Wordless

She never even said her name,
came in, nodded yes, her first time,
started sobbing before the serenity prayer
when Jackie told Sandra she'd made the week,
no drive-through Blizzards, no apple fritters,
just three sane meals a day. Sandra jumped up,
hugged Jackie, and the new girl's face swelled,
mouth open, eyebrows raised, realization stamping
what we've all found here, people who see food
our way. Jona handed her the Kleenex
at "Our Invitation to You," "in the clutches
of a dangerous illness, and that willpower,
emotional health and self-confidence,
which some of us had once possessed,
were no defense against it." She grasped
a newcomer's coin, nodded, even grinned,
about "You put it under your tongue,
can eat anything you want when it dissolves."
I'm glad she signed the book. I'll call her,
maybe even her the voice of my new friend.

Hidden No Longer

Present from creation,
the essence of life,
glory, love, grace hidden
through millenniums,
glimpsed in lives, hinted in peace,
recognized by few.
Present in flesh a few years,
hidden in crowds, obscured by ordinary,
blending with normal,
recognized by those wanting to see.
Raised in glory, recognized, honored,
revered, put on a shelf as too good.
Remembered but hidden, impersonal,
sanctified, beyond interest in folk.
Found again in my heart, part of me,
waiting for welcome, ready for real,
finally, for me, hidden no more.

Before My Time

I look around the rooms,
see people here decades,
see youngsters, teens.
At sixty-five, five years here,
I could feel cheated,
the secret not passed my way.
But I know I had to be readied,
prepared, that for me
it took six decades.
I got here when I was ready,
when the magic worked for me.
I got here at my right time.

The Program Packaged

One hundred sixty-four pages

and eleven personal stories,
one big book - made big
with cheap paper, large type,
sent out into the world,
"one man with this book
in your hand" and the belief
it contains all you will need
to begin. From three fledgling
groups, one hundred strong,
one big book was enough
for millions of people, hundreds
of thousands of groups,
and hundreds of other addictions.
One book, containing recovery.

100% God

...we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn’t. What was our choice to be? (Alcoholics Anonymous,  page 53)

Up or down, all or nothing,
God is or isn't. Nothingness
without beginning, lacking end,
zilch, nil, tennis love. Diddly-squat.
Neither here nor there.
Yen and yang, the whole nine yards,
creator and creation, night and day.
Sun, moon, universe, neutrino,
hydrogen, ununoctium.
God's not nothing.

Unapologetic

We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, page 68. (emphasis added)

We never apologize -- times two!
For an author known for synonyms
avoiding repetition, a three-word phrase
twice in sixty words? Without even
an apology? In what spirit did he write?
Surprise? An agnostic transformed,
amazed at the fact?
An admonition:
Don't even think of calling us weak!
An argument - justification - defense
against long-held lingering derision?
Men of faith have courage, are admirable,
and by-golly we're part of them,
oh God make it true!?
No, none or these ring true. Awe.
Amazement. Awareness of a God
demonstrating through the powerless
the power of impossible,
the inconceivable transformation,
the capacity to eliminate fears,
to illuminate potential, to reveal in man
his soul's significance.

The Most Important Person

Come in, come in! We're glad you're here.
My name is Jean, that's Alice and Ron.
We'll be starting the meeting soon —
have you been to one before? No?
Well, we're honored to have you.
Your name's Andy? Here come John and Ann.
Here's a packet for you, helpful pamphlets.
This one tells you how welcome you are —
The newcomer is the most important person 

at any meeting, because we can only keep 

what we have by giving it away. 

We hope you'll come regularly, for you and us.

Those who keep coming back to meetings 

find strength and hope beyond our wildest dreams.

Welcome. Welcome home!

To God, Ourselves and Another Human Being

I'll tell you, I don't want to be here --
would rather be 'most anywhere else.
But then again, those words, "restless,
irritable, discontent" -- that's me these weeks,
ever since I got this darned list done.
You weren't joshing me, what you said?
That this would help? Can't see how --
sounds like trickery to me, way to learn
my dirt, my fuckups. But what the hey.
Never knew you 'till I came here,
don't have to keep it up. Can't hurt much
'cept pride. You like a lawyer, can't tell
nothin' I say? Anawhatamy? Never have
understood what that means. Whatever.
Anyway, here goes.

That weren't too bad. You didn't even seem upset,
kept acting like I ain't done nothin' you wouldn't,
you haven't. Makes me feel different somehow.
Kind of happy. More than that. Pleased, maybe.
Tickled pink. Haven't felt this easy, relaxed in years.
I ain't scared. You know, I thought you were loony,
putting that there chair between us, saying, "God's here."
But I'll be darned if it don't seem like he's sittin' there.
Like he's real, not some old man floating up there,
zapping sinners. He sure didn't seem any madder than you!
And I don't feel like running' to the bar when I leave here!
I can stroll down the street, and he'd match me, step by step!
You could have told me! Oh. Yeah. I guess you did.

Recovery in Action

Hug a stranger,
cry with friends.
Welcome home
your first time here.
Loathsome deeds retold
draw hoots of rapport
while a beetle's gently
borne outside.
Abstinence of days
or decades or yet
just out of grasp,
we gather, fellowship,
and celebrate a Power
who sets us free
from food and fear.
Three days of insight
sharpen tools and reveal
what God is doing for us
that we could not do for us.
Today we separate, assured
  We shall be with you in the
  Fellowship of the Spirit,
  and you will surely meet some of us
  as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.
  May God bless you and keep you—until then.

Honestly!

Honesty:  the complete absence lf the intent to deceive. ~ Tennie Mc

How honest have I been?
Kind of lawyer honest, I guess.
If you ask a question,
hit my hole card dead on,
no equivocation, no wiggle room
I'm likely to tell you as little truth
as I can run past you.

But you have to be really good

at cross examination to get close

to that hidden honest answer.

Truth Shall Set You Free

Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” ~ John 8:31-32, NLT

Truth will set you free.
First comes belief,
then remaining faithful.
Then comes knowing truth
all before the future time
of freedom.
But I want freedom now.
Instant gratification.
Let's reverse it. I'm free.
So show me the truth.
Then I'll be faithful and believe.
What do you mean,
my freedom deflects the rest,
sidetracks truth, faith, belief?
If I can't do what I want when I want
where's the freedom?
Oh. You mean the kind that really
feels free?

Calm Spirit

Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inward peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset. ~ St. Francis de Sales

For more than a year we've planned, prepared,
dared to believe we might succeed. Tomorrow —
that mythical day that never comes – happens
when I wake again. Is everything ready? No.
But enough, not just what I imagined, but it's a we,
not an I. And while I'm not prepared, we are.
And the process, the preparation, the doing
makes us a better us, creates a truer me. And power
greater than any, than all stands ready to transform
lives, to make calm spirits, to proliferate peace.

Outside the Zone

If we're growing, we're always going to be out of our comfort zone. ~ John Maxwell

Comfort zone, comfort foods,
favorite shoes,  old baggy shirt,
comfortable silence, a comfortable living,
words of comfort. Sometimes it's all
too close for comfort.

Hobbies grow tedious, same-old same-old
gets old. Out there beckons
and "Here be dragons" seems less fearful.
Sometimes it seems "dragons" is another word
for really living.

Free Renga, Solo

anticipation

fine-tuned by fear addressed

loose ends grabbed at

flailing arms meet ideas 

a mid-air Möbius strip

never-ending dance 

returns to beginning yet

different but not

joyous pirouette cavorts

romping cowboy line dance

early Texas twist 

in plan as pieces interweave

fear remains but tamed

Garage Sale Bargains

What have you got I need?
I see this old book – copyright 1939?
Such arcane language,
"the goose hung high"?
Still, I see myself, my problems
in the dated, sexist text.
This old God? No, don't think so.
I tried him for years
with no real connection.
I'll stick with the one I found
when somebody asked me
to describe my own conception
of God. But these old ideas —
rigorous honesty, keeping clean
my side of the street, seeking
God's will and power to do it —
certainly still a great value.
And this three-legged stool
marked physical, emotional,
spiritual – old, but comfortable,
like home. You know,
Daddy always said, "There's nothing
new and improved." I'll take these.
What? You want to change your mind,
to keep them, use them? Can't say
I blame you. And I know their value well.
I've got them all myself.
They're too precious to discard
just because they're tried and true.

Remarkable

Noteworthy, worth re-marking,
meriting recalling...
a remarkable day,
not one mired
in quotidian details.
What makes a day
extraordinary, prevents
humdrum, dreary?
Does uneventful mean
monotonous?
(Is monotonous named
for the o's?) Can a day
spent in your head,
even in your bed,
be worthy, be worthwhile,
be  a welcome visit with life?

A Mind's a Terrible Thing to Lose

It comes and goes, my sanity.
Most times I'm fine, or at least
that's how it feels. Then stress and fear
kick in as the mind dissolves to mush,
fears take hold and fetch awful eventualities,
pilfered from those who rebuffed the fears,
refused to yield to stress, who kept sanity
while I was losing mine.

Unless

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not. ~ Dr. Seuss, The Lorax

Save the world or mend your wits
or something in between, if you don't be
who you're meant to be, you're a nitz
to hope for change. You talk of your plea
to be rid of your faults when you plow on,
leave it to God – you prayed the Seventh Step
Prayer – and when tempted, you yawn —
God allowed your haughty misstep.
So, did you try a whole awful lot, did you yield
to the guidance you got? Simple, not easy,
the pathway we walk, and reflection reveals
our mindsets. Are we willing to be set free?
"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
nothing is going to get better. It's not."

Pass the Blessings

Don't decline to accept a blessing and deny someone the blessing of blessing you. ~ Jo Helen Cox

"No, thank you" requires no thought,
skips cognitive analysis completely.
I'll do it myself. Five weeks and a day disabled,
one-handed, I find myself grinning when friends
tell strangers, "She can do it," shaking their head,
knowing all too well the urge – and my response.
I'm trying to let go. Joan threatened me
if I stacked chairs and I didn't disobey
to prove I could – just told Nita I'd carry boxes,
but didn't. I let the sacker carry a few bags,
asked her to move the coat on the seat.
I accepted help with a zipper, asked to borrow a pen.
I'm trying to share the blessings. Truth be told,
I'm not so sure I can do it myself. Oh, the nuisances,
little dares, are just that – a game with myself.
But tomorrow a friend goes with me when I finally see
the damage I managed with a careless step.
And I'll call folks who want to be, accept support,
feel the love. I'll let people be with me despite distance,
I'm learning how. I'm learning to let friends be.
And fill old holes.

Hobbling Doubt

I can't do it, I've tried and tried.
Why should I be persuaded
just to fall on my face again?
If they know I care, I'll look weak,
foolish when it doesn't work – again.

Doubt is a hobble that holds me in,
confines me where I am whether I'd stay
or go. Can I change the strap, make it a tether,
tying me to hope, to belief, to dreams?