Tradition One Living Life

I want unity at work, in my marriage, and in my relationships, and Tradition One tells me how to achieve it: listen with an open heart, share my truth, come to a decision on what’s best for all, and commit myself to following the group conscience. This takes a good deal of letting go for this recovering control freak, but sanity, abstinence, and recovery are worth it! ~ Overeaters Anonymous. Taste of Lifeline (Kindle Locations 1465-1467).

It's a simple statement, Tradition One:
Our common welfare should come first;
personal recovery depends upon OA unity.
Unity is the goal. How do you get there?
Pay enough attention to know what others want.
Hone down the feelings, emotions, fears
coursing through your mind to know what it is
you need in the situation. Speak honestly
without the fears, the history, the backstory,
yo honestly communicate. Repeat as needed
until a solution appears allowing each to have
needs met and satisfaction with the answer.
Remember the process and live it as needed.

Why Don't You Join Us?

The only requirement for OA membership is a desire to stop eating compulsively. ~ Overeaters Anonymous Tradition 3

One requirement, only one, that you desire
to stop eating eating compulsively.
If got want to stop, have tried to quit,
found that you couldn't, and give up
the chase, you're welcome here...
you'll find we are you. Welcome
to Overeaters Anonymous.
Why don't you join us?

I Taught Myself to Fear

I began young, without understanding
that Mother found herself overwhelmed.
She had lived with parents sixteen years,
began college rooming with her older sister,
moving back a few miles from parents,
rooming with an older woman,
relying on her father for transportation,
then living with her folks until she married,
living with relatives and her soldier husband
a year before he shipped out leaving her
and a newborn with her parents and his.
The war over, the family together
until my birth when Daddy was absent
for training then traveling weekdays,
Mother mothered alone with a four-year-old and me,
and two years later a third little girl.
I learned well from an overwhelmed mother,
garnering insecurity, loneliness, fear.
I was Daddy's little boy, learning that role,
disdaining dolls, wanting firetrucks instead.
From Daddy I got an inability to remember names,
with consternation, embarrassment, fear.
I looked like my Grandmom whose antics
embarrassed my proper mother, so I internalized
Mother's disdain for her as mine. Grandmom was pudgy;
so was I, my unacceptable weight validated by
puberty diet drugs. Consternation, embarrassment, fear
came easily as A's weren't enough, should have been higher.
Try as I might, the shortcomings stood out
as I ate through disappointments, embarrassment and oops.

Rock Bottom Required?

Why all this insistence that every A.A. must hit bottom first? The answer is that few people will sincerely try to practice the A.A. program unless they have hit bottom. ~ AA World Services Inc. Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (p. 24).  [Much of the poem quotes further in the paragraph.]

Who would want yo work these Steps?
Who wishes to be rigorously honest,
tolerant of all we meet?
Who wants to confess his faults
to another and make restitution
for harm done?
Who cares anything about a Higher Power,
let alone meditation and prayer?
Who wants to sacrifice time and energy
in trying to carry A.A.’ s message
to the next sufferer?
Who has become so thoroughly convinced
he is powerless over addiction,
his life so totally unmanageable
that he would dare to be the one who cared
so much as to do all this despite the discomfort
inherent in honestly and earnestly
working these Twelve Steps?

The Codependent Problem

The way you bleed for those who will not tend your wounds is self harm ~ Nigeen Dara

Codependency: "excessive emotional or psychological reliance
on a partner, typically a partner who requires support
due to an illness or addiction."
Would I bleed for someone who will not tend my wounds?
What's a decent analogy for wound binding?
If the person would not clean my mess no matter
how sick I might be? What if the person told me
what was wrong with me, and how to remedy it...
then chastised me for not following directives?
If the person were supportive most when I was ill,
visiting me, doing my chores for me, really trying?
If I harm myself by trying to please,
by avoiding crossing the person,
am I failing to be the me to whom the person
first was drawn? If I were the authentic self
who first caught his interest, would we function better now?
I find myself trying to vibrate to his frequency.
Would that I sought the frequency of the Higher Power,
that rather than trying to please someone who likes
neither of us, I will learn to be codependent on God,
attuned to His frequency, not to negativity!
That will expand who I am rather than continuing
to dilute me.

 

Wanting to Pray

The wish to pray is a prayer in itself. ~ Georges Bernanos, The Diary of a Country Priest (1936), 4, tr. Pamela Morris

TheDisciples asked Jesus, "Teach us to pray."
I sit with the Steps and know to do the Eleventh
and read, "Sought through prayer and meditation
to improve our conscious contact with God
as we understood Him,
praying only for knowledge of His will for us
and the power to carry that out."
And I, too, cry out, "Teach me to pray!!"
Surely I should know how with years of church,
writing church literature, drawing paychecks
from congregations, teaching Sunday school,
teaching Sunday school teachers
how to teach Sunday school...
Then I run across passages like this
and Samuel Chadwick's, "We know not what
we should pray for as we ought,
and if prayer waits for understanding it will never begin.
We discover by using. We learn by practice.
Though a man should have all knowledge about prayer,
and though he should understand all mysteries about prayer,
unless he prays he will never learn to pray."
God, I want to learn to pray!!

Rebellion May Be Fatal

The moment we say, “No, never!” our minds close against the grace of God. Delay is dangerous, and rebellion may be fatal. This is the exact point at which we abandon limited objectives, and move toward God’s will for us. ~ AA World Services Inc., Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (p. 69).

What's your favorite character defect?
Procrastination, or as the A.A. Twelve and Twelve
describes it, "sloth inn five syllables"?
Gossip? Sarcasm? Greed? Jealousy?
Self-Pity? Hatred? Lying? Promiscuity?
All our defects of character met a need once.
Are they special, still enjoyable, too dear to release?
If our Creator selects our pet vice as one
which stands in the way
of my usefulness to My Creator and my fellows,
does it feel necessary to cry, "No, Never!"?
That, then converts Step Seven to an action step
as we stand aside and allow the Power to make us,
change us, into a new, unknown creation.
This is the exact point at which
we abandon limited objectives,
and move toward God’s will for us.

Moving Forward

Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward. ~ Victor Kiam

Fall on your face. Maybe the carpet needs a hug.
Maybe the position will remind you as you rise
to pause on your knees and seek guidance.
Maybe, like me, your knees are weak
and face-down is a comfortable position for prayer.
What did you learn in failure or in despair?
Did you at least understand something
that doesn't work? Edison attempted
ten thousand times to make a light bulb
and found that many ways that did not work.
Move forward, and whether you do so
softly or abruptly, your movement takes you
toward knowledge and understanding.

Turmoil and Peace

  Turmoil
ignites distress
triggers old behaviors
that once gave relief
ineffectively

Peace
supplants distress
permits strong actions
making relief abound
encompassing 

Courtesy of the Heart

There is a courtesy of the heart; it is allied to love. From its springs the purest courtesy in the outward behavior. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Courtesy: the showing of politeness
in one's attitude and behavior toward others.
Courtesy: A spirit, an attitude, a state of mind
virtually nonexistent in interpersonal communication,
in analysis of what "they" are doing, in society,
in Tweets, Facebook posts, news coverage, in "civilization."
When the heart is aligned with a Power Greater than,
with Love as a characteristic, with good...
that is courtesy of the heart, the hope of peace,
of good, of humanity. May courtesy of the heart
become my pattern, my life, my way of seeing humanity
and encouraging other humans to live in peace.

The Telephone

It's a part of me, seldom further than a long reach.
I call or text many times through the day,
conversing with those part of my life and with strangers.
It comes naturally, and those times it didn't make the trip
the burden of not having it hurts a great deal more than the norm.

But I go to a meeting and they read the tools:
Many members call, text, or email their sponsors
and other OA members daily. Telephone
or electronic contact also provides
an immediate outlet for those hard-to-handle
highs and lows we may experience.
I leave the meeting determined this week
to make outreach calls. But when I start to,
the familiar phone becomes loathsome,
intimidating, an alien experience. How did it get
that heavy? I know it's fine to call program people,
that they're glad I placed the call. But I rebel
until I surrender enough, it's great on my end, too!

The Fourth Step Contradiction

So, I list all my resentments to begin.
Am I going to need a bibliography

for this treatise? To tell the truth...
and it is a fearless and searching
moral inventory, and I am slightly
bamboozled as I begin, but it does
begin to make more sense as I just
start, go through what comes to mind.
It's strange how they all begin to make sense,
even the idea that I have a part in events
for which I blamed others...and even the
resentment of which the thought
always triggered my bloodlust
begins to look as if this program might
actually make it a mere incident.

The One Two Three Waltz

Step One. Life Sucks.
I can't do this. I can't
manage my life.
Step Two.  Somehow,
somewhere there must be
a power greater than I
who can manage my life
even if I have to act as if
or make him up.
Step Three. Okay, if that's true
I'll give him a chance.
Step Four. Make a thorough
and searching moral inventory
of my life??? That's tough.
maybe I should go back
and do steps One, Two, Three again!!

 

 

Entirely Ready

In practice, step six turns out to be one of the most difficult of the twelve steps, because saying we’re entirely ready and being entirely ready are two very different things. What we are entirely ready for, actually, is to have the difficulties our defects cause us removed while we hang on to the defects themselves. ~The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous (Kindle Locations 621-623).

Why does giving up my character defects
cause panic, or at least fear, to raise its head?
How does the character defect of playing computer games
help me? They fascinate me, keep my mind sharp,
give me a sense of winning competitions,
make the drivel on television bearable.
How does it harm me? The hours in the day vanish,
accomplishments postponed.
How does near or real tardiness help me?
Smalltalk is avoided so how little I know
of people in my life stays my secret.
I'm "awarded" the recognition
of "most likely to be late to meetings"
and wanting to rage against it
leaves me embarrassed and frustrated.
My character defects comfort me,
changing them scares me, and I choose
to maintain the familiar discomfort.
I haven't yet believed the good feelings
of their removal matter more
than the status quo.
Garth Brooks tells me,
"So don't you sit upon the shoreline
And say you're satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide...
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry..."
I'm not in charge of changing
anything except my
inflexibility. I can stumble haltingly
into the freedom. I'm not in charge.
Delay is dangerous,
and rebellion may be fatal.
This is the exact point
at which we abandon limited objectives,
and move toward God’s will for us. (1)

(1) AA World Services Inc. Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (p. 69).

Deciding on Lunch

First choice is the half price cheeseburger
Sonic has advertised, but I promised
not to go to Sonic because ice cream
calls my name. So it's lunch at home.
There my first choice would be bread,
two slices of course, with peanut butter
and jelly, though jelly is out, so
with the p.b. minus j, I'd like pimento cheese,
believe it or not. But that's too many carbs or is it fat?
too much fat, so...it's the old microwave
with leftovers -- chicken breast, baked squash
and green beans. That's a meal I can tell
my sponsor about without the need to squirm!
and that's a meal I'm comfortable with,
one that fits my plan of eating
without an asterisk!

Connundrum

I find myself surrounded by love.

I can feel that, and hope in my heart
but all the people but me
seem so much better settled than I,
and whenever I ask about why I'm not
thy seem always to bring up the sandwich,
rather half of one I always have in my pocket
in case I get hungry before the next planned meal.

Our Non-Existent Will-Power

Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous page 24.

We are assured "There is a solution"
but only after the truth is hammered home
that it's not our will-power, that our resources
are absolutely worthless. No, we're beyond human aid.
And the Big Book is so harsh as to say
even when declaring the existence of a solution
that none of us like the self-searching,
the leveling of our pride,
the confession of shortcomings
which the process requires
for its successful consummation.
BUT we see others who through all that
and are living the lives we long for.
And we want those lives enough.
Enough to surrender and to really live!

Two Oars

It is sometimes asked which is more important, the Steps or the Fellowship? For me the answer is that the Steps and the Fellowship are like two oars in a rowboat. If I only row with one arm I will go around in circles.  ~ For Today August 13

Do one thing at a time, but do it well.
It sounds like it should work.
But that's my thinking, my control.
If I do it well, I'll go round in circles.
If I excel, I'll spin fast enough
to create a water spout!
But if I relinquish control,
figure out there's a Power
greater than I who can bring sanity,
take my life where I'd like it to go,
and I get where I want to be
emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

No Room for Pretenders

It is a waste to pretend to be something I am not, because I am missing out on the rewards of this program. To start walking the way I talk, I need only the willingness to ask for help. -- For Today, August 12

Talk the talk without walking the walk
and you're full of poppycock, just empty squawks.
Instructors are neither needed nor heeded
but exemplars, whether polished or tarnished
if good hearted but sometimes thwarted
will find kindred spirits, brothers and sisters.
a family to choose, to hold to, and never loose.

When We Retire at Night

When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition (Kindle Locations 1294-1297). 

 

When the evening sun goes down...
or when bedtime comes we think back
through the  events, the thoughts,
the actions of our day. Without guilt
and recrimination, we think. This went well
but could have worked more smoothly.
Did we think about the circumstances
of those around us? Did we improve their day...
or add difficulty? What emotions did we allow
to control us? Should we apologize for words
or actions? What words or deeds were left undone
and need to be remedied?
When the evening sun goes down...
or when bedtime comes what thoughts
might cause our better living in the day to come?

 

When We Retire at Night

When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition (Kindle Locations 1294-1297). 

 

When the evening sun goes down...
or when bedtime comes we think back
through the  events, the thoughts,
the actions of our day. Without guilt
and recrimination, we think. This went well
but could have worked more smoothly.
Did we think about the circumstances
of those around us? Did we improve their day...
or add difficulty? What emotions did we allow
to control us? Should we apologize for words
or actions? What words or deeds were left undone
and need to be remedied?
When the evening sun goes down...
or when bedtime comes what thoughts
might cause our better living in the day to come?

 

Truth Be Told

Sponsors are people and can be lied to.
But what's the use? We cannot fool ourselves,
our Higher Power or, truth be told,
usually our sponsors. And why would we want to?
In the end if we don't earnestly try to do the program,
to live in Recovery, it affects all around us
but most of all ourselves.

Words Out of Reach

She sat on the grass beside the road,
somebody's yard, but they seemed to be away,
three or four newspapers scattered.
I didn't know her but she needed someone.
I sat beside her. She seemed to need mothering.
She nestled in to my arm around her.
I felt her guilt, her despair, her wrestling within.
I closed my eyes looking for words
but as I felt around for them they toppled
from my mind, left me groping to reclaim them,
to find the right ones. I found myself settling
for the hug.

I Don't Regret

For many years I acted in foolish ways,
In ways I always knew were foolish
and just plain wrong. I ate compulsively
and not just ate...stupid things, the nutrition
trumped by senseless sugars, flour, excess carbs.
I lied, manipulated, hid what I was doing,
thought only of my needs and wants.
I made decisions based on my longings
using my husband as an excuse,  blame-owner
when he'd never had a say.
I figured out I was killing myself with stress
but made only superficial changes
for ten more years. But  it's true,
the Big Book promise. "We will not
regret the past nor wish to shut that door."
I don't regret because I found Recovery,
thank God!

I Did It My Way

I also tried to find meaning by building huge homes for myself and by planting beautiful vineyards. I made gardens and parks, filling them with all kinds of fruit trees. I built reservoirs to collect the water to irrigate my many flourishing groves.  I bought slaves, both men and women, and others were born into my household. I also owned large herds and flocks, more than any of the kings who had lived in Jerusalem before me. I collected great sums of silver and gold, the treasure of many kings and provinces. I hired wonderful singers, both men and women, and had many beautiful concubines. I had everything a man could desire!
So I became greater than all who had lived in Jerusalem before me, and my wisdom never failed me. Ecclesiastes2.4-9 (NLT)

I, I, I, I, I.
Aye-yiyi-yi-yi.
I acquired. I conquered. I amassed
all the delights of the heart of man.
I had it all, even wisdom.
And still he writes that all is vanity, all is
meaningless.
Yep. Been there. Done that. Felt the same.

God, deliver me from what I want.
Please give me what I need.

Rollins, Barbara B.. A Time for Verse -
Poetic Ponderings on Ecclesiastes
(Kindle Locations 151-163).

Keep It Simple

“Let’s not louse this thing up. Let’s keep it simple.” ~ Dr. Bob to Bill W.

We must breathe to live.
What else MUST we do?
Nothing. Everything else,
all of life, is a choice.
Other things are advisable,
some choices cause far less stress
than their counterparts,
but for each decision we have a choice,
I can finish this poem or play mindless games.
The wotldwide ripple is slight if I choose easy.
But choosing simple,
opting to write the two thousand
two hundred sixty-ninth daily dose
is simple, is a decision I can be proud of
today, tomorrow and for days to come.
Deciding to sirrender,
to do the next right thing
is not always easy but is simple.
And today I choose simple.

Clinging to My Detritus

In order for me to be willing to have God remove it from me I have to be willing not to do it. ~ Ben Wilson

Hoarders television show gave visual evidence
of compulsive hoarding disorder and a visualization
of eating disorders and other compulsions.
What does it mean to become entirely ready
to have God remove our defects of character?
Do we honestly and humbly ask Him
to remove our shortcomings?
Did we cling to our wrongs, refusing to acknowledge
their exact nature? Am I more willing than a hoarder
to release my hold on my cherished behaviors?
God, let it be so.

No More Eating Worms

I am no longer attracted to people who would have me believe they know what’s best for me. ~ For Today (Kindle Location 253).

"Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,
Guess I'll go eat worms."
Why is this a children's song?
Are we TRYING to build low self-esteem?
It seems I've sought out folks who tell me
just how I can best live my life.
I accept negative opinions of my worth,
adopt them as my own, and make every effort
to convert them to self-fulfilled prophesies.
But they're lies. They are fabrications
I internalized as readily as I did thousands of calories.
I have no beed, no desire now,
to binge on sweets and junk food
any more than to eat worms.
I am worthy, I have value
and I choose to welcome these truths.
to internalize them and to be abstinent
from negativity, from low self-esteem,
and from worms!

The Next Right Thing

You get up late, hurry to fix breakfast,
remember too late you were going
to meditate and plan the day
before getting up.
Relax, you're okay. Do it now.
You go to work, visit with Sue,
giggle at her gossip. You and your sponsor
talked about that, agreed that to listen
is as bad as gossiping, as certainly
you shouldn't encourage it
even if you inadvertently hear gossip.
Relax, you're okay. Do it now.
Remember next time, or tell Sue now
you prefer not to gossip.
You pour a cup of coffee,
add sugar and creamer, remember
you were going to switch to tea
because you can drink it straight.
Relax, you're okay. Do it now.
Pour out the coffee, get your tea.
As you go through the day remember
do the next right thing.

Peace Amid the Storm

Serenity is not freedom from the storm but peace amid the storm. ~ Dr. Adrian Rogers

Life throws challenges in our path,
but would you really want life without them?
Be honest. Does floating on clouds
playing a harp year after year without end
sound like heaven or like hell?
You can guess my answer.
Think what you would miss without
the storm that is birth or
when continuing to endure
when the body is worn out,
when the quality has ceased to be.
Would you never want to have the stress
of mastering a new job, learning a new skill,
or growing from a child to an adult?
Storms are part of life.
A part of change, And real peace
comes not in avoiding the storm
but in accepting it, learning from it,
surrendering to the power that controls the storm.

More Than I Need

I told a friend who asked what she
could do for me, "My boys are home
and they do more for us than needs doing."
Ìt occurred to me
our Higher Power does the same,
Jesus told his disciples,
"Consider the ravens:
they neither sow nor reap,
they have neither storehouse nor barn,
and yet God feeds them.
Of how much more value are you than the birds!"
Our Higher Power knows our needs
before they could possibly occur to us.
Ask and it will be given,
but trusting is sufficient.
Asking is superfluous.

 

Half Measures

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition (Kindle Location 983).

They come to the Rooms of Recovery,
identify, find a community, comfort,
hope. Then they turn to Chapter 5,
"How It Works" and are challenged
to work the Steps. Some do, find Recovery,
a brand new life, but others don't.
Surely they feel, they get enough Recovery
working with program people.
And they never take the challenge
of the Steps. Eventually they learn
that other message in Chapter 5.
That is the turning point, and they turned away.
“Half measures availed us nothing.”