Resentment

Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity? Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.

Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous (Kindle Locations 908-912).

Not fair. Why does he have what I want?
How did she get special treatment?
How will I survive if they gang up against me,
deprive me of my just due? They just don't understand
I've been so mistreated, have had less than half the chances
most folk have. If they would just treat me fairly,
I could be the top of the heap, could show them
how fantastic, how knowledgable, how magnanimous
I really am. I could set the standard!

Even when I've been abused, when it's none of my fault
they all think it is, blame me for drinking, for eating, for whatever
makes me feel less victimized, lets me have a chance.

To tell the truth, I'm afraid. Terrified. Paralyzed.
I think they're unfair to me, but I really can't tell,
can't focus, can't move past the fright. I can't let them know,
can't give them the chance to finish me off. I have to hold
this illusion of control, this mask so they can't see me...

Sure, I've made some wrong decisions. But why do they haunt me?
Why can't people forget them? Why do they resent me so?