It's a Trick

All Hallows Eve. The important day
was November 1st, All Saints Day.
In Hungary that's still the key.
Mexico twists it, Dia de los Muertos,
the sugar shaped like skulls, the focus on the dead.
Halloween pranks and mischief became
problematic in the 1920s and 1930s,
when the pranks often turned into vandalism,
property damage and physical assaults.
People gave away treats in self defense.
The problem is, for lots of us, that's the trick,
not a  favor. But we an still celebrate
the eve of all saints, putting the treat
into a bizarre holiday!

Annual Eating Orgy

Halloween candy, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year...
small wonder when it finally comes most resolutions begin
with diets, weight loss, exercise, living better.
But we have the marvelous opportunity to start now,
to eat sanely, intelligently, with a nine week head start
and begin now, eating sanely, skipping the workplace goodies,
just say no. And if that sounds impossible, find Recovery and sanity
in our own neighborhood at oa.org! Welcome to OA,
welcome home!

Morning Thoughts

God, I offer myself to thee
to build with me and do with me
as thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self
that I may better do thy will.
Take away my difficulties
that victory over them
may bear witness of thy power,
thy love, and thy way of life.
May I do thy will always.

Declutter me, inside and out, God.
Let me be open to it.
Clean up my food,
make me more than willing
to tell any person exactly what I ate.
Help me get hold of lasagna
and get there appropriately.
Where do I go from here?
Who am I from here?
Make me into who you want me to be
and in the process who I want me to be.
Show me the way.
Don’t let me growl at Veronica.
If I can’t do it in love,
take me away from there.
I don’t need to do it to feel self-righteous,
better than Bob and Latricia.
I don’t need brownie points at her expense.
Give me conversation to work with her.
Show me the food that brings energy.

Person Watching

I just watched her life. ~ Joan B.

Stalking is such an ugly word, an unwelcome attention.
People watching, however, can be the sincerest complement.
We begin it early, watching parents and siblings, copying them.
We use teachers as examples as to how to live.
Fifty two years ago an English teacher said "Shostakovich"
in anger. Not only do I remember the Russian composer's name
but the example of finding alternatives to cursing.
I sit each Monday morning talking to recovering compulsive eater
from California to Ireland and as they speak of meditation
and months free of sugar and white flower, I want to be like them
in depth of commitment and continuity. I read people's stories,
hear their shares and copy phrases and comparisons to ponder
in hopes they'll sprout into a poem. Me life is better because
I watch people's lives.

Shostakovich

Not for Me

I remember thinking this Recovery stuff
wasn’t for me but when I think back
I expect I was hearing things
I was simply not ready to hear.
But I'd read the book OA 2nd edition
and they'd told my story, my habits,
my failures, my despair, my heartache.
And all that was still there, and besides,
I'd finally found a counselor who made sense,
didn't blame someone I was powerless to control
and couldn't bring myself to leave'
and she thought this had my answers.
So I kept coming back, listened,
mulled over Steps, believing I was working them,
and after a while the readings, the literature, the sharing
caught hold of me. I'm not recovered, never will be,
but things make more sense.
I expect I was hearing things
I was simply not ready to hear.

Choice of Thought

Your choices of action may be limited—but your choices of thought are not. ~ Abraham

It's easy to believe we're in charge of our actions
but not our thoughts. The tricky thoughts
have fooled us, taking control and driving us
through our patterns of addiction. But when
we train our lives, ordering them to do the next right thing,
it doesn't matter that the thoughts continue
to meander through life, to call us back
to the insanity, but a 12-Step life then the wild weed thoughts
will do no harm.

Choice of Thought

Your choices of action may be limited—but your choices of thought are not. ~ Abraham

It's easy to believe we're in charge of our actions
but not our thoughts. The tricky thoughts
have fooled us, taking control and driving us
through our patterns of addiction. But when
we train our lives, ordering them to do the next right thing,
it doesn't matter that the thoughts continue
to meander through life, to call us back
to the insanity, but a 12-Step life then the wild weed thoughts
will do no harm.

Fatal Powerlessness

Once we have fully acknowledged our fatal powerlessness and have come to believe that there is a solution, however, the third step is simple. ~ The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous (Kindle Locations 244-245).

Step One: We admitted we were powerless over food — 
that our lives had become unmanageable. That's the start
without potential fatality.how does the powerlessness
become fatal? When we move to Step Two and talk about a need
to be restored to sanity? About a Power who takes us from One to Two
then Three.We've learned by then of food compulsions not being
the safe, legal addiction. Perhaps we've heard John from Los Angeles
or others say they're in both programs  and have lost more friends
to food addictions than to Alcohol. But as we truly work the program,
we know what we've done to our bodies, where we're headed
if these Steps don't work, and we have faced the idea of lethal powerlessness,
and we understand how powerless we were hope hopeless we'll be
if we fail to keep coming back until the miracle happens!

No Right Way

I have learned there is no right way to do the wrong thing. ~  Overeaters Overeaters, Third Edition (Kindle Locations 781-782).

The best-laid plan, our most excellent thinking,
will inevitably go wrong for us, for addicts,
if we're directing the play, if we are our own higher power.
But trusting that I know where to be, what to do,
is like my understanding of the SillyBox aka the GPS.
If I surrender and turn my lifea and will
over to God as I understand God, then there really is a right way
and I can't get lost no wonder what my sense of direction,
and the next right thing feels the perfect path.

Sharing the Mess

When people share the mess instead of the message, at meetings or elsewhere, I realize that I am not alone in getting things backward. ~ Voices of Recovery (Kindle Locations 3353-3363).

Sharing the mess, talking about what's wrong,
not in the past but now, holds me in the problem,
blocking access to recovery, mine and anyone
needing to find answers, those trusting the group
to nudge them toward serenity. I must remember,
As you share your experience and strength in OA,
please also share your hope.
Please confine your sharing to your experience
with the disease of compulsive eating,
the solution offered by OA, and your own recovery
from the disease, rather than just the events
of the day or week. If you are having difficulties,
share how you use the program to deal with them.I need to remember the wisdom available and be someone
available to listen and speak when someone listens to
If you need to talk more about your difficulties
and seek solutions,
we suggest you speak to your sponsor
and other members after the meeting.”Let me always speak in meetings to share the message,
not the mess.

On the Pentacle of Life

I descended into a horrific food rock bottom, which finally convinced me that compulsive overeating is a progressive, dangerous, and slow-killing disease of mind, body, and spirit. My slide was halted only by seeking help from fellow OA members and taking appropriate actions with the grace of God. ~ Overeaters Anonymous, Third Edition (Kindle Locations 633-635).

On the edge of the cliff,
absent the tree growing from the top edge,
that handhold in cartoons,
for dangling before rescue.
That's the feel of being powerless
as to food, unable to manage life.
Yes, it's rock "bottom" but lots of us find
we certainly can fall further, get worse
if we don't change, if we let life control.
At that point it's time to baelieve
something  smarter than us
could give us a shot at sanity,
to decide to turn it all over
to that something,
to get honest with ourselves,
that something, and another human,
to surrender our shortcomings,
to make amends and live that way,
one day, everyday, until life comes to an end,
years after life becomes a smooth, enjoyable,
and fulfilling adventure.

The God Kit

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8 (NIV)

God, how can I turn my will and my life over to you?
How, God?
Mama said when sis drowned, just four years old,
you needed her more than we did.
Uncle Jess said that tsunami was your doing,
an Act of God he called it.
Preacher says you sent Jacky to Hell
cause he messed up and shot himself
to keep from going to prison.
I can't do that third step thing, God!

That makes sense.

Who said that? Where are you?

Who were you talking to?
I am the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob
—and David, Peter, Paul, Martin Luther, Mother Teresa….

Holy Shit! I mean Jesus Christ!

That too, in a circular kind of way.

Great God Almighty!

That works. I am who I am.

Wow! That's what you told Moses—
with a burning bush. Why don't I get a burning bush?

You started this conversation.
I didn't need to get your attention.

Oh. Yeah.
But you told him take off his shoes,
the Holy Ground bit.

You're not wearing shoes.
And the cultural meaning is gone, too.
These days I'd be more likely to
ask for clothes that cover.
But that's beside the point.

What point?

Like I said, you started the conversation.
I think the language is
"Made a decision to turn our will
and our lives over to the care of God
as we understood Him."

Oh. Yeah. I guess I was pretty smart aleck.
So, are you going to zap me?

Certainly not.
At least it's real, not just rote recitation.
You got my attention with your passion.
You care.
That means something.

Why did you need a four-year-old, then?

I need all my children,
but that doesn't mean I reach out and
pluck them from lives and families.
I would have chosen she have a long life,
that she experience more of the give and take
of being human.

But she died.
She died.

I know, and I felt your pain,
your parents',
I gave you all the comfort you could accept.

You could have closed the gate.

I'm not a puppeteer.
People have free will.
I watch, but I don't meddle.
I watch and sigh and hurt and wait for an invitation in.

Oh. And my griping was enough invitation?

Oh, yes. Anything real. Anything thought and felt.

I'm honored.

Actually, I'm honored.
A real communication honors me.

Even gritching?

Even gritching.
So, what kind of God would you trust?

Oh, never mind. I can trust you.

You expect me to believe that?
You're not sure.

I've got to think about this.

There you go again.

What do you mean?

You don't find me by thinking.
You find me by knowing me,
by talking with me,
by walking with me.
Get out of your head and into your heart.

Okay. I'm talking with you.
I can't believe it, but I'm talking with you.

So, what kind of God would you trust?

One who knocks Jerry off his high horse and loves me.

Would you really trust that kind of God?

I guess not, I'd be afraid Jerry would start praying.

So, you want a God who loves you, what else?

How about one who makes me not react
when Jerry pushes my buttons.

That's doable.

Well, obviously I need a God with a sense of humor.
You're certainly that.

Yes. All the somber faces and resignation sadden me.

Well, I don't want you making me
do things like handing out pamphlets on street corners.

What else?

I'd like explanations with orders.
And respect my intelligence.
Don't treat me like a child.

Speaking of orders,
it sounds like you're doing that
rather than describing the God you want.

I don't want a God who sends people to Hell.

Tell me where the bible says that’s what I do.

Preacher says so.

Go to the source. What else?

Lead me gently. Don’t push.

I’m not a puppeteer.

Did you get pissed off at that Gideon guy,
not being able to figure out what you were telling him,
asking for proof? Three times!

Honest communication doesn’t anger me.

Sorry. Anger you. It’s not my usual vocabulary.

I know. What else?

Wise a…. Smart aleck.

Good choice.

Patient.
Understanding.
Forgiving.

Okay. What else?

Can I save some wishes for later?
Do I have to do it right now?

I’ll be here.

How many choices do I get?
Are you kind of like a buffet line?
I can pick and choose and
come back and get more or something different?

Maybe a buffet line is a poor analogy
for a compulsive eater.
How about a toolbox?

Yeah. Can you take away my binging in buffet lines?

Yes. But guiding you away from that eating establishment
could come into play as well.

I guess I need a God who gives abstinence
and wipes out my cravings.

No more buffets.

I didn’t say that.

One day at a time.

One day at a time.
Every day?

I'll be here.

Taken from Slender Steps to Sanity

Hallelujah for the Disease

Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters. ~Hebrews 2:11 (NIV)
We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyous­ness and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to Captain’s table. Unlike the feelings of the ship’s passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us.~Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 17

Powerful cement,
brothers bound,
family forged,
made holy — 
outside in, inside out — 
holiness from horrible, 
friends and family
from fiends and foes.
Peril perishes,
a coterie congeals.
Unashamed of ghastly pasts
we revel in wretchedness
remembered,
made powerful cement.

Hallelujah for the disease,
the dis-ease,
that propelled me
to your loving arms
and my fellows hurled here, too.

Present and Silent

When I am overeating, overindulging in a culinary delight, or bingeing, then I am not present to win... I have heard it said that silence is the only way we can hear God speak. ~ Voices of Recovery (Kindle Locations 3292-3302).

Present to win! That's what I want.
Well, not always, I buy a dollar ticket
weekly, hope it's not drawn and if it is
that I don't draw the winning card...but some prizes!
You bet I'm rooting to win. Give me a life
of joy, of success that counts, of a chance to help,
and I'm all in. The big prize, a life in harmony with God.
And that takes being present, listening to the silence,
believing the universe will communicate with me,
and being willing to win, to take on the challenge.
So, teach me to pray, to listen, to be quiet and know...

Mentors' Endowment

Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, “I find no pleasure in them” — before the sun and the light and the moon and the stars grow dark, and the clouds return after the rain... ~ Ecclesiastes 12.1-2 NIV

Youth need not be wasted
on the young.
Nature may lead a child
to myopia
but grandparents,
teachers,
occasionally a parent
wise beyond years,
may plant seeds of prescience,
of discernment,
of faith.
Blessed indeed
is the beneficiary
of such a bequest.

God, let me remember you now,
even when my youth has passed.
Let me remember you in sunlight and gloom,
in fair weather and foul.
Let me find pleasure in
each day, with you.

Love's Discipline

 The best discipline is love. ~ For Today (Kindle Location 2086).

Tough love is the current term —
promotion of a person's welfare, 
especially that of an addict, child, 
or criminal, by enforcing certain 
constraints on them, 
or requiring them to take responsibility 
for their actions.But love to manipulate is still manipulation.
It's not our job to discipline adults,
even if we raise them. But facilitating
weakness, irresponsibility is still control,
Like Merlin says in Camelot, and for men as well,
There's a way," said the wise old man,
"A way known by ev'ry woman
Since the whole rigmarole began."...
The way to handle a woman
Is to love her...simply love her...
Merely love her...love her...love her."

Chattle or Champion

 “If a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as male servants do.  If she does not please the master who has selected her for himself, he must let her be redeemed. He has no right to sell her to foreigners, because he has broken faith with her. ⁹If he selects her for his son, he must grant her the rights of a daughter. If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights. If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money. ~ Exodus 21:7-11

Consider Deborah, four-and-a-half millennia ago,
judge, prophet, warrior, ruler, wife... possessing no power
as a person, until she had it, was recognized, empowered,
respected. With others of her sex she was little more
than a household pet, a servant. How did she become renowned?
Not through people but by accepting capabilities offered
by God, declining to claim labels as true, but believing the offer
by becoming more, by declining to accept limits, daring to emerge,
to blossom, to contribute, to succeed. What are you refusing to be?

Love Crazy

People loved me when I was crazy. I want to be like that and love other people who are crazy. ~ Kaitlan

"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples,
if you love one another." (John 13:35 NIV)
Some people are easy to love, others a challenge.
Sometimes you can love yourself. For lots of folk
the face in the mirror is hardest to receive any fond thought.
But love can come between those bitter for years
when both, or only one take the twelve steps of this simple program.

Greatest Beauty

Sometimes the greatest beauty is in the darkest storm. ~ A. L. Jackson

A beautiful storm?Who lived through a hurricane, a tornado,
a hailstorm and carries the impression of a beautiful storm?
May, 1970, I woke in Brownfield, Texas. The newspaper
hadn't come, the radio station was only a buzz, and the sky?
The only green sky I've ever seen. When I reached work,
I learned a tornado had inflicted severe damage on Lubbock,
forty miles northwest. I remember the remarkable sky.
I wonder how many who had Stage 5 tornado damage
or hail recall it. But it was beautiful. The same is true of lesser storms.
Beauty goes unnoticed as fear prevails.
Storms of life bring destruction, grief, damage, and beauty, too.
My parents were married sixty-seven years. Daddy died on Christmas Eve.
Mother huddled in a wheelchair in at the cemetery in December wind.
A grandson and great grandson-in-law covered her with coats.
When Jim hugged her afterwards, she told him he looked cold, should have a coat.
At the church parlor afterwards, she manipulated her wheelchair with her feet,
greeting friends and relatives. The good memories outweigh the bad,
the beauty survives the storm. It's not so obvious sometimes,
but often you can find beauty prevails in recalling dark times.

Your Amalgamation

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family.  Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” ~ Jane Howard

We are social animals. Take it from a loner,
a person who seldom participates in socializing,
who enjoys alone times, avoids idle conversation.
But going it alone is a great deal more likely
to facilitate addiction than recovery.I need you.
At meetings, visiting about Steps and Traditions,
reporting food, resentments, gratitudes, just hugging folks,
this way I hold onto the positive, solve problems
with your chance statements, and thrive.
Together we're better. I'm grateful you're here! 

Chaotic Lives

 Thou madest him a little lower than the angels; thou crownedst him with glory and honour, and didst set him over the works of thy hands:Hebrews 2:7 (KJV)
How could a Supreme Being have anything to do with it all? And who could comprehend a Supreme Being anyhow? Yet, in other moments, we found ourselves thinking, when enchanted by a starlit night, “Who, then, made all this?” There was a feeling of awe and wonder, but it was fleeting and soon lost. Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 46

When my life feels chaotic,
that’s not what’s intended,
not what can be, should be.
When I pause to look at the wonder,
the majesty,
the mystery all around, 
I know without a doubt
my internal chaos isn’t real,
isn’t natural,
isn’t what should be.
When I get out of the way
the world works like it was designed to work,
like chaos is fine, just beyond my ken.

God, erase my chaos,
my doubt, my mess,
and show me your mystery
and majesty and love.

From A Cloud of Witnesses

Hope

Today I know that no one is without hope. Indeed, the best hope is in the very admission of hopelessness. ~ For Today (Kindle Locations 1056-1057).

We come to recovery admitting we're powerless over addiction
and that our lives have become unmanageable. We may believe
that combination means we're hopeless. But we're not really
hopeless when we reach recovery. That very meeting
we hear others who have been where we are and who obviously
now have hope. When we grow enough hope to try the program
suddenly we, too have hope to share with those who feel none!

Reluctance

Some of the things I need to tell you...I don't want to tell you. ~ Kitt M

Secrets are my life. I've come to understand
it's for my own good, it's important to share,
for when I'm holding secrets I protect them,
my reputation, my self worth my ego
by reticence, by reticence. But when I do.
I sabotage my food plan, my abstinence,
my holding grudges, storing resentments,
my whole recovery by sealing my lips,
by trying to sell you the false picture that I'm perfect.
Some of the things I need to tell you...I don't want to tell you,
but I must!

A Spectrum

So also Abraham “believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.” ~ Galatians 3:6 (NIV)

---

---

We must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go, for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition (Kindle Locations 1207-1208).

---

---

Credit, debit,
it's a spectrum,
a swinging door,
a teeter-totter.
It's more fun to be the have
than the have not,
to be able to give
than to need to take.
But what if the chips
are not symbols of money
but are blessings
life righteousness,
like love,
like understanding?
It's more fun to be the have
then as well
especially
because we lose none
of the blessings we share.

 

God, thank you for flowing blessings.
Give me the wisdom to pass them no
and see them expand to us all.

Be Happy

The best thing you could do for anyone that you love, is be happy! And the very worst thing that you could do for anyone that you love, is be unhappy, and then ask them to to try to change it, when there is nothing that anybody else can do that will make you happy. ~ Abraham

It's Not my job. I have the power to disappoint you,
to wrong you so it makes sense for you to become angry.
I can ask you to do something but I can't make you do it
though I may have authority or power to motivate you
to want to. Ir's possible my being happy and
your knowing I want that would have better results, though.
It is my job to be happy. I can be happy when I'm ill,
when I'm in pain, when things aren't going as I would choose.
Happy is not jocularity, not glee, not being carefree.
It is an internal condition, contentment, knowledge
that a power greater than I is in charge and the world
is safe and secure and I can trust that at some point glee will return.

Unity

Unity does not mean uniformity. In OA we learn we can disagree with other people on important issues and still be supportive friends. We listen to others with open minds, and we learn to express ourselves without insisting that everyone must do things our way. As we practice these new skills we begin to better understand ourselves and others. It becomes easier to find ways of doing things which meet everybody’s needs. ~ The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous (Kindle Locations 1271-1274).

I was praised today for passing on a simple
but powerfully effective tip. That sometimes
a pleasant relationship can happen
when we agree to disagree. I remember
backseat empires, the fiefdom of one.
not to be crossed into by the other.
A line in the sand or seam in the upholstery
never to be crossed, the border between me and she.
On Wednesday, you can talk all you want,
I'll sit there sometimes smile and not ask for quiet.
But Thursday is my day, sit there with your book
and keep your comments to yourself.
Respect each other, and learn to endure
if not enjoy doing it someone else's way.

A Decision?

A mistake repeated more than once is a decision. ~ Paul Coelh

I had...or is that have? a problem with saying too often, "I'm sorry."
Memorably, many yeasts ago, Daddy said, "Don't be sorry. don't do it!"
Is my higher Perry, like my husband thinking the same thing?
If I'm sorry often for similar things am I really sorry?
Or have I made a decision to keep on doing what I like to do,
expressing contrition when it's noted?
It's contraindicated to proclaim, then,
"I offer myself to Thee to do with me and to build with me
as Thou wilt..."
I'm sorry, God, and I hear you.

Enough!

Here the destruction stops. We will heal ourselves, we will heal our wounded relationships, we will heal our children, we will heal our Nations. On this day, our future history begins ~ Bison, White. The Red Road to Wellbriety: In The Native American Way (Kindle Locations 128-130).

You are abstinent or you are not. No kinda's
no "close." Don't play with recovery,
figure you're good enough. You have a life to save...
your own, a family to rebuild, your own,
relationships to mend, repairing your place,
a community to restore, a world to put to rights.
Enough with enough, aim for reconciliation.

Gifted Intuition

When we place our will and our lives in God’s care in step three, we give God our intuition as well. Intuition is supposed to be God’s direct line into our minds and hearts, but our problems and our self-will have interfered with this connection. ~ The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous (Kindle Locations 266-269).

Intuition is God's gift to us, but for it to work
as it can, for it to enhance out lives,
we need to surrender it, to turn it over
like a Stradivarius placed in a master's hand,
so the true masterpiece can resonate through
our lives.

More Important than Lung Breath

Breathing from my heart rather than from my mind - Lanaya B.

Life happens when the heart beats.
Living, though is not the mechanical
action of a pump. It is pulling the world
into your self, experiencing it, interacting with it,
and responding in light of the transformation,
the incorporation of that awareness,
and the enhanced life that moves forward.

Just Do It

My sponsor says she had found it unnecessary to do anything different than the first day she walked into this program...she does everything everybody suggests she do. ~ Jhe T

It's worth a try. We well know
the Big Book language, 
In thinking about our day
we may face indecision.
We may not be able
to determine which course to take.
Here we ask God for inspiration,
an intuitive thought or a decision.
We relax and take it easy.
We don’t struggle. So, if rely on this,
how does it come? Often from the words
of someone we trust. Or from literature
or, sometimes the very least-likely source
someone we don't  trust at all.
But despite that, it's from God.
Are we willing to count as rubbish
Eternal guidance? If it's not,
we can set it aside but who are we
to choose the vessel permitted to contain
inspiration, an intuitive thought,
or the correct decision?