Raggedy Ann

It's black and white, of course,
the picture made in 1947,
small in size, and she and I
are not greatly different sizes.
I lie in the bassinet, babbling,
smiling, laughing. After all,
Mother was busy, Daddy away,
my four-year-old sister
a handful. Why should I not
be content, lying there
often, contented to talk to her,
the doll who paid attention
to me.

Star Power

A famous musician,
a successful author, 
a politician, a philanthropist...
what could such people do
to bring in people who need us,
our fellowship, our program.
But fortunately we'll never know.
For they exist, but we don't know,
cannot name them, should not
if we can. We attract people
by what our program is
not who our people are,
for what we can do for you,
for the peace and serenity,
the freedom from insanity,
the promises come true
that have the real star power.

Step Out of Fear

I step out of fear and I am faith. ~ Jhe T

TheBig Book says, "Notice that the word “fear” ...
This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives.
It was an evil and corroding thread;
the fabric of our existence was shot through with it.
It set in motion trains of circumstances,
which brought us misfortune we felt we didn’t deserve.
But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling?
Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing.
It seems to cause more trouble.
That small word fear. A word we know well.
Even procrastination is really chronic low-intensity fear!
t dwelling in fear is something we need never do again.
Just walk away from fear and we don't just have faith, we are faith.Then, surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

A Glimpse

Now and then we may be granted a glimpse of that ultimate reality which is God’s kingdom. And we will be comforted and assured that our own destiny in that realm will be secure for so long as we try, however falteringly, to find and do the will of our own Creator.~ AA World Services Inc. Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (p. 98). AA World Services, Inc. Kindle Edition.

Not an impossible task, because it's not up yo us.
We don't...can't... earn "that realm "  securely even should we
try, however falteringly, to find and do the will of our own Creator."
No, there is no "try" "No! No different!
Only different in your mind. You must unlearn what you have learned."
We must surrender, release control, trust a loving Power who can.
And who does if we move however falteringly toward the ideal.

But SERIOUSLY

...that we often tend to slight serious meditation and prayer as something not really necessary. To be sure, we feel it is something that might help us to meet an occasional emergency, but at first many of us are apt to regard it as a somewhat mysterious skill of clergymen, from which we may hope to get a secondhand benefit. ~ Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (p. 96). AA World Services, Inc. Kindle Edition

...that we often tend to slight serious meditation and prayer as something not really necessary. To be sure, we feel it is something that might help us to meet an occasional emergency, but at first many of us are apt to regard it as a somewhat mysterious skill of clergymen, from which we may hope to get a secondhand benefit. ~ Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (p. 96). AA World Services, Inc. Kindle Edition.

Luke 11:1  One day Jesus was praying in a certain place.
When he finished, one of his disciples said to him, “
Lord, teach us to pray, just as John taught his disciples.”The simple prayer was to "Father" and began "Holy be
your   name, not I think, a request but a statement of fact.
You and your name are holy. Have your   way with everything.
Give me what I need but not more, one day at a time.
Forgive me my sins and teach me the freedom of
forgiving wrongs done me and free me from temptation.
Prayer, then, is as simple as talking  to dear friend.
.

Peace... Not Happiness

During my years in OA, I’ve realized that the key to my peace, not necessarily my “happiness,” lies in turning my life over to my Higher Power one day at a time. When I do this, the burden of trying to “fix” the problem leaves me.  Voices of Recovery Nov 2

I can't fix me no matter how I try, but
I don't need fixing. I'm not junk, I have value,
and I matter no matter what. I am worthy,
My obsession with fixing me comes not from an inherent defect
but from a deficiency in peace, contentment, a state of wellbeing
and that lies freely available for the claiming,
a benefit of willingness to surrender control and direction
to a Power able to grant even when I have no clue
what that might be. But without doubt I know I fits
the hole in my soul.

Changing Operating Systems

If the universal addiction is to our own pattern of thinking, which is invariably dualistic, the primary spiritual path must be some form of contemplative practice, once just called “prayer,” to break down this unhelpful binary system of either-or thinking, and superiority thinking. “Praying” is changing your operating system! This was well recognized in Step 11 of the Twelve Steps. ~Richard Rohr, Breathing Under Water: Spirituality and the Twelve Steps

Contemplative thinking — expressing or involving prolonged rational judgment.
Can we be addicted to our thought patterns?Are our thoughts always dualistic?
material and mental? Can thoughts be other than mental?Should prayers be material?
Do I have it all wrong? Is a material prayer, make this right? cause my body to function rather than mold my thoughts? Is that Abraham thinking?

YOU ARE A PHYSICAL EXTENSION OF THAT WHICH IS NON-PHYSICAL
All-That-Is, or that which you call God,
is not finished and waiting for you to catch up.
You are the leading edge of thought, here seeking more:
more of all that feels good to you, more of that which is fresh and
gloriously uplifting. (You are, in essence, bringing heaven to earth.)

 

Stinking Thinking

Stinking thinking” is the universal addiction. Substance addictions like alcohol and drugs are merely the most visible form of addiction, but actually we are all addicted to our own habitual way of doing anything, our own defenses, and most especially, our patterned way of thinking, or how we process our reality. The very fact we have to say this shows how much we are blinded inside of it. By definition, you can never see or handle what you are addicted to. It is always “hidden” and disguised as something else. As Jesus did with the demon at Gerasa, someone must say, “What is your name?” (Luke 8:30). The problem must be correctly named before the demon can be exorcised. You cannot heal what you do not first acknowledge. Breathing Underwater ByRichard Roth

What's my addiction?sometimes it seems like Blizzards, apple fritters, anything
scary sweet.... Or in the absence of those drugs of choce, Juuk food in general.

But that's a lie, I'm a compulsive oveeater, but my addiction is to stinking thinking, anger,resentments,
Jealousy, bitterness.

O addiction, what is your name?

Roiling emotions! That's what leads me to bingee, to feel entitled.  Get Thee behind me, emotions, give me serinity
and that delightful side effect, abstinence!

Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.  - Ecclesiastes7.8[

Patience is better than pride.

How true it is!

 I’ve been proud. God took my pride away

and made me happy instead.

God gave me patience to wait for

the good stuff.

But the gift that destroys,

you bet.

Been there, received that.

Too much. Too lavish.

Insecurity wrapped,

and the giver keeps it like

the gifted.

God, what a gift!

Keep giving me patience. Keep dousing my pride. Just love me like you always have

but let me realize it. Thanks.

From SENDER STEPS TO SANITY by Barbara B.Rollins

Ride that horse

And we'll ride that horse when we get to it. ~ Mountain Man Tom Oar

We don't own tomorrow, may never see it.
We can't change the past because it's past.
Plans may never happen. We are not cured
of addiction. What we really have
is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance 
of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day 
when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all 
of our activities. “How can I best serve Thee — 
Thy will (not mine) be done.” These are thoughts which
must go with us constantly. We can exercise 
our will power along this line all we wish.
It is the proper use of the will.

Wants and Needs

We are taught to differentiate between our wants (which are never satisfied) and our needs (which are always provided for). We cast off the burdens of the past and the anxieties of the future, as we begin to live in the present, one day at a time. We are granted “the serenity to accept the things we cannot change”— and thus lose our quickness to anger and our sensitivity to criticism. Above all, we reject fantasizing and accept reality. ~ A.A. World Services Inc. AlcoholicsAnonymous, 4th Edition (Kindle Locations 6531-6534).

We may want food, pampering, the "right to feel sorry for self."
But we need abstinence, sane lives, to live free of obsession,resentment, anger, jealousy. And that we can have for the asking,
for surrendering. We came into recovery knowing how to stop our behavior

but finally learned ho to deal with abstinence, with sobriety.

Your Choice

here are religions that you wouldn't want anything to do with, that are perfect mechanisms for the people who are involved in them. And therefore, they are a very good thing. ~ Abraham

As you understand God.
J. B. Phillips wrote Your God Is Too Small.But it's none of my buainess about yours.
As Ebby said to Bill, “Why don’t you choose
your own conception of God?”And when you do,
k\it's none of my business. Make up your own,
Nams him or her. Yout choice Demiurge,
Howard be thy name, Gus...guy upstirs, I Am,
The light, Spirit of the universe, Gilda,Great Spitirt
“Why don’t you choose your own conception of God?”

Examine Yourself

There’s a world of difference between self-examination and self-awareness. The first means scrutiny of my behavior; the second relates more to my state of being. For me to be successful with the three-fold process of self-examination, meditation, and prayer as described in Steps Ten and Eleven, I need to scrutinize my conduct. I ask myself where in my day I could have been more honest, willing, self-disciplined, and loving. How can I apply these principles to my daily life? Usually by more meditation, more prayer, more practice. Show me the way, Higher Power. Your will be done, not mine. ~Voices of Recovery (Kindle Locations 1721-1725).

The day's end. Personal inventory,
The issue, not what happened to us but
what happened through us to others,
when was I angry, spiteful, less than I
choose, what character traits held free
rein? Was I dishonest?Anm I willing
for you to know my answers? Am I
proud of the day? What do I wish I had done?
did I continue to set right any new mistakes
as I went along?Am I growing in
understanding and effectiveness?
Who can I help?

Requirements

8He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God?~ NewAmericanStandard Bible - NASB 1995 Micah 6:8

The short list of what is good
Do Justice, love kindness,
Skip the pride and walk with God.
A rich young man had another
short list and ptoclaimed,
“All these I have kept, 'What do I still lack?'

'H'umility. Pide in possessions.
“If you want to be perfect, go,
sell your possessions and give to the poor,
and you will have treasure in heaven.
Then come, follow Me.”
What can you do? What do you have?
If the basics vanished and you could do nothing,
would humility remain? Then give what's left
to your god.

Look for Light in Darkness

When we in darkness walk,    
Nor feel the heavenly flame,  
Then is the time to trust our God,    
And rest upon His name. ~ A. M. Toplady

It's counterintuitive. When we need him,
when we can't find him, when we feel abandoned...
that's the time to trust our God and lean on him.
How do you lean on someone who seems absent?
How do you believe when all your experience,
all your desires stand left unfulfilled?
Faith. Faith is evidence of things hoped for,
the confidence we can trust when we feel alone.
Trust we will be heard is all the justification we need
to take our Power at his word.
When we need him, when we can't find him
when we feel abandoned, it's counterintuitive.
We know he's there when we don't know he's there.
We know because he promised. It's counterintuitive.

Leaving Someone Alone

Leaving a person alone is not necessarily rejection. It can be quiet support, silent understanding. Whoever has suffered can surely feel compassion for another’s pain. In an active sense, there is often nothing to do. Sometimes words are easy and natural. At other times there is the hug, the open mind for listening without giving advice, without platitudes. To say nothing is perhaps the hardest, most demanding response of all, but it can also be the most loving and respectful. To give the gift of silence in certain circumstances is to encourage a friend to feel those feelings. ~ For Today (Kindle Locations 1612-1616).

Silent compassion. The gift of silence
Love and c0ncern eminate like warmth from a fire
and words add little but are a presence, an ever-present sense
of comaraderie. Yours are heard and felt now, with gratitude.

////it's Not

...that's what your moments are about. They're not about justifying your existence. It's justified. You exist. It's not about proving your worthiness. It's done. You're worthy. It's not about achieving success. You never get it done. ~ Abraham

Acceptance of who you are,
of what you are, of your right
to be you. Who would think
that could be an issue?
My guess is everybody, all of us...
or at least all who need Recovery.
Those of us who spent our lives
believing ourselves lower than a few.
better than the multitudes.
yet all alone, isolated, solitary.
But two truths can bring us peace.
What I think of anybody else
is none of my business.
What others think of me
is none of my business.
Only then can we grasp
our right to exist, our having worth,
the fact it's okay to be me.
And then we can begin to grow,
to become who we want to me,
who we long to be, and know the truth
that we can be free.

Waiting for a Sign

av 

 

I refused to move
without knowledge
of my higher power's will
for my life that day.
I. considered reading
from the literature,
pulled out six books
and two pamphlets.
None caught my eye
so I knew it was not meant
that I should read any.
My sponsor called
but I explained to her
I awaited important news
and hung up the phone.
I stepped out in the yard
and saw an amazing cloud
but had no time to think on it
and moved on to await
word of the higher power's will.
Finally it was clear
I'd had no assignment that day
and went about the day
convinced I must stand
on my own two feet
and not await
some amorphous message.

 

The Greatness of Gratitude

Every time you say, "I appreciate that. I really like that. I applaud that. I acknowledge the value in that." Every time you do that, you spend some of your Energy, and it is the spending of the Energy that creates a vacuum, so to speak, or an attraction, so to speak, that draws more and more and more and more. ~ Abraham

God, thank you for all the times
you've given me serenity to accept,
courage to change what I can,
wisdom to choose right.
Thank you for accepting my offer
of myself, for relieving me
of the bondage of self
and taking away my difficulties.
I'm grateful for your enabling me
to do your will.
Thanks for removing my defects,
and I appreciate the strength you give.
Much obliged for keeping me in recovery
until I can find new happiness, new freedom.
I'd glad I can see the value of my past.
I acknowledge the gift of serenity, of peace,
of my story being useful to others.
I value escaping the feelings of uselessness,
self-pity, of self-seeking. I'm delighted
with my new attitude and outlook on life.
Thank you, God, for fear of people and money issues
disappearing. Thanks for giving me good sense,
for at least sometimes knowing intuitively
what I should do. Thank you, God, for doing for me
what I could not do for myself.

That Entity As We Understand

Twenty years ago a counselor told me
he would hypnotize me but my curious self,
my analytical mind, could remain conscious,
aware. He called it a lifeguard, keeping watch.
Today a wise woman said my pain body —
the feel-sorry-for-me child — and my thinking part
don't have to control, that a detached part of me,
that part aligned with the universe,
could observe the pain body and the thought body
without entering the fray, without demanding
some course of action.
I need not take action on each thought, experience,
disappointment, resentment. There is another me,
a watchful, natural, aligned with the Power me,
who can stop my foolish urges, who can pull me up,
who can make mature decisions when the rest of me
would prefer to rebel.
The Big Book says We may not be able to determine 
which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, 
an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. 
We don’t struggle. We are often surprised 
how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while. 
What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration 
gradually becomes a working part of the mind.A lifeguard, our higher self, intuition, inspiration,
a God as we understand ... the name is not important.
Taking time to hear, to do, is imperative for our sanity.

Copyright: rainerplendl / 123RF Stock Photo

Unlocked

Practicing Step Three is like the opening of a door which to all appearances is still closed and locked. All we need is a key, and the decision to swing the door open. There is only one key, and it is called willingness. ~ AA World Services Inc. Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (p. 34).

Pounding on the door. Holding a key in your hand
and placing it in the lock, turning and turning
and stopping for fear of breaking the key.
Pounding on the door. Let me in!!!You know the door opens, there's a key near,
but hidden where? Not under the doormat.
Not in the planter on the porch. Not over the door sill.
Where is it? Others have gotten in. Why can't I??
Yes, the key's available. It's the one in our hands.
The one we tried and tried and were afraid it would break.
Open the stinking door!!After a while exhaustion sets in. You know the door will open,
that others have walked through. But it won't for you.
You insert the key again and address the door calmly.
I need to get in. Won't you please let me in?
I promise, I'll hold my temper, that I'll behave.
But my life is miserable and this is the only door.
I want to go in so badly. And this time it works.
the lock clicks, the bolt slides down, all you need do
is turn the nob, walk through, continue to do it seeking,
wanting, standing ready. And when you do, you know
deep in your heart you'll never go back outside again.
Welcome to recovery. Welcome home!

Blaming Life

To deal with my despair and inner turmoil I had to stop blaming life and find a new way of thinking. ...I learned that I can accept others as they are. I learned that I am not a victim to life. I can care for and be responsible for myself and my thinking. I can consciously choose positive thoughts and decisions that enable me to act on life one day at a time. ~Voices of Recovery (Kindle Locations 1803-1815).

Even though it's fun to be a martyr,
it doesn't get me anywhere.
Oh, it can get me attention
but people aren't fooled...
especially the one acting a victim. Me.
The sympathy that blooms
soon withers, crumbles, and bristles.
It's not life's fault. And not inevitable,
not fate, not beyond my control.
A counselor told me once I think fast...
that I thought faster than anyone else he knew.
A stampede of thoughts, a herd of ghost riders
across the sky, other worldly, eerily odd.
But it doesn't have to be. I'm responsible.
For my thinking. For my eating.
For my co-dependency. For my insecurity.
For my procrastination. Oh, I can't control them.
But I'm responsible. And the responsible thing to do
is to release them, to trust the master of the ghost riders,
to surrender to my higher power
and act — be — sane
one day at a time.

The Gaping Abyss

Frankl believed that at the spiritual level, the depressed man faces tension between who he actually is in relation to what he should be. Frankl refers to this as the gaping abyss. Source

We admitted we were powerless over food,
that our lives had become unmanageable.The gaping abyss stretched out before us,
nudging us, urging us, pulling us into recovery.
It's not that we had not tried. God, how we had tried.
Those courses of action that once seemed to work
now laughed at us, ridiculed us, from beyond the abyss,
driving us to food as something we could control,
as something that dulled the pain, diverted our gaze.
Then that ceased to work as more than anything else
it careened out of control, mocking us, shaming us,
driving us to grief, to depression, to despair, to surrender.
And that didn't help except to face us toward the promise,
recovery. And when that finally pointed out just how
and to whom we were to surrender, a solid bridge appeared
solidly spanning the gaping abyss.

Thought Control

Once you gain control over the thoughts you think, your sense of injustice will subside and will be replaced with the exuberance for life and the zest to create that you were born with. ~ Abraham

Who owns your thoughts? Who controls them?
Have the answers changed over time?
Which was better? What's it like not to control them?
Meditation? Stream of consciousness? Lost in a project?
One with the universe?
Struggling with a problem ties you in knots.
Riding the swell of a solution frees your soul.
It's called surrender. It's turning it over
to a power greater than yourselves.

Self-Propulsion

The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous

"I can do it myself." The toddler within has spoken.
Don't help me, keep your suggestions to yourself,
leave me alone. Fine for a toddler, since the parents
watch, support, advise, guide. So it's really not
the self-propulsion we believe we're creating.
We have help. Learning how, making it
(or the components), ideas before us,
the community. And while we need to do our part,
lest the doing it ourselves becomes the of all and be all
then we take advice, we rely on help,
we function for the better good,
not our selfish pride, and we ask our Higher Power
to keep us on track, to be our propulsion,
to be the loving parent.

The Thinking Obsession

Cognitive addictions are a powerful way to avoid feelings. I lived in my head for years. I was a university professor. Thinking can be a way to avoid feelings. All addictions have a thinking component, which is called obsession. ~ John Bradshaw, Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child

A thinking component which is called obsession.
That's the kind of argument that says you can't be too dumb
to recover...but you can be too smart. At least
you can think too much. Why would that work?
Why should I do that? I'm past that point,
educated, intelligent. That's for the peons, 
the simple, the ones who don't understand. 
No, it's the simple who actually find recovery easiest!
Like Jesus said, let the little children come
and don't stop them. You must become like a young child,
a newborn, to enter the kingdom. Keep it simple, stupid.
And stupid doesn't refer to the simple minded
but to those who would complicate it, "perfect" it,
improve on it. We can't successfully live in our heads.
When we try, we become like robots, empowered only by hot air.
Set aside the thinking. Listen, respond, believe, become.

The Path to Change

How do I become who I want to be?
Maybe in some minor ways by deciding,
choosing a path then taking it.
Maybe that's possible...
when I've already drawn near.
Then there's the coming to believe.
Not deciding to believe, not resolving to,
but that wondrous initial trust,
that idea that maybe...just maybe...
the path could be open to me,
the one others seem to walk.
A kind of getting-to-know=you,
of trusting just because nothing else
gives any hope. Some credence
that seems inherent, logical, natural.
Then tidbits of plausibility,
examples in your life, maybe in friends
when you've been there, up close,
personal, an  involved observer.
Witnessed improbabilities.
A certainty that something's there,
a curiosity, an interest...a hook.
But unwilling to invest, unable to risk.
Curious, but passive, open to questions
in answer to questions leading to inquiry.
No longer passive, actively interested,
seeking, accepting the quest.
Standing open, vulnerable, ready to receive
the unexplainable, the unexpected,
the unworldly.
Coming, curious, ready, open,
prepared to offer your truth,
your heart.
Asking like the Baptist,
Are you the one, or do we wait longer?Buying in, investing the bank, fully convinced,
You/this/here is my path.
God, help me, here is my path.

credit to Sherry Weddell

Showoff!

The pineapple made its way to England in the 17th century and by the 18th century, being seen with one was an instant indicator of wealth — a single pineapple could cost the equivalent of $8,000 today.  ~ http://stst.io/Tq8oTuhoScftJNcW8

Stuff. Things. Some are diamonds,
others lumps of coal. All are stuff. Things.
Status symbols. Something people want
because maybe others will respect, admire
the one who has it.
Inferior quality. Shoddy. Low-grade. Tawdry.
Deficient. Without value. Cheap. Paltry. Pathetic.
And embarrassment. Subject to contempt.
Second-hand. Used. Tried and true.
There is nothing new and improved.
We are not what we have. Trendsetting clothes
no more define us than shabby threadbare ones.
Grandmom received a large silver platter,
an appreciation gift. She promptly declared pickles here,
chow chow there, rhubarb over there.
A peanut in a silk purse is a peanut.
A diamond in a Band-Aid box is a diamond.
People have value, concepts are worth defending,
ideas matter. But when we see the wrappings
and miss the core, we can be fooled and bereft.
Become who you want to be then wrap yourself as you choose
but remember what matters.