Refrain From Diversion

A prayer I recommend is: “God give me the courage and strength to know who I really am, to act accordingly in my life, and to refrain from diverting my time, energy, and interest into my character defects.” In addition to praying, however, you still must do the legwork. You have to stop acting out the defects and begin doing something else instead. You have to actualize the sober life. You have to make the principles of the program real in the practice of your life. And in doing that, your Higher Power takes away your defects.~ Terence T. Gorski, Understanding the Twelve Steps: A Interpretation and Guide for Recovering People. Touchstone. Kindle Edition.

Who am I really?
What kind of courage,
how much strength do I have?
And what kind of strength?
How does God want me to act out
the courage and strength I receive?
Into what character defects
am I inclined to divert
my time, energy, and interest?
Procrastination, of course…
chronic low-intensity fear.
Stupid computer games.
Buying into the negativity
coming from the media
and the chair in front of me,,,
The dogs. Acting the step-and-fetch-it role…
Food, or even water, to do ANYTHING
but the next right thing…
I have to make the principles
of the program
real in the practice of my life.
I must refrain from diversion,
especially since the diversions
are my principle defects!

By the Hour, i Stared...

By the hour, I stared at the St. Francis Prayer: “It is better to comfort than to be comforted.” ~ AA World Services Inc. As Bill Sees It. A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

How do you learn to meditate?
What does it take to go from prayers, rote
or otherwise with the idea
of conquering meditation?
I’ve tried meditation apps
but they fail to lasso my mind.
Writing works better
but even writing to God
feels like it’s cheating.
With Bill W. speaking
surely it’s a valid approach.
“It is better to comfort
than to be comforted.”
…to be understood as to understand
…To be loved as to love
…For it is in giving that we receive
…it is in pardoning that we are pardoned
…And it’s in dying that we are born to eternal life.
I’ll give it a try today.
Do you need to as well?

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Pur Characteristics...that Have become Defective

I’ve recognized that a characteristic that once allowed me to survive is no longer necessary, or that an asset that has lost its proportion makes my life unmanageable. ~ Family Groups, Al-Anon. Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II. Al-Anon Family Groups. Kindle Edition.

I’m no longer who I was
when I was Powerless
and living an unmanageable life…
thank God! So why do I cling to
the once utilitarian defects
crafted for that me?
Lying, escaping into
stupid computer games,
blaming, resenting silently,
avoiding. Useless chaff
instead of what I “intended.”
I’ve been in these long enough
to substitute character traits I prefer…
or more exactly, to allow God to…
It’s time, God, lead the way!

The Key

The key to acting “as if” is faith. The way to faith is through my fears. I have made progress and stay entirely ready when I turn fears over to my faith and simply act “as if.”

As we discussed, acting “as if” can seem to be in conflict with being genuine and authentic. However, when we are willing (making choices) to make positive progress and to have God shape us toward our potential as spiritual beings, then acting in accordance with those intentions is genuine in spite of our real feelings. ~ P., Bill; W., Todd; S., Sara. Drop the Rock: Removing Character Defects – Steps Six and Seven (p. 20). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

You can act as if you’re abstinent,
besides all the other stuff.
Act as if you came to believe
a Power greater than you just might
restore you to sanity.
You can act as if you made a decision
to turn your will and your life and will
over to the care of God
whether you understood Him or not.
You can do the best you can
on an inventory and act as if
it’s fearless. You can do your inventory,
showing up and following the lead
of your sponsor or whoever you choose.
Act like you’re not afraid, as though
you know what you’re doing.
Act as if. Fake it until you make it.
When we are willing, when we choose
the best guess as to what we should do,
when we are willing to have God
shape us toward our potential as spiritual beings,
then acting in accordance
with those intentions is genuine
in spite of our real feelings.
The key to getting where you want to be
is faith whether it feels like
you have it or not.

On Hatred

Look as calmly as you can upon hatred, for if we are to deny the denial of truth, we must first recognize what we are denying. Remember that knowledge precedes denial, and that the separation was a descent from magnitude to littleness. And so the way back is to retrace the way to magnitude. ~ Wapnick, Kenneth. Absence from Felicity : The Story of Helen Schucman and Her Scribing of A Course in Miracles

How calmly can we look upon hatred?
And in context, the meaning was
the hatred felt by the person addressed.
Look calmly on hatred FOR if we are
too deny the denial (the grammarian
within decries the double negative,
the cancellation of the denial!)
of truth we must first recognize
what we are denying.Magnitude and truth are the yea
to the nay of lying, hatred and denial.
We reach magnitude truth and love
by setting aside all that isn’t a yea.
We want knowledge to avoid
a descent to littleness.
And knowledge is aligning ourselves with God.

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I come back to meetings even when you hurt my feelings., cause when you hurt my feelings that’s usually when I grow. ~ DKP

There are comfortable meetings.
Then there are those intended for you!
It seems like everything anybody reads or says
including words spewing from your own mouth
are exactly what you need to hear.
God speaks is mysterious ways
is not really in the Bible, but
as William Cowper wrote,
“God moves in a mysterious ways;
His wonders to perform…
God answers us, guides us,
speaks to us, but we can help
the communication by praying,
reading, writing, going to meetings…
by being available.
Keep coming back until you hear
the message you need right then!

Developing Strengths

And when we want to improve certain positive traits, we should watch intently for them in others. Noting only the positive qualities lessens our own negative ones. ~ Casey, Karen. Daily Meditations for Practicing The Course. Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

But while knowledge makes us feel important, it is love that strengthens the church. Anyone who claims to know all the answers doesn’t really know very much. But the person who loves God is the one whom God recognizes. ~ 1 Corinthians 8:1b-3 New Living Translation (NLT)

We can learn, can be taught.
Or teach ourselves. We are
what we see in others,
either because we project our
thoughts, see them in other people,
or because we seek to see
what's good in someone else
and, having seen it in them
can find it in ourselves.
Acting important convinces nobody,
but living love improves
the world.

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The Beloved

The beloved of the Almighty are: the rich who have the humility of the poor, and the poor who have the magnanimity of the rich. ~ Saadi Shirazi

I figure we’re all beloved of the Almighty
but things haven’t changed so in the
seven centuries since the comment.
Those would certainly rank high
in my scheme of socially desirables…
the rich who have
the humility of the poor,
and the poor who have
the magnanimity of the rich.
Since some would count me rich
and others dub me poor,
I’ll opt to seek the humility
of the godly poor
with magnanimity
looking past circumstances
to the heart.
Good, make me
an instrument of peace and love.

"I'll Get Away With It!"

I can get caught up in negativity, resentments, or complaining. At these times, I am focusing on the way things should be according to me! These attitudes eat away at my abstinence. I am thankful today that I can recognize the danger of an attitude of resentment. Today I know there is nothing about which to be negative, resentful, or complaining that makes it worth breaking my abstinence. Nothing! ~ Overeaters Anonymous. Voices of Recovery for August 11.

Five hundred sixty-seven days
since I stopped counting time in program
rather than real abstinence…
since truth be told there were
too many make-believe days
during most of the years…
It’s a record I want to hold onto,
to extend, to respect but that doesn’t mean
the tug isn’t there, the siren call
of the drive-through windows
is silenced. At these times,
I am focusing on the way
things should be according to me!
I want to make another two hundred two
then add some more years to the two…
It’s still not a given.
But I know there is nothing
about which to be negative,
resentful, or complaining
that makes it worth
breaking my abstinence.
Nothing!

Why I Am Here

I am here ONLY to be truly helpful.I am here to represent Christ, who sent me.I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because the one who sent me will direct me.I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing he goes there with me.I will be healed as I let him teach me to heal. ~ Wapnick, Kenneth. Absence from Felicity : The Story of Helen Schucman and Her Scribing of A Course in Miracles

A statement of life’s purpose.
A life of service, of surrender.
A life of purpose, of rightful place.
A life of contentment, of knowledge.
A life of companionship.
A life of being healed
and passing it on.

No Lies Necessary

I didn’t have to lie to people in these meetings, and eventually I learned that I didn’t have to lie to anyone anywhere. I came to see that I can live my life for inner peace and not for outward appearances. ~ Family Groups, Al-Anon. Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II. Al-Anon Family Groups. Kindle Edition.

Getting to know you
Getting to know all about you
Getting to like you 
Getting to hope you like me*
You would never ave imagined
the person you most needed
to know and to like was you, yourself,
but for many…if not for most…
of us in the Rooms of Recovery,
that’s the sad truth.
In these rooms, we find our people…
finally. And, for me, the skillset
I’d worked sixty years to hone,
that of lying easily and convincingly
became extraneous.
My sponsor told me about lies,
the kinds of lies:
She spoke of Direct lies:
Not telling the truth,
a boldfaced lie.
Lies of Omission:
What did I need to say
to this person so they knew
how I honestly felt
about them and the situation?
Was I wrongfully silent?
and Lies to Self:
What was I  telling myself
that wasn’t true?
She described lies to me,
but I was so practiced
I had to pick them out
for her. I’ve learned not only
to know me, to like me,
but to dislike
wanting to lie in anyway.
Try it, you’ll like it!


*Richard Rogers

Image Copyright : Chris Dorney

Please, God...

God, I don’t care what I sound like, or look like, who my partners are, or where I live. I just don’t want to be like this anymore. On Your terms, in Your time, please remake me as You will. Thank You. ~ P., Bill; W., Todd; S., Sara. Drop the Rock: Removing Character Defects – Steps Six and Seven (p. 4). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Printed prayers don’t look like this.
They’re polished, smooth, etherial.
Hurting people’s prayers
look just like this, raw, real,
poignant. God listens to them all…
but don’t you think this one tugs,
resonates, generates abundant grace,
raw love, compassion?
Are you needing God enough
for communication to matter more
than polish? What doo you need too say
to The Source?
God, I don’t care what I sound like,
or look like,
who my partners are,
or where I live.
I just don’t want to be like this anymore.
On Your terms,
in Your time,
please remake me
as You will.
Thank You.

Grow Through It

The mixture of the calm with the storm is not haphazard. Quite the contrary. My growth is at the center of each. I will trust its message. ~ Casey, Karen. Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women. Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

But the nothing times, the boring times,
those minutes in the interstices of life!
The middle-of-the-road times…
Can’t those be the growth times?
Soo many more of those times…
can’t I grow then?No, she’s right.
It’s the highs and lows that make us
different people.At least they come
in equal numbers. There are delicacies
among the dregs. I’ll watch for God
to use them both!

A Universe that Makes Sense

ççIn my own case, the foundation stone of freedom from fear is that of faith: a faith that, despite all worldly appearances to the contrary, causes me to believe that I live in a universe that makes sense. ~ AA World Services Inc. As Bill Sees It. A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

Bill Wilson wrote these words in 1962,
published them a second time in 1967.
That’s all well and good, that Bill W.
could say, ” I live in a universe that makes sense.”
It’s different, now. The world’s in a mess.
But were the 60’s different?
The Cold War continued to worsen
when the Russians placed Ballistic Missiles
on Cuban land. The US became more involved
in politics in Southeast Asia
by training South Vietnamese pilots.
And at home? What of rioting
on the University of Mississippi campus
following Black student James Meredith’s
attempting to enroll as federal troops
and U.S. marshals took control.
Marilyn Monroe, a suicide? The body unclaimed?
A vaccine was introduced for polio finally.
And those Beatles came to America with those
suggestive  movements, “This has gotten
entirely out of control.”
Can you say with Bill W,
“In my own case, the foundation stone
of freedom from fear
is that of faith: a faith that,
despite all worldly appearances
to the contrary, causes me to believe
that I live in a universe that makes sense.”

Accept It

I reset it. I know it was one slip day yesterday but I just don’t feel good. I want to work my ass off for good no bullshit abstinence. I so don’t want you to see me as a failure.~ MG

You’re not a failure. But working for abstinence is counterintuitive. Accept the gift of good no bullshit abstinence and work your ass off relishing it. Have a magnificent day! ~ JB

We feel the need to sacrifice,
to work hard to get food controlled.
That’s how we’ve approached it
at least since puberty. That’s how it’s done,
we know that! Except our lives
have proven it’s not true.
We failed that way again and again.
When we find these rooms
we finally learn, at long last understand…
abstinence is a gift, one we receive
by giving up, accepting the prize,
by accepting the gift
of good no bullshit abstinence,
understanding we win the prize
by surrendering!

Image Copyright : Jozef Mičic

Broken Things

God uses broken things. It takes broken soil to produce a crop, broken clouds to give rain, broken grain to give bread, broken bread to give strength. It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume. It is Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever.” ~ Vance Havner

By definition we enter
the rooms of Recovery
as broken people…
powerless over food
with lives that had
become unmanageable.
Like Peter the evening
ofJudas’ betrayal,
The turbulent emotions
behind the denial
and later repentance
have been the subject
of major works of art
for centuries. But
before the Sadducees
only days later
fear played no part…
when the apostles
were teaching the people,
proclaiming in Jesus
the resurrection of the dead. They seized Peter and John
and, because it was evening,
they put them in jail
until the next day. 
And many who heard
the message believed;
Peter and John a said:
“We ought to obey God
rather than men.”
so the number
of men who believed
grew to about five thousand.
Rejoice when your brokenness
becomes a vessel of release
for you or someone else!

Looking for Love

Too many of us are searching, rather than loving. Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another’s personhood. Not easy, but so rewarding, to ourselves as well as to the one who is the focus of our love. ~ Casey, Karen. Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women. Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

It seems my reading
as well as society
stress loving others…
from old standards
like the Golden Rule
to modern customs
like”Pay it forward,”
to A Course in Miraclesand writers like
Gerald G. May,
Geshe Kelsang Gyatso,
most Recovery writers,
all in the midst
of a society where enmity
seems to be the rule of the day…
the absence of a semblance of love!
“Too many of us are searching, 
rather than loving. 
Truly loving another 
means letting go 
of all expectations. 
It means full acceptance, 
even celebration 
of another’s personhood. 
Not easy, 
but so rewarding, 
to ourselves 
as well as to the one 
who is the focus of our love”
Let us love, first, last always!

Image copyright sunnyko

Getting Ready for Planting

God is always ready to pour His blessings into our hearts in generous measure. But like the seed-sowing, the ground must be prepared before the seed is dropped in. It is our task to prepare the soil. It is God’s to drop the seed. ~ Anonymous. Twenty Four Hours A Day: Meditations (p. 112). Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.

How do we prepare ourselves
to be fallow ground for seeds?
Fallow land is land left to rest.
to regenerate. Nutrients
abound when we take time,
when we don’t try too push,
when we accept the role
of, “I’m not running the show.”
We allow our Higher Power
to be in charge. And, by surrendering.
we accept the abundant crop
that can characterize our lives
for all the days to come.

Image Copyright : Sakchai Rueangsahwang

Acting As If I Could Act As If

With much fear of my old God, I sat down and wrote a description of what I really want and need from a Higher Power and decided to act as if I could act as if. ~ Overeaters Anonymous. A New Beginning: Stories of Recovery from Relapse. Overeaters Anonymous. Kindle Edition.

Baby steps are enough.
We read in Recovery literature
of praying to be willing to be willing.
We borrow our Sponsor’s god
and find that prayer
actually can work for us
like it does for our Sponsor.
Perhaps the Recovery baby steps
that most resonate with me,
though, is to to act as if
I could act as if. What baby steps
do you need to take?
Begin today!

True Ambition

True ambition is not what we thought it was. True ambition is the profound desire to live usefully and walk humbly under the grace of God. ~ AA World Services Inc. As Bill Sees It. A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

How many of us faked the facade?
How long did you spend pretending
to be something you’re not?
Did you give someone tacit permission
to abuse you? The victim inside us all
ceases when we stand up in opposition
of that which oppresses or intimidates us.
Gina Greenlee offers this wisdom:
Stand up for yourself by not standing yourself up.
True ambition is finding the magic
inherent in truly working the Steps
and the program of Recovery.