Step Five

 

Looking back, I can now see that the Steps separate Step Four and Step Five so there is enough time for real progress to happen. We need time to recall what happened. We also need to talk to a trusted sponsor or counselor about our story. The benefit of Step Five is improving my relationships with my Higher Power as well as myself. I do this through trust and honest communication. ~ INC., ACA WSO, Inc. Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families, ACA WSO INC.. Kindle Edition.

Steps Four and Five are related
but Four is finished before Five begins.
4. Made a searching and fearless
moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves
and to another human being
the exact nature of our wrongs.
What needs to go on your
searching and fearless moral inventory?
The Inventory is compared in the Big Book
to a merchant: A business which takes
no regular inventory usually goes broke.
Taking a commercial inventory
is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process.
It is an effort to discover the truth
about the stock-in-trade.
So after the inventory we figure out
the exact nature of our wrongs.
It’s not a jump we automatically know how to do.
I love this passage in Adult Children of Alcoholics’
Big RedBook that “The benefit of Step Five
is improving my relationships
with my Higher Power as well as myself.
I do this through trust and honest communication.”
When did you last improve your relationship with either?

Image Copyright : Anastasia Vish

My Business and God's

 Not a single person on earth is always good and never sins. Donʼt eavesdrop on others – you may hear your servant curse you. For you know how often you yourself have cursed others. ~ Ecclesiastes 7:20-21 (NLT)

What you think of me
is none of my business.
What I think you should do
is none of my business.
From the skin in,
I can change.
From the skin out,
that’s beyond my control.

You and me, God.
That’s all I have to please.
Me
and
You.

A Time for Verse:
Poetic Ponderings on Ecclesiastes 
by Barbara B. Rollins

Seeing the Big Picture

 

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future. 

In this meaningless life of mine I have seen both of these: a righteous man perishing in his righteousness, and a wicked man living long in his wickedness. 

Do not be overrighteous, neither be overwise — why destroy yourself? 

Do not be overwicked, and do not be a fool — why die before your time? 

It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. The man who fears God will avoid all extremes. ~ Ecclesiastes 7:14-7:18 (NIV)

 

Overrighteous. Overwicked.
Overwise. A fool.
Why not “overfoolish?”
Are there degrees of foolhardiness?
Fear God so you will avoid extremes.
But what about the church at Laodicea?
What about “would that you were hot or cold
but you’re neither so I’ll spit you out?”
Damned if we do and damned if we don’t?
Hey, The Teacher suggests we all go to the
same place.
Grasp one, hold onto the other.
Choose your position without becoming a robotic follower
of an outspoken leader.
Fear God, and be yourself.

God, I want to see the big picture,
to work for the right causes.
Lead me to your causes
and give me the wisdom and power
to do your work.

             A Time foe Verse:
Poetiv Ponderings on Ecclesiastes 
by Barbara B. Rollins

Giving Pleasure to a Single Heart

 

To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Do we say we’ll pray for a person
or about a concern mentioned too glibly?
Do we pray quickly and move on
or do we actually remember the commitment,
returning to it? Do you agree with Gandi
that to give pleasure to a single heart
by a single act is better than
a thousand heads bowing in prayer?
Is it a matter of a different faith?
Does it mean more to do something specific?

Remembering Johnnie

 

Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come. ~ Rabindranath Tagore

Sundays at four for how many years?
I really have no idea. Fifteen years?
Twenty? The last five or six at Johnnie’s house…
My husband knew her well close to fifty years.
Her light is now extinguished for the dawn has come.
But for so many people the light of day has dimmed,
for Johnnie has awakened to dawn.

Johnnie Dickson, 1930-2020

Loud-Mouthed Pride and Fear

 

…a fearless moral inventory, it must seem to every newcomer that more is being asked of him than he can do. Every time he tries to look within himself, Pride says, “You need not pass this way,” and Fear says, “You dare not look!” ~ AA World Services Inc. As Bill Sees It. A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

Step Four says we Made a searching
and fearless moral inventory
of ourselves.
Fearless? Who ever first approached Step Four
without fear? There’s a reason
we speak of the earlier steps as dancing
a waltz. One, Two, Three — One, Two, Three —
One, Two, Three — we get stuck with these “easier steps”
and cringe at the idea of seriously studying our past,
actually describing our resentment, especially
since the Big Book says of the process,
…we resolutely looked for our own mistakes.
Where had we been selfish, dishonest,
self-seeking and frightened?
Though a situation had not been entirely our fault,
we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely.
Where were we to blame?
Certainly fear and pride confront us!
But those of us who have done a Fourth Step
understand when we begin to do subsequent ones
there’s comfort to be found in them,
that the fear and pride can just shush themselves
and comfort is the result of the process!
We can tell them to quit and let the process work!

Image copyright: Ion Chiosea

Twelve Promises

1. We will discover our real identities by loving and accepting ourselves.
2. Our self-esteem will increase as we give ourselves approval on a daily basis.
3. Fear of authority figures and the need to “people-please” will leave us.
4. Our ability to share intimacy will grow inside us.
5. As we face our abandonment issues, we will be attracted by strengths and become more tolerant of weaknesses.
6. We will enjoy feeling stable, peaceful, and financially secure.
7. We will learn how to play and have fun in our lives.
8. We will choose to love people who can love and be responsible for themselves.
9. Healthy boundaries and limits will become easier for us to set.
10. Fears of failure and success will leave us, as we intuitively make healthier choices.
11. With help from our ACA support group, we will slowly release our dysfunctional behaviors.
12. Gradually, with our Higher Power’s help, we will learn to expect the best and get it.

There is no poem today, just these marvelous promises of Adult Children of Alcoholics®/Dysfunctional Families

How many of these have come true for you through working the Twelve Steps? How many do you wish would come true in your life? 

Accentuate Your Assets

 We all have assets. Maybe they don’t seem as numerous as our liabilities, but we can identify our assets and work to accentuate them each day….

It becomes a challenge, one that we’ll enjoy, when we decide to emphasize our assets, watching how they change our lives. ~ Casey, Karen. A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance (Hazelden Meditations Book 1). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Character defects have opposites
and those can be assets, related
in nature and able to be substituted
with practice. A defensive attitude
with work can become open to criticism.
A cynical person can become open-minded.
A manipulative person can become
candid, honest, non-controlling.
What is your most troublesome
defect of character?
I once was inclined to lie.
It would be easy to say that was in the past…
Really easy!!! But I’m learning to tell truth
even when that makes me look bad.
I’m learning to accept the challenge,
speaking truth when lying attracts me,
deciding to emphasize truth-telling,
watching how it changes my life
and makes it easier to reside in me.
What are your character defects?
What opposite can you substitute?

Image Copyright : Rui Santos

A list of flaws and matching assets

Whether or Not We Believed

 Coming to believe was something that happened as we began taking actions which others told us had worked for them. Whether or not we believed these actions would work for us didn’t seem to matter. Once we took the action and saw it work, we began to believe. ~ The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, 1st Edition pp. 16-17

Just do it. We walk into this program
(or hobble, or come in wheelchairs,
with walkers, any way we can get there)
having done it our way for years.
And having proven conclusively
that our way consistently fails.
We enter battered down, hopeless,
disgusted with us and everyone else,
with whatever god we had nodded to
or feared or ignored or scoffed at…
at wits end. And we found folks
who told stories that sounded like us
but they weren’t like us, resembled us not!
And they were functional, happy, effective,
moving toward where they wanted to be.
They told us what they did
and maybe we scoffed, probably we doubted,
but we had nothing better to offer
and – incredibly – it began to work for us
as we got better, found a modicum of self respect,
and accepted the truth not because it was believable
but because it changed us and we could believe
that.

Knowing Ourselves

As we come to know ourselves—our preferences, needs, and goals—we gain strength and integrity. The Power greater than ourselves gives us the insight to know who we are physically, emotionally, and spiritually. ~ L., Elisabeth. Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters (Hazelden Meditations Book 1) . Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

I went through life sure everybody else
had a much clearer idea of the whole rigamarole
than I! But now I understand most if not all
felt just as lost as I did. I’m quite sure one of the best
approaches to catching up with others…
or to learning I was in the majority
and others felt as lost…was finding
the rooms of Recovery! In that setting of honesty
we do learn our preferences, needs, and goals,
and we gain the insight to understand
who we are in all three areas in which we grow,
physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

 

Watch What You Do

 

If you want to know what you really believe, you can easily find out. Simply watch what you do. We always do what we believe, although we frequently talk differently. Therefore watch what you do and this will give you a clue to your real beliefs. ~ Fox, Emmet. Find and Use Your Inner Power (pp. 136-137). New Albany. Kindle Edition.

Do you talk the talk you want to walk
and walk another walk?
What do you do you would not speak of?
Shall we all decide to really walk the walk
we talk about?

Just Repair the Car

 If your car were broken

could you repair it?
It’s your car, isn’t it?
Shouldn’t you be responsible
for what needs to be done?
Why would you look elsewhere
for the needs of your vehicle?

If your life were broken
would you know what to do?
Would you be embarrassed
to confess you don’t?
Doesn’t it make as much sense
to look to people who know
about the aspects of your life
you don’t know how to fix?
Why is it wrong to seek out help?
There is no shame in not knowing.
Only in pretending you know
what you don’t.

There Is Another Way

 

We can finally say with humility: “This is what happened to me. This is my story. There is another way to live.” ~ INC., ACA WSO. ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS/DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES . ACA WSO INC.. Kindle Edition.

Sharing in a group of Recovery people
tells us what we need to hear.
Amazingly, it’s often the words we ourselves say
we need to hear, whether we’re reading
the next passage in the literature
or speaking about truths of the program
when we hear ourselves say
exactly what we needed to hear that day!
Often, too, someone else speaks
God’s message for us, exactly when it’s needed
In the Rooms of Recovery we hear the words.
we can finally say with humility:
“This is what happened to me.
This is my story.
There is another way to live.”

Finding Peace

 

What God wants for us at every moment is growth and happiness. When we step away from our ego and develop a selfless posture toward life, we’ll find serenity in the midst of any turmoil. Serenity is God’s promise. When we get in line with God’s will, we’ll find peace. ~ Casey, Karen. Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women (Hazelden Meditations) . Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Serenity is God’s promise.
The Psalmist said, The Lord is my shepherd,
I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul…
I will fear no evil,  for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Turning our lives and our will over to God
we find even when we were in the willfulness
when we surrender we’re no longer in turmoil
but suddenly in the midst of peace, immersed in God’s love.

Best Wishes

 

When you’re on a golf course, a couple of things are very interesting. No matter who you’re with and who you’re playing with, people want each other to do well. ~ Condoleezza Rice

Would that the world were a golf course.
Would that people wanted others to fo well.
Would that we could actually put into practice
the directive to “do unto others
as you would have them do unto you.”
Would that the whole world understood
Love is the answer
Shine on us all, set us free
Love is the answer.

The Life Waiting for Us

 We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. ~ Joseph Campbell

What did you expect your life to be?
I’ve always joked that I didn’t change jobs,
I switched professions. In the second grade
I decided to be a missionary.
I held on to that, beginning college
planning a triple major, elementary education,
Religion, and Spanish, to teach adults in South America.
Dead week my junior year I decided
I held onto the plan to please the senior citizens
in my home church and that wasn’t sound reasoning.
I changed to secondary education, Spanish and English.
Teaching one year I committed to church work in the US.
With a masters in Christian Education I worked in a church
two years then married and ended up a legal secretary,
got bored and went to law school for the fun of it.
Nine years of law and the law firm dissolved
so I ran for election as a judge…for a paycheck.
Elected, I ran, elected again four times. Waiting for lawyers
I wrote books then with friends started a publishing company.
Retired as a judge twice, the partnership dissolved
and I sit here determined to write the definitive book
on historic Texas judges but years go by and the dream remains.
It’s true, we must let go of the life we have planned,
so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.
And the privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.

Pray Intellectually?

 The intellect is an excellent thing within its own strictly limited sphere, but you cannot pray intellectually. Whenever your mental activity becomes involved, especially if you feel that you are being rather clever or literary, you may be enjoying yourself, but be certain that you are not praying. ~ Fox, Emmet. Find and Use Your Inner Power (p. 33). New Albany. Kindle Edition.

Is it possible to pray intellectually?
Vocabulary.com says, “Intellectual
is often used to describe intensive reasoning
and deep thinking,
particularly in relation to subjects
that tend to spark deep discussion,
such as literature or philosophy.
An intellectual is also a noun
for a cerebral or brainy person
who engages in deep thinking,
like Plato, Albert Einstein,
or your classmate who can speak at length
about the relationship
between French existentialism and ice hockey.”
So, could Plato or Einstein pray intellectually?
There’s a Recovery saying,
“we’ve never met anyone too dumb
to get this program but
we have met people too smart to get it.”
I think Fox is wrong in saying you cannot pray
“whenever your mental activity becomes involved,”
but that he nails it in saying feeling
you are being rather clever or literary
precludes your praying.
There is a local minister who, in praying,
seems to speak slowly, carefully,
maybe more profoundly than
he would believe the congregation does
and my guess would be he’s not praying.

To What Works

 What if everything you have tried has brought you to what works? ~ Brooke Castillo

How do we move from dysfunctional to functional,
from “I give up” to “That’s what I was looking for!!”
What if it all feels as never-ending as the Energizer Bunny
then all of a sudden you’ve reached where you’re going?
What if everything you have tried
has brought you to where you want to be,
to what works?

What Can You Turn Over?

 If we struggle with turning over our will and life to a Higher Power, we can begin by turning over our self-hate, self-doubt, or fear. We can ask God to take our compulsions, resentments, and learned rage. ~ INC., ACA WSO. ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS/ DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES . ACA WSO INC.. Kindle Edition.

Step Three says “Made a decision
to turn our will and our lives over
to the care of God as we understood Him.”
It can be an intimidating step!
Think about it, though…What’s your life like?
What parts could you start with in the turnover?
How about starting with your self-hate,
your self-doubt and your fear?
Then you can move on to your compulsions,
your resentments, and your rage?
As your life improves, then turning the good
life and will will just come naturally!

Image Copyright : Putut Handoko

Two Types of People

  “There are two types of people who will tell you that you cannot make a difference in this world: those who are afraid to try and those who are afraid you will succeed.” ~ Ray Goforth

How often do I let the insecurities
of another person control my decisions
when I take as wisdom that which is
actually self doubt? Do I ever apply instead
the adage, “The best way out is through?”
I have an ability to set my own course
no matter how adamant the other may be,
how clear they are in speaking
“for my own good.”
Maybe they cannot do it…certainly not
if they doubt it so, but I have the right
to choose my own path and who will know
whether I could succeed if I yield that
query to their beliefs…or assertions?
Am I those afraid to try
or am I insecure enough
to let them dictate that I will not succeed?

The Angel of God in Change

 

“I see the Angel of God in every change.” This is an affirmation that you should have written inside the cover of your pocketbook and also in some prominent place at home where you will often see it. It is one of the keys of a harmonious and progressive life. ~ Fox, Emmet. Find and Use Your Inner Power (p. 125). New Albany. Kindle Edition.

Do you use affirmations?
Daily affirmations are simple
positive statements
declaring specific goals in their completed states.
Such empowering mantras have profound effects
on the conscious and unconscious mind.
Do you see the Angel of God in every change?
Do you welcome change or fear it?
There’s no reason to fear change
when it’s controlled by God.
If you used this affirmation for the next week
do you believe it would lead to
harmonious and progressive life?
Are you willing to try?

A Smile, a Kind Word, a Willingness to Listen

 It’s common knowledge that all acts of aggression lead to more aggression. All we have to do is watch the news and read the daily papers to prove that point. But we don’t always get it that the reverse is also true: acts of love lead to more love, in our own lives as well as those lives we touch. Our one “little act” of love is not meaningless. Far from it. Our lives and the world around us are changed by a multitude of little acts of love—something as simple as a smile or a kind word or a willingness to listen. ~ Casey, Karen. Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow. Red Wheel Weiser. Kindle Edition.

Aggression, we don’t need!
We have a surplusage, a plethora of that!
Obviously we did four years ago
when the cited book was published,
but how much more today!!
But the reverse is true!
The solution is love!
Pay it forward, do random acts of kindness!
Our lives and the world around us
are changed by a multitude
of little acts of love—something as simple
as a smile or a kind word
or a willingness to listen.
Live it today, tomorrow, every day!

A Spiritual Jitterbug

 

Some people rush around from teacher to teacher and center to center, sometimes going to half a dozen different places in a week, until their minds are in complete chaos. No one gets anywhere through this sort of thing. Such people are not students of metaphysics—they are spiritual jitter-bugs. ~ Fox, Emmet. Find and Use Your Inner Power (p. 123). New Albany. Kindle Edition.

We have learned in the society
to which we were accustomed
before our hibernation and social distancing
to flitter like bees or butterflies
searching for the perfect tidbit,
the ideal treat. If anything good
has come from this crisis
surely it is the opportunity
to evaluate, to examine, to discriminate among
the possible interests attracting us.
Perhaps we have learned to give activities a chance
before jitter-bugging to the next treasure to catch our eyes!

Do Not Fear

 

So also Abraham “believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.” ~ Galatians 3:6 (NIV)

---

---

We must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go, for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition (Kindle Locations 1207-1208).

---

---

Credit, debit,
it’s a spectrum,
a swinging door,
a teeter-totter.
It’s more fun to be the have
than the have not,
to be able to give
than to need to take.
But what if the chips
are not symbols of money
but are blessings
life righteousness,
like love,
like understanding?
It’s more fun to be the have
then as well
especially
because we lose none
of the blessings we share.

God, thank you for flowing blessings.
Give me the wisdom to pass them no
and see them expand to us all.

Look Where You Choose to Go

 Look where you are going because you will inevitably go where you are looking. Where your attention is; there is your destiny. ~ Fox, Emmet. Find and Use Your Inner Power (p. 121). New Albany. Kindle Edition.

Are you looking at the past most of the time?
Or trying to work yourself out of where you are?
Do you believe you go where you’re looking?
That “Where your attention is; there is your destiny?”

 

Holding Onto

 What am I holding on to that I need to let go of? ~ James Clear

The easiest answer is these slacks
that with an inch or two less
of waistline might fall off.
I considered taking them in
for alterations but getting new
makes more sense.
I’m holding on to mouth moistening lozenges
and it’s more habit than need.
They’re scarce during covid shortages
and not worth the money or the mess.
But I bought more today.
Should I use them up then quit? Why?
I’m holding on to hating phone calls,
would rather text but someone else called today
and the worry wasn’t worth the phone phobia.

Yours to Give and to Receive

 Give faith to your brother, for faith and hope and mercy are yours to give. Into the hands that give, the gift is given. Look on your brother, and see in him the gift of God you would receive. ~ Schucman, Dr. Helen. A Course in Miracles. Foundation for Inner Peace. Kindle Edition.

Reciprocity. Exchanging things
with others for mutual benefit.
As people of faith and hope and mercy,
what holds us together
is the radical love of God.
If we live as a people
of faith, hope and mercy,
we convey these great riches
to all who we see,
and the gift we give
we receive in return,
the practice of exchanging things
with others for mutual benefit,
a gift of God freely given
to all who choose
faith, hope and mercy.

Pray for Yourself

 

Pray definitely for yourself every day or you will get nowhere. If you are fearful, or worried, or tired, or discouraged, or hurried, or disappointed, or in pain, God is your sure remedy—so pray. ~ Fox, Emmet. Find and Use Your Inner Power (p. 117). New Albany. Kindle Edition.

Pray for myself?  I don’t…didn’t.
I have long had a pattern of intercessory prayer,
including my family, those closest kin,
moving through a recitation of “God bless…’s”
through family members living and deceased,
prayer requests and concerns for others,
world peace, and a whole laundry list.
Pray for myself?  I don’t…didn’t.
I added to my habit stack this morning
for the first time to do the first three Steps
including the Third Step Prayer.
But besides that, sometimes I’m fearful,
or worried, or tired, or discouraged,
or hurried, or disappointed, or in pain.
And I’ll try to remember God is my sure remedy —
and pray!

Generosity of the Spirit

 Real generosity is generosity of the spirit. It is the feeling that you are blessed with enough of all good things, and you are happy to bless others with your overflow. “My cup runneth over” (Psalm 23:5). ~ Cohen, Alan. A Course in Miracles Made Easy (p. 156). Hay House. Kindle Edition.

How blessed do you feel?
I have to ask myself whether
I would be (could be/am)
willing to say to a stranger
when exchanging pleasantries,
“I’m blessed!” I expect
I’d feel ostentatious although
I never judge them in that way.
But am I willing to truthfully say
what I believe to be true.
All my life I’m been quizzed
when I answer a query, “Just fine!”
Hospitalized at age three,
I was “Just fine,” and it’s habitual enough
even I hear it now.
I do feel fortunate,
blessed with enough of all good things,
I’m happy to bless others with your overflow.
My cup certainly does overflow,
and I’ll give you ‘most anything
you might need,
just not verbiage to make me fear
you’ll laugh t me.
How blessed do you feel?

Impotence or Potentiality?

 

Man is as full of potentiality as he is of impotence. ~ George Santayana

Potentiality: the possibility
of something happening
or of someone doing something
in the future. It’s related to impotent
but there’s more meaning than
the familiar word “impotent:”
Unable to take effective action;
helpless or powerless. as in
“he was seized with an impotent anger.”
We learn in Steps Six and Seven
our character defects have a positive side
and that we can substitute the positive
fir the defect.
We can identify with impotence
with no carnal implications.
Impotent, powerless, ineffective,
inadequate, weak, useless, worthless,
feeble…
If our attitude, our commitment to a desirable result
is lame, feeble, fruitless, the other side of that attitude
would be resolving to approach the goal with potentiality,
or to apply qualities or abilities that may be developed
and lead to future success or usefulness.