Inferiority Complex

The psychological catch phrase of the day was “inferiority complex,” and we used that frequently as the cause of our overeating. In addition, I blamed my mother for many of my problems. It was to be many years of Twelve-Step work on myself before I could see that the causes lay within me. ~ Beyond Our Wildest Dreams: A History of Overeaters Anonymous as Seen by the Founder

I know I'm not inferior to anyone.
I have less talent in some areas,
a great deal less knowledge than many,
than any one person in their best field
perhaps, but that doesn't make me inferior.
I can try less − or a great deal more −
than someone else, but I'm of value
and my efforts don't make me worthless
any more than they make me priceless.
I'm not inferior, and I can't use the belief I am
to justify not doing what I can, not progressing,
not having a life of joy and peace and promise.
I may not have knowledge or skills I need
but I have the ability to listen, to learn,
to become who I want to be.

On Paper

Finally, I can put down in words all the memories and all the pain. When I see them written in front of me, they seem almost manageable. ~ Courage to Change, page 242

Finite. Limited. Having an end.
When I feel like the whole world
rails against me, everyone's angry,
I'm alone without a friend,
without a warm body except enemies
it's good to know the demarcation line.
But in my head they roil, they seethe,
they seem a stampeding herd of buffalo
followed by seventy-two swarms of bees
with a writhing swarm of snakes
and spiders on every surface.
But when written down, the lion-tamer's whip
of simply setting them on paper
suffices to tame them, to number them,
to meld them into a manageable lump
to be addressed one at a time
and set aside, a lesson learned.

 

Rigatoni Fingers

Walking with a toddler’s fist wrapped around your finger brings comfort even when the act of bending far enough for it to happen shoots pains through your back.

Fingers the size of macaroni cling tight for a while, but a shiny bauble in cement, a slug inching along the path, or a sunray brimming with dust motes may loosen the fingers as the child, unconscious of the disconnect, wanders toward the prize. ~ Slender Steps to Sanity - Twelve-Step Notes of Hope (Kindle Locations 446-448).

Little fingers holding big ones,
trust, love, comfort shared.
How precious the little child
as I do all I can to protect,
to nurture, to lead, to teach.
Patience comes easy. 
Joy thrives with tiny weed flowers,
with a pinecone mystery,
with the joy of splashing water
and the simple things seem huge.
It's fun to be the big with the precious little.
Why can I not understand 
when I'm the immature, the learner, the child
and the adult is God or a sponsor
or a voice I need to hear
that it's just as good to the wise one
to be with me as when I'm the one
with rigatoni fingers.

Keep the Principles

As long as Overeaters Anonymous continues to keep the principles it has now, it will be our most valuable means of treatment of the disease of compulsive overeating. (William Radar, M.D.) ~ Overeaters Anonymous, Second Edition (Kindle Locations 2958-2959).

The principles...the steps.
As long as we hold on to them
then OA is the most valuable treatment,
the best way to address compulsive eating.
The principles...honesty in step one,
hope in two, faith as we decide
a power greater than we can restore sanity.
Courage to list our fears, resentments, our part
then integrity as we name them.
Then they flow from willingness, humility,
to self-discipline and amazingly, so closely knit,
to love. Then perseverance, spiritual awareness
and service become a way of life, the way
of the principles. And by the time we're halfway there,
we're surrounded, blessed, amazed by promises fulfilled,
the promises of the principles.

Guilt

So Christ has now become the High Priest over all the good things that have come. He has entered that greater, more perfect Tabernacle in heaven, which was not made by human hands and is not part of this created world. With his own blood – not the blood of goats and calves – he entered the Most Holy Place once for all time and secured our redemption forever. Under the old system, the blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a young cow could cleanse people’s bodies from ceremonial impurity. ~ Hebrews 9:11-13 (NLT)  

We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 69 

Guilt.
Insidious, invidious, hideous
guilt.
Like Lady Macbeth haunted by Duncan’s blood
guilt
permeates, paralyzes, persists.
How can we cleanse ourselves?
How can the guilt be relieved?
By facing what we did,
by understanding,
admitting,
amending.

Thanks be to God
for ways to move past guilt
to glory.

From A Cloud of Witnesses - Two Big Books and UsDay. 

Every Tear

Every tear you shed is sacred because it means you don't have to carry that hurt any longer. ~ Jhe T

This bottomless pit of feeling
seems the epitome of awful,
a fearsome entity to be despised,
to be avoided, to be shunned.
We've been taught all our lives
to hide the emotions, to "man up"
even if we're women, that tears
are a sign of weakness, subject to pity.
So we cry alone, medicating ourselves
with our drug of choice, sugar,
alcohol, meth, gaming, sex...
But they lie. The well-meaning folk,
the advice givers, the rescuers.
Tears are not only lubricant for eyes
and an autoimmune aid to defeat germs.
Tears are a way to shed the burdens
we've carried all these years.
Tears can wash the millstone away
and leave us washed clean, pure, at peace.

Thy

In his prayers he says, “Thy will be done"; but means his own, at least acts so. ~ William Penn

Thy. Archaic your. Thy will be done.
We constantly remind ourselves
we are no longer running the show,
humbly saying to ourselves
many times each day, "Thy will be done."We know that's how to do it.
We've heard it all our lives...
even in the archaic, always, well usually,
as though it's not really real.
Maybe, though, we say it that way
not because it's traditional,
not because that's how we grew up
but because it doesn't feel so real,
so much of a commitment,
so second person, meaning
not the one talking
but the other, the Capitalized Other,
the THY.

Seek and You Shall Find

Temptations come, as a general rule, when they are sought. ~ Margaret Oliphant

Yielding to temptation is sin,
as the song says. So don't.
Temptation...woman's weapon,
man's excuse, they say.
But it's our own weapon
against ourselves.
If we have temptation
we can nobly try resistance
but everyone knows
how easy it is to succumb.
Okay. It's a tough time.
I need to be strong.
But where is temptation
when you need it?
Exactly where you placed it.

Kind of Like Back to the Future

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Nineteen fifty-six. A momentous year,
the year we left where I'd lived all my life —
well, the first nine years of it, so all then —
and I moved to a town where everyone
knew everybody...and most were kin.
I have a self-diagnosed genetic ineptitude
for remembering names. We moved
as soon as school was out. Three months
stretched long, but fall loomed fearsome.
But it's Quanah I call home, not Lubbock
though I lived about as long in each.
How could I have known?
I chose McMurry as a small Methodist school
not too far and with a marching band.
Prof Bynum was tired of marching...
he'd started such in Texas high schools
and my only C's on the transcript were Band.
I went to Peggy to be hypnotized
but she did mind suggestions,
not the trance I wanted.
But she knew what was wrong with me
and patiently fixed it, molded me,
got me to the rooms of recovery.
We don't have to have life all planned out
but when we look back we see the tapestry
woven out on the road we traveled,
beauty stretches out in the form of a life.

 

Hey, Dumb-ass

If I was addicted to drugs, and said "hey, I got high again." What would you say? (Other than dumb-ass). I must want to be fat bc the moment I feel overwhelmed (2 of the past 3 days) here I am. ~ Text from Anonymous Overeater

Here I am, the dumb-ass.
Since I can't seem to stop eating
it would appear I want to be fat.
But I don't! When I feel overwhelmed
that's the first thought, the madness.
Paul wailed, What I want to do,
I don't then I turn around
and when the thing I loath the most
presents itself, that's precisely
the path I take!That's me. But Paul did okay
except for the sexism
and some ideas I don't like.
But who am I to criticize him
when I've got his words, know them,
can misquote them with the best...
He wasn't a dumb-ass. I'm not either.
Hey, he's a saint, isn't he?
Maybe there's hope for me.

Faith

I never saw it, touched it, smelled it, swallowed it with water or had it injected into me with a hypodermic needle. But it brought about what no pill, no shot, no book, no lecture, no prayer had ever been able to do. It broke my compulsion.
“It,” of course, is faith. ~ For Today (Kindle Locations 763-765).

Faith. Substance of things hoped for.
Evidence of things not seen.
What is faith? What does that mean?
How do you grab hold of something
so amorphous, so vague. so nebulous.
Like a grain of mustard seed.
I understand a little tiny seed
with the genetic material to make a tree.
Trust, confidence. Those make some sense,
have enough of a texture I can get hold of them.
"A strong belief." I understand that,
how you can really really believe it.
Faith. Hard to define.  But worth waiting for,
looking for, preparing to receive.
You can take it on faith.

Face It

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt quoted by Laura Drake in The Sweet Spot (p. 168)

Stop to look fear in the face.
Don't run from it, don't bury your head,
don't medicate it with food, booze, drugs,
anything obsessive, anything mind-numbing.
A fearless and searching moral inventory.
That's the biggest fear, the morass inside,
the resentments we've nourished for years
before the sneaky instructions in the Big Book
make you look further, at how you feel,
where you're goaded, just what the fear is...
then how you caused it or goaded it on.
An evil and corroding thread; 
the fabric of our existence shot through with it.And when you've faced the fear, somehow,
always, it's deflated, diminished.
The fearsome lion begins to resemble
a pussycat.

Secrecy

Many of us develop clever methods of surviving in an alcoholic situation, such as denial or secrecy. But once we have the support of the Al-Anon program, we may find that our old methods do more harm than good. ~ Courage to Change,  page 230

Secrets. The story of my life.
If you don't tell, yo don't get in trouble.
Right? Wrong. You just dread it
until it comes out and then get in trouble
not only for  "it" but for hiding it.
I have a right to make decisions
not only in my work, no matter which,
or in organizations, or even
in things that affect only me.
I have a right to decide more than the menu,
more than what I'm going to do
while he's doing what I don't want to
and when I'm not doing what I'm told to.
I have the right to decide. But I have a duty
that goes with it. I should be kind,
considerate, open, honest.
I should treat him like I dearly wish
I would be treated. And in the meantime
I ought to tell him the current big secret
and remind him of the one I told him about
that will come in a couple of week.
I have the right to decide to be healthy
and right now I'm only as healthy
as the secrets I don't feel compelled to conceal.

Post washing machine iPod which is not actually the current secret

My Word

Most compulsive overeaters find it difficult to keep their word.  ~ Voices of Recovery (Kindle Location 1396).

Sure I'll do that.
Oops. I forgot to put it
on my calendar.
So sorry I missed it.
Did someone cover for me?
I promise, by the end of the month.
But I promised a lot more, too,
and I can't get everything done.
I'm such a fraud. I'm a failure.
I can't stand the humiliation.
I will have to kill the pain.
With food? With mind-numbing games?
With endless drivel?
It's tough to keep my word.
But it's not impossible.
If I learn that no is a word.

The Shackles of Self-Will

My potential is in direct proportion to my willingness to let go the shackles of self-will, to get out of my own way. ~ For Today (Kindle Locations 2356-2357)

My potential ought to be tied to my self-will,
for how can I ever progress without determination?
But that's not what this is saying, not that I control
but that I am willing to let go of self-will.
That old surrender thing again.
They just keep harping on that.
But that old self-will thing,
that determination to charge through
by the skin of my teeth... It never worked.
It still doesn't. My maximum potential really is
in direct proportion to my surrender,
to my letting go of the shackles of self-will.
And only then does the paradox happen
and I get my own way.

Looking for Words

What words will convey to the practicing compulsive overeater that life can be far better than imagined. ~ For Today (Kindle Locations 1214-1215).

How can I speak through your misery?
How can my words break through the barrier
you've built to protect yourself, to hide behind?
Your food behaviors and the body image
they engender are your punishing yourself,
your hiding from the fear, your defense.
How can I offer to take away the fear,
the guilt, the misery? I only have words.
But I have truth. How I moved through misery.
How the barrier of food behaviors weakened
finally, how I found hope and peace and joy.
And all it took was honest words
from people who had been there,
from others who had walked the path.

Not When but How to Give

It is not the matter of giving that is in question, but when and how to give. That often makes the difference between failure and success. The minute we put our work on a service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our assistance rather than upon God. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous

Jesus talked about the widow
whose offering was a couple of pennies.
Said she gave the most.
I got good grades by coasting,
knew those who struggled,
studied for hours, agonized
to barely pass deserved more praise.
A gift done for show, for recognition
is rewarded only by that
while less of a gift in secret
with humility has great merit.
There's something healing
about secret generosity,
about giving only because it's done
in a higher power's will.

Are You Up to It?

The question was about going to the gym,
the answer, "No, but I'm going for you."
We chose not today, tomorrow we'll be back.
But the question lingered as I returned to the desk
to get out this morning's poem. Simple answer
when it means weight loss is, "Heck, NO!"
and even maintaining after many years is
"Of my own power, no, but yes with HP,"
and when it means getting to meetings can be
"I would rather not, but I'll go for you,
for the meeting, and because it's when I'm not
that I need to go most." Are you up to it?The answer is yes, if you remember
all you have to do is show up, listen,
read the literature, and do the next right thing.

Grinning

A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. ~ Ecclesiastes 2:24-26 (NIV)

God’s grinning, I bet.
He treats us all alike,
those who please him – all of us —
and the sinners – all of us.
The difference is our own outlook,
our perception of fairness.
A person in sync with God
gains wisdom, knowledge,
happiness,
by gathering, storing, passing on.

God, help me grin, work, and enjoy.

Taken from A Time for Verse - Poetic Ponderings on Ecclesiastes

The Purpose of Discipline

We create discipline so that you can fall apart. ~ Buddhist monk

It seems sometimes restrictive,
this simple program.
Work the steps in order,
find a sponsor, call,
keep a food list,
define your abstinence,
attend meetings
keep coming back
no matter what...
It seems restrictive,
silly, repetitive,
a straight-jacket.
But as we do as we're told,
as we read, study, talk to people...
as we go through the motions
it leaves us open
to discover our fear,
our anger, our shame,
our jealousy, our neediness...
It seems limiting
but among friends
and in the friendly cage
we can fall apart
and put ourselves back
but better.

Keep On Keeping On!

All they asked was that we should continue to remember the poor, the very thing I had been eager to do all along. (NIV)

---

---

Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 84)

---

---

Keep on keeping on. 

Do good, do the next right thing.

Repeat.

Repeat again.

Habits are made of repetition,

patterns are woven of row upon row

of same same.

Tradition is habits and patterns passed,

spread, adopted as norm, as right.

Yet practices change, customs evolve

and right can morph to wrong

unnoticed, undeterred.

Continue

persist

carry on

consciously, intentionally,

holding on to good,

to the next right thing.

God, I can carry on

one hour,

one day,

diligent in doing what I know is right.

Make it true, Lord,

make it true.

My Committee

You guys are my new committee. ~ Kay S.

The committee in my head ruled the roost
arguing, disdaining, dismissing, denigrating.
The committee gave me no peace
assuring me that was just what I had earned,
ruining my life as obviously I had wrecked
all that was precious, all that had value,
all that I had been given or had grasped.
That committee exists still, but I've moved them out,
away from the core, into the outlying grounds.
A new committee has taken its place
and this one I'm pleased to host.
Here I can find the peace I'd never known,
support, encouragement, strength, solace.
This committee is the fellowship
of kindred minds, of fellow travelers,
of healing souls. This committee is you, my friends,

Higher Power Kisses

Initially my higher power was honeybees, sunsets, puppy kisses... ~ Bobbie S

Everything I write is a self-portrait of sorts.
Art is the artist showing through the work.
The spirit of the weaver is in the weft of the cloth.
What we make shows who we are.
What God makes shows his nature, too.
God really is honeybees, sunsets, puppy kisses...

Their Way or Leave It

If you will please people, you must please them in their own way; and as you cannot make them what they should be, you must take them as they are. ~ Lord Chesterfield

Everything I do, I do for you.
Why don't you appreciate it?
Why do you find fault in all I do?
I do so much and you see more
that you think should have been done,
that you have more merit but did not say...
Only when you tell me what to do
and I drop all else, do it, stand by
and wait for more instructions.
I've told you and you don't hear,
don't see the truth when I tell you
what I need, what I've done for you,
how I have no me, only you.
You still tell me what to do
and I do it...sometimes.
The difference is that I know
I cannot please you,
that I'll fall short of your desires.
But I know what I do,
how you benefit,
and I'm content.

Stagnant Water

The man who never alters his opinion is like standing water, and breeds reptiles of the mind. ~ William Blake

When I went to "New Judges' School"
I was told to "Rule and run"
to be consistent, predictable,
to not sit there wishy-washy,
ambivalent, obviously ignorant,
flying by the seat of my pants.
I made that my rule but added "except."
If I chose the wrong and on research
became sure I'd ruled in error
and if that mistake would change
the decision in the case,
I admitted publicly, explaining.
If I was wrong but it was slight
or of questionable importance
I remembered for the next time,
learning, growing. And I grew.

Trusting Me

I treat myself with kindness and consideration, and my word to myself is as good as the commitments I make to others. ~ For Today (Kindle Location 283)

If anybody knows how untrustworthy I am,
it's me. I blew it again this week,
a commitment, people counting on me,
and I was not there. I messed up in other ways...
playing games instead of doing the next thing listed,
the next right thing...or SOME right thing.
Eating a freer interpretation of my food plan.
Failing to see to details that got others in trouble.
I messed up this week. But I did great things, too.
I would not lambast someone else
even if I knew all their errors and omissions.
But I tend to do that to me. And I tend to punish me
by not trusting myself, by doing the next wrong thing
so I don't mess up the next right thing.
I proved this week my commitments to others
are not as strong as they should be. I'll fix that.
And I'll keep my commitments to me, as well,
trusting me to do it with God's guidance and love.

Talking to Each Other

One overeater talking to another. We didn’t realize it that night, but the spiritual essence of all Twelve-Step groups was present among us. We shared a problem, we identified with one another, and we hoped for a common solution. ~ Beyond Our Wildest Dreams: A History of Overeaters Anonymous as Seen by the Founder (Kindle Locations 205-207).

We need one another.
We don't need perfect people...
we believed long enough
we were and we were alone,
for there were no perfect people
and that's still true.
But there are non-perfect folk
who want to be better,
who desire the happiness
that perfection never brought.
There are plenty of people
and as long as we're together,
longing together for answers,
we're a perfect group
of imperfect people.

Enduring Privations

Little privations are easily endured when the heart is better treated than the body. ~ Jean Jacques Rousseau

Privation. The dictionary calls it
a state in which things
that are essential
for human well-being
such as food and warmth
are scarce or lacking.
How can the lack of essentials
be little, be easily endured?
What is essential? Candy?
Ice cream? Pastries?
I've thought so. I've acted so.
But those are not needs of the head
though the obsession is there.
No, what the head needs is comfort,
a sense of well-being, serenity, love.
And when once those things brought such
they no longer do. They drive the good away.
Such privations are dispensable
if the absence of them now brings
the intended result here and now.

The Best Discipline

The best discipline is love. ~ For Today (Kindle Location 2086)

Rowdy toddlers,
tired, exhausted.
But mischief left
to wreck a room
after put to bed.
Consequences explained,
diapered bottoms swatted,
twice. But all in love,
talk of best choices,
knowing what was said,
understanding.
And all is at peace,
lesson learned,
night falling on a house
where love controls
even bottom swats.

Holes in My Head

Mother never wore earrings.
A mole on her ear, her choice.
I didn't like clip-ons that hurt.
Most did. I had no need for earrings.
Early marriage, something he said,
I thought to be expressing a wish
I'd get pierced ears. I did.
Shortly after something he said
expressed disgust at the pagan practice,
ridicule for my pretentious mien.
Forty years later the unused holes
long-ago blocked, I meet his wishes
whatever they are. In many ways
I've grown past the need to please,
to submit to his whims. This one, no.
It doesn't matter. What matters
is that I know it was my right to decide
and still is.

Not Helpless

I'm powerless. But thank God I'm not helpless. ~ David S

All the talk of surrender,
of not my will but God's,
of admitting I'm powerless
could easily lead me to believe
it's got nothing to do with me,
I just adjust the strings
and become a willing marionette.
But there's listening, there's reading,
there's the phone, email, texting,
any way to reach out to others,
to share what I've found, to soak up theirs...
Then there's honesty, willingness,
responsibility, actually doing the next right thing
when that is revealed.