What a Sponsor!

And by learning to trust people I have come to trust a God who today is my greatest friend and sponsor, sustaining me through all. ~ Overeaters Anonymous, Second Edition (Kindle Locations 2741-2742).

The relationship of sponsor and sponsee
is special, one person sharing experience,
guidance, understanding, and love
with another, someone following in the path,
often one much newer to the program,
looking to the sponsor to find
what they need, want, crave for their lives.
Where can you find such a sponsor?
Sitting next to you in a group,
sharing service at Intergroup meetings,
a speaker or leader, or just someone attending,
met at a workshop or convention…
it's endless. But besides our human sponsor
isn't it grand to know we have another?
Who would have thought that our higher power
might condescend to offer that kind of guidance,
that close relationship, to me? To you?
To anyone willing to listen to the counsel offered?
How attuned must you be to find out, to discover,
that God's there sponsoring you as well?

Newcomer Forever

This helps to remind me that I must remain first, last, and always a newcomer in my own mind, and to work the program in that way. ~ Overeaters Anonymous, 2nd edition, page 210

Oldtimer. I've earned the name
though only a fraction of what some have.
It seems like by now I should know the program,
have it all figured out. Other people think I do…
I guess I have them fooled.
But really, I have wisdom, experience, I can share.
It's just that I need to know I haven't arrived,
that I am one bite away from the old abyss.
I need to know, to feel, to really internalize
that as far as I'm concerned, I'm a newbie,
ready to hear what I need to hear to keep me here.

Near the Cliffs of Moher

The Waves Erode

What I do today won't last long,
will need to be addressed again tomorrow.
I ask for knowledge of God's will for me,
the power to carry it out...
But then again the next day and after that.
Every day, not content to rest
but knowing there are more tasks,
more tools to use, people to talk to,
steps to work, surrender to complete.
I'm a  work in progress, and if the waves erode
some that I would keep, at least the trash,
the mess I made today, will wash out and leave me
with a clean slate ready to write on tomorrow.

Inchydoney Beach, Ireland

Steps One, Two and Three

I'm grateful to wake up each morning and do steps 1, 2, and 3. ~ Julie T

 Okay, a daily reprieve.
And I'm supposed to do something?
Yes. A daily reprieve contingent
on the maintenance of my spiritual condition.
And how to do that? Back to basics.
I can't. I'm powerless over food...
and people, events, emotions...
and my life is definitely unmanageable.
I have some hope, a belief, a wee bit of trust
that this God I've paid lip service to always
really might have not only the power
but the concern about me to restore sanity
in all areas of my life. And when I get there,
the next step is inevitable. Why not?
Come on in, God. What can I do to help you
fix my life?

To the Rising Sun

You who are the source of all power,
Whose rays illuminate the world,
Illuminate also my heart
So that it too can do Your work. ~ Gayatri mantra (one of many translations)

I who have been the center of the universe these decades
yield to you. You are far wiser, more powerful, more responsible
than I, and I've messed up this ruling of the universe.
I don't want to cede the power, hate to admit my weakness...
what do I mean, weakness? My utter and complete inability...
to control, to rule, to reign. At the same time I long to let go,
to be who I really am, powerless, inept, unable, a single person
not significantly different from all those around me, from those I've admired
and those I've loathed...
I'm only a person, but I am a person
and I have merit, have abilities, have something to offer.
In your hands, that is. With intelligent guidance, that is.
When I am aligned with you and directed by you, that is.
Would that it might be so.
¡Ojalá que sí!

Magic Pill

I'm not really sure I want the magic pill. ~ Joan B

Oh, for the pill that fixes it.
I've looked, searched, for years.
When I was thirteen Mother took me
to see Doctor Brooks to get a pill —
a magic pill, a fix-it pill, a modern medical solution —
and what that did was convince me I was fat,
to start me on a lifetime of guilt and diets.
A young mother and lawyer, I drove three hundred miles
for a thirty-day supply of amphetamines.
Running out, I realized my body "needed" them
and never went back for the second month's.
Dr. Crumbliss prescribed carb blockers
after trying tons of other things. I used them  —
when I intended to go out to eat and wanted
a lot of carbohydrates. Other pills weren't pills...
a pin in my ear, hypnosis, giving myself shots,
promised treats for goals met, new clothes that didn't fit...yet?
I've tried the magic pills, but I've found they don't work
but that hope exists. It's called working the steps,
willingness, surrender, coming to believe...
and these things are so much better than a magic pill...
even if one should actually work.

Jesus Loves

I said in my heart, It is because of the sons of men, that God may prove them, and that they may see that they themselves are but as beasts. For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts; even one thing befalleth them: as the one dieth, so dieth the other; yea, they have all one breath; and man hath no preeminence above the beasts: for all is vanity.
All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again.

Who knoweth the spirit of man, whether it goeth upward, and the spirit of the beast, whether it goeth downward to the earth? ~ Ecclesiastes 3.18-21 ASV

Jesus loves the little children,
furry, scaly, man or beast.
We don’t deserve God’s love.
Who’s to say we get it more than the creatures?

Why not enjoy work? Life’s too short not to.
We need not worry, need not plan,
need not take charge.
That’s God’s job, and he enjoys it.
I’m content to enjoy my job
and leave the driving to God.

God, make it true. Give me contentment.
Love me as unconditionally as my dog does.
Help me to love — and trust —
you that way too.

Barbara B. Rollins A Time for Verse - Poetic Ponderings on Ecclesiastes (Kindle Locations 279-291)

Separate and Whole Beings

In love relationships, in business matters, in partnering of every kind, you are put on notice not to collapse yourself into that union. For true partnership is achieved only by separate and whole beings who retain their separateness even as they unite. Remember to let the winds of Heaven dance between you. ~ Ralph H. Blum

Let the winds of Heaven dance between you!
I've spent years trying to be one with another
and that was the issue. When I stopped,
when I pulled away, when I figured out who I am,
suddenly we became a whole, a true partnership,
and while the winds may not dance too often,
at least now sometimes they grin.

Relationships

Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you. ~ Mike Murdock

I can be with you and find strength
or I can be with her and find my strength
tested, frazzled, challenged, diminished.
Sometimes I can be with her
and share my strength, model recovery,
change her by the changes within me,
not by my will but by changing the dynamics.
But sometimes I need to be with you
for I haven't the strength otherwise.

Self Help

All my life I've tried
to make myself better,
to fix the flaws,
to use that willpower
they talk about,
that sometimes I have...
Then finally I found
the way to self help.
Give up, admit I can't,
surrender -- and thrive.

Standby

Powerless over blizzards,
over canceled flights,
over a flight that went
twenty miles away
because the were low on fuel
and could circle no longer,
over the plane you finally got on
from the standby list
that loads then empties
because the door won't close...
you're powerless, waiting for others,
willing but at the mercies of fate...
Powerless, waiting for the power that is
to direct you, to set the parameters.
We're on standby for God, knowing our will
will not, cannot, control. Saying, "Let me know your will
and give me the power to do my part,
the courage to do what I can, the serenity to accept,
and wisdom to know it's okay, we're safe,
and we can be content
whatever happens!

Holy, Holy, Holy!

Timoleague Abbey, built about 1300,
replaced an older one.
Men and women have sought out God
at this location nearly a thousand years.
Can I piggyback on their piety?
Is it true some places have a thin crust
between the spirit world and secularity?
Are there really holy places?
The side of a mountain, a young man,
a bush burning but not consumed –
a curiosity worthy of investigation.
Who would expect a voice,
Take off your shoes, this is holy ground?
When did it become holy? Years before
or with the conflagration of the shrub?
Wasn't the reason it was holy simply
the presence of the living God?
Does that make golf courses holy,
the ones where folk say they feel as close
as they woud in church on Sundays?
I'm sitting in a car, riding from Timoleague
to Cork, ready to get on a train to Dublin,
three planes to get back home.
And God's there when I seek him.
All of it is holy ground, every place is thin.

Powerless

I'm powerless over my life.
Two years ago I tripped and fell
and since then I've been in the process
of rehabilitation.
I'm powerless over my life.
Daily my husband, sons, acquired daughters,
my family and friends, acquaintances,
business associates, even strangers
affect my life and I can do nothing.
I'm powerless over my life.
Everyday people say things, do wrong, act out
in ways that affect me and I can do nothing.
I'm powerless over my life.
I can do nothing to change what people say,
how they treat me, what plans they make
without consulting me.
I'm powerless over my life.
But I have power over my thoughts, my actions,
my responses, my choices.
I have the power to choose recovery,
to opt for sanity, to refuse to be a puppet.
I'm powerless over my life.
But I control how well I conform my will
to that of the power I choose to follow.
I have the power of the power I choose to serve.

Personal God

It can occur only when one becomes involved with one’s unconscious mind in a set of circumstances which signal the undeniable need for an external greater power. ~  Voices of Recovery (Kindle Locations 568-569).

I believe, help thou my unbelief. 
A desperate father came to Jesus,
pleaded, asked Jesus, if he could,
to help his son. Jesus responded,
"If I can? Everything is possible
for those who believe." Like the dad,
desperate, I answer, I believe, 
help me overcome my not believing.But do I believe? I know the bible,
church history, theology…
I write books responding to scripture,
can come up with quotes for most needs.
But my spirit roams, wants to be inclusive,
listens to folk talk of thin places:
"Thin places are those places where the veil
between the physical world and the eternal world
is thin. The two worlds intersect or seem woven together."
That calls my soul. Ancient places, primitive cultures
resonate. Who exactly is my god, my own conception?
God is available. Inclusive. Accepting. Personal.All roads lead to Rome. But they don't, they all lead to God.
Past lives, auras, telekinetic, intuitive, eclectic —
too weird for God? God the creator of mainstream? Of edgy?
But none of this is personal.
Do I believe in a personal God? Absolutely.
One who accepts me, who sits back and grins
when I finally get something. Can a personal saint
be a glimpse of a personal God. If so,
who is my personal saint?Why am I so afraid of people
whose god is not large enough
they can allow me this much freedom?

St. Briget of Kildare

Resentment

Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity? Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.

Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous (Kindle Locations 908-912).

Not fair. Why does he have what I want?
How did she get special treatment?
How will I survive if they gang up against me,
deprive me of my just due? They just don't understand
I've been so mistreated, have had less than half the chances
most folk have. If they would just treat me fairly,
I could be the top of the heap, could show them
how fantastic, how knowledgable, how magnanimous
I really am. I could set the standard!

Even when I've been abused, when it's none of my fault
they all think it is, blame me for drinking, for eating, for whatever
makes me feel less victimized, lets me have a chance.

To tell the truth, I'm afraid. Terrified. Paralyzed.
I think they're unfair to me, but I really can't tell,
can't focus, can't move past the fright. I can't let them know,
can't give them the chance to finish me off. I have to hold
this illusion of control, this mask so they can't see me...

Sure, I've made some wrong decisions. But why do they haunt me?
Why can't people forget them? Why do they resent me so?

Like a Mighty Wind

Winds have wreaked havoc in the area
grabbing everyone's attention,
causing delays, changed plans, frustration.
Electrical outages deprive houses of heat,
communication, comfort, normal routines.
Who would want to see anything similar in God
and this inconvenience? Maybe Pentecost brought a wind
but when has it happened recently? God brings good,
works wonders, changes lives...like the storm?
Surely not! Would God deprive houses of heat?
He might well send people out into the cold, into service,
outside comfort zones. Does God block communication?
Maybe...Doesn't he prevent our hearing comfortable words,
platitudes, our own justifications
when we assume them true?
Normal routines turn topsy-turvy
when God speaks and we hear...
Our chosen route yields to the voice of wisdom
when we listen, perceiving, receiving.
We do what we would not have, realizing, evolving.
One way to know God has nothing to do
when our perceived message from him
is a static relationship, our standing
firmly planted in a comfort zone,
innured to the fear and courage integral to rashly doing
that which we are called to. God is indeed a mighty wind,
blowing us into our best selves.

HOPE

Handing out peace to everyone,
hope. I don't hold hope in my hand,
don't hog it, freeze it, make it mine alone.
Hope works best in a community,
when others around me have the optimism,
the vision, the desire for peace to abound,
for calm to reign. I can make that happen
by changing my little part of the world.
I can share serenity and make my part of life
a little better, knowing when I do
others will as well and together we can make a world
filled with hope, with love, with joy, with community.

What I Can Change

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. ~ Rumi

I need serenity, which comes disguised
as excitement, peace, relaxation, acceptance,
growth, learning, purpose, service, meaningfulness.
I find serenity by learning what I cannot change…
who I can't modify and mold to fit my picture
of what life should be for them.
I grasp serenity by accepting what is within the world,
in a family, in government, in organizations,
knowing change comes not be revolution and force
but by one person changing, encouraging others to do so,
starting a chain reaction that may actually be revolutionary…
Serenity is mine for the taking if I change myself
which is really all I can ever change directly.

So that the Necessary May Speak

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. ~ Hans Hofmann

What is necessary?
I must take care of myself
for I'm no good for anyone else
or for any cause if I have nothing to give.
It's necessary to have adequate sleep,
food, funds, shelter, medical care...
But once Maslow's hierarchy gets met,
what then? A purpose? Knowledge?
Love. Connection with sentient beings.
To contribute something to humankind...
or maybe just to be kind to humans...
But to let the necessary speak
it seems one must pause and listen
to hear the universe, the voice of love,
goodness alive among us, that amorphous power
we came to realize, our souls...
Perhaps we can never know to whom we attune
until we've paused to wonder.

(Note that the box for suggestions is missing.)

More Holes

Daddy insisted more holes
were for pepper, for he WANTED more.
That was years ago, but even then
warnings about blood pressure
would have cautioned the wisdom.
I'm like that -- not about salt and pepper,
for of that Daddy taught me well.
But set cake and broccoli out
and my nature sends me to the sugar.
Give me computer games and meditation
and Angry Birds, shisen, spider sol
leave meditation at the starting gate, no contest.
If I want to reduce the pressure -- blood and otherwise --
it's time to set things up, to use the tools I have,
to plan ahead to receive more of what I really want
and less of things I one perceived to comfort me.

What's Wrong with You?

What's Wrong with You?

You're no fun anymore.

You order a black coffee

at the pastry shop,

refuse to take a bite,

look happy, not deprived.

When Sally told scandalous news

you turned and walked away.

You won't even argue

when I egg you on.

You seem to have a meeting

every time we turn around,
and you'd rather go there

than out with us,

those dull repetitious groups.

You're just no fun these days

and still you have a smile

permanently attached!

1001 Nights

This is the 1002nd posing of Recovery Daily Dose. It's being done on Donegal Bay in a resort wifi room with limited connectivity and hours. Maybe not as challenging a the day after major surgery, but up there. It is a MAJOR part of recovery at least for the authors. Thanks for your encouragement.


Scheherazade evaded certain death
one night at a time by finding a plan
and working the program. Each day
she had to scheme, tell a tale
but stop, one day's words sufficient,
not to worry and fret about the next.
With discipline she halted,
sometimes at a cliff-hanger,
others evenings amid complex analysis,
but always requiring the king
to keep coming back to find the way
to grow, to learn, to become, to soar.
He came to believe, saw she was reliable
by listening, understanding, having patience,
trusting the resolution would come.
A thousand and one nights
she worked her magic, showed how it worked,
watched the king evolve,
demonstrated he might rely on her.
And looking back after coming back
a thousand and one days
he found what he'd been looking for
and never hoped to find.

Bidden or Not

Who asked YOU?
I intended to have a pity party
all by myself alone
and the guest list is nil,
just me. I want no chitchat,
no guilt imposed —
I come equipped with tons!
I want to give into my cravings,
to comfort me the way I have,
despite my promises, intentions,
recommitments. And your input
is just not sought.
I know, I know, you're called
an ever present help in times of need —but don't I get to say when I'm in need?
Sure, I said I believed you might —
well, okay, you could — use me as you pleased,
but time out, King's X — not now!
Won't you go away? Why do you insist
I see reason when all I want
is a pity party, with just me.
Alone.

The No-Matter-What Club

It's exclusive, select membership,
a great honor, not earned but received,
this No-Matter-What-Club.
Many members come in secret,
anonymous, not broadcasting the news,
not holding themselves up
as having received the honor.
They know they did nothing to achieve,
just admitted they were powerless,
came to believe in a power that could,
and surrendered, then did what they's agreed to
no matter what. They had the cravings,
needed — or so it felt — to act out as they had,
but they refused, accepted direction,
and did as they knew they needed to do
no matter what. And when they did,
wonders happened in their lives
and they learned to live in that path
no matter what.

May I Have Your Rubbish?

May I take your rubbish? ~ Flight Attendant
That's a great prompt. ~ Jhe T.

God as I understand him
stopped by the other day,
when I was gritching
at the electrician who fixed lights
but they keep fritzing out,
as I railed about Washington bigwigs
doing nothing but lining their pockets,
in the midst of my rant of how badly
my brother treats me...
The God I understand put his arm around me,
smiled so sweetly at me —
but at all the folk around me, too...
He walked by with a trashcan
as he gently calmed me and asked,
"May I have your rubbish?"

Expanding the Circle

He drew a circle that shut me out-
Heretic , rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle and took him In! ~ Edwin Markham, "Outwitted"

A circle of friends
closer than family
blood of my blood,
bone of my bone
brothers and sisters
of my soul...
A fellowship, a community,
a family, this recovery people.
Certainly there's a proclivity
to become a clique,
a congealed coterie.
But no, not at all.
Newcomers come to universal delight,
welcomed with open arms.
We never close ranks
but shoot back our chairs,
expanding the circle
to encompass new brothers,
embrace new sisters.
The circle grows to tighten
the bonds.

Fear

Panic. Fright. Terror. Trepidation. Nerves.
Fear. Does it mean F___ Everything and Run?
False Evidence Appearing Real?
Failure Expected and Received…
or Face Everything and Recover?
Yes. All of the above. It depends…
on me. I can make it be
Future Events Already Ruined.
But I can also choose to face change,
relax, and understand it's life.
It's really not good to
Forget Everything and Relax
but it's fine to understand
Fears Expressed Allow Relief!

Paths to Meditation

One evening during a meditation on the Sixth and Seventh Steps, these words seemed to flash in my mind. We were entirely ready to have God remove all the defects of character, and we humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. ~ Courage to Change, page 31

Simple. So simple, but the words leap out —
a meditation on the Sixth and Seventh Steps...
I'd been aware of meditating on the written meditations,
of selecting a passage and building a poem,
my way of learning to meditate. I've joked...
it's not a joke if it's real, though, is it?
I've tried to pretend I actually wrote these poems
as a way of meditating. I know I am, know that happens,
but what I'm doing is getting another poem cranked out,
having something more to stick out here
so that in four more poems I can brag I've done this,
written a poem, posted it, gotten something posted
even if written long before...that in four more days
I will have done this a thousand days in a row.
And is that meditation, stopping in the middle to check,
to find out how many I lack? It's not, it's pride,
it's avoidance, it's procrastination. It's refusing
to learn to meditate. But this one sentence, this thought,
gives me the idea to meditate on a step, a tool,
a tidbit of recovery, and in doing that I can get further,
can move closer, to true meditation, to understanding
what recovery is, what — who — my higher power is,
how to meditate in one more way. And by two thousand
I still won't have "reached" the knowledge
but I'll be a thousand days closer, one by one.