The Magic Pill

I'm not really sure I want the magic pill. ~ Joan B

How have I tried to lose weight?
Let me count the ways...
Diet pills from the doctor at 13...
Most weigh-and-pay groups,
some multiple times...
Carb blockers…
Amphetamines (when they were discouraged
but still legal I drove 300 miles for 30 days of pills)...
A metal pin at an acupuncture point on my ear...
Graphs and charts projecting how much
I’d lose by what date, with planned rewards...
Internet programs...
A diet from a women’s magazine...
Counting calories...
Counting carbs...
Counseling (3 times, years at a time)...
Hypnotism...
Motivational tapes...
New Year’s resolutions...
Goals for certain major events...
Diet books...
Cookbooks with reduced calories/fat/carbs/sugar...
Books, directed at weight loss,
organization, codependency,
relationships, misogynists, self-esteem,
and anything else marginally relative...
Partners in person and on the Internet...
Fasting one day each week...
Beginning to write a book
about how with a partner I
attained a total weight loss of 500 pounds,
knowing I lacked well over a hundred
of those before publication...
Giving myself shots in the stomach
twice daily with a medication
approved for diabetics, which I was not,
but not approved for weight control...
For probably five years monthly doctor visits
as he used all his powers of persuasion
and prescription to help me.
I used the carbohydrate blockers
and appetite suppressants he urged on me
because I intended to eat bad stuff.
I looked for the magic pill in any or every form.
And if I'd found the magic pill
I'd never have found true relief, sanity,
and a life I can't believe how great it is!