Truly Equal

In my journey of recovery, I am called to be the best person I can be and to respect others for who they are. As I work toward those goals, I become truly equal and in harmony with life. ~ Voices of Recovery (Kindle Locations 2494-2495)

I can't aspire to rival you
or match my triumphs to his.
I am me, have my gifts,
which don't match your strengths.
If I set out to best you,
to set the standard,
watching you over my shoulder,
I stumble, wander, fail
to reach my mark.
When I am me, accepting that,
and strive to best my past...
when I ignore jealousy,
envy, my discontent not being you,
I leave you to your pursuit
and cleave to mine,
as each becomes our best,
as — alone — we make a team.

Unleashed

Freed from restraints, unleashed.
We strain against the tether,
aching for freedom, for release.
But the leash protects us, connects us,
holds us to the one who knows the way.
By honoring the connection,
we find that reined in, held in check,
we actually are, in essence, unleashed.

Can Do Tonight

What bothered me so today need not bother me so much tomorrow, because I looked honestly at myself about it, with my Higher Power, tonight. ~ Voices of Recovery (Kindle Locations 3418-3419).

Easy abstinence,
a day in tune with Power,
comfort with the world
doesn't happen automatically.
Like any event worth attending,
a bit of preparation before
will smooth the way.
Arrangements don't take the form
of planning, of structuring the future
but of surrender, of tuning in,
of listening for instructions,
doing what you can do tonight.

Service

Carry the key, make coffee,
lead a meeting, take minutes,
count the money, speak.
Make the meeting, the fellowship,
the relationships work,
spread the message.
Mundane work, housekeeping,
the backbone of the movement.
A boon for the organization,
the lifeblood. Not only for the group
but for the person giving service.

Public Goals

Make your goals public. The more people who are aware of your goals, the more people who will be there to support you and hold you accountable along the way. ~ Sports Psychology For Dummies

Maintenance of a healthy weight
is a very private fight with public evidence.
As long as we hold on to the fight,
attack it alone, secretly succeed,
quietly fail, we who suffer the disease
of compulsive eating and cannot
manage our lives, our eating...
we will fail. We don't need public scales,
group humiliation — we excel at self hatred.
We need a public forum of like-minded folks
who don't find it crazy to eat a package
rather than a piece, to eat off plates
as we clean the kitchen, to hide food
for comfort, because it's our "right"...
We need a public for support, for love,
so we can do what the world believes
just takes a bit of willpower.

The Sleep-In Will Come

The sleep-in will come with the popcorn smell,
and crowds pack the mall for the super sale,

cookies and cakes for the 5^th grade class
and washing the car and cutting the grass

bills to be paid, groceries to buy –
all things get done, by and by.

No one will know in a month or so
if I fell short of perfection or should slow.

And no one would mind, neither husband nor child,
a dust-bunny, cobweb, or junk mail piled.

If I am at peace, serene and calm,
I'm a better me, better wife, better mom.

Protection

He will protect me, even from myself... ~ Voices of Recovery (Kindle Location 300)

Be not dismayed whate’er betide,
  God will take care of you!
Beneath His wings of love abide,
  God will take care of you!
If anybody else treated me
like I treat myself, I'd sue.
Well, no, I'd analyze the suit,
envision the petition,
but not sue. I don't deserve
to be rewarded for the abuse
I endure. From me.
But I'm learning to love me,
learning to accept that God loves me
so others can as well. Even me.

Today

Yesterday is past,
promises broken,
promises kept,
achievements,
failures...
yesterday is past.
Tomorrow is fiction,
an unknown,
to be or not to be,
a sketchpad for ideas
but only with abundant erasers...
tomorrow is fiction.
Today is mine,
my responsibility,
a day I can choose to do right
or to fail, to toss away the good,
a day I cannot control
but can seek one who can,
can listen and learn and grow
with mind set toward peace,
or one I can squander waiting
for tomorrow, lamenting for yesterday,
today is mine.

Faith, Challenged

Dust-choked homes and churches,
wrench faith from human hearts,
from foreclosure, starvation, hopelessness —
to places beyond the reach of pestilence. ~ Dixon Hearne in Native Voices, Native Lands

Life at its most wretched
opens us, berates us, chastises us
enough to grasp for better,
for hope, for faith.
Life at its most wretched
opens hearts for help from anywhere,
from things we fail to comprehend
or even lend a touch of credence.
When nothing works, hopelessness rampant,
then an icon — surely it has mass, substance,
to be so palpable, so central —
an icon of belief, of hope, of faith is.
And in desperation we latch on,
clinging to what we knew as myth,
knowing it's the mooring to allow
our grasping possibility.

Behind the Mask

 If you could see me,

you'd run, screaming,
alarmed, terrfied.
Surely you'd cross yourself,
toss salt over your shoulder,
do anything to avoid the curse,
to distance yourself from me.
So I hide. I hide in food
like a child, covering his own face
and assuming invisibility.
I hide in people pleasing
to act as if I were finished, polished, real...
I hide in silence, knowing you can't judge
words I don't speak. I hide in ferocity
making myself unloveable so I can believe
I'll never be loved. I hide in monotony,
not doing the things that would lighten my load.
I stand here in my mask, eager,
hoping you won't jerk it away,
toss it beyond the moon.

What Matters

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. ~ Bernard M. Baruch

Honesty. I once believed I understood
just what honesty was...not to lie.
That of course, was the bold-faced kind.
Then I learned of more kinds of lies,
those that didn't fit the mold.
Lies of omission, not saying what I might need,
what I feel, how I need protection
or just respect, the right to be.
To be wrongfully silent was to lie.
And lies to me, telling me how little I deserved,
how awful I was, how stupid, how clumsy,
how in-artful, how inept.
I learned that honesty
is speaking from the heart,
keeping clean my own street,
acting in love and respect,
doing what I need to do
when nobody looks,
without the need to hide
my gifts or deprecate others'.

Power-Up Pack

TOOLS: “The OA tools of recovery help us work the Steps and refrain from compulsive overeating. The nine tools are: a plan of eating, sponsorship, meetings, telephone, writing, literature, action plan, anonymity and service. For more information, read The Tools of Recovery pamphlet." ~ Overeaters Anonymous Suggested Meeting Format

When the Angry Birds fail a time or two
the message pops up, urging use of power-ups.
Something to add zip, accuracy, locate the problem,
come nearer getting the maximum possible result.
Life has power-ups. Planning your way through
decisions we tend to blow; working with someone else,
someone who knows the road and has some distance
from the issue; getting with others with like minds
in groups or one-on-one; writing about the issues
and reading what others wrote; mapping out the path,
avoiding gossip and living the journey rather than bragging;
and doing what you can to grease the wheels
will power-up the odyssey.

My Message

My mess is my message. Your mess is your message. ~ Stan Standridge

We come with unmanageable lives,
wrecked, wretched. We come with nothing —
or not much more than nothing —
but our mess. But that raw material,
that garbage heap, that debris,
are molded, refined, purged
to become our message of hope,
of possibility, of peace.

Appointment

It's on the books. The meeting Wednesday noon,
another Tuesday evening, then early early Wednesday.
No wonder he calls it my cult. How silly it seems,
the same thing over and over, not just once weekly
but again and again...
It on the books. As important as anything else
on the appointment calendar. More, even.
It's what keeps the keel of my boat aligned,
what makes me sane, what makes life livable.
It's on the books, and because it's there
I'll go...especially when I'd rather not.

A Matter of Faith

They tell of a long-ago picnic,
crowds of people, far from towns,
hungry, needing.
They speak of a blessing
of small rolls and a few fish,
of abundance flowing
when food had seemed scarce.
They report lessons of trust,
of understanding the power of faith.
They pondered how expectations
of bounty on the part of one,
how gratitude for small gifts
could cause blessings to flow
when faith spread the table
for all who would partake.

Surfing

It's easy, thrilling,
to ride the wave
of pink-cloud abstinence,
that early recovery
in mind, body, spirit...
It's easy to glide,
quickly reaching an early high
then moving smoothy
riding on momentum
enthusiasm ruling the day.
But comes the day the sea is calm,
the surf languidly laps shore
and those who've listened,
pull out the oars and row,
counting on power greater than they
to move forward along the path
day after day after day,
surfing and drifting set aside
while a simple program just works.

Illusion?

I never look at other people's work. My mind has to be completely focused on my own illusions. ~ Alexander McQueen

What I dream of doing may be possible
but when I listen to others doubts come,
renovations, revisions, making it not mine
and I bog down in the ordinary,
dreaming of the extraordinary.

When I ignore others, leave them to their own,
support if asked, but not interfere,
when I look only at the possibilities of mine
and leave theirs to them
then sometimes those things that seem illusions
are merely dreams come true
removing their disguise.

On the Road

Prompt: For this week’s prompt, write an “on the road” poem. It could be an “on the road again” poem, a la Willie Nelson; or it could be a special new trip. Or an unexpected excursion–good or bad, day or night, etc. ~ source

It's easy to picture a flight of stairs,
twelve steps, a short ascent,
a destination reached.
Yet that word in the eleventh,
continued lends a clue,
enhanced with constant contactthen a new endeavor
to carry this message
to others who begin twelve steps,
a staircase, finite movement
repeated in perpetuity,
a journey, an expedition,
an odyssey of a lifetime
moving higher, scaling heights
to a goal over the rainbow
beyond our wildest dreams.

If You Keep Coming Back

Walk in the doors
and find friends
you've never met,
people who know you,
understand you,
love you already.
Stick around,
work the steps,
experience the magic,
find peace,
experience joy.
Stick around
year after year,
find more friends,
learn who you are,
what you can be.
OA will work
for you,
for the universe
if you keep coming back.

Small Graces

Frustration comes in many shapes,
angst, anger, guilt, envy...
so many things can cause disquiet.
Butting up against others
among the swarming masses
a word, a gesture, an omission
telegraphs disdain, contempt —
as perceived in the recipient
already bearing frustration.
Some final word, last straw,
can sever relationships,
alienate in perpetuity...
But a simple grace,
minor gesture, kind word
can turn the tide as well
leading toward restitution,
to life as should be,
to sanity
and grace.

Genesis

Who can ponder the earth,

the mountains, the firmament

above believing chance

brought them to be, to last, 

to proclaim the majesty 

of great nothingness.

Should happenstance reign,

should fluke events shape

history, surely impermanence

would prevail,

chaos would reign, 

nothing would long exist.

Eternally

Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was
taking place under the sun:
I saw the tears of the oppressed —
and they have no comforter;
power was on the side of their oppressors —
and they have no comforter.
And I declared that the dead,
who had already died,
are happier than the living,
who are still alive.
But better than both
is he who has not yet been,
who has not seen the evil
that is done under the sun. Ecclesiastes 4:1-3 (NIV)

God, you are our Lord as we
toil in this your world, through the
good, the bad, the ugly, the glorious.
You are our Lord who welcomes us to
the great family reunion in the sky
or some alternative site you have for Heaven,
a place our forebears – and we – could not
imagine.
You are Lord of those yet to be,
those who exist only as a figment of your imagination
before they take on a life we can comprehend.
You are our comforter in each stage and age.
When we are oppressed and cannot see,
we can stop and feel your presence,
your love,
your fatherly support.

Thank you, God, for being
God who is, God who was,
and God who will be
and for loving your children of all time.

Taken from A TIME FOR VERSE - POETIC PONDERINGS ON ECCLESIASTES.

Safe Passage

The Underground Railroad offered

safe passage from oppression,

servitude, deprivation to freedom --

something to be longed for, sought after,

the stuff of dreams. Yet brave were the folk

housing, feeding, moving freed slaves

and those escaping as well. Misery,

no matter how bleak, was a known, their past,

their lives.

The rooms of recovery offer

safe passage from oppression,

obsession, deprivation to serenity,

lives of promises fulfilled and surpassed.

Not for faint-hearted, recovery exposes

pain run from lifelong. Brave are the folk

who walk the path of recovery and rescue

their fellows. Misery, bleak and deadly,

at least is familiar, though hated.

None of Our Business

Overeaters Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the OA name ought never be drawn into public controversy. ~ Tradition 10, The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous (Kindle Locations 2044-2045).

I probably have an opinion,
and you may, too. And if we do
and others don't, can it hurt
to pass on our insight? Well, yes,
it can if we impose it, if we insist,
if it's not the point but we make it so.
But I probably have an opinion
and I'm free to state it...except.
If I opine when sitting in a 12-step group.
Who's to know if someone new,
someone shy, someone lacking in nerve
is turned off not just by my words,
turned against me, but leaves the rooms
and the hope they hold
for they cannot stand the thought
and in alienating myself,
I set them adrift from the hope
we hold so dear?

Outside these rooms I can recommend my chosen reading materials, but I'll be quiet about things I read not published by OA.

Unfortunates

There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous (Kindle Locations 863-865)

Predestination? A doctrine in Christian theology
the divine foreordaining of all that will happen —
Salvation of some and not others?
It's true. Some people are foreordained
to misery, to hopelessness, to living death.
For as long as they lie to themselves,
as long as they deny the problem but cling to it
as though it's the solution...
as long as they refuse to live free
they are predestined to insanity.
But...only as long.

What Matters

A collection of elephants
(except for a special few)
a scattering of coffee mugs
(including a special few)
stacks of books telling my life
in incongruous proximity,
parades of strangers,
choosing their new possessions
and kind words – with exact change! —
stacks of bills changing amount
from one counting to the next
knowing it’s not the money
that matters nor the things
sold or bought, but the living of life
with those things
and around those people
pleasantly, peacefully, abstinently.

Tranquility

When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere. ~ François de La Rochefoucauld

They speak of the Sea of Tranquility,
looking that way four hundred years past
and seeing peace...not gales of solar wind,
not extreme temperatures, just that seen
from great distance, imagined, constructed
despite reality. Who wouldn't see peace
at a distance, for who would not what tranquility?
But peace comes from the heart, from surrender,
from living the serenity prayer. And eventually
it's not imagination imposed on externals
but reality recognized internally,
living on the Sear of Serenity.

Waiting for My Soul

On the first morning, they all woke up early and traveled fast and covered a great distance. The second morning was the same—woke up early, traveled fast, and traveled far. Third morning, same thing. But on the fourth morning, the local hired help refused to move. Instead, they sat by a tree in the shade well into the morning. The American traveler became incensed and irate and said to his translator, "This is a waste of valuable time. Can someone tell me what's going on here?" The translator looked at him and calmly answered, "They're waiting for their souls to catch up with their bodies." ~ http://www.pilgrimcongregational.org/sermons/350-letting-our-souls-catch-up-with-our-bodies

Meditate? I plan to.
I plan to every day,
day after day...tomorrow.
But most days, today,
I don't have time.
What? Computer games?
Facebook? Email?
Audiobooks? I've the time.
I hurry, hurry, scurry, hurry
bypassing the meditation couch,
forgetting to pray or even read
two brief daily reading books.
I write these poems each night,
publish them in the morning
between another round of a game
while listening to a novel...
I hurry, but never take the time
to pause...and let
my soul
catch
me.

Intuition

When we place our will and our lives in God’s care in step three, we give God our intuition as well. ~  The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous (Kindle Locations 281-282).

Knowing, not reasoning.
The gift of intuitive thought.
The right answer inserted
to the slot where suddenly
the question appears.
Alignment with God,
knowing his will for me,
realizing the next right step,
His plan for the day, the truth.
The gift of knowing,
the bounty available
for giving back.

Already Standing on the Ground

Cause I got a peaceful, easy feeling
And I know you won't let me down
Cause I'm already standing,
I'm already standing,
Yes, I'm already standing on the ground. ~ written by Jack Tempchin and recorded by the Eagles

Trying to rule the world,
to control those around us,
to please them so they love us,
to lie about them to belittle them,
to manipulate them,
to surpass them, to sway...
Such energy, such worry, such fear
wrapped up in the control.
To abandon dominance,
to leave each to their own,
cleaning only our street's side
is to reclaim the energy,
to replace worry with peace,
to calm the hurricane of fear...
is to find the easy feeling,
to stand firmly and gratefully
on serene and peaceful ground.

A New Day

Each morning brings a new surrender, a new admission of powerlessness, and a new commitment to abstinence through Steps One, Two, and Three. It is a quiet time, a new beginning, a new day.” ~ Lifeline Sampler, p. 69

At the end of the new day
well spent, abstinently observed,
the surrender and heart-knowledge
of powerlessness, of a higher power,
of the promises to be fulfilled
for the living of a day, each day,
a reprieve contingent on spiritual
balance maintained...
At the end of the new day,
looking forward to a new day on rising,
assurance comes that the next one
can end as well as the last
surrounded by peace, filled with joy,
grounded in serenity.