Struggling with the World

 Nothing, I am sure, calls forth the faculties so much as the being obliged to struggle with the world. ~ Mary Wollstonecraft

Do you feel obliged
to struggle with the world?
Why would someone need
to grapple with our planet?
to wrestle all we know?
Or is the need to redefine
our juxtaposition
with attitudes and needs
we attribute to our kind?

Image copyright: malchev

It's Human Nature

 Once a sweet treat
begins to lessen pain,
and the cookie jar
takes the place of hugs...
as baby fat refuses
the infantile implication,
and ample clothing is chosen,
for chubby legs
wearing out clothes...
when other children
become cruel, and
change becomes a goal,
the pattern seems set for life,
fat causing misery
and food used for comfort...
the time has come
to  give up failed remedies
exchanging them for
for sanity found
in twelve simple steps
leading to sanity, 
satisfaction and recovery!

Image Copyright: nuzza1

 

Burden Past Tolerance

 a speck of dust
a grain of sand
one after one
two piled on two
day follows day
and builds into months
years of accretion
crush fossil to dust

a faux pas not mentioned
a truth tinted pink
a falseness foisted by
yesterlie

one after one
two piled on two
day follows day
and builds into months
years of accretion
crush life from life

a fossil forgotten
a crystallized heart
a dormant dread deadly
sarcophagus

spade after spade
two piled on two
pound upon pound
weights crushing constricting
force Teutonic shift

The burden surpasses both cipher
and scope, yet a marble-weight
added induces relief.
Mass matter lies shattered,
the heart wriggles out,
the weight of the ages through truth
flutters free.

Special Rest

 

Now if Joshua had succeeded in giving them this rest, God would not have spoken about another day of rest still to come. So there is a special rest still waiting for the people of God. For all who have entered into God’s rest have rested from their labors, just as God did after creating the world. So let us do our best to enter that rest. But if we disobey God, as the people of Israel did, we will fall. ~ Hebrews 4:8-11 (NLT)

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.” We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.~ Alcoholics Anonymous, Pages 87-88

Special rest
waits for us,
for God’s folk.
Special rest in a pause,
a reality check on show-running,
in trading will-power
for the will of God.
Danger dissipates,
fear dissolves,
foot-in-mouth syndrome cured.
Special rest
rewarded by more energy
than ever could be crammed
in any minuscule bottle
for ransom at cash registers.

God, lead me by still waters,
restore my soul,
fill my cup brimful.

Shut Off from the Sunlight of the Spirit

 

Only in this way could he set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the fear of dying. ~ Hebrews 2:15 (New LivingTranslation)

But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.  ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 66

Slaves to the fear of dying?
Maybe. But how about the fear
of living?
Talk about scary!
Death, I know. Death is living
in fear
in resentment.
But fear is not the end —
resentments can vanish —
Jesus sets us free,
recovery sets us free
to the sunlight of the Spirit
to live,
to life.

Thank you
for resentments prayed away,
for Spirit’s sunlight.

Distracted from God's Love

 God, after He spoke long ago to the fathers in the prophets in many portions and in many ways, in these last days has spoken to us in His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the world. ~ Hebrews 1:1-2 (NASB) 

Actually we were fooling ourselves, for deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 55

God’s out there, up there, everywhere
power beyond power
love beyond love
shouting through thunderstorms
whispering through a cricket’s chirp
speaking to us though we don’t listen
sending his essence, his doppelganger,
his son
to show us, help us hear,
get the fundamental truth
to echo the eternal song of love,
of acceptance, of peace,
of hope.
He molds the world —
he cares for me.

God – calamity, pomp, other things
distract me from
truth around me – in me – of me
the me that is
You and Your
word.

 

Bread. Upon the Waters

Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again. ~ Ecclesiastes 11:1 NIV

Bread upon the waters.
Bread. Food, sustenance.
Bread, the basics.
Bread, money, buying power.
Bread, life, hope,
our daily needs. Bread. Alone.
The side it’s buttered on. So toss it.
Where?
Waters. Muddy, cool clear.
The Roman spa at Bath.
Oceans, streams,
down by the crick.
Any waters,
that’s the point,
waters move, leave,
change, evolve.
Beyond my control.

What I value most,
what’s most basic to me,
I release, I toss,
trusting I’ll get it back,
in spades, God. But remind me
the point is I don’t keep control,
can’t do it for the promise. Just believe. 

Okay, God, Send Me

A

ll this I saw, as I applied my mind to everything done under the sun. There is a time when a man lords it over others to his own hurt. Then too, I saw the wicked buried – those who used to come and go from the holy place and receive praise in the city where they did this. This too is meaningless. ~ Ecclesiastes 8:9-10 NIV

“When in the course of human events it becomes necessary....” Tough times bring out the best — and the worst — in us. But wait a minute. Go back to the first, to “When.” To The Teacher’s “a time.” Simple words? No. Not simple, not here. When’s it when? Who told the scared patriots in Philadelphia heat? “With a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.” I’m scared now like they were then. God, I feel like Isaiah. Woe is me. But if you say so, here I am. Send me.

Cannot Fail? Really??

…the Third Step corresponds to the principle of faith. Once we truly make the leap to believe, no matter what, that a power greater than ourselves will restore us to sanity and will take care of every other issue in our lives as well, we cannot ever fail to recover, and the compulsion to binge disappears. ~ Overeaters Anonymous. Voices of Recovery . Overeaters Anonymous. Kindle Edition.

Step Three: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” How do we know exactly when we have actually made a decision to believe, no matter what, that a power greater than ourselves will restore us to sanity? Is it once and for all times? Or is there wiggle room? Are we entitled to sometimes run hot, fully convinced, and sometimes be riddled with doubt? I find encouragement in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions’ assertion, “Once we compulsive overeaters truly take the Third Step we cannot fail to recover.” So somewhere there’s inevitability assured, but as long as I find wiggle room, I can usually find it!

Inside and Outside

How wonderful to be wise, to analyze and interpret things Wisdom lights up a personʼs face, softening its harshness. ~ Ecclesiastes 8:1

Dogs know good people. People can, too. We become on the outside as we are inside. God, fix me, inside and out.

To Ready for the Day

To “ready for” is to set up for success, so do you plan ahead to ready for each new day? Do you start with, “Good morning,” to God? Do you think about the day and plan to let God be in charge? So you think about your day, the challenges ahead? Is a time to meditate in your plan? Do you look back at the end of the day to see how “ready for” you really were? Do you intend to ready for tomorrow?

Dear God,

Okay,I’ve tried for years… was prescribed diet pills at thirteen, tried intermittent fasting before the term was in use, bought cookbooks by Weight Watchers (times 3), by Metabolic Research Center (times 3), Barbara Kraus’ Calories and Carbohydrates, UNForbidded Favorites, Lean and Luscious, The New Cook Right & eat light cookbook, Butter Busters The Cookbook, and who knows how many more? I drove four hundred miles for a month’s amphetamines, was hypnotized, had a pin in my earlobe, charted multiple times what I’d weigh when… committed to write a book when I’d lost a hundred more pounds… but nothing fixed me. Then I learned of twelve steps beginning with the idea, “I can’t, God can, I think I’ll let God.” And letting God does work. It’s high time I wrote you this Thank You note! So, THANKS!!!!

Not Timid

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. ~ 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)

Are you timid? I am by my nature. But that’s not God’s doing. God gives us power, love, and self-discipline. And my proclivity is to deny I have power. shy away from expressing love… even when I feel loving I disbelieve they would choose to talk with me, but rather wallow in meaningless triviality, avoiding interaction, burying my head in sand. Yet I need not. I can reach out, find companionship, love. For the Spirit God gave us does not make me timid. I have God-given power, love and self-discipline built in, mine for the claiming. I will reach out today to the saints who surround me this All Saints Day!

Service as a Techie

Step 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Giving service is vital but when it matches your abilities and interests you can make a position to serve with real service. My attempts to act as treasurer are inevitably misery for me and those who comprehend how to add and subtract. But taping speakers, making them available for years to come, maintaining websites and digital communication I’m far from flawless but even when far from flawless this is vital Twelfth Step work.

Living in Promises

She comes to several meetings every week, doesn’t talk about decades in the program. says she’s “recovering from compulsive eating" and "I’m a sponsor.” She’s given service on every possible level and still does mundane tasks without a murmur. She contacts other members, active or missing for a while, says thanks for contributions, and I missed seeing you. Through times we could have lost the community she kept coming back so there were meetings we could return to. Through personal losses and medical issues she’s a picture of Recovery, living in the promises.

Not Really Me

Others see me as confident, intelligent, capable, talented, a born leader, one who should be, one who is competent. But I know me, and that's not me. I can't remember names, have no idea which direction is where, cannot spell, that which I would not do, I do...and vise versa. I can't do anything, have no self-confidence. Those who know me best can tell you I'm usually wrong, can do nothing right... That's not me. They can't both be true... or can they?

Miracle in the Works

So I can end the day in serenity. in alignment, in recovery and greet the new day with the miracle in place. Thirty years ago I discovered my daddy’s granddaddy was a faith healer, and wrote a poem that surmised, “And now Sam’s grandson’s daughter finds it true that mountain-moving faith exists and shall not cease.” It was then I began to believe miracles could be in my blood, and recently began to study A Course in Miracles and to believe the poem was prescient.

What You Do Is None of My Business

She worked with tons of paper daily, a government office. As she sent papers to the clerk’s office she separated them with paperclips. The clerk’s office filed the papers, filling boxes of paperclips. One day she stood at the boxes filling pockets with clips she had sent. A bottom-of-the-barrel elected official saw her, told her she should order them from supplies. Had she been schooled in program talk, she would have told him, “What I do is none of your business!

You're Home Here!

Do you buy food for the family then eat it before they get home? We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home! Do you eat Halloween candy and Easter eggs from your children’s supply? We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home! Do you go through a drive through but stop when the server knows your order as you arrive? We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home! Do you avoid getting a plate for refreshments then stand near, nibbling finger food? We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home! Do you drink diet cola with a giant sweet-roll? We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home! Do you wear clothes skin-tight because you swore you’d be thin before you bought more? Do you buy a dozen donuts for the office and toss the empty box in the trash as you enter? We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home! Are you disgusted beyond belief, feel like a failure, wish you were dead? Relax. We love you. We understand. We’ve been there. Welcome home!

Eventually

The “diet” began at age thirteen with diet pills. I meandered through “chubby” clothes the 1/2 tag, slacks wearing out first at the inner thighs, chiding comments from Mother and others, called in Red Rover by the description, “Let Fat Domino come over,” band uniforms having to be altered, the embarrassment of hight and weight being announced before eighth-grade peers, most weigh-and-pay organizations you could name, some you never heard of, carb blockers, amphetamines, a metal pin at an acupuncture point on my ear, graphs and charts projecting how much I’d lose by what date, counseling (3 times, years at a time), hypnotism, and anything else marginally relative, fasting one day each week, beginning to write a book about how with a partner I attained a total weight loss of 500 pounds, knowing I lacked well over a hundred of those before publication… Giving myself shots in the stomach twice daily with a medication approved for diabetics, which I was not, but not approved for weight control…. The “diet” lasted until 36 days before age 60… Unlucky? Certainly. Stubborn? It would seem so, but no, neither luck nor mulishness had anything to do. Fortune stepped in, led me to understand it’s a disease, and led me eventually to Recovery in the rooms of Overeaters Anonymous...