Where's the Fight?

She was angry that she didn't hurt me like I hurt her. ~ An OA Sponsor on her Sponsee dissolving the relationship

It probably takes two to tango.
It usually takes at least two to fight
though as we replay our resentments
in our heads we carry on decades-long feuds
at times. But out in the open, outside a head,
two are required to engage in combat.
That can be a problem when one of the two
lives by the wisdom, "What she thinks of me
is none of my business." When one of the two
sees that setting limits on time, on involvement,
on hand holding, on playing through arguments
time after time after time and again
is the saner course, the way of recovery...
when one of the two accepts recriminations,
accusations, attacks and understands them
as part of the other's state of mind, of illness,
of insanity...
when one of two doesn't join the fight
then where's the fight?