not, use the tools and wait for yours.
Be ready for your suddenly.

I Will Thank God

As I learn your righteous regulations,    I will thank you by living as I should!I will obey your decrees.    Please don’t give up on me! ~ Psalm 119:7-8 New Living Translation (NLT)

Rules to follow,
always there
these twenty-five hundred years
or so...not that I knew
they were there, the
"righteous regulations,"
but finding them now
I can buy into the commitment.
As I learn your righteous regulations,I will thank you by living as I should!I will obey your decrees.Please don’t give up on me!Not my will but Yours be done.

Quivering not Necessary

These Steps help me to trust that, although the ground on which I stand may quiver, I will not fall, for I am held firmly by One whose will is not so easily overturned. Regardless of how shaky I may feel, I am safe. ~ Family Groups, Al-Anon. Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II (Kindle Locations 1861-1863). Al-Anon Family Groups. Kindle Edition.

Safe. When have we felt safe?
The world is not safe. It feels insane.
On our own resources
we sense the world's quiver.
But there is safety
in a Power greater than we,
in eternal unshakable reality.
Wrapped in security, immovable.

God's Gifts

For if the inheritance could be received by keeping the law, then it would not be the result of accepting God’s promise. But God graciously gave it to Abraham as a promise. Galatians 3:18 New Living Translation (NLT)

I was to test my thinking by the new God-consciousness within. Common sense would thus become uncommon sense. I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems, as He would have me. Never was I to pray for myself, except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others. Then only might I expect to receive. But that would be in great measure. Alcoholics Anonymous. Page 13.

God’s gifts
are promises,
gracious promises
when our earning them
is a ludicrous impossibility.
God is God
an ultimate authority
known in ancient times
as a Suzerain.
God does his part,
works miracles…
our parts we do
in His Power
when we submit to Him.

God, I surrender.
I offer myself to You.
Show me how to help
including how to get out
of your way!

Waiting Reconstructed

I was just standing here enjoying myself — in joy in my self.” ~ Tolle, Eckart. Practicing the Power of Now: Essential Teachings, Meditations, and Exercises from the Power of Now (p. 2). New World Library.

In joy in myself...
But I am never by myself.
God is within me
and when I set aside
the thoughts my ego created
God's thoughts are the thoughts
I think. Who would not find joy
thinking such empyrean thoughts.
Whenever I choose I can be
just here enjoying myself — in joy in my self.

Saving Righteousness

“So,” you ask, “does the law contradict God’s promise?” Absolutely not! Never was there written a law that could lead to resurrection and life; if there had been, then surely we could have experienced saving righteousness through keeping the law. But we haven’t. ~ Galatians 3:21-29 The Voice 
But my friend sat before me, and he made the point blank declaration that God had done for him what he could not do for himself. His human will had failed. Doctors had pronounced him incurable. Society was about to lock him up. Like myself, he had admitted complete defeat. Then he had, in effect, been raised from the dead, suddenly taken from the scrap heap to a level of life better than the best he had ever known!  ~ Alcoholics Anonymous. Page 11

What does it matter
what advertisements proclaim?
The before and after pictures,
the weight loss in hundreds
of pounds?
The guarantee of "this much"
lost in "this many" days?
Haven't we tried them all?
Can't we list our attempts...
most weigh-and-pay organizations
you could name, diet pills,
Carb blockers, Amphetamines,
metal pins at an acupuncture point on the ear,
internet programs, diets in magazines,
counting calories, counting carbs,
counseling for years, hypnotism, fasting.
motivational tapes,
New Year’s resolutions...
We just can't!!!

God, you can.
Could we have
some saving righteousness?

God's Promise

For if the inheritance could be received by keeping the law, then it would not be the result of accepting God’s promise. But God graciously gave it to Abraham as a promise. Galatians 3:18 New Living Translation (NLT)

I was to test my thinking by the new God-consciousness within. Common sense would thus become uncommon sense. I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems, as He would have me. Never was I to pray for myself, except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others. Then only might I expect to receive. But that would be in great measure. Alcoholics Anonymous. Page 13.

God's gifts
are promises,
gracious promises
when our earning them
is a ludicrous impossibility.
God is God
an ultimate authority
known in ancient times
as a Suzerain.
God does his part,
works miracles...
our parts we do
in His Power
when we submit to Him.

God, I surrender.
I offer myself to You.
Show me how to help
including how to get out
of your way!

Promises Kept

This is what I am trying to say: The agreement God made with Abraham could not be canceled 430 years later when God gave the law to Moses. God would be breaking his promise. Galatians 3:17 New Living Translation (NLT)

I woke up. This had to be stopped. I saw I could not take so much as one drink. I was through forever. Before then, I had written lots of sweet promises, but my wife happily observed that this time I meant business. And so I did. Shortly afterward I came home drunk. There had been no fight. Where had been my high resolve? Alcoholics Anonymous page 5

Promises broken.
To be expected of humans
addicted, dependent,
powerless over
substances,
behaviors, compulsion—
living unmanageable lives.
But God?
Not acceptable.
God keeps promises,
lives honoring agreements…
honorable without outside parties.
God keeps his word
and we once far from honorable
can keep our word as well.
Not on out merit, though.
God goes us merit
like his
when we just ask
for his guidance.

God, we’re asking.
Make us able to
keep our word.

Charity

...the real meaning of the word charity is to care enough about other people to really want to help them. ~ Anonymous. Twenty Four Hours A Day: Meditations (p. 65). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Charity is not a monetary donation...
well, of course that helps, but charity?
The meaning began as  "Christian love
in its highest manifestation."
Charity is closer to agape love
than to dropping in the offering plate.
Hands should be soiled, personal contact made,
hearts involved, kindness and understanding
towards others, our gift, a representation
of God's love of man, man's love of God,
or man's love of his fellow-men.
God, grant that I come to care
about my fellows, to give not just value
but concern  and feeling, a sharing
of the pain as well as empathy
in the relief.

Forgiveness

God does not forgive because He has never condemned. And there must be condemnation before forgiveness is necessary. ~ Schucman, Dr. Helen. A Course in Miracles (Kindle Location 15043). Foundation for Inner Peace.

I've done enough condemning me
to last a lifetime...and that was true
fifty years ago. But it was all my doing.
God had no part in condemning me.
He spent no time forgiving me.
He had no time or need to forgive me.
Instead he hovered around me...
inside when I allowed it, loving me...
loving me...loving me...loving me...
LOVIMG ME! God loves me enough
that I can love myself.

Learning How the Wild Things Are Blessed

Blessed are all birds and animals, the wildest beasts, and, yes, all serpents, too, for they live in nature, in a state of natural grace. They live beyond the rules of evil and good. ~ Today's Gift: Daily Meditations for Families (Hazelden Meditation Series) (Kindle Locations 1047-1056). 

Wild things put their needs
ahead of their fellows,
feel no need to see to
the happiness of fellow wild things.
Wild things eat what they need now,
may save for later needs but
stop at enough.
Wild things protect themselves
and their young, warn of danger
but take no responsibility for
care-taking.
Wild things have no need for worry,
only for the next right thing.
Wild things deal with today,
not with yesterday or tomorrow.
Wild things are not embarrassed
to accept what is offered.
Wild things are not afraid
to be happy, to frolic,
to sing!

Sufficient for the Day

If my courage is renewed each day and I know that I need just a day’s worth, that courage will always be fresh and the supply will not run out. ~ Anonymous. A Day at a Time: Daily Reflections for Recovering People (Hazelden Meditations) (Kindle Locations 1285-1286). Hazelden Publishing.

Have courage!
It's not something most of us had
abundantly when we relied on
food, alcohol, drugs, sex, others
for sufficient gumption to live.
Often it was missing completely
and we relied on bravado instead.
Now, though, we rely not on luck
or chance or on our inherent right,
but we rely on a Power greater than we
and one day at a time receive all our needs,
serenity to accept what we can't change,
courage to change what we can,
and wisdom to sort things out.
Fortunately our Higher Power
has the wisdom to dole out the courage
sufficient for the day but not enough more
to trigger our old bravado!

The Cure for All

The cure for all the ills and wrongs, the cares, the sorrows, and the crimes of humanity, all lie in the one word "love." It is the divine vitality that everywhere produces and restores life. ~ Lydia M. Child

Love is the magic potion,
the miracle cure,
the ultimate answer,
the glue that holds all together...
Love is peace,
Martin Luther King, Jr. saud,
"Love is the only force capable
of transforming an enemy into a friend."
Love is the beauty of a soul.
Love is all you need.
Love is unconditional.
Love is all we have,
the only way that each can help the other.
Love is eternal.
Love is God. God is love.
Love is the cure
for all the ills and wrongs,
the cares, the sorrows,
and the crimes of humanity.
Love produces and restores life.

The Anonymity Wave

Remember what we say
each time a meeting ends.
"Please remember
our commitment
to honor each other’s
anonymity.
‘What you hear here,
whom you see here,
when you leave here,
let it stay here.’"
To which we respond,
"Hear, hear!"
So what do we do in a group
of non-Recovery people?
One-on-one it's no problem
away from  listening ears.
You have the right to tell
anyone you see, saying
you're in a named fellowship
but you have no such liberty
as to the other.
Sometimes we explain
knowing each other
with, "We have mutual friends."
But if you see what might be asked,
just try an anonymous wave.

How Foolish!

How foolish can you be? After starting your new lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort? (Galatians 3:3)

Thus started one more journey to the asylum for Jim. Here was the threat of commitment, the loss of family and position, to say nothing of that intense mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him. He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. Yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey if only he mixed it with milk!

How foolish can we be?
Foolish enough to fool ourselves
when we know
without a doubt
when we did our best
for years upon years
we fell on our faces
before
and nothing has changed
if nothing has changed
and when we play god
we end up
face down,
for nothing has changed.

God, we knew what we did
when we turned our lives over
and, truth be told
we still know.
Forgive our foolishness
and help us let go
when we surrender
this time.

When Words Can't Reach Us

I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard? (Galatians 3:2 NIV)

If there was a Devil, he seemed the Boss of the Universal, and he certainly had me. But my friend sat before me, and he made the point blank declaration that God had done for him what he could not do for himself. His human will had failed. Doctors had pronounced him incurable. Society was about to lock him up. Like myself, he had admitted complete defeat. Then he had, in effect, been raised from the dead, suddenly taken from the scrap heap to a level of life better than the best he had ever known! Had this power originated in him? Obviously it had not. There had been no more power in him than there was in me at that minute; and this was none at all. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 11)

“Words, words, words,
I so sick of words!”
We knew when we got to Recovery
all the words we needed.
Perhaps we had heard those very words
but this time they came
wrapped in evidence
sufficient yo convince
our jury of one.
We came, powerless
over our insanity,
our whole lives unmanageable.
But our kindred spirits
had something worth having…
hope!

Thank you, God, for showing us
Recovery, for knowing
words could not hold our hearts.

Patterns

All they asked was that we should continue to remember the poor, the very thing I had been eager to do all along. (Galatians 2:10 NIV)

Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 84)

Keep on keeping on.
Do good, do the next right thing.
Repeat.
Repeat again.
Habits are made of repetition,
patterns are woven of row upon row
of same same.
Tradition is habits and patterns passed,
spread, adopted as norm, as right.
Yet practices change, customs evolve
and right can morph to wrong
unnoticed, undeterred.
Continue
persist
carry on
consciously, intentionally,
holding on to good,
to the next right thing.

God, I can carry on
one hour,
one day,
diligent in doing what I know is right.
Make it true, Lord,
make it true.

We, the Rescued

Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for our sins so that He might rescue us from this present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, to whom be the glory forevermore. Amen. (Galatians. 1:3-5 NASV)

We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyousness and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to Captain's table. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 17)

Rescued, saved, liberated
from an evil age, from peril
drowning us, engulfing us,
shutting off air and hope.
Rescued from myself,
my obsessions, my fears,
my stuffing down hurt,
my anger at others
for what only I could change.
Grace and peace to us
who, rescued, can now see
the beauty, goodness, joy
all around.
Joyousness and camaraderie
to me who knew no joy,
who felt all alone,
isolated
among a cloud of folks
who loved me.

Thanks – an inadequate trinket
of a word —
for all your gifts and love.

  

Waiting

There is almost no work in life so hard as waiting. And yet God wants me to wait. All motion is more easy than calm waiting, and yet I must wait until God shows me His will. ~ Anonymous. Twenty Four Hours A Day: Meditations (p. 25). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Wait foe it...wait for it...wait for it...
If it isn't stand-up comedy,
those words in most folk
bring anxiety, anticipation, dread,
a sense of foreboding.
When you pray,  "My Creator.
I'm now willing for you to have all of me,
good and bad.  I pray that You
now remove from me
every single defect of character
which stands in the way
of my usefulness to You and my fellows."
we have essentially said, "when you wish"
but in our hearts we want change,
something different, better!
Waiting is tough. We need patience
which is foreign to us.
God, give me patience
and I want it NOW!!
The last line of the poem
“On His Blindness,” by John Milton,
the poet reflects that he has a place
in God's world despite his disability.
"They also serve who only stand and wait."

Living the Program

The Sea of Galilee is always giving what it receives. It’s always flowing. But the Dead Sea only receives and never gives. ~ Cahn, Jonathan. The Book of Mysteries (p. 73). Charisma House. Kindle Edition.

The Twelfth Step says, "Having had
a spiritual awakening
as the result of these Steps,
we tried to carry this message
to compulsive overeaters
and to practice these principles in all our affairs."
We must live the program
like the Sea of Galilee.
It receives the flow of the Jordan River
but releases it, sending it south
as full of life as it was received.
Some sixty-five miles later
that water, full of life
empties into the Dead Sea.
Instead of passing on the life-filled water
the Dead Sea does not share the life
but hoards it, killing it.
When we have worked the Steps
we must pass on the life we found
or the life we found in Recovery is snuffed out
for others but also for us.

Depend on It

But the strange part of it is that, no matter what drinking did to us, loss of our health, our jobs, our money, and our homes, we still stuck to it and depended on it. ~ Anonymous. Twenty Four Hours A Day: Meditations (p. 17). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Why would it be a struggle in Recovery
to learn to depend on our Higher Power?
Did we not all come to these rooms
with a long history of depending
on a different higher power?
Before we got here, we put our addictions
in a place of supreme importance.
We know that now but most of us did not see it then.
What else was more important?
Your fear, your embarrassment?
Your need to be loved?
We all have higher powers
and the early ones remain, at least for a while.
The question is, which is the higher higher power,
what is most important?
If you can say that your spouse,
your child, your dog, your day off,
your vacation, your job, your house...
if anything has greater importance for you
than God as you understand God,
then God is your second, third, eighth or twelfth
higher but YOUR HIGHER POWER!
So, find your higher power and depend on it!

Happy Birthday, Recovery Daily Dose

This is Recovery Daily Dose entry 2,250, daily for seven years, "In Your Face" published May 4, 2011. The poem is the most recent fifty-five titles. 

Shocking!,Who Are You?, The End,
Stay in the Lifeboat, Freedom From Anger,
Finding Your Sponsor,
Lessons from a Gaggle of Geese,
You Decide, Find a God, Accursed,
I Put My Hand in Yours,
The Feed-Them Syndrome,
Higher Wisdom,
Adding Pleasure and Joy,
Who I Want in My Life,
To My Regret. Respectable
Guilty!, My Right!, God As We Understand God,
A Recovery Haiban, Remember Tradition Ten,
Brush Fire, Battle Cry, Positive Results,
Worrying About Food,
A Relationship with My Higher Power,
Murmuration, Keep Coming Back,
Compulsive, Vacation Abstinence,
My Secret, Make a Miracle!,
Peace Be With You, Free Passes
not Available for the Asking
Love Is..., True Generosity,
No One Can Make Me Change,
I Believe, All Power Is the Lord's,
Flack, Instant Inventory,
What We Need to Learn, Feeling Worthy,
Beyond Shame to Celebration,
That Power Which Is God,
Thank God!, Temperance and Abstinence,
Humiliated Like a Stone, Borrowing Trouble,
Dumping Out Stress, It's a Relationship Problem,
Heroes to Emulate, Forgive Them!,
The Good Life.

Shocking!

 I am shocked that you are turning away so soon from God, who called you to himself through the loving mercy of Christ. (Galatians 1:6, NLT)

---

---

Above all, he believed he had acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs that relapse was unthinkable. Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short time. More baffling still, he could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 26)

---

---

From the welcoming arms,
the sense of relief,
the portal to recovery,
shouldn't the path lead only in?
How did I manage to turn,
how did I go back out?
So soon, and without
a thought,
without a reason,
abandoning the hope
I'd found...
I know others who never got back,
who let embarrassment win,
whose pride locked the door.
But some, including me,
made a U-turn
and reentered, determined to stay,
knowing how easy
leaving was,
how glorious staying
is.God, give me the sense
to stay put
in recovery.

Who Are You?

I am ready to find out who I am so I can discover who I can be. ~ Dean, Amy E. Morning Light: A Book of Meditations to Begin Your Day (Kindle Location 1599). Hazelden Publishing.

Are you ready to find out who you are?
Do you believe you are able
to discover who you can be?
Retired then re-retired I have the luxury
of reading extensively every day
from seventeen books and scripture
to completely read the bible
in this year. As I read I discover
who I am and who I can be.
The recurring theme is now matters.
Neither the part nor the future
can be changed nor do they matter much.
And what I do for others helps me
as much or more than it does me.
Who are you?Will you take some time today
to find out?

The Seventeen Books

The End

We always knew what the end was,
goal weight, wearing the size dress
that Mother did, fitting into the outfit
that had gone out of size, decades back,
but success was fitting it again,
looking like we wished for the big event...
we would know when we got there...
if ever there was a there there.
But reaching the end was destroyed
as the end game when we came to OA.
There were people in the group
who looked marvelous, really THERE,
but they had come for years
always there, part of the group,
still active, happy, participating,
and gradually it became evident,
they still belonged, not saying,
their name then, "Compulsive
Overeater" but the name and,
"Compulsive Eater in Recovery."
We do not know when the end is,
but one day at a time, this isn't it.