Who I Don't Want to Be

Now willing to listen and take suggestions, I have found that the process of discovering who I really am begins with knowing who I really don't want to be. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition, pages 456-457

I'd guess standing at the edge
of the promised land, all those years later,
the Hebrews knew not what waited,
what to expect, why this promised place
merited the dreams. But they knew
the wilderness passed through,
the cruel pharaohs, the bitter herbs
of slavery. If God who'd freed them
called this land good, who were they to doubt?

I stand in the rooms of recovery
hearing promises and forecasts
hard to believe possible, not understanding how,
what changes could occur, how these miracles
might feel. But looking back at misery,
insanity, hopelessness, loneliness...
I know better than to draw back,
to want what I know. Oh, no!
What's to come is more mystery than majesty
as I conceive it, but it can't be worse
than where I've been, what I've known.
I'm ready, willing, for direction and hope.