Feelings, fears, insecurity tormented me
constantly, paralyzing me. I craved power,
control, at least a foot in and found it,
I thought, in comfort induced, in food
like loving arms cradling me, soothing me,
assuring me. Enfolded in pastries, I gazed
dully as the world moved around me.
Sedated, drugged by surfeit, I couldn't move,
didn't care. What once comforted
turned on me, mocked me, belittled me
as it proliferated my flesh, locking me in,
denying power – out of control. As life
trekked by, kicking dirt in my face,
numbed feelings couldn't bar the pain.
I needed help, the me that used to be,
but she no longer was. Then, when I knew
I couldn't do anything, a hand reached out,
then more and more, pulling me up,
hugging me, loving me
until I could love myself.
Then I know, I couldn't be there for me,
but I could be for others, and powerlessness
allowed me to soar.
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