Visible

A woman who never laughs becomes invisible. ~ Neva Schuelke

To be visible or not to be visible,
that is the question. 
Often I didn't want you to see me,
hated the fact you mentioned I giggled
for I never intended to, would have chosen
to have faded away, to have been forgotten
for I didn't want to be seen, the fat,
the insecurity, the fingernails, the hair,
the clothes I always expected were mismatched
even when you'd said they became me.
Yet I was a good girl and smiled for the camera,
put on a show in case you were watching,
tried to put my best foot forward.
And you loved me.

I know that now, but not then,
for then I thought I had no friends,
that you thought badly of me for my ineptitude,
for my clumsiness, for my weight, for...me.
But you loved me still. And some of you,
when I finally gave up and came to your rooms,
you took me in, gave me the confidence,
the acceptance, the serenity, the joy
to giggle and let you mention I do
and relax. I'm with friends.